Emotional injury, what should I do?

First blind date, then engagement, then marriage and children.

First, marriage customs.

Before Xuantongyuan Year in Qing Dynasty (1909), Huaiyuan County had the custom of renting sedan chairs, hiring suona teams and holding ceremonies. After the opening of the port, a few wealthy families held rich weddings. The sedan chair at the southern end of Guoqing Street is equipped with various official sedan chairs, sedan chairs and bearers. The palace is equipped with a band and a full wedding ceremony, including papaya and axe for Luan Jia. Wedding people rent a full set of "full-court driving" and a half set of "half-court driving" according to their money. Ordinary poor people do not have such extravagance. Both men and women are still in infancy, and most of them are decided by their parents for life. The youngest is thirteen or fourteen years old, and the oldest is less than twenty years old. It is advisable for men to be five years older than women. It is a way for a woman to go to a man to add people to her husband's family and share the housework. Some female families use gift money to support their families. Talking about marriage, engagement, choosing a date, wedding, visiting the church and returning to the door are similar to the customs in rural areas in northern Anhui. After 1930s, families with a little knowledge or new ladies abandoned the old ceremony and practiced civilized wedding. However, all wealthy families have to spend a lot of money on cars or rickshaws in cities. And more lower-class citizens still insist on old-fashioned weddings. Generally, the daughters of poor families only hire a small blue sedan chair to carry them, or walk to their in-laws' house, and then invite some relatives and friends to prepare four dishes to celebrate. After the founding of New China, with the implementation of the Marriage Law, feudal weddings with worship of heaven and earth as the main ceremony were abolished, and modern wedding forms such as wedding banquets, tourist weddings and group weddings gathered in cities all over the country.

Second, the old marriage customs.

People in the suburbs, rich or poor, attach importance to the combination of male and female zodiac signs and birth dates. Rich businessmen, gentry and scholarly families wrote Chinese characters "paste" on red paper, while poor families entrusted matchmakers to pass on words to each other. Fortune tellers charge several times as much as ordinary fortune tellers.

There are four matchmakers for the engagement of the four giants in the suburbs, namely, two men and two women, namely, the matchmaker and the dowry matchmaker. Relatives and close friends of both sides are often invited to act as matchmakers.

Three days before the launching ceremony, the man's family prepared a bride price for the woman's family. Bengbu people call it "water ceremony", which means "flowing water". Gifts generally include double-edged meat, two big carp, a pair of chickens, 24 big steamed buns with red dots on the top, and 24 bottles of wine (or two jars of wine). Avoid singular gifts of all kinds; Fish species recognize carp, avoid miscellaneous fish or other fish, and chickens avoid white hair; Cut red paper on the gift, cover it with double happiness or stick red paper on it. Xijiagou, located in the western suburbs, used to be a loading dock for selling pigs in other cities. The custom of launching ceremony here is to drive a live pig weighing 100 kg to the woman's house. When gifts are given to the bride's family, the bride will reward the giver with money and hold a banquet. When you leave, bring back a piece of meat and a chicken. This custom continues to this day.

The easiest way to marry a woman is two big stools, two small stools, a small table, a basin frame, a toilet with a shelf, and bedding. This is the so-called "eight goods carrying pole with its load". The nursery rhyme that "my little sister is a burden, and when she grows up, she will ask her brother for breasts" refers to this situation.

The custom of collecting money is accompanied by the bad habit of spamming invitations. The man's wedding date is chosen to show his extensive communication and prominent position. A man took this opportunity to receive a wedding gift and wanted to earn some money. In addition to sending invitations, some units with many relatives, friends and acquaintances will also send invitations, and the top few on the list have a deep friendship with their owners. The invited people, out of affection, want to "chip in" to send a gift.

Send a fake gift In the early days of Huaiyuan, people in the market took advantage of people's happy period and borrowed four wedding gifts from familiar shops to send congratulations to the wedding host. With gifts, they said that although their family was embarrassed, yours was a good family and they had to celebrate. Now, four wedding gifts from a store number are credited to congratulate them. Although people who celebrate the festival know that they are dishonest in eating and drinking, they still have to smile for the sake of peace during the festival. In fact, they just inserted a pair of chopsticks to accompany a meal. And these people got as drunk as a fiddler, shouted "Excuse me", wiped their mouths and left. After the wedding, the shopkeeper had to return the original wedding gift to the store. In the market, people who give fake gifts are called "riffraff".

