Ask for a few funny jokes

"ah! Is it' Raymond'? "

"No, I am a private house."

"But what I want is Raymond!"

"Then how did you call me?"

"Is your phone number the same as' Raymond Bar'?"

"No."

"Then why did you pick up the receiver?"

2. How about working in a temple?

Landlord: How about working in a temple? How to enter?

Violent reply: a word for you-I can't bear to let chrysanthemums overshadow the abbot!

3. Eat before or after meals?

There is a fat girl who is really fat beyond description. Go to the hospital weight loss center for consultation. The doctor gave her advice that she should eat an egg and a piece of bread every day.

After a week, the doctor received a phone call from the fat girl: "Doctor, do you take medicine before or after meals?"

4. Girls suck shit

There is a goldfish in my office. Because I like feeding them very much, I pulled a lot. Friends who have raised fish know that goldfish can't change water often, and too much poop affects their appearance. So use a straw, hold one end of the straw with one finger and put the other end into the water where there is poop. As soon as the finger is released, the poop will enter the straw, then hold it with your finger and clean it up. Haha, technical work.

One day, while I was concentrating on doing this, my cleaning aunt from our company came to have a look and said, "Hey, girl, it's sucking feces. @ # $ % % & gt！ & lt......"

There is a woman in the car.

When I was a child, there was an old car downstairs ... the kind that sounded like a female voice when reversing: "Please pay attention when reversing."

One day ... the owner accidentally bumped into an old man when reversing ... The old man was knocked down by a tricycle ... The next time the owner went to see if the old man was okay ... help him up. ...

Grandpa said, "It's none of your business. Call the woman in the car for me. "

6、

Xiaoming: I never say it twice.

Xiaohua: What?

Xiaoming: I never say it twice.

7、

One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride. The car is almost out of gas. There happened to be a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her, I'll get my hat, and you help me refuel.

As soon as her boyfriend ran away, she heard Xiaomei shouting behind her: Come on! Come on!

8、

Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

9、

Three rabbits poop, the first one is long; The second is only spherical; The third one is actually triangular. You know why not?

A: They are pinched by hand.

10、

A blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses. A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk came over and took the money back and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

1 1、

There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home. ...

Penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin is coming to play with you!" " "

Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door?

The polar bear said, "Let's go to your house to play ~"

12、

One day, the toothpick was walking and found his shoelaces open, so he bent down to tie them, and then his waist broke.

13、

A little boy came home from school and peeped out of the window at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest, shouting: I want a man, I want a man! The next day, the little boy found a man lying on the woman outside the window, so the little boy went home to lie on the bed and rubbed his chest and shouted, I want a bike! I want a bike!

14、

A restaurant keeps a parrot hanging at the door. When the guests arrived, he said, "Hello, welcome! A regular customer thought, "I'll go in quickly and see how you react." One day, he ran in and the parrot said, "Damn it! You scared me! ! ! "

15、

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit. She announced: "children, after picking the fruit, we can wash it together, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit. As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

16、

A girl always whispers in a boy's ear, and the boy says, "If you whine again, I will rape you!" " "

The girl immediately replied, "If I don't resist, it won't constitute rape" ... "

17、

Q: "What do you and your girlfriend usually do?"

Bao Qiang replied, "Yes."

- ||| ...

18、

He said, "Once upon a time there was a eunuch."

Fans are very anxious: "What's next?"

Zheng Jianpeng said, "The bottom is gone."

19、

The fortune teller said to a lady, "Miss, your life is not good. You have an ominous omen!" " "The lady said," May I take off my bra? "The fortune teller said," No, even if you get rid of the bad omen, you can't escape the two big waves of life. "