Mom, I never told you that I love you.

On the way back from running with friends at night, I saw a little girl in a school uniform holding her mother's hand tightly, and then I clearly heard the little girl say, "Mom, I love you!" " "Sister smiled and said," Mom loves you, too! " "

At that moment, I suddenly remembered the woman who had been thinking about me thousands of miles away-my mother. From childhood to adulthood, from depravity to adulthood, from babbling to maturity, more than 20 years, a long half life. I have never said anything like "Mom, I love you" to her, and she has never said anything like "Son, I love you". We are like two dumb people who can't talk about love. We never talk about love, but we all love each other very much.

1.

My mother is an ill-fated rural woman. She was introduced to my father when she was young. My father's family was so poor that people advised her not to get married. She said that as long as people are honest, they are not afraid of poverty. So, stubborn, she saved 800 yuan as a dowry through her own labor before marriage.

The year my father and I got engaged, I asked for two birthdays. The fortune teller said that these two people don't fit in. My mother is Foucault. But dad insisted on getting married, and mom insisted on getting married. Two stubborn people set up their own home in extremely bad environment.

My sister was born more than a year after marriage, and I was born two years later. My sister and I grew up and began to learn to read and go to school. My father learned the craft of building a house and built the first concrete building in the village for himself. Later, the village came to him from top to bottom to build a house. My mother kept the house in good order and the days became more and more prosperous.

The turning point of things is that when I was ten years old, fate showed its muscles and claws, as if to declare its power again and not to be disobeyed. My father left us forever in an accident, left the home he and his mother painstakingly managed, and left the world he was very attached to. Overnight, my mother's proud love was instantly shattered, and our happy family was instantly crumbling. We had no time to grieve for a long time, but we had to face a more cruel reality-what did the family with collapsed pillars make a living and what did it rely on to maintain the future?

Someone advised her mother: "You are still so young, find someone to marry quickly." Many objects come to the door with gifts and want to form a new family with their mothers. Among them, there are many excellent people with excellent conditions, and there are also many exciting pursuers. My mother didn't think about it, but when it comes to me and my sister, she said, "I'm married, what about the children?" Her in-laws (grandparents) are over eighty years old and can't take care of themselves. How can they take care of my children? No, I can't rest assured. "

So, the young mother decided to stay, and she resolutely gave up the opportunity to find her own happiness for her children.

2.

In the late autumn of the following year, red maple leaves floated all over the yard. Before the golden rice in the field could be harvested, my mother began to have frequent stomachaches, unable to eat or sleep, and her body became thinner and thinner.

Many hospital examinations failed, and my mother suffered from illness and stayed in bed all day and all night. The weight of the mother 140 kilograms dropped sharply, leaving only less than 100 kilograms of body to survive.

Every time we go to school, my mother always gets up and sits on the bed, calls my sister and me by their names, calls us to the front and touches our heads. She said that she was afraid that we would come back from school and never see us again, and her tears blurred.

Finally, the hospital diagnosed gallstones and colon tumors. Mother began a long hospitalization operation, and the property left by her father walked into the hospital bit by bit with the bedside of the hospital bed and passed away cleanly.

Facing a poor family with two old people and two children. Relatives began to help her mother with advice: don't let her daughter go to school ... you can't take care of such a big family by yourself. Let your son drop out of school to help you.

Half a month after leaving the hospital, my mother, whose face was getting rosy, began to pull weeds, water the fields and do some light farm work. A month later, my mother began to be busy with all kinds of things: planting vegetables and plowing ... On the morning when the rooster just crowed and the sky was dim, my mother got up early, facing the bright moonlight, carrying a basket full of vegetables and walking towards the seven stars. During that time, from beginning to end, no man could rely on her, no bitterness, no fatigue, and no word about dropping out of school in front of us.

3.

My mother insisted on sending me to school the year I was admitted to college. I stubbornly refused my mother's request, feeling that at the age of eighteen, I no longer relied on my mother's escort as I used to.