Marriage is divided into "equal marriage" and "leading marriage". "To be married" is the custom that the man sends a sedan chair to pick up the bride for marriage. Before handing out the sedan chair, the groom should kowtow and worship the sedan chair, and the waiter will take it and carry it away, and the bride will take it back. The sedan chair goes to the woman's home to play the trumpet and other musical instruments to "make up". Before getting on the sedan chair, the bride cried loudly because she missed her parents, brothers and sisters. Crying loudly is praised, and those who don't cry will be ridiculed as shameless. Happy marriage. This custom can still be seen after the establishment of People's Republic of China (PRC). "Marriage" means that the groom wears red clothes and goes to the woman's house in a sedan chair to take back the bride to get married. You must hire a sedan chair and a small sedan chair to get married. The groom went to the woman's house to take a sedan chair, and the official took a sedan chair. When he came back, the bride got into the sedan chair, and the groom's official followed behind the sedan chair. The master gave him bread to eat, but he didn't have time in his mouth all the way.

After Sanhuimen City was formed, the custom of the bride returning to her parents' home after the full moon was gradually abolished. Most brides in the city go home once every three days, some come to visit the couple in three or six days, and some take the bride back to her family in 92 days. Because many in-laws are only three or five miles away in the city, their daughters can go home to visit at any time after marriage, and there is no need to live permanently.

Attachment: Marriage customs of boat people in Huaihe River in the old days

The boatmen in Huaihe River strictly abide by the feudal ethics. Because they live on ships, they are different from the families on land and in urban and rural areas.

On the wedding day, the matchmaker's paddle (boat) is in front, the sedan chair's paddle is in the middle, and the farewell paddle is behind. When the rowboat was halfway from her parents' boat to her husband's family, the bride's brother or nephew in the rowboat began to shout "Sister (or sister, aunt) please turn the mirror", that is, the bride put the mirror hanging on her chest forward and the mirror inward, indicating that the light shone on her husband's family first and then on her family. At this time, the farewell paddle turned back. In the morning, the man's rowing boat is represented by the matchmaker, and the rowing boat must be rowed on the water of the woman's sedan chair. On the woman's rowing boat, those who wish to congratulate put the woman's rowing boat together, and the matchmaker must issue a "untie the rope" covered with a red stamp before both boats can row. In the sound of firecrackers, the bride put on the clothes and shoes brought by her husband's family, covered her head, and asked her family to help her get into the man's sedan chair, and the dowry should also be moved.

Worship heaven and earth, the boat people take the port side as the top and the starboard side as the bottom. The incense table is placed on the top for ancestors to remember the memorial tablet, and parents and relatives sit on the top in order. The newlyweds sit on the bed together and drink jujube soup to toast, which means to have a baby early.

If you catch an old man in a noisy room, he must get away early. If the father-in-law is caught in a noisy room, his face will be smeared with pot dust and his new wife will be dragged on his back.

Three days after the wedding, the bride was accompanied by a "blessed man" in the kitchen. After teaching knife skills in advance, she hit eight pieces of tofu with three knives to show her ingenuity. Then the "Quanfu people" sprinkled a chopstick on the chopping board and asked the bride to grasp the chopsticks once with her right hand, so as to grasp the odd number as a boy and the even number as a girl and determine the sex of the first child.

After three days of marriage, the groom took the bride home and was served at the "perfect" table. However, when the fourth course is served, the groom must get up and leave first, otherwise it will be considered greedy or impolite. In the afternoon, when the bride returns to her husband's house, relatives invite her husband to have Yuanxiao, which is called having a reunion dinner. When the bride leaves home, she must take a close-fitting coat that she wears, which means that she is willing to give up her mother and father, and she is unwilling to heat the coat.

When there is a patient in the husband's family or the personality of men and women is slightly different, it is simpler to adopt the form of "small marriage", that is, the bride's family will take the initiative to send the bride to the man's boat to marry the groom, and it is easier to hold a wedding ceremony on a auspicious day when the situation changes.

The bride is not allowed to get on the boat next door. Because boat people are taboo and think that the bride has "suffocation", getting on the boat next door will bring "bad luck". If this taboo is violated, the husband's family will open the door for others.

Fourth, modern marriage customs.

After 9 years of the Republic of China (1920), the number of old-style weddings in Huaiyuan began to decrease, and new-style weddings appeared. People mercenary bands add festive atmosphere to the wedding of wealthy families, and bars usually set up sea cucumber seats for guests attending the wedding. Around the Republic of China 19, influenced by the metropolis, some people's wedding procedures became simple, and both men and women were very loving. With the consent of their parents, they can marry another witness. Wealthy families rent hotels to hold weddings and decorate auditoriums, living rooms and new houses. When getting married, people with power in society borrow cars from the government or the army and take a ride in the city. The newlyweds or parents of both sides also came forward to publish notices in the newspaper. The wedding was presided over by the witness, and the matchmaker introduced the newlyweds to the guests. Newlyweds often take wedding photos together and take commemorative photos with the guests attending the wedding. Simple processing, often published in the newspaper "a man jane doe held a wedding one day, simple etiquette, declined the bride price. I hope you can forgive me. " Young people who believe in Catholicism or Christianity hold weddings in churches. In addition to the priest or priest as a witness, singing the Bible, singing hymns, praying and blessing, other ceremonies are also very simple. Before the founding of the People's Republic of China, few people held modern weddings.

