A funny joke.

Funny joke story 1 selection of funny joke stories 1: A new restaurant has been opened near the restaurant promotion community, and a signboard with the words 1 10,000 yuan is written in front of it: "Anyone who eats in this restaurant and spends more than 100 yuan will have a chance to win prizes. The highest prize1100,000 yuan. The lottery process is notarized by the national authoritative notary on the spot. 1 ten thousand! How many years will this small restaurant earn back? Obviously it is a false advertisement.

When my daughter and son-in-law came home suddenly that day, we decided to go to a restaurant outside and pass by. The daughter said that this is the only thing that can help ourselves. Because the meal is over, there are not many customers, the environment is relatively clean and tidy, the food price is moderate, and the service is thoughtful and enthusiastic.

I ordered a good dish and asked the boss, "I have exceeded 100 yuan." How can I draw a lottery? " The boss smiled unhurriedly and replied, "We will draw a lottery when we check out." With a sense of mystery, we finished our meal in a hurry and asked the boss to pay the bill. After a while, the boss gave me change and handed me a red envelope. He smiled and said, "Congratulations on getting rich! Don't forget to receive the prize tomorrow. " I opened the red envelope and looked intently. It turned out to be 2 yuan's sports lottery.

Selected Stories of Interesting Jokes 2: Helpful. Xiao Zhao is a warm-hearted person, and he loves to take things seriously. On this day, he found 200 yuan in the company. He immediately asked everywhere: "Who lost the money?" Shouting for a long time, no one responded.

In the afternoon, Lao Li found Xiao Zhao and said that he had lost money in 200 yuan this morning. When Xiao Zhao returned the money to Lao Li, he felt something was wrong. He knows that Lao Li is training outside in the morning. How could he lose his money? Think about Lao Li's usual behavior, that is, a cheapskate with cramps on his legs. As long as it is profitable, he will sharpen his head and drill in. Looks like he's coming this time.

The more Xiao Zhao thought about it, the angrier he became. He wanted to teach old Ali a lesson.

The next day, Xiao Zhao took two Ming coins and deliberately stood outside Lao Li's office, shouting, "Who lost the money?" Unexpectedly, Lao Li didn't come out, but the company's manager Sun came out. He asked, "Xiao Zhao, how much did you pick up?"

Xiao Zhao quickly stuffed Mingbi into his pocket and stammered, "Two hundred ..."

Hearing this, Manager Sun was happy: "I lost 200 yuan yesterday, please give it to me!" "

Hearing this, Xiao Zhao couldn't wait to take out his two mouths, but he was afraid to tell the truth, so he had to take out money from another pocket and give it to Manager Sun.

Manager Sun left, feeling very distressed and regretful. He was hanging his head and going out when he met Lao Li again.

Lao Li lowered his voice and asked, "Who lost the money when you shouted just now?"

Xiao Zhao said angrily, "Manager Sun!"

Lao Li's eyes lit up and his voice rose: "Manager Sun is lost? Then I picked up 200 yuan and I sent it to him. "

Interesting joke story selection 3: don't sway in a skirt. Mother often tells the sheep: "Don't sway when wearing a skirt;" Or the little boy will see the underwear inside! "

One day, Yangyang said happily to his mother, "Today I played on the swing with Xiaoming, and I won!" "

Mother said angrily, "didn't I tell you?" Don't put on a skirt! "

Yang Yang proudly said, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear.

Interesting joke story selection 4: Stone and bread fight. When the bread got angry, it kicked the stone into the sea.

A couple agreed at this seaside that because the man was going to perform military service, they agreed to meet again at this seaside two years later. The boy also gave the girl an engagement ring and promised to marry her two years later.

Two years later, the girl didn't wait for the boy at the seaside. She was heartbroken and threw the ring into the sea.

The boy didn't break the contract, he just went to the wrong beach. He was also sad that he could not wait for the girl, so he stayed at the seaside. One day, he went fishing, caught a fish and cooked it. Halfway through the meal, he suddenly ate something hard. Excuse me, what is this?

The ring is not.

The stone of the first story? breakdown

This is a fish bone. ......

