The fortune teller said I could live to be 83 years old _ It's true that the fortune teller said I could live to be 83 years old.

Beautiful love, say 202 1. I was drunk, too.

1. This so-called love is a disease you have. You are well, so don't complain about its shortcomings. When you look at your face in the mirror, it's still that face. Time has made you wrinkle and mature, and let you know the true love.

2. The souvenir of love is never the watch and necklace you gave me, or even the sweet messages and photos. The most precious souvenir of love is the change you left me, just like the river left on the terrain.

If I don't love you, I won't miss you, I won't be jealous of the opposite sex around you, I won't lose confidence and fighting spirit, and I won't suffer. If only I couldn't love you.

4. In love, is it really broad to take a step back? In fact, it will also be an abyss. Sometimes you think you are the heroine, but in fact you are just a spare tire. Sometimes you think you are a spare tire, but you are not even a spare tire. Don't compromise, love others, love yourself first.

The best thing two people can do together is companionship. I do my job and you do yours. There are two or three hours of prime time in the evening, and they are all exclusive. But you know that there is another person sitting there in a space, and you feel very practical. Don't be confused, don't fall in love. Not afraid of the future, not thinking about the past. Love is not a vigorous oath, but a dull companionship. The more ordinary the company, the longer it takes.

6. It is painful to love someone. I love him in my life and hope to love him again in my next life. I can't part with it, and I can't have it. Why? I just want to see my wish for my lover, that is, I want to live again and love again. When I see you again in this life, how many people can still remember my past life.

7. Some things, knowing that they are wrong, must be adhered to because they are unwilling; Some people, knowing their love, have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, knowing that there is no road, we are still moving forward because we are used to it.

8. No one and no one are made for each other. Life is not long. How lucky you are to meet someone you love. Why not hold TA's hand tightly? There is nothing shameful about loving only one person in your life. I know in my heart that there will be better people besides TA, but one can't be so greedy. One heart needs another to be honest with each other, so that we can be happy.

9. When we fall in love with someone, we can't help but please him, exchange our pain for even a moment's smile, and be willing to be humble in front of someone. However, if you have been selfless, the other party has always accepted it; You have always wronged yourself, and the other party has always ignored your dignity. Can such love be regarded as love? If love hurts people, it is not called love; If love is humble, it is no longer love.

10. If you don't love someone, please let go and let others have a chance to love her. If the person you love gives up on you, please let go of yourself so that you can have a chance to love others. Fate is everywhere in life, and it seems to be a matter of destiny. Some predestinations are doomed to be lost from the beginning, and some predestinations will never have a good result.

Funny is more drunk than wonderful.

Guide: My surname is Huang, Huang at the traffic lights. My last name is Qian, RMB money. My last name is Wang, King Tiger. My surname is Niu, grandma Liu, that Liu. My last name is Zhou Zhou. My surname is white, red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. My name is Lin, and I have all kinds of birds. My last name is Lan, and I have strong excavator skills. This crazy world ...

1, asked my buddy how to improve the success rate, and he said, "Just push him down! It will succeed. " After the blind date, my sister and I pushed her down when we went out, and my sister ran away swearing because I didn't pay attention to the puddle on the side of the road.

2. During the Eleventh Period, I took a soft berth to travel, and there was a beautiful girl opposite. That little face is so delicate that I really want to talk to her, but I'm embarrassed. I can see that, too. She wants to talk to me! I got up the courage to ask her: where are you going? She said she was traveling in Guangdong, but I said it was a coincidence. Me too. Then she said, I'm afraid to sleep alone at night ... I'm very excited. Please let me know if you need any help! She said, then can you change seats with my husband? He is in the next carriage. ...

3. "son, tell mom and dad, do you love us?" "Don't say it." "Why?" "Because once you say love, even friends don't matter."

My girlfriend bought me a baked sweet potato in the street. I asked her, "If I am as worthless as the sweet potato seller in the future, will you still stay with me?" She replied faintly: "It is my ex-boyfriend who sells sweet potatoes."

5. It is said that the farther a girl holds chopsticks, the farther she marries. The female man has dreamed of marrying abroad since he was a child, so he has been eating with two pairs of chopsticks. Finally, she married the fried dough sticks seller. ...