After the founding of the People's Republic of China, more and more people get married according to modern weddings, and the procedures tend to be simplified. In 1950s and 1960s, tea party weddings held by some cadres and workers were relatively simple. After the 1960s, in order to resist the atmosphere of holding big weddings, the Communist Youth League, women's federations and other organizations advocated and held collective weddings, and some newlyweds took the form of tourism weddings.

In the 1980s, young men and women in cities fell in love and got engaged informally, but influenced by the old marriage customs, the general family still basically followed the following customs when getting married:

Get together. Both men and women should choose the lunar calendar, solar calendar and Wednesday as their wedding dates. If you can't get together, the lunar calendar shall prevail. At the same time, pay attention to avoid the birth month and birthday of both parents. If you decide, don't change, because in the old days, there was a saying that you decide your life.

On the morning of the wedding, the man made a gift to the woman according to the old custom of "water ceremony". Gifts are similar, and some have replaced the previous steamed bread and pork with big bread and canned food. Some people don't give water gifts because the woman's family must entertain relatives and friends or hold a banquet in a restaurant when her daughter returns to China, and agree to let the man pay. Generally, when a man gives a gift to a woman's house, he brings back the bride's dowry. On the way back and forth, both sides greeted each other with firecrackers.

At the same time of dowry, the bride gets up early and, accompanied by her family or girlfriend, finds someone to do her hair and make up. Some brides make up in more luxurious international hairdressing salons. Come back with makeup and wait for the man's family to get married.

After the man brought back the bride's dowry, he began to marry the bride. The average person has one or three cars, and a few people have more than five, and even use motorcycles to clear the way. There are two cloud cakes at the foot of the bride's car, which means "climb higher step by step", following the custom of "the new couple don't take the old road" in the old wedding. The road the bride took when she got on the bus did not pass.

Put five firecrackers as gifts at the wedding, that is, at the man's house, the woman's house, when putting on makeup, and when leaving, the man's trailer.

Don't marry a man for more than noon 12. Therefore, on a happy morning, both men and women are very busy at home. If the bride gets on the bus slowly at the woman's house and firecrackers are ineffective, it is more effective to persuade her to go to her husband's house after noon.

Most wedding banquets are held in hotels. The bride and groom welcome guests in western-style wedding dresses and smoke in front of the door. After three rounds of wine on the dining table, we propose two glasses of wine to the guests one by one, and then send out wedding candy. After attending the wedding reception, the guests paid a courtesy visit to the new house. There are also young friends of the bride and groom who stay in trouble.

It is still common to return home on the third day after marriage.

Wedding travel, newlyweds often use wedding leave after the wedding, and some people travel before marriage and also shop for the wedding.

In the 1980s, in rural suburbs, there were the following marriage customs:

Build a house and say goodbye. Every farmer who has several sons in his family should make preparations in advance and build a brick-roofed or flat-roofed house with more than three floors. The woman said that her husband's family also regards having a new house as one of the first conditions.

Meeting ceremony. The first meeting between men and women is called "blind date", and the woman is accompanied by relatives to the man's house. The gift from the man to the woman should be more than 100 yuan.

Engagement ceremony. Both men and women establish an engagement, and the man has to make full-body clothes for the woman. The two families began to communicate with each other, thus telling their neighbors and friends not to bring up another marriage. In the future, when the woman proposes to break off the marriage, she will return the bride price to the man's home, but the woman will take the initiative to break off the marriage, and the man will not ask her for the bride price or gift money.

Ask for a bride price. When a woman is engaged to a man, she usually asks for a bride price. According to the current price, the average man's bride price is above 1000 yuan. The poor middle peasant sighed with joy: "The new wife wants ten yuan a catty." The reason why the woman asked for a bride price before marriage was because the farmers at that time had no financial resources to buy durable goods except to maintain a normal life. By asking for a bride price before marriage, you can not only get the property at one time, but also avoid adding it after marriage, which will lead to the contradiction between aunt and aunt.

Intermarriage between urban and rural areas. Women in agricultural production villages in the suburbs of the county are willing to marry in suburban vegetable production villages; Women in suburban villages are willing to marry ordinary people in the city. A country girl marries a city dweller with a light bride price and simple manners with the city dweller. Some rural farmers in the suburbs are richer than ordinary people in the city, but because of the old idea that "five cows in the country can't catch up with monkeys in the city", they prefer to marry people in the city.

If there is anything wrong with the above, please tell me frankly.