Funny joke Story 2 Once upon a time, there was a family, father and son were doing business outside, and mother-in-law was farming at home. Father and son were too busy, so they hired a helper. One day, my father wrote a letter and sent it home. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can't read, so please ask someone to read the letter. The man read the letter and said, "Business is good, but one person died." Hearing this, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law burst into tears.

A person in the same village is about to go out. When you hear crying, ask a child what's going on. The child casually replied, "A person died in their family." Later, this man happened to meet his father and son who were doing business, and immediately said, "Don't hurry home! A person died in your family. " Hearing this, the father and son burst into tears and immediately rushed back overnight.

Back home, four people met, all feel puzzling. I asked the other party why it happened, only to know that it was because there was a wrong word in the letter. In the letter, "I hired someone" was written as "I lost someone".

Funny joke story 3 1, you can say to the bear: walking more is not only good for your health, but also saves energy and reduces emissions. So, I sold my small four-wheeled car.

2, crying to the equipment: big brother, don't leave the four lights on at home all day. These two lights are already very bright. If you light one less lamp, you can save one more degree of electricity, save yourself and contribute to low carbon. Why not?

3. Xian said: Water resources are becoming more and more precious. If you can save one point, you can save one more point.

4. Bi said to Gui: Friend, the chopsticks next to you are not disposable, are they? If so, I will seriously despise you.

Li told Li that the environmental pollution caused by running an entity is too great now, so after careful consideration, I closed my factory.

6, gas to steam: natural gas resources are quite limited, you must save what you can, but mixing water into it is not good for you, right?

7. It's a waste for you to live in a room alone! Look at me, five people live together, which saves precious space and makes rational use of resources.

Funny joke story 4 1, the son took the cash at home to the balcony and said, "the financial storm is coming!" " "

My wife farted loudly while watching TV last night. I was just about to say something sarcastic about her.

The five-year-old son next to him said silently, "The light in the corridor is on ..."

I have a headache today, and my son offered to massage me.

Me: "Son, are you mistaken again?"

"No."

"It seems that my son has grown up and is sensible."

"Well, I'll give you more pressure, or it will hurt more to see my report card in the future."

4, a family of three in the same bed. In the evening, the husband and wife wanted to do something, and worried that the child was not asleep, they pulled out two one-dollar coins from the bedside table and threw them in the child's hand to test the reaction.

The child closed his eyes and grinned: What do you want with these two dollars? Uncle Zhang upstairs always gives fifty!

Funny joke story 5 There was a man in Sui Dynasty who took a cart of black beans to Beijing to sell. The man trudged along with the cart. When he reached the end of the road, he accidentally stepped on a dirt road and tripped. This is not good. The car behind him lost its balance and fell to the ground. Cars full of black beans were also poured into the water. He got up from the ground, looked at the black beans in the water and worried, when can a person catch so many beans? After thinking for a while, he decided to go home and let his family help him catch beans. So he stopped thinking about it, left the car and beans and left.

As soon as the man left, the people above him began to talk: "I wonder when he will come back this time." It's a pity that so many beans were washed away by water. Why don't we take them back? " So everyone began to work together, noisily fishing for beans. In a short time, they all fished away, leaving no one behind.

Soon after, the bean truck returned to the overturned place. There are thousands of tadpoles chasing and playing in the water. The man thinks this is his bean and wants to take it out of the water. As soon as I went down, the tadpoles knew that someone was coming, and all of them swam away in an instant. This man is so strange, he just stood for a long time and couldn't figure it out. He sighed and said to himself, "Black beans, black beans, even if you don't know me, how can I not know you?" -Why do you suddenly have a tail? "

Funny joke story 6 1. admission qualifications

Little Ruth went to the aristocratic kindergarten. During the interview, the teacher took out a bill for 10 yuan and asked, "What is this?" Little Ruth quickly replied, "This is the waste paper that Grandma gave to beggars." The teacher said, "well, there is no need to take the exam." You have been admitted. "

2. Gold teeth

It is said that one day when I went to kindergarten for an internship, I was having fun with a child. Suddenly, I looked at him and saw a gold tooth in his mouth. He said to me with a serious face: "teacher, I am surprised!" It takes a long time for you not to brush your teeth! "

3. Are you married

My four-year-old daughter saw a photo of me and my husband at the seaside. She asked, "Mom, when did you and Dad take this photo?" I replied, "That was taken when mom and dad were dating." She looked up and wondered, "Did you get married later?" "。"

touch

(My son is lying in bed without doing his homework)

The father said to his son, "If you don't do your homework, you won't find a good job in the future."

