Want to hear some jokes?

I saw many jokes on the Internet these days. After collecting and sorting out, I selected a few classics to enjoy with you!

1, motorcyclists like to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle their buttons at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived, ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push, it's back.

Policeman A: Huh? No breathing ...

2. An adult man came to a hotel. He saw many beautiful cars in the garage, so he asked the boss how there were so many beautiful cars. The boss told him that I have a five-year-old son who does three things. If you can follow suit, you can choose a car here and drive away. If you can't, leave your car. Many people can't do it, so. He thought that what a five-year-old could do could not be done, so he tried. The boss took him to a room where there was a beautiful naked beauty. The child kissed her and he kissed her in return. Then the child touched the beauty all over her body, and he followed suit. Third, the child took out his little brother and bent it three times.

3. Tang Priest: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding! Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster!

Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, I heard this thing will be sent to the west soon.

Four mosquitoes in summer

One day, two brothers were sleeping.

Brother said to brother: Brother, there are many mosquitoes today ~

Brother said: Turn off the light so that mosquitoes can't see us.

Then my brother really turned off the lights.

But suddenly a pair of fireflies flew in.

The younger brother said nervously, brother, it's terrible. Mosquitoes came to us with lanterns. ...

My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring his handkerchief and has been sniffing it.

The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent.

The teacher added, "Who stole noodles in class and made such a noise?"

6 stingy

A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy. One day, a man went to town and walked to the toilet, but later he thought, this

Good fertilizer can't be cheap to others. So I've been holding it. Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet.

But nothing came out except a few farts. So I'm proud. Back to my hometown, back to the old people.

Grandma told her own experience. Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? Save it.

If only these farts could blow out the lights!

One day, a female college student went shopping in the mall alone. When she came out, it was already ten o'clock at night and the bus had stopped. At this moment, it happened that one of her male classmates passed by on a bicycle. The male classmate said to her, "Let me drive you back to school." The girl agreed.

The boy said to the girl, "My car has no back seat. Please sit in the front. " So the girls sat in the front and asked the boys to drive them back to school.

Back to the school gate, the girl got off. At this time, she was surprised to find that there were no bars on the boy's bike.

An old prostitute who lived for a hundred years had sex with a client who had only one testicle. Because of her violent behavior, the old prostitute died and called the police.

After the inspection, he said with emotion: this is a lesson of blood. A century-old prostitute was destroyed by one egg.

A blind man only needs a finger to tell his fortune. The child is naughty. Give me the chicken. The blind man shouted: noble, fine skin and tender meat, no.

Nails, with good elasticity, must be leaders, children have an epiphany, and leaders are cranes!

10 A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I eat cucumber and pull cucumber and eat western food.

Guala watermelon, how can we return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

1 1. During the Anti-Japanese War, a devil broke into a house, saw a flower girl, and wanted to go up to XX her, so he pressed the past, and they were on the ground.

Began to pester, the devil can't wait, tearing in every way, and women are resisting in every way. At this time, the woman's husband came back and saw his own.

It is unbearable for his wife to be insulted. She picked up a shovel and took it up at once according to the devil. The devil fainted on the spot. At this time,

I heard the woman say, "CNMD, you struggled for a long time to come in!" " "

12. A man went to take a bath and found that his penis was green. He went to see a doctor at once. The doctor said that he had never seen it before. Cut it off. The man had no choice but to cut it. Another day, the man went to take a bath and found that the basket was green. He went to see a doctor, but the doctor still said he hadn't seen it, so the man couldn't cut it any more. One day, a man went to take a shower and found his whole ass green. After careful inspection, his underwear fell off! !