Who is the fortune teller of the Chaoyang Empress?

What do you mean by "the life of an empress"? ... thank you, thank you.

I am the queen.

Article source: Unknown release date: 2005-11-21.

There is a saying in our hometown: Pan Shengniang, give birth standing up. It means that the knees come out first when the queen is born, and the feet come out first when the son of heaven is born. In modern medical terms, it is fetal malposition. At that time, there were no such things as B-ultrasound and B-ultrasound. It's just a matter of guessing the melon from the skin. No one can predict what to take out first. I was naughty and crossed my legs first. Although I almost killed my mother, from the day I was born, people said I was an empress and a blessed person.

Speaking of the queen's life, it feels really untimely. I must have been below one person and above ten thousand people before. Eating delicacies, wearing silks and satins, walking with left and right hands, and guarding the doorman before going to bed. That's the beauty that everyone envies! I have felt sorry for myself in private, and I often feel sorry for myself! Excuse me! Alas! I can't help laughing when I'm sorry. If I mix this mug with 3000 beautiful women, it is not a beautiful sight, but a rare spectacle since the beginning of time. It is said that ten monks can clip a bald man, but these three thousand beautiful women can't clip a super dinosaur anyway. As long as I go to such a stop among 3000 beautiful women, it is definitely a punch. It is difficult to describe the rhythm of the times by standing out from the crowd, and it may be more appropriate to use the metaphor of phoenix looking up at dinosaurs. I can't tell if I scared one or two of the Emperor to death and fainted three or four. I may also become the second Empress Wu Zetian and the third Empress Dowager Cixi.

To tell the truth, when I was a child, someone always said I was an empress, but I really didn't know the life of this empress. In my naive mind, I eat steamed bread every day, with fish in the last meal and meat in the next; A cotton-padded jacket in winter and a dress in summer should be a queen's life. Later, I thought these were different. People ordered by the queen should live the life of city residents. You see, people in the city are just unusual. We villagers boiled pig blood before eating, but we just wanted to drink it raw. It tastes so red that it looks so good! They wear high and pointed leather shoes and walk like a breeze blowing willows. How beautiful! And they let the train run so fast lying down, it's even worse to stand up! All this is what I envy. When I sharpened my head and squeezed into this city, I realized that I was born in New China and grew up under the red flag. I have nothing to do with my life in this life. I have to put the word "empress's life" into the underworld and return it to those who have been empress.

For a long time, my family and I stopped mentioning the word "the life of the empress". Later, I was rummaged through everything and found that I married a husband who looks better than Pan An. I am worried that he will burn his bag and end up in Northwest Asia, so I often use the word "empress's life" to suppress him. These three words and my husband are like Leifeng Tower and White Snake. As long as there are good things in our family, I will definitely put the word "empress's life" on it. The implication is that everything is because I am the life of the empress, a blessed person and a light with me. My husband often makes fun of his collapse, down-to-earth, insincere, and the combination of yin and yang: "Yes! I grow old with you! This is the evil old society, and I won't be the son of heaven with you. What a pity! Sorry, sorry! "

No matter what language my husband spits, I am definitely a blessed person in the eyes of others: I am satisfied with a husband who loves me deeply, a smart and lovely son, a leisurely and comfortable job and an indifferent and quiet heart. I remember once, several close friends were chatting together, and everyone pointed the finger at me and said I was the luckiest. I was so happy to hear that, and then my mouth slipped: "Of course, am I the queen?" As soon as the voice fell, everyone said in unison, "What is the life of this empress?" I know that the dregs in my mouth are very proud, so I quickly remedy it: "The life of the empress is the life of the old lady. Didn't you hear my husband say that I am like an egg seller today and a miner tomorrow? " Everyone burst into laughter.

There is more to laugh at. One day, I accidentally saw a woman counting her life with her birthday. I was curious for a moment, and immediately calculated it myself. The result of calculation makes my mouth like a pomegranate cracked with laughter. I was a royal aristocrat in my last life and a queen in this life. Do you think I can be unhappy? I dare not neglect, and I quickly calculated it for my husband without stopping. When I finished, my expression was so funny that I couldn't describe my wry smile. He, he, he ... actually, he didn't belong to human beings in his last life. It's a world-class joke for a noble lady like me to live with a non-human person in her last life. Yue Lao must have pulled me wrong when dating her husband. In the days to come, I used this fortune-telling result to tease my husband from time to time. My husband is as angry as a toad. I often think that my husband may have been a toad in his last life and only ate my swan meat in this life.

The word "the life of an empress" frequently appears between my husband and me and causes a sensation. But in my home, it has already disappeared without a trace. Whenever my family or villagers talk about my good fortune, my parents always say that it is the result of my kind heart and always doing good deeds.