The son said, "I don't want to work."

Father: "Then you'd better not get married and start a family."

Son: "Just ... don't get married!" " "

Father: "Then you'd better not fall in love or kiss girls ..."

Son: "I don't have time to chat with you-it's time to do my homework!" " "

5. I want a dog

Anna's mother is pregnant again. She asked Anna, "Do you want your mother to bring you another brother or sister?" Anna thought for a moment and said, "I just want a puppy."

6. ants

(cloudy day, a bilingual kindergarten in Beijing. A small class of children excitedly found the teacher: "teacher, there are many ants moving at the root of the wall!" " "The young teacher thought: We should seize this good opportunity and let him consolidate the English words he has learned. So I asked him, "What did the ants say?" The child paused, his face flushed, and after a while, he finally replied with tears: "It, it, it didn't say anything! ! "

7. Send you to land in the sun at night

After the Americans successfully landed on the moon, Brezhnev called the Soviet astronauts on the same day: "Since the Americans have landed on the moon, the Soviet Union decided to send you to the sun immediately." The astronaut was frightened and choked up and said, "Don't you know, Comrade Brezhnev, we will be burned to death". Brezhnev said angrily: "Do you think that the Politburo has not considered it? We have decided to send you to land in the sun at night! "

8. cows don't wear bras

Mao Mao met Niu and greeted him politely, but Niu made fun of the cat and said, "You have a beard so young!" " "

The cat said angrily, "why don't you wear a bra when you are so old!" " "

9. Relics

Man: "I was your husband's best comrade-in-arms. I want a souvenir from him as a souvenir, can I? " Ma' am "

Woman: "Yes. I am his legacy. "

10. voyeuristic works

A male writer opened a column in a magazine to solve some difficult problems in life for readers.

One day, a reader contributed: I am a male clerk in a women's shoe store. I have a very troublesome thing and I don't know how to solve it. Because the business of the shoe store I serve is very prosperous, customers are always flowing from morning till night, so I have to squat down every day to try on shoes for my guests. Although this is only a small matter, do you know? There are many female guests who don't wear underwear at all, so whenever I try on shoes for her, I always see something I shouldn't see. This really makes my heart beat faster, my face turns red and I have an impulse every time. What do you think I should do?

The writer's answer is: "Is your company still short of people?"

1 1. It's even worse.

Once upon a time, there was a foolish son who married a good wife. After the memorial service, he entered the bridal chamber. Dale was surprised. He asked his daughter-in-law, "Hey, hey, what should I call you?"

The daughter-in-law, angry and funny, replied, "It's called the king of hell."

On the wedding night, the husband and wife sleep together, and the wife hooks her husband with her feet. After being awakened, I didn't know what to do, so I called his father: "Dad, look, the ghost king is hooking me."

His father was startled and told the terrifying story loudly. "Terrible, terrifying, my son is still young, I am old. Hook me if you want. "

12. Panda's troubles

The panda man tried to rape the panda woman, and the panda woman struggled and resisted to the death. Panda Man said angrily after the failure: "We are all going extinct ~ ~ ~!"

13. In the middle of the night, "Chicken" is called the new version.

Late at night, a gentleman upstairs was watching Gao Yubao's "Midnight Cockcrow" in his room when he suddenly heard a female voice shout, "Somebody! Come! "

Mr. Wang rushed to help with his sword. It turned out to be a coquettish young lady. The young lady said to him, "I have nothing to do today." Please help me. I will give you a 60% discount! " It took the gentleman a long time to understand, sighed and said, Speak of the devil, there really is a rooster crowing in the middle of the night! " "

14. Compare with others

Dumb Lin said to his wife, "You always like to compare with Xiao Yang's house next door. He decorated the house, and you want me to decorate our house according to his decoration mode. " His family bought a Pentium computer, and you want me to buy a computer exactly like his family. what do you think? "

"Have they added anything new to the family?" The wife asked anxiously.

