Engagement etiquette

Before the founding of the People's Republic of China, the marriage between men and women was based on "parents' orders and matchmakers' words" and paid attention to "matching the door". As for men and women, they have no autonomy, and free love is regarded as a "big violation." Normal marriage customs generally go through media, engagement, invitations, congratulations, wedding banquets, check-in and other processes. Intermediary men are fifteen or sixteen or even thirteen years old, that is, parents seek relatives through the media, and some get engaged when their children are old, commonly known as "early marriage." If a woman hires a matchmaker to propose to her husband, it is called "matchmaking". If a woman makes high demands on her husband, it is called "climbing relatives". After asking about each other's age, personality, family property, etc., both parents think it is basically ok, that is, they will be "allowed to get married". When marriage is agreed, the man must agree first, and then the woman agrees. With the consent of both parties, the matchmaker will be entrusted to change the "Xiao Qi" (commonly known as changing the fine print) and indicate the year and date of birth. The center of both parties (mostly fortune tellers) can get married without a prescription or a prescription they don't like. Then choose another auspicious day to exchange formal engagement, which is called "great instrument" Some people go to the man's house to see it in person. This is called "blind date". If not, they will leave without eating at the man's house. The age of marriage between men and women is much more expensive than that of women. As the saying goes, "a female freshman wears a golden dress", "a female junior raises a golden brick" and "a female freshman competes for her mother".

Engagement is often called "passing on Cambodia" or "exchanging positions". The man writes an invitation (that is, an engagement letter) and sends it to the woman's home together with the bride price. The woman's reply serves as the basis for the engagement. After the exchange in Cambodia, relatives and friends sent gifts and money to congratulate, and the man prepared a banquet to thank the matchmaker and relatives and friends.

Sending wedding invitations is also called "sending wedding invitations". When men and women reach the age of marriage (generally, women 18 years old or older, boys 12, 20 years old, and the oldest is in their twenties), the man asks someone to choose an auspicious day (commonly known as "choosing a day" or "seeing a day") according to the woman's life, and informs her of the auspicious day. If the woman agrees, choose an auspicious day and formally send her a wedding invitation. The post indicates the wedding date, the bride's crown, registered permanent residence, face shape, dress, the direction of getting on and off the sedan chair and taboos. According to their own economic conditions, the woman's family buys bedding, clothes, jewelry, furniture, etc. to prepare for marriage.

Before the wedding, the man's relatives and neighbors prepared gifts to congratulate him. Call it Hershey. Giving a wedding gift to a woman who is going to get married is called "filling a box" or "adding a box". The man prepared a banquet to celebrate the day before his wedding.

The wedding ceremony is commonly known as "happy event". The day before the wedding, the woman will send the dowry to the man's house. The man posted the wedding couplets, hung them happily, laid the kang and padded the pillows to prepare for the wedding. In the evening, the groom "salutes" relatives and elders nearby. On the wedding day, according to the agreed time, the man arranged the ritual ceremony, played the drummer, and got married in the woman's house with a sedan chair (used by the poor). Marriage can be divided into "big marriage" and "small marriage". Sedan is a small wedding, that is, preparing a sedan chair to carry the bride, which is called "not getting married"; There are two sedan chairs for the wedding. The groom takes the official sedan chair to meet the bride, and the other sedan chair is for the bride. When she went, she was carried by young children, commonly known as "sedan chair"; There will be a red rooster in the car, and a woman will trample a hen when she comes back. Whether it is a big marriage or a small marriage, its customs are roughly the same. After marrying a woman, she began to eat less and drink less, and sat on the kang to be married. When a man goes to a woman's house to pay a New Year call, he must bring a red coat, a red carpet and a red headscarf.

On that day, the bride got up early to dress up, covered her head with red and played the trumpet happily. Accompanied by the farewell female guests, the groom said goodbye to his parents-in-law, and then the groom got on the sedan chair first. The bride is carried on the sedan chair by relatives, commonly known as "sending the sedan chair" and "getting on the sedan chair", and the guests are accompanied by the car. The bride will shed tears when she leaves home to show her attachment. On the road, red gauze lanterns clear the way, flutes suona are played in unison, bearers gather in front and then embrace, and sedan chairs are collected. The bride is not allowed to contact with the outside world. If passers-by meet, they will avoid. Come to the head and door of Nanjia village, firecrackers are ringing, and get off the sedan chair at the specified time and direction. That is, someone lit a bundle of grass around the bride's colorful sedan chair, which was called "Liao sedan chair". It is said that it can ward off evil spirits. In the drums and firecrackers, the bride enters the gate by the married woman and the dowry girl, steps on the red carpet (called inverted carpet), stands side by side with the groom in front of the incense table in the courtyard, and worships heaven and earth. After the ceremony, the bride enters the bridal chamber. In some places, when entering the bridal chamber, the male elders sprinkle dates, chestnuts and peanuts in the yard (some places sew them in the corner of the quilt or put them in pillows), and also take the homonym of "having a baby early, and men and women will spend their lives together". When the bridal chamber is ablaze with flowers and candles, the groom removes the bride's veil, eats "noodles of sympathy" and drinks "toast" together, and fills the pillow as usual, the bride begins to "sit on the bed", also called "sit on the bed", which usually lasts for one day. On this day, people, big or small, were making a scene in the bridal chamber until late at night. After the newlyweds sleep, there is an old custom of "listening to the room" (listening to whispers) under the window of young men and women. On the wedding day, the man decorated with lanterns, pasted red couplets, slaughtered pigs and sheep, and hosted a banquet for relatives and friends. China also has the custom of robbing marriage. That is, if there are more than one married person in the same village at the same time, it is considered that whoever takes the lead will be lucky. So the time to get married is mostly before dawn.

