Look up at the sky, flying birds.

From then on, no matter where I go, I can see you as long as I look up. I always think, if I send my thoughts to the lowest cloud and hang them in your flying sky, I wonder if you can see them?

-inscription

one

Grandma left last August 16, just after the Mid-Autumn Festival.

I haven't spent the Mid-Autumn Festival at home for seven or eight years. On the phone that day, I told my classmates that I really miss the rice cakes I ate at home during the Mid-Autumn Festival when I was a child. I didn't want my father to call me home the next day, saying that my grandmother was afraid I wouldn't be able to catch up. Unexpectedly, seven or eight years later, because my grandmother was critically ill, I was reunited with my family on the Mid-Autumn Festival.

The next day, I got on the bus home in a hurry and finally got home at dusk. Dad said that grandma went to my uncle's house a few days ago, and now this situation can't be moved casually, so I followed my parents to visit grandma at my uncle's house.

Along the way, I couldn't help but imagine my grandmother now, and my heart ached beyond measure. I want to stop again and again, because I really can't accept my healthy grandmother's description of Artemisia selengensis lying on the sickbed. But I can't wait to fly to my grandmother at once, because I know that my grandmother must want to see her children and grandchildren most.

Stepping into the door of grandma's room, my aunt was sitting by the bed, holding grandma's hand, putting her ear to grandma's mouth, listening to grandma's vague words, trying to find signs of improvement from grandma's voice.

I walked over and looked at the dying old man with a thin face and no eyes. Grandma looked at me with a blank face. My aunt asked, "Who is she? Do you recognize it? " Grandma shook her head gently. Tears can't help falling. Grandma doesn't even know me. Grandma who has been together for eight years doesn't even know her granddaughter.

two

I am the first child in my family and my grandmother's first granddaughter. When I was born, my grandmother took care of me because my mother had no experience with children. When I was three years old, I was barely able to walk by myself. My sister was born and my mother didn't have the energy to take care of me. It can be said that my grandmother brought me up.

My mother said that when I was born, I weighed more than eight kilograms, the fattest of all the children in the village. Fortunately, my grandmother was not very old at that time, otherwise she really couldn't hold me. Because parents are taller, they look much older than ordinary children when they were young. When I was two years old, my grandmother held me out to play, and people would say, "I still hold such a big child!" " Until I was a teenager, the old people in the village would chat about me and say, "The eldest granddaughter of the Lins was still in the hands of her grandmother when she was a few years old. I have never seen such a favored girl."

At the age of five, my brother was born, just in time for family planning, and my parents took my brother and sister out to hide. I live with my grandmother at my brother-in-law's house. At that time, my brother-in-law was not married, working outside, and it was just me and my grandmother at home. My brother-in-law's house is in the middle of a field. At night, rabbits often haunt those fields. I still remember that my grandmother kept a big black cat, and she was good at catching rabbits. Every time she caught rabbits, she killed them and put them in her nest. The next day, my grandmother saw it, so she peeled it off, spread the fur in the cat's nest and stewed rabbit meat to satisfy my appetite. I've never eaten rabbit meat better than grandma's.

When I was six years old, I was old enough to go to school. Every morning, my grandmother would take me by the hand and send me to school. Every time I pass by the breakfast stall on the street, I can't walk, staring at those steamed stuffed bun fritters and swallowing saliva. Grandma will take out a handkerchief from her pocket, open it layer by layer, take out a few dimes from it and buy me breakfast every day. Later, I learned that the money was pocket money given to my grandmother by my aunts. She couldn't bear to spend a penny, so I ate with a snack.

Later, every time I think about these things, I feel guilty. My grandmother always said that I am an old lady and can't spend any money. I won't give you flowers. Should I keep them and take them to the coffin?

three

My thoughts were interrupted, my grandmother was calling my name, and she finally recognized me. I went to grandma and squatted on the bed. My grandmother's hand is in mine. There was almost no meat in her cold hands, all bones and veins stood out, and her face was pale without a trace of blood. Grandma tried her best to keep her eyes open and her throat made a vague sound. I only recognized the words that she called my name, and I couldn't hear the rest.

My aunt said that she hadn't eaten a grain of rice for three days, and I was afraid that she would really die. Hearing the word "no", tears welled up again. Aunt also said that if the great grandson hadn't come back, it is estimated that grandma wouldn't be alive today. Even the doctor said it was a miracle that she could open her eyes for three days without eating or drinking.

My brother hasn't come back yet. When I got home, my father told me that my brother just got on the bus, even if he didn't come home tomorrow. "I don't know if the third son can see me for the last time when he comes back," the father choked up. At that moment, I didn't know whether I wanted my brother to come back early to meet my grandmother's wishes or to come back late, because I was really afraid that my grandmother would really leave us as soon as she saw my brother, and I had no regrets. I heard grandma mumbling her brother's nickname. I couldn't bear to watch that scene, but I couldn't help watching it.

At noon the next day, my brother came back, and we rushed to my brother-in-law's house at the first time. Grandma actually sat up and looked much more energetic than the day before. My aunt said that she tasted a small bowl of broth at noon and ate it all. When my brother walked by, grandma recognized him at a glance and clearly called out his nickname. My brother went over and took grandma's hand. Grandma smiled and said to him, "My great grandson is back, and my great grandson is coming to see me."