6. A couple quarreled on the road, and the woman directly used it, pinching and twisting ~ ~ Look at the man's expression. It's uncomfortable ~ I saw that man cut his hand and said angrily, "Wait till I go back to practice my muscles." "What can you do by practicing muscles?" The man replied angrily, "I can't hug you."

7. "Wife, wife, Wang Guoqing next door is divorced!" "No, why?" "National Day is too short!"

8, a buddy asked me to introduce his girlfriend, asking for 160cm or more, cute, not too narrow-minded. There happened to be a qualified girl alone, so I asked. Therefore, girls' requirements are to have a house and a car, a monthly income of more than 10000, a height of more than 175cm, and a good appearance. I'll ask a boy who meets this requirement. His requirements for girls are height 168cm or above, beautiful and sweet, good at housework and earning money. I went to find a girl who meets this requirement. Her request is that the man should have a villa, a Mercedes-Benz and a company, with a height of 180cm or more ... alone!

9. Last night, I had a barbecue at my friend's house. When I opened the beer, a buddy tried to bite with his teeth, but he couldn't bite for a long time. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I said to him, "Here's a wine screwdriver. Are you tired? " Who knows that this product came with a sentence: "If I didn't brush my teeth today and slipped a little, I would have opened the box."

10. Today, when I visited the supermarket, I saw a anthropometer at the entrance of the supermarket, so I threw a dollar and stood up and measured it. Who knows that the machine actually appeared: "This machine only measures people, thank you for your cooperation." Suddenly there was a burst of laughter around, don't stop me, the labor will tear down this rotten goods!

1 1. Remember to pick up a rabbit's ear when you saw it scratching. I asked my mother, "Doesn't the rabbit hurt?" My mother told me, "Rabbit's ears are so long that people can carry them easily." This sentence is deeply imprinted in my inexperienced mind, and I really think that those with long ears are for people to carry. Until one day, I saw a donkey ... forget it, I almost got killed! ! !

12 I am not very busy today. I was called by my buddy to help me write his wedding invitation. After writing for a long time, I felt that I had written wrong, but I didn't see it. I wrote more than 30 copies. What's the matter? At this time, my sister-in-law came over and saw the invitation I had just written. She said, "Let's write your brother's name, we can't ..."

13, you have never been lovelorn once, and you don't even know how cheap you are!

14, what is a playboy? Obviously it is affection and fraternity.

15, the improvement of self-portrait level is forced by the growing weight and boyfriend who can't take pictures.

16, Teacher: If you pursue a girl from China, what will you invite her to eat? Xiao Li: Mala Tang. Teacher: What about Korean girls? Xiao Wang: Pickles. Teacher: What about Japanese girls? Xiaoming: Mosaic. Teacher: Get out!

17, Xiaoming: I like you, teacher. Teacher: I don't like children. Xiaoming: I don't like children either. We cannot have children. Teacher: Get out!

18, English teacher: Students, what do you think is the best English word to remember? Xiaoming: wifi. English teacher: Get out!

19, the classroom is a little hot, and the teacher takes off his coat while giving lectures. Just as the teacher took off halfway, Xiaoming in the back row suddenly shouted "Take off! Grandpa has plenty of money! " The teacher was furious and shouted, get out.

20. I was on a business trip and asked a female colleague to receive the express delivery. When I came back, my female colleague handfuls of TT to my younger brother and said shyly, "Shit, I just wanted to see what kind of umbrella you bought, but I didn't expect …" I took the parcel and looked at it. The package says: sunshade, store sister, you are so talented! ! !

2 1, I went to the market to buy cabbage, and when I got home, I found that the cabbage was rotten, so I went to the boss and said, "Why didn't you tell me when you bought it?" The boss lit a cigarette and said indifferently, "I didn't say anything, which means my heart is rotten."

22. The best self-defense technique for a woman when she meets a pervert at night: "How old is the beauty?" "48" "No, you look like 18." The year of death is 18.

23. The goddess chased by men finally agreed to have dinner together. This is a flower for you! W: What do you mean? Man: It's boring! Woman: It's boring. You gave me chrysanthemums? Man: Is this chrysanthemum? Didn't the boss tell me that this is a sunflower that hasn't grown up yet? How did it become a chrysanthemum? ……

24, female: I want to break up with you! M: Why? Woman: You have no IQ and courage! Man: No, last time we were boating in the park, the boat capsized, but I jumped desperately to save you. W: Then you have no IQ. How can it be? Do you think the boat will turn over by itself?