"He married a beautiful young wife yesterday." The husband answered doubtfully.

Dialogue on the 50th wedding anniversary

A couple celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife found her husband's eyes full of tears and his expression was excited. She couldn't help being very moved, so she said to her husband, "Husband, you are really a caring person. I'm so touched ... "

The husband said, "honey, do you remember that night fifty years ago?" We were caught by your father in the forest. "

Wife: "Of course ... I will never forget this kind of thing ..."

The husband added, "At that time, your father threatened to sue me and put me in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you ..."

Wife: "Well ..."

Husband: "I was thinking, if I have been in prison for 50 years … today is the time for me to be free …" "

Funny joke story 7 1, two nursing interns meet in the water room in the morning.

Yes, what class did you have last night? (Nothing to talk about)

B: Thank you. . . . . night shift

2. A student majoring in imaging entered the CT room on the first day.

Teacher: This man has a cerebral hemorrhage. Go out and tell him.

Student: Grandpa, please go to the emergency room. You have a cerebral hemorrhage.

Teacher: I asked her to tell her family. ......

3. A nurse bickered with a picture on QQ.

Nursing: Sample, you will die if you don't receive a needle.

Photo: Sample, kill all your white blood cells without receiving a single radiation, and let you die of leukemia.

Nurse: Sister, you have worked too hard.

Funny joke story 8 A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water.

"tnnd~~ what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

Funny joke story 9 1. The couple are talking about the romance of the Three Kingdoms. The wife said, "Cao Cao led an army of 8 10000 ..."

Hearing this, the husband immediately corrected and said, "No, they are 830,000 men."

The wife said, "It's 8 10000."

The husband said, "It is 830,000."

They couldn't argue, so they just went to get the book. The husband went to the kang to get a book, stepped on the sleeping child on the bed and the child began to cry. The wife said, "Shit, I trampled the baby to death!" " "

The husband listened and said impatiently, "Twenty thousand people told you it was gone, and you still care about this one and a half."

In the evening, my husband told me that he bought a lottery ticket of 1000.

I said discontentedly that he lost his home, and my husband said with a smile, "The fortune teller said two days ago that I was lucky these days, and I will definitely win the grand prize this time."

After that, he sat on the sofa, sipping tea leisurely, and said to himself, "After winning 5 million yuan, buy a four-bedroom apartment first, and then replace all the home appliances with new ones. Also, buy high-end fashion and cosmetics for your wife. Who will make us rich? "

I went to fill the rice bowl with a wry smile, and accidentally, my rice bowl fell to the ground and broke. At this moment, I heard my husband shout, "Don't throw things in a hurry, we haven't won the lottery yet."

There is a sign on the lawn of the park, which reads: "No trampling on the lawn, and offenders will be fined one yuan."

A frequent visitor in the park found that the fine written on the sign was less than before and asked the service staff in the park, "Why is the fine reduced?" Didn't you need to pay a fine of five yuan before? "

Attendant: "Nobody stepped on five pieces."

Funny joke story 10 According to Zhou Ye, Lu Xun's niece, when she was young, she once had dinner at her uncle's house and asked Mr. Lu Xun, "Why is my father's nose" tall and straight "and yours" flat and flat? "

Lu Xun said with a smile, "You don't know, when I was young, my nose was as straight as your father's. But then, I hit the wall several times and smashed my nose. " Of course, young Zhou Ye couldn't understand the true meaning of this explanation, so he asked, "How did you hit the wall? Did you walk carelessly? " Lu Xun replied: "Do you think it is not easy to hit the wall when it is dark all around?"

Zhou Ye, immediately appear suddenly enlightened. She said, "Of course, the wall is much harder than the nose. No wonder my uncle smashed his nose. " Everyone else here laughed.

Funny joke story11/patient: "Doctor, I always have the same nightmare recently. What's wrong? "

Doctor: "What dream did you have?"