I heard my mother packing for me before I got up early in the morning. I said, mom, don't pack so many things. It is too heavy. Mom said she was far from home and couldn't come back often. I'm afraid you won't need it when you need it ... As she spoke, my mother suddenly choked up. I asked her what was wrong, and she said nothing. If your father still knows that you have gone to college, he doesn't know how happy he is. ...

At that moment, when I saw my mother with white hair, I realized that this woman, who had sheltered me from the wind and rain all her life, had long since died because I was stronger than a man, and time left traces of years on her face with malice. My mother is no longer young, and her mother is getting older.

Sitting in the van, I looked back and saw my mother standing under the plum tree in front of the door, looking around. The car went farther and farther, and her figure became smaller and smaller in the flying loess. I saw her crouching down and covering her face with her hands ... The car turned one corner after another until she was no longer visible. My heart is heavy bit by bit, full of guilt-if only she could see me off. ...

My mother will call me every holiday in the future.

Mom: Did you come back for the Mid-Autumn Festival holiday?

Me: Only three days. It's too far. I'm not going back.

Mom: Oh, yes, the time to go and come is very short, and the ticket price is very expensive. Why don't you come back on National Day?

……

Mom: Are you coming back for the Spring Festival?

Me: I'm preparing for the exam. I want to go home after the exam. I'm not going back.

Mom: But it seems that you haven't been home this semester.

Me: I won't go back until National Day. I went back for seven days.

Mom: Yes, haha, mom has a bad memory when she is old.

……

4.

20 15 is also the season when red maple leaves fall in the hospital. It has been ten years since my mother was hospitalized last time. For ten years, I grew up from a poor family step by step. Although life has gone through hardships, although we are still poor, I have never been special at school. I wear what my classmates wear, I eat what my classmates eat and I use what my classmates use. My mother tries her best to satisfy me with all the love and material things.

I lost my father and my father's love. My mother tried to give me more love. She knows that this can't replace my yearning for my father, but she tries again and again to satisfy all the material and life that my father can give.

But fate has not made any concessions because of our misfortune, nor has it given us any pity because of our strength. My mother, who was over 500 years old, was hospitalized again because she worked tirelessly when she was young. 10 years ago, the recurrence of tumors was colon cancer and skin cancer caused by excessive sun exposure. Her mother was diagnosed with two kinds of cancers that hardly happen to the same person.

When we were in the ward, we kept her real illness a secret. When she asked, we all said that the doctor said it was nothing but a minor operation. But she also realized that we were deliberately hiding her illness. Once, when the doctor made rounds, I came back after buying breakfast and heard my mother ask the doctor outside. My mother said, doctor, look at my illness. Tell me honestly if it can be cured. If it can't be cured, please tell me that I am dead. I want to save some money for my son to study. ...

In order to facilitate postoperative observation and radiotherapy and chemotherapy, mother's hair should be shaved off. An old-fashioned mother loves her hair as much as her own life. She repeatedly asked the doctor if he could stop shaving. After repeated persuasion by the doctor, she finally felt that she would listen to the doctor.

I shaved her hair that day. My mother covered her mouth and cried at the moment when all her hair was cut off. At that moment, I seemed to hear something broken. It was her hope, her belief and her only insistence. There is no woman in the world who doesn't love beauty, but her mother gave up the right to love beauty for us, and now even the last precious thing of a woman has been taken away by God. She burst into tears.

On the way back, I held her. She looked up at me, looked at me half a head taller than her, and smiled with relief. She said it doesn't matter, even if I die, my son will grow up. ...

5.

Chemotherapy and radiotherapy went well, and my mother finally got out of the hospital smoothly. According to my mother, she saved her life just to watch me get married and have children one day.

Starting an internship this year means preparing for graduation and going out of society. Mother always jokes that her task is finally finished. And I always laugh, don't think so fast. The mission of taking care of grandchildren has not yet begun. Mom said it depends on your efforts. ...

Seeing the loving look of mother and daughter in front of me, I suddenly miss my mother, the woman who has been miserable all her life, but never cries tired; A woman who has been poor all her life but never weak; The woman who never said she loved me, but gave me all her love.

Mom, I never told you that I love you.