My husband and I have a very good relationship. Every night when we sleep, he will use his arm as a pillow and hug me tightly to sleep. ...

Later, he got scapulohumeral periarthritis and I got cervical spondylosis. ...

26. I went shopping on National Day and suddenly found my wallet stolen. I can't help but say loudly, "Damn thief, can't we have a holiday on National Day?" A voice came not far away: "overtime."

27. Considering the congestion caused by people's concentrated holiday travel, the expert group began to reflect on whether the current holiday arrangement is really reasonable. At the meeting, a person in charge asked the professor, "Do you think seven days is really good?" The professor paused and replied, "Just seven days. I often go there to sign in. "

28. On the train, I met a young man reading quietly in the corner, so I asked him: Why can I still read quietly in such a noisy carriage? How can you ignore the noise of the world and stick to your heart? I saw that he smiled and replied: Come, little brother, give me your charging treasure, and I will let you stick to your heart.

I bought a toy bomb for my son, but it really exploded. I asked my boss why, and he said it was an explosion.

30. In the coffee shop, a beautiful woman borrowed a lighter from me. After a while, she came over and said, "Why can't this lighter light?" I said, "You women's minds are really hard to guess. How do I know you want a lighter that can ignite? "

3 1, women who are not used to makeup are embarrassed to go out with makeup. It feels like wearing a mask ... Women who are used to makeup are embarrassed to go out without makeup and feel that they have no face. ...

32. A man can answer any request of a woman in just two sentences. "Can you be realistic?" "Can you not be so realistic?"

33. Most of the swearing words released by girls when they are angry are false. But the boys basically believed it, and they were scared! The demands made by girls in coquetry are basically true, and boys basically think it is a joke. This kind of behavior is called finding a smoke!

34. Go for a drive in your Porsche in spring, eat ice cream with diamonds in summer, count as much money as fallen leaves in autumn, and stay warm with you in the fur pile in winter. Want such pure love, without a trace of impurities, simple, only related to money.

35. The "presence" of your girlfriend, the "talk" of your parents and the "talk" of your teacher can remind you of all the bad things you have done in your life.

36. "Quarrel with the girl who has a crush on me. She hasn't talked to me for a long time. " "Then apologize!" "Forget it, it's been ten years."

I remember one year it rained heavily in summer. Eight dollars bought an umbrella, and a beautiful woman in the class volunteered: I share an umbrella with you. I promised, because of the heavy rain, the beautiful woman always squeezed into my arms, and I squeezed on her. Then she squeezed into my arms harder, and I squeezed her harder, and then I got angry: Lao Tzu's umbrella, why are you squeezing?

38. For those who invented sanitary napkins into small cartons, I just want to say: your sister! Workers went to the supermarket and thought it was a paper towel, so they bought it home ... Do you know how harsh the laughter around you was when you went out and took it on the bus to wipe your nose?

39. I accidentally found that my colleague and sister deleted the file like this: 1, right-click the file 2, cut it 3, open the recycle bin 4, and paste it.

40. A girl called me and said she was pregnant with my child and asked me to pay for it. I hung up the phone quietly and never spoke to her again. After all, fatherly love is silent.

Editor's note: the company organizes overseas travel, and the administrative sister collects employee ID card information. She saw mine and asked me with a smile, "Are you a mouse?" In order to maintain this zodiac, I replied, "Yes, but please remove the word' old'." She paused, said yes doubtfully, and then left. As a result, the whole company went out to play, which really dropped Lao Zi from the list. ...

Girls' love, aesthetic personality, talking about beauty and drunkenness

1, beautiful love is the story behind the vicissitudes of life.

Your smile is so clear that you can see the back of the world.

3. True love should go beyond the length of life, the width of soul and the depth of soul.

I like the faint sunshine and fresh air. The fullness of steamed bread and milk in the morning is all my sunshine.

I hope there will be a big tree in the future to support a green ocean for me.

6. I fell from the clouds but saw the whole sky.

Absolute eyes, smile in clear reflection. Deep eyes, the reflection reflects a clear smile.

8. The warmth of the left atrium is the most dazzling light.

9, dazzling rainbow, always after the rain has cleared.