Patient: "I kept dreaming that I came to a door, so I pushed and pushed, but I just couldn't open it!" " "

Doctor: "What's on the door?"

Patient: "There is a word" pull "..."

2. A classmate memorized the words and got sick in hospital. A friend came to visit the ward.

At the bedside, his friend held his hand and said, "Are you all right? What did the doctor say? "

The classmate said, "Doctor."

3, Apple is Jay Chou, too arrogant, annoying but really talented.

Blackberry is Eason Chan. It goes its own way.

Nokia is Andy Lau, with no obvious shortcomings, and has been working hard.

Motorola is Huang Qiusheng, with classic movies, but always bad movies.

Samsung is Wu Zhenyu, and its products are a bit evil. .

Siemens is a legend in Leslie Cheung, but it is over.

HTC is Aaron Kwok, always trying to prove itself, but it's the same every time.

4. A friend, female, likes to play QQ farm. When she got up to surf the Internet today, she found that her QQ signature read:

My chrysanthemum will open at ten o'clock tonight. Welcome to watch. ...

Funny joke story 12 Lao Wang is a famous miser and likes to take advantage of others. One day, he was wandering in a nearby shopping mall and suddenly found a coin on the ground. He picked it up and looked at it. Honey, this is actually the year of the coin he has treasured for a long time.

Just as Lao Wang was secretly pleased and was about to put the coin into his underwear pocket without thinking, a middle-aged woman rushed over and claimed to be her lost coin.

Lao Wang was in a hurry. He said, "What you said is yours?" ? What evidence do you have? Obviously I just lost this. How did it become yours? Don't interfere, do whatever you want. "

When this woman heard this, she was very angry. I said whatever you said, and then she quarreled. Although the lady correctly pointed out the year of the coin, it is a strong evidence. However, Lao Wang is not a fuel-efficient lamp, it is just a coincidence.

The two sides hold their own words, and you come and go, arguing endlessly, attracting countless customers to stop and watch. Seeing this, the woman had a brainwave and said with emotion, "Big Brother, I don't care how much this rare coin is worth, but it carries all my memories of my late husband, and he left it to me." Would you please give it back to me? "

A few words, sincere words, can be said that the listener is sad and the listener is crying. Perhaps her obsession with love caused * * *, and customers began to scold Lao Wang for being importunate and unreasonable.

However, Lao Wang still clung to the coin and was unmoved. One never gives in, the other is aggressive, and in this way, the dispute between the two sides has intensified. Finally, the management of the mall was alarmed. After knowing the situation, the top management unanimously decided to confiscate the coins to quell the turmoil caused by it, and there is no doubt.

Lao Wang, like a defeated cock, wilted, the woman left sadly, and the crowded crowd gradually dispersed, leaving Lao Wang alone, shouting at him. Later, just as Lao Wang was about to take out his treasured coins to talk about comfort, he found a big hole in his underwear pocket and the coins were missing.

Lao Wang was dumbfounded at once and wanted to cry without tears. He said, is it broken?

"That coin is really mine." In the huge shopping mall, Lao Wang's voice, like a cuckoo crying blood, lasted for a long time.

Funny joke story 13 Sawyer invited his friends to a restaurant for dinner, and they commented on the management characteristics of the restaurant while eating. Sawyer said to his friend, "The waiter service here is really good. He gives everything to his customers and never refuses their demands. Even if you want a sunshine, they will pretend to take it according to your instructions, and later they will apologize to you that the sunshine has just been sold out. "

My friend was a little incredulous after hearing this. So Sawyer called the waiter: "Please give me two pieces of dinosaur meat."

"What kind of dinosaur meat do you like, sir?" The waiter asked with a smile.

"Well done."

The waiter wrote down the name of the dish and left. After a while, she came back: "Sir, I'm so sorry!" " "

"Why, it's sold out?" Sawyer deliberately showed disappointment.

"Sir, to tell you the truth, dinosaur meat and a little, just not too fresh. I can't bear to sell it to you. "

Funny joke story 14 1. The most tragic thing for young people is to compete with the official second generation in career and the rich second generation in emotion.

2. When a real estate opens, the developer plays a large advertisement to attract the public, which reads: No house, no daughter-in-law. At the appraisal meeting of the real estate industry association at the end of the year, the real estate developer was rated as "the most honest real estate developer".

The poor want to live the life of the rich, and the rich want to live forever. The immortal man wondered there: Shit, when will this life end? !

Migrant workers said: I thought children were hope and could support us in the future. I don't know. It's a burden at an early age. I left my hometown unattended and accepted it myself. We can't afford a lot of expenses.

Funny joke story 15 Just go to the police station and change your name.

Grass carp brother and spittoon sister go to get a marriage certificate. The staff said: "You are close relatives and can't get married!" Sister spittoon cried into tears, and brother grass carp said distressfully, "Baby, don't worry! Just go to the police station and change your name! " Sister spittoon said, "Change it to what?" Brother Grass Carp said, "Just change the original nickname and chamber pot will do."

Die of old age, disease (poisoning)

What will happen to the virus in the later years of life? Death, because "disease (poison) death".

Want to travel to 1999

If possible, I want to cross 1999. Buy some apples at 30 and come back to sell them. Wow, hahaha, you made a lot of money.

apple jam

Once upon a time, there was an apple that admired the chest hair of peaches and was very manly. So I managed to find some chicken feathers and duck feathers to stick to myself. When the children saw it, they picked it up in surprise and shouted to the other children, Look, we can play badminton. Then the children happily beat the apples around and quickly beat them into apple puree.

I have to keep my bag first.

Koalas meet kangaroos who come out of the supermarket angrily and ask, "What's the matter? Angry like this. "

The kangaroo gasped and said, "They won't let me in. I have to save the bag first!" " "

fragrance

All perfume brands in the world, don't brag. Who can say that the fragrance of their brand perfume can cover a pancake in the subway car? I never told you about leek cakes. It is bullying to mention that.

I just think you are working too hard.

The cat warmed the frozen mouse, and the mouse said to the cat with tears in his eyes, "benefactor, you are so kind, and you will definitely be rewarded." The cat said coldly, "I'm flattered!" I just think you are working too hard! "

Changed to a few.

Qiao Feng is magnificent in Xinglin. Suddenly, Elder Xu appeared, pointing out that the nationalities in the ID card and household registration book are "Khitan", which is irrefutable!

Afterwards, Qiao Feng asked Joe Sanhuai, and Joe Sanhuai looked ashamed: "Well, didn't you have a bad academic record?" In order to get extra points for the college entrance examination, I asked someone to give you a gift and changed it to a minority ... "

The text message sent by my wife

My friend's wife went on a business trip and didn't come back for several days.

One afternoon, when she was in a meeting, she secretly sent me a short message: "The leader next to me slept like a dead pig, so funny!"

As a result, my friend's mobile phone was dead, and I didn't think of charging until I slept at night. At this time, I received a text message from his wife and almost jumped off the building!

Drunk knocking at the door

In the evening, the drunk knocked on the lamppost.

Passerby: What are you doing?

Drunk: Knock at the door, but the wife won't open it.

Passerby: Knock slowly. Your wife must be at home. Look at the lights on your house!

From talking to witches

From the witch's words: it's not easy for you and your wife to be separated for such a long time in order to work!

It's a dozen of you.

Humans can't stop teachers from assigning homework! ! ! The teacher took a dozen test papers and put them on the table. When they left, the students said in unison, "Teacher, you have a dozen! ! "

The teacher smiled and replied, "It's your dozen."

Losing money

Today, classmate A borrowed money from classmate B.

Do you have money with you?

B: Yes.

Lend me some.

What did you just say?

Lend me some.

B: no, the previous sentence.

Do you have money with you?

B: No!

How is that possible?

A buddy was bored one day and joked with his girlfriend: "A man sent me a message saying that he is your husband."

His girlfriend blurted out, "How is that possible? He doesn't know your number ... "

House prices have gone up.

At the gate of the cemetery, a man asked, "How much is the paper house?"

The stall owner replied: "20 yuan!"

"So expensive! Didn't you just return 15 yuan last year? "

"House prices have gone up!"