Who can tell me some jokes?

Doctor: I have bad news and good news for you. Patient: What's the bad news? Doctor: We must amputate your foot. Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: A patient in the opposite ward wants to buy all your shoes.

2. Women can't get married because of their small breasts. One day, she said to the man on a blind date, "I have small breasts." Don't you like it? " The man said, "Is it as big as steamed bread?" The woman said yes! On the night of the bridal chamber, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber and knelt in front of the sky and shouted, "Oh, my God, Wang Zi steamed bread!" " "

3. When the Minister of Family Planning visited the countryside, he met an old farmer and asked, "Hometown, do you know why close relatives can't get married?" The old farmer rubbed his hands and said lightly: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe, relatives, it's too familiar to start.

All mental patients take a bath in the rain, only one patient is watching under the eaves. The doctor was very happy and asked, "Why don't you take a bath?" The patient replied, "I think I'm sick and I'll go when the water is hot"—

5. My girlfriend said I was too girly at night. I was angry, so I quarreled with her. I wanted to be a man, but I finally couldn't help crying.

6. I am an ambulance doctor. Today, a patient told me that he had only six months to live. I want to say something encouraging! Comfort: six months, soon passed, be strong!

7. A man can't find a girlfriend, so he has no choice but to tell his fortune. The fortune teller said, "You are doomed to have no women in the first half of your life. The man's eyes lit up: "What about the rest of his life?" The fortune teller said, "You'll get used to it for the rest of your life.

8. As soon as the director entered the office, the wife of the director of the office broke in and waved a pair of women's briefs and said to the director, My husband came home at night wearing women's underwear, so you must take care of it. The director nodded and stuffed his underwear into his pocket. Go home at night,

When the director's wife was washing clothes, she found the briefs in the director's pocket and said to the director, don't joke like this in the future. People have been looking for them all day.

9. Xiaoming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher, "There are many ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming. "What did ants say?"

Xiao Ming looked blank ... and then said, "The ant didn't say anything ..."

10, midnight On the way to the crime scene. Shylock suddenly pulled John's sleeve. "John, let's kiss, too." John was puzzled. "Well, what do you mean by us?" "Look at Gongsun Ce and Bao Gong in front." "Obviously, Gongsun Sheng is the only one!" "

Observe, John. You see, his tongue sticks out and disappears. "

1 1. An explosion occurred somewhere in Kaifeng, burning down the whole house and causing heavy casualties. Bao Zheng and his party rushed to the scene of the accident to investigate the cause. Suddenly, a doctor carrying a medicine box grabbed Bao Zheng and covered his nose and mouth with a cloth. Zhan Zhao got a fright.

, drew his sword and said, "How dare bold fanatics hurt my adult in front of Nan Xia!" The doctor nu way, "harm your sister! I didn't see this fellow burned to black charcoal! 」

12, MM said to her friend sadly, "My husband scolded me", and her friend asked, "Why? MM said angrily, "He yelled at me! Let me get my things and get out of here. "The gluttonous netizen said that your husband is so hateful, and then what?" MM said:

"I put my husband in my bag and cried that you are mine." The friend sighed, "How touching! Then what? " MM said coldly, "Then he packed four bags before I finished packing."

13, A Dai has a very beautiful girlfriend, sometimes she is funny ... One day, A Dai went out to play with her on a motorcycle. A Dai forgot to refuel and withdraw money when he set out. When they arrived at the gas station, they found a bank diagonally opposite the bank. A Dai said to his girlfriend.

"You help me refuel and I'll get the money." My girlfriend's eyes widened and she nodded hard and said, "OK, no problem." A Dai ran to the opposite bank and suddenly found an armored car parked in front of the bank. Two guards looked at him very nervously, while her girlfriend was holding the car behind her.

He shouted, "Come on, come on, ........"

14, one day, after Xiao Ming came home from school, he said to his mother, "Mom, I caught a fierce beetle and now I keep it at school!" Mom was a little incredulous and said, "How fierce is it? Bring it back. " Xiao Ming looked into his mother's eyes and said, "It's worse than you!" "

15, in the morning, my son stole a hospitality banana that my mother put in the living room. When my mother saw it, she got angry and scolded, "Eat, eat, eat, eat you to death!" " "The son ran into his room with a face of injustice, and his mother went back to work in the kitchen.

After a while, the mother saw her son run into the living room again, chewing bananas in his mouth. Mother was angry: "Xiao Yang! What are you doing? Don't want to live? " The son looks like death. "Hum, you don't like me anyway.

, I ate to death! "

16, mother: "Son, you are my brother, why do you quarrel with your sister every day?" Child: "Inheritance." Mother: "Inheritance?" Child: "Yes, my sister is like you, and I am like my father."

17, the third son is getting married, and the eldest brother and the second brother come to him and say, third brother, we are both afraid of our wives, so you must be afraid of your wife. Third brother asked, how to do that? Eldest brother said, when you enter the bridal chamber, you should slap her in the face first, and then you won't.

Afraid. On the wedding day, after entering the bridal chamber, he slapped the bride. The next day, the second sister-in-law came to see her and cried and asked, "Little sister, why are you crying like this when you just got married?" She said, I don't know what I did wrong. I was old when I entered the bridal chamber.

Just give me a slap in the face. Sister-in-law and second sister-in-law thought that this must be the ghost of these two brothers. Tonight we should treat them well and say to the bride, "Don't be afraid, little sister, you can punish him for kneeling tonight." Lao San knew that he would be punished, so he borrowed a kneepad from Dake.

A mat that hurts when kneeling), eldest brother said: Your sister-in-law knows about this, and I will be punished on my knees tonight. You can borrow it from your second brother. He borrowed it from his second brother. The second brother said: Your sister-in-law knows about this, and I will be punished for kneeling tonight. You can borrow it from your mother. She has one for her father.

. He borrowed it from his mother. His mother said: It's no use for your father to give birth to your three sons. He should be punished for kneeling tonight. By the way, there is one your grandfather used on the corner. Take it. This is really a wife-fearing family.

18, the mother is cleaning, and the son walks over to his mother and says, "Mom, look!" "My son held out his finger as he spoke. My mother wanted to scare him away, so she bit her son's finger in her mouth and said," I'm going to bite off your finger! ""the son quickly took his finger from

Mom took it out of her mouth, looked at it carefully and said, "Hey? Mom, where's my booger? "

19, a robber was short of money recently, so he jumped into a bank to rob it. "Give me the money!" The robber shouted loudly, but the clerk didn't look up: "Come back after work tomorrow!" " "The robber came out in panic.

Nurse: "Hello, are you a professor? Tell you a good news, you are a father! " A greedy netizen: "Oh, please don't tell my wife yet, I want to give her a surprise!" " "

2 1, the judge said to the defendant: "You have to understand that all crimes are caused by alcohol; You will fall to this point, and it is also caused by alcohol! The defendant said happily, "Everyone said that I was a born villain, and only you pointed out the real murderer. "

Many years ago, a remote mountain village just had electricity, and every household used light bulbs. An old lady somehow turned off the light and blew it like a kerosene lamp for a long time, but it still didn't go out. She said to herself, "This new thing is really good, windproof."

23. When I got on the plane and saw a beautiful woman sitting on the seat, I asked a gentleman, are you from 36A? MM blushed and replied, I ... I'm from 36B. ...

A colleague asked Xiao Wang, "You often play mahjong with your wife. Do you think playing mahjong with her is interesting? " Xiao Wang said: "Only in this way can we recover some of our wages!"