10, the wind blows like flowers, and your smile is shaking, which has become the most beautiful ornament in my life, looking at the sky, the snow and the deep shadow of the season.

1 1, O о hand in hand, walked into the wedding hall together, and let God witness our love.

12, our love does not seek eternal life, but this life.

13, the sunset filled the whole sea with a touch of gold. At this moment, heaven and earth are no longer two individuals.

╘ > He loves her. It is beautiful and romantic, just like a rose.

15, abandon watermelon in summer and fall in love with air conditioning.

16, I give you a tear, do you see all the oceans in my heart?

17. Interpret the happiness of meteors and record the rainy season that you and I are chasing ~ ~

18, hey, it's a drop of amber, but it's cold. After thousands of times, love grows old.

19, happiness on the top of the ferris wheel ....

20. The afternoon twilight is projected on the yellowed writing paper through the gap of the curtain, like an orange amber.

2 1, the heart moves with you, and time stands still because of you.

22. I like a song because I like the lyrics in it.

23. There are stories about you and me in fairy tales *

24. The fragrance of trees is flourishing in summer. White sheets in the sun, warm fragrance.

25. Look at the paper plane in your hand and fly to the summer that is blown away by the wind.

26. Tell me about my thoughts about you with a blooming time.

27. How do you remember me? With a smile or silence.

28. I hope that all burdens will become gifts, and suffering will illuminate the road of confusion in the future.

29, 〆, doughnuts, strung in the blue sky, spell a smile.

I met you in the spring of my life.

3 1, where lavender is in full bloom, there will be a romantic story waiting for you ...

Summer is coming, let watermelon accompany you for me.

I leave a place in my heart, waiting for your arrival.

34. Let go of the kite string and harvest the whole blue sky.

35, a person has a cup of tea and a book in the afternoon,

You are in a sea of people, and I don't know where you are.

37. The most beautiful thing is not the sunset, but the time I spent with you in the sunset.

38. Read quietly with a quiet smile on your lips.

39. Flowers are floating in Tokyo all day, just for you.

40. The sky that belongs to us is always beautiful.

4 1, smiling, replaced the boy.

We are like the most beautiful songs.

43, a love story continues to write rainy years.

44. At the end of this summer, we used the most authentic words and confessions.

45. The so-called forever only represents yesterday. The so-called love only represents time.

46. If I meet you again in this life, even if it is lost forever, for thousands of years, I am willing.

47. I just want to spend my life with you, watching the starry sky and running water at night.

48. The floating lights melted the tears frozen thousands of years ago.

49. Stand on tiptoe and enjoy being closer to the sun.

50, nowhere to put our distant youth.

I was drunk, too! Happiness is HD without code, with Chinese subtitles.

Lead: My ex got married and sent me an invitation. I hesitated, but I went anyway. I met a handsome guy at the wedding and stayed with me from beginning to end. Finally, I asked him shyly, "Do you like me?" He smiled shyly: "I'm the wedding security guard, and the groom told me to keep an eye on you for fear that you might make trouble!" " "

1, I came home from work and found that the elevator was broken, so I had to climb the stairs, but I live on 18 floor! Climbing to 15 floor has exhausted me for half my life. Suddenly I saw the elevator open again. Although there are still three floors, I decided to take the elevator. When I went in, I found that I was going down to the first floor. At this time, an elevator worker stood at the door and said that the elevator was broken and needed to be repaired. Now it's out of service …

2. Today, I asked a stupid female friend, what are her breasts? Guess what he said? He gave me a set! 1. The pride of women 2. Men's hobbies 3. Children's drinks The trap of love! I am very dirty.

3. The man has a thorny rose in his hand, his hand is bleeding, and his tears can't stop flowing. Woman: "Doesn't it hurt?" Man: "It hurts!" Woman: "Why don't you let go of the pain?" Man: "Let me steal for nothing?"

The doctor just gave a student a finger to check his blood. When the needle is pricked, the pupils fart loudly! His burly mother said, ah, did I pee on you?

5. Going to my girlfriend's house for the first time. There is still some wine left after dinner, so I continue to drink with my father-in-law. At the climax, my father-in-law took my hand and bit my brother. When my girlfriend saw her mother-in-law, she took her mother-in-law's arm and said, "This is your sister-in-law. My lovely daughter's name is uncle ... I'm so drunk. I said, "If I had known it was my eldest brother and my daughter, I wouldn't have gone. ...