I heard my brother-in-law whisper to his father, "It won't be a flash in the pan, will it?" Actually, I saw it on TV. Before people die, they suddenly look much better. That's the last sign of life, burning in the body. After that, they will run out of oil and lights. When I first walked in the door and saw my grandmother, for a moment, I thought so, but I didn't want to think about it. I prayed in my heart that what I said on TV was a lie, and my grandmother was really much better.

four

In the middle of the night, I heard my parents get up in the next room. A bad feeling came over me and I got up in a hurry. When I got dressed, my father had gone out. I knew in my heart that it must be grandma's fault, but I still asked my mother, "Where did dad go so late?" Mom said, "Your brother-in-law called and said that your grandmother had gone!" "

My brothers and sisters got up, dressed in a hurry, and we went out. When I came out, I found it was dark outside. My mother went back to get a flashlight. I walked forward in the dark without waiting for my mother. Timid, I dare not go to the toilet alone every night, but that night, I was walking alone on my way to grandma's house, with tall and dense trees on both sides, and I heard the strange cry of "Little Chef Hippo" from time to time, but I was not afraid at all. I remember that there were only four words in my mind at that time, "grandma went." I can't think of anything else except these four words. These four words dominate my feet and keep moving forward.

My tears flowed all the way. I think that day, on the grass tip by the roadside, I heard crying in the house before I reached my brother-in-law's house. At that moment, I knew grandma had really left. I can't help crying.

I saw two aunts kneeling by grandma's bed, and the sad cry shocked the world. At this time, the old man on the bed could no longer see his face. Grandma's face is covered with a black cloth, which is the custom in her hometown. After death, she can't show her face again. I walked over and took grandma's hand, which was stiff and without any temperature. My aunt saw it and took my hand away, saying it was untouchable.

I have never faced where you will go, and I feel helpless in life for the first time. In the face of the departure of my loved ones, people's strength is so small that even the only thing I can do is cry. But no amount of tears can bring relatives back to life. At that moment, I really hope that I will never grow up, because if I don't grow up, my grandmother will not be old and will not die. I closed my eyes and prayed in despair that it was all just a dream. Maybe I opened my eyes again. My grandmother was the same as when I was a child. But after a long time, I opened my eyes and saw the body covered with black cloth.

I don't know how I spent that night. All I remember is hysterical crying, which is unstoppable tears. Later, when I was tired of crying, I squatted in the corner, closed my eyes in the dark and dreamed of my childhood.

five

When I was a child, my aunt's cousin would come to my grandmother's house every Sunday, and then my grandmother would take us to the vegetable garden to water and pull weeds. Grandma has been growing vegetables by herself until she fell ill in bed last year. At that time, she was 83 years old. There is a river beside the vegetable garden. My grandmother always draws water from there to water vegetables. When I was seven or eight years old, I began to carry water with my grandmother. At first, I was shorter than my grandmother. I'm in the front and grandma is in the back. Grandma always puts the bucket beside her shoulders, and the weight is on her head. Later, I grew taller and taller. At first, I fell behind. Later, my grandmother and I were carrying water, which was very uncoordinated. Because I was getting taller and taller, my grandmother seemed to be getting shorter and shorter.

I found that my grandmother cried for a long time when she became short. I asked her if she was old. It was always like this, gradually getting smaller and finally disappearing. Grandma said, yes, just like children grow up, they all change unconsciously. I cried and said, then I'll never grow up, so grandma won't be old, and grandma still laughs at me as a silly girl.

Grandma has worked hard all her life. When grandpa died, her brother-in-law was only a few years old, and she brought up all four children by herself. Fortunately, grandma is in good health and can still work, otherwise my father and uncles and aunts may have starved to death. For the sake of four children, grandma was widowed in middle age, but did not remarry. After raising the children, she has to work hard to get her two sons married. Several old houses at home and three tile houses of her uncle were pieced together by her own hands. Everyone in the village says grandma is an amazing woman.

My brother-in-law's two children are much younger than us. In order to reassure my brother-in-law and aunt to make money outside, until last year, my grandmother was 83 years old and was still cooking and washing clothes for two children. Grandma's father died at the age of ninety-nine, so every time my father advised grandma not to work so hard, grandma always said, I can live to be over ninety, and I can work for a few years. After 90, I will do nothing but stay at home and bask in the sun every day.

During the Spring Festival last year, my father also said that he would give his grandmother an 85-year-old birthday, because all the old people in the village were old. But grandma didn't even wait for this day. I remember grandma's birthday is the eighth day of September, just next month.

six

Three days later, grandma's funeral was over. I knelt in front of grandma's grave, still unable to believe that it was grandma who had been with me for eight years who was buried under this pile of loess. My aunt has been kneeling there, crying in despair: "mom, my mom, my mom is in bad karma." Every word makes people cry. My father and uncle's voice is not as hoarse as my aunt's, but I see their shoulders sobbing and shaking, and I know they are no more sad than anyone else.

The old tailor who made grandma's shroud can tell fortune, and he also wrote grandma's eulogy. I couldn't understand his handwriting, which was a font I had never seen before, so I asked my father, who said, "It says that grandma has worked too hard in this life, and she will be a bird in the next life and fly all over places she has never been in this life." Originally, I didn't believe in ghosts and gods in this world, and I began to hope that what was written in this eulogy was true. If grandma really becomes a bird, she can fly to see us every day.

Later, every time I looked up at the sky, I hoped to see a bird flying overhead, because I knew grandma must miss me again.