On the third day after marriage, the bride will go back to her parents' home for two days and say "stay in Japan", otherwise the woman's family will send a message to pick up her daughter and ask her son-in-law. The bride and groom go to Yue's home together, which is called "returning home" or "recognizing relatives" (commonly known as "receiving for three days"). The woman's family hosted a banquet for her son-in-law, commonly known as "inviting her son-in-law". When she comes back three days later, the bride meets her in-laws and relatives, goes to the ancestral temple to worship or go to the ancestral temple, and then cooks in the kitchen. On the sixth day, the man's family hosted a banquet to "meet his in-laws" and at the same time hosted a banquet to entertain close relatives and friends. In addition to a three-day return visit in Liaocheng area, family members have to take six days off, nine days off, 12 days, etc. At the same time, there is the custom of "living opposite the moon", that is, one month after the wedding, the bride's family will take her back for a few days and then send her back to her husband's family. This custom still exists today. At this point, the whole wedding procedure is over. It is difficult for poor families to pay attention to such complicated etiquette, while the extremely poor people are accompanied by the elderly to the man's house with a small burden to get married.

Before the founding of People's Republic of China (PRC), early marriage between men and women was common in China. Most wealthy families get married when they are teenagers or even eight or nine years old. Most women get married between 14 and 17 years old, and some "child brides" are forced to "consummate their marriage" when 12 or 13 years old. In addition, men can be polygamous, and they are all called "concubines" except "suitable". After the death of unmarried young men and women, someone arranged to bury their bones together in one place, which is called "ghost marriage" or "shadow marriage". The poor can't afford to marry, and some marry in their in-laws, commonly known as "inserting the door backwards" or "recruiting a son-in-law". There are also bad customs such as robbing marriage (mostly remarriage of widows) and consanguineous marriage, which were abolished after the founding of the People's Republic of China.

There are many taboos when marrying a woman. For example, it is forbidden to use incomplete widows and children when making wedding dresses. Widows should not send their daughters-in-law, aunts should not marry their daughters-in-law, and aunts should not send them. As the saying goes, "Aunt doesn't marry or send, and sister-in-law sends naked".

After the founding of New China, the people's government vigorously advocated free love and happy events, and many red tape and etiquette were removed. There are many free lovers in urban and rural areas, but most of them still need matchmakers to make up. When both sides think it is appropriate, they will arrange to meet. If you are interested in each other, exchange handkerchiefs or pens, which is called "changing handkerchiefs" or "small meeting", and then agree on the engagement date and ceremony. On the day of engagement, the man brought a large sum of money and gifts to the woman's house, and the woman's house hosted a banquet to entertain the guests, which was called "engagement". After the woman agreed, she went to the man's house on a certain day and called it "recognizing home". The elders of the man's house gave her a "meeting gift". Many people took this opportunity to get engaged, and some even changed jobs. At the age stipulated by the state, both men and women register with the government to obtain marriage certificates. Most people think that marriage is not considered without a wedding, so more weddings are held separately. Weddings are much simpler than in the past. Generally, the bride is picked up by her husband's family car, and some people are sent off by her husband's family. On the wedding day, men decorate their houses with lanterns, set off firecrackers and entertain their guests and friends. The custom of making love remains the same. It is fashionable, simple and civilized for young people in cities and towns to hold group weddings or tourist weddings, which is becoming more and more popular. However, the old concept of married family is still deeply rooted, and the phenomena of not being free in love, asking for bride price, buying and selling marriage in disguise, arranged marriage and early marriage still exist.

Whoever marries, there are many happy people in the neighborhood of the man's relatives and friends. A close relative and a close friend usually give more happy gifts. Hi-fi generally includes cloth, silk, wool, quilt cover, blanket and so on. Others send craft decorations and practical daily necessities such as cookers and tea sets. Neighbors usually "chip in" to congratulate each other (mostly in cash), each of which is different. Cash is wrapped in red paper, commonly known as "red envelopes". The host family post invites the giver. In recent years, wedding banquets have become more and more popular and the specifications are getting higher and higher. Before the woman gets married, relatives and friends send more clothes, fashion and other items to show their congratulations and help.

Widows' remarriage has been supported and embraced by people from all walks of life and has become a reasonable custom. The remarriage of the elderly, except for the interference of children and relatives and friends in individual families, is approved by most people and has been accepted by public opinion.

When young men and women of Hui nationality get married, they still follow the old customs except for registering for marriage certificates. When getting married, please ask the imam to witness the marriage and read "Izab" (testimony): "You are willing to get married and become husband and wife. I wish you a happy marriage, honor your parents, respect the old and love the young, live in harmony with your neighbors, respect and love each other, and grow old together. " Ask the bride; "Any comments?" The bride replied, "Da Dan", which means "I agree with you". The groom replied, "Gabriel Dan". I am willing to accept the bride's wishes. "Imam with candy on the table to the audience (common name" rob happy fruit "), to show good luck. That night, the bride's sister-in-law will take the bride back to her mother's house and bring it back the next night before she can live together.

After the founding of the People's Republic of China, the marriage of Hui men and women was based on the Marriage Law. Hui and Han intermarry, men and women respect each other's customs and habits, and no one can interfere or discriminate. After marriage, there is a policy that children return to Han.