6. Female patient: Doctor, I miss a steamed bread every meal. Why can't I lose weight? Doctor: Why don't you try one steamed bun instead of five?

7. Who do you hate most? A man named Ma! A: Who's the horse? B: Mosaic.

8. I asked my roommate how to describe happiness in eight words. These idiots say: HD without code, Chinese subtitles ...

9. When I was in college, I always had a dream, that is, I could marry a rich girl after work, then live in a foreign house and drive a luxury car. I have been working for five years now, living in a foreign house and a luxury car in the yard. I was lying on the lawn of a villa in a rich area. How long will the days of male nannies last?

10, recently pulled into a junior high school classmate group. I really can't do anything about what everyone is talking about, but it's not too embarrassing to quit the group. I had a flash of light and thought of a practical little step I saw before, and shared it with you: before quitting the group, I changed the nickname of the group to "someone", and what others saw was "someone quitting the group to chat". Very low-key, humble and friendly, not disturbing others.

165438+

12. Today, I went to the supermarket with my wife and saw that the steel ball for washing dishes was on sale. I want to buy some. My wife insisted on buying a sponge, and we couldn't argue. I lost my temper and went to the supermarket. Do you want to wash the dishes or shall I?

13, I went to tell my fortune yesterday, and the master said I could live for 83 years or even longer. After all, I ride a battery car home, which is called a cheerful ride, regardless of the traffic lights, long life, is so capricious.

14, I was forced to work. On the way to the bus in the morning, I saw a young man riding an electric car in the cold wind. At this time, the phone should ring. Just when I wondered how this guy scraped the screen with gloves, I was shocked. Can you imagine him taking out his cell phone and sticking out his tongue at the screen?

15. I was called to the conference room by the manager today, and he almost fired me. He said, "Why are you so careless about your work?" I argued, "No, I even dreamed that I was getting a haircut." When he heard this, he flew into a rage: "Why did you fall asleep during the fucking haircut?"

16, my colleague has a 5-year-old Lori. One day, she came to my office to chat and asked me, "Uncle, is your girlfriend at your house?" I replied, "Yes, what's the swelling?" The goods suddenly asked, "Will she sleep with you at night?" Moral integrity instantly fell to the ground. ...

17, Xiao Ming: Teacher, I want to ask you a question. Teacher: Gun, come out! Xiaoming: Teacher, I really want to ask a math question this time! Teacher: Come on, gun, come out! Xiao Ming: What qualities are teachers now? They have no education at all ... Xiaoming cursed and walked out of the ladies' room.

18, three girls are bored. A: "I heard that men's balls are usually cold. It was really cold when I touched my husband last night." The next day, B: "I touched it too. It is very cold. " . On the third day, I saw C's nose was black and blue. "What's the matter?" C: "I touched it, too, but my husband's balls were hot. Then ... I said, "why are you hot when everyone else's is cold?" " ……

19. Today, the dormitory is discussing what kind of girlfriend we want. Boss: In today's society, the requirements should not be too high. One obedient and clean one is enough. Me. : This requirement is not high. I can find a clean one. Second child: such an outrageous request is also said. I just want a woman. Live. Old four: female ... boss: shit. You can be any one. You are really a strong man. The dogs in the street are in trouble. Old four: It's too dirty. Not clean. Me: Domestic products are OK. Old four: I am timid and afraid of being caught. Second child: Then you have one. Old four: No money. I can't even afford to support myself. It won't be good to rob food with it then. ...

20. The company hired a Japanese director. As soon as he took office, the director said; "Hello, everyone, I am very good at working overtime. Please be prepared for hardship. " I didn't expect a month later. The Japanese director resigned and returned to China, leaving an intriguing sentence: "It's inhuman for you to work overtime like this."

2 1, I remember peeking at that girl's diary in front of me in high school, and it was all about a male classmate in my class, so I tried my best to fix them up, and as a result, they were together, and I was very happy. Many years later, she told me that the diary was not hers, but the girl at her desk. She liked me. Tears streamed down her face.

22. A friend asked me what special products I should bring abroad. I asked my mother inexplicably, and the result was ... "Mom, my friend wants to bring me special products. What do you think of chocolate? " Or perfume? