When you are alone with the leader, what jokes can you tell to make the other person happy?

1, meeting in the morning, the leader said that the Spring Festival was coming soon, and we should strengthen our awareness of safety precautions. We said, I know! Then the leader went on to say, "It's the Spring Festival, and all the thieves are out. Some time ago, two apples were lost in our shop. Don't put mobile phones and the like on the billing table in the future. You have to know that it is necessary to harm people, but it is impossible to prevent people. " . . "Leadership, what you said is very reasonable! ! !

2. An old classmate in junior high school, female, delicious. Most of the bags are snacks. I met her this day and asked her, "I heard that you recently got a slimming card, but it has been more than a month." What is the role? " "Don't mention it, I got ten times the compensation and was kicked out. Three coaches got fat because they ate my snacks ... "

In my life, I met my favorite scenic spot at the entrance of Famen Temple to attract guests: two women selling incense were shocked to see me coming out. They took two steps back, turned and ran, shouting, "Master, the person you are waiting for has finally arrived!" " Then a white-bearded fortune teller came out of the corner and smiled at me ... I:

The first time I went to my friend's aunt's house for a barbecue, her aunt kept filling me with wine, and then I didn't know how to refuse. As a result, the second time, because something happened, she called to say that she was going, and she heard her aunt say excitedly on the other end of the phone, is that the girl who is good at drinking? I want to buy two Jin of white wine. For an instant, I was messy in the wind.

5, I have a splitting headache with a cold, and my husband helped me massage my head, and my face was distorted. My daughter saw it and said, hey … dude … it's simple … it's broken and no one cooks for us! Husband: Girl … Don't worry, I can cook! Daughter: Come on! Only you ... boiled water burns through seven pots a year ...

6. My father used to repair trolleys and mend tires. He learned to swim when he was a child. The teacher asked us to go back and ask parents to buy a foam swimming ring for their children. As a result, my dad filled up the inner tube of the cart and asked me to take it back. As a result, all the children scrambled to play, and all the children asked their parents to buy them. As a result, my father made more than 100 such swimming rings a year.

7. My family keeps a local dog in the countryside, which looks fierce at ordinary times. One day, I took my daughter and this product to pick vegetables in the field. When I passed the door of a house, several dogs rushed up and barked at me. Then I was not afraid at all, and I was going to call my local dog to fight with them. As a result, this product was hiding behind me, and I ........

8. China New Year is coming ... Colleagues get together to chat. As the New Year is approaching, family members force blind date, and the little apprentice joins in, saying that they want to find a woman who is particularly anxious to get married. It is best to get a certificate today and get married the next day! I was imagining the climate of various wedding matters, and a colleague next to me interjected, "Yes, I will get a license today, get married tomorrow, and become a father eight months later. How festive ... "Ha ha ha.

9. My wife touched her stomach and said that she had gained weight recently and wanted to lose weight. Me: What's more, I think it's better for you to be fatter! Wife: Really? Don't you think I'm fat and ugly? Me: It doesn't matter if you are ugly. The point is that the gift money has been given. This increase does not increase the price, it is affordable!

10, seven-year-old niece came back from Shanghai to her grandmother's house, listening to a bunch of big cocks crowing, itchy in her heart and screaming in her throat. . . The roar of "whoa, whoa, whoa" was really good, and the flowers in the henhouse exploded immediately, so she joined the rooster chorus class and became the chief.