How was the marriage between two pigs in 1995? 1995, the 27-year-old pig was in great trouble.

95 how about two pigs getting married: Li Yan (rich book column)

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On the plane that day, my friend Zhu Zhu and I sat together and chatted. She said, help me read her palm, so I read her palm, talked about some clear features and talked about some vague future.

The future is vaguely disturbing. I opened my hand and said to Zhu Zhu:

The future is written in my hand, with hints but vagueness. For it, I have only awe. I will put aside the future and focus on the present, so that I won't be upset.

In fact, I am afraid of not only the future, but also other things, such as marriage. I have an anxiety about marriage that focuses on the present.

Marriage, like the future, follows the trend and is full of possibilities, which also tests our understanding and ability.

Therefore, as in the future, marriage also has a science-called "marriage psychology".

In the field of "marital psychology", Dr. gotman, an expert who has studied marriage for 40 years, conducted 12 longitudinal studies on 3000 couples, and the longest study lasted for 20 years.

Dr gotman condensed his research results into two pictures.

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A picture shows eight realities of marriage:

1. The earliest divorce was about 5.6 years after marriage. Divorce is mainly caused by various factors, including criticism, contempt, defense and obstacles. I call it "building a high wall".

2. Late divorce is about 16.2 years after marriage, mainly due to emotional withdrawal and lack of positive response in conflict communication, such as humor, affection and empathy.

Usually, couples with marital problems will wait six years before seeking help.

4. Half of marriages end within seven years and seek help.

5.69% of the contradictions are irreconcilable long-term problems, and 16% of the long-term problems are in the deadlock of marital contradictions.

6. In heterosexual relationships, 85% of "high-walled people" are men.

7. In 80% of cases, it is women who cause problems.

8.67% of new parents experienced a sharp decline in life satisfaction within three years.

These realities illustrate three problems:

First, it takes two hands to make a sound, for example, women make trouble and men build high walls;

Second, once marriage becomes a war, it will be terrible, because it lacks a safe distance and the damage is bloody! Premature divorce (5.6 years after marriage) is mostly due to mutual injury, which makes two people who once loved each other become bad people. Such as He Jie and He.

Third, marriage becomes numb and more terrible. Late divorce (after marriage 16.2 years) is mostly due to the lack of love and contradictory deadlock.

Marriage seems to be a combination of two hedgehogs' love-inevitability, attraction and harm. So, how to keep a certain psychological distance in marriage and let each other's emotional life live?

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So there is the second picture of Dr. gotman, which I call "Love House Map".

First of all, trust and commitment are the pillars of love hut, so we must pay attention to operation and maintenance.

For example, the problem of trust reconstruction after derailment is mainly to thank the small house they love, and the trust reconstruction for the public is another matter, which is the ups and downs outside the house.

In addition to the columns, the structure of the hut is:

The first layer is to build a love map and understand each other's world;

The second layer is to share love and respect; The third layer is to face rather than leave;

The fourth layer is positive perception;

The fifth layer is conflict management, including accepting the influence of the other party, starting a dialogue on the problem and practicing self-comfort;

The sixth layer is to make life dreams come true; At the top is the meaning of creating * * *.

After seeing the pictures of Dr. gotman's love hut, I have a deeper understanding of Xie-facing rather than leaving. This gentle gesture is full of understanding, love and respect.

I remember that one of the characteristics of mental health mentioned in body dynamics analysis is that both body and mind are soft, so Xie looks very weak, but in fact she is very strong!

What inspires me most is that marriage management, like life management, needs to find meaning, and marriage management means that husband and wife find the same meaning. It's really not easy-it takes both luck and operation.

First of all, it takes luck for two people to meet and fall in love; And having the meaning of * * * requires the spirituality and persistence of * * and conscientious marriage operation, such as the marriage between Qian Zhongshu and Jiang Yang, besides intimate love, there is also the guardian of Mr. Jiang Yang.

Marriage with a dream in mind requires luck, aura and persistence, so I dare not persuade people to get married casually;

Long-term marriage needs to be managed-it needs mutual understanding, communication and respect, it needs to face rather than leave, it needs to manage conflicts and it needs to achieve the same goals in life. Even if you think about it, you dare not persuade people to divorce casually-because if you persist in love, improve your ability and concentrate on marriage, marriage can last for a long time.

In the process of marriage operation, there are daytime-those sweet, romantic and concerted times; There are also dark nights, those days when we experienced great differences, dislocated growth pace, derailed and abandoned.

Different from the daily alternation of day and night, day and night in marriage is a stage by stage.

Sometimes the nights are so long that people can't breathe.

At this time, two people in marriage need the light outside the house to shine into the love hut.

This may be professional marriage guidance-focusing on improving operational ability; Maybe it is teaching, but it is not limited to teaching. Maybe he secretly fell in love with another person and devoted himself to another thing-the focus is empathy. ...

In short, the night is long, and two people in marriage should be prepared for patience and tolerance. Patience is for yourself, and tolerance is for each other.

Because many times, giving up the night is giving up the next dawn and day.

As for the wedding night with Xie, haven't we all experienced it? Before giving up habitually, learn to persist and stick to the love hut in the dark.

Therefore, I am more determined not to persuade others to get married, for fear that he will stay out at night; I am more determined not to persuade others to divorce, because after dark, it is day!

? Introduction: Yan Li, a rich book columnist, wants to divide his life into three generations: a consultant, a designer, someone who doesn't know the next life, a gentle voice, a bony face, and someone who likes a sexy mind. This article was first published by Fu Shu (ID: Kolfrc), and a new book "Live a Good Life" was published by Fu Shu in 2022. It belongs to Fu Shu and will be investigated without permission.

The above is how to marry two pigs in 1995, which is about marriage sharing. After reading 1995, the 27-year-old disaster was a pig. I hope this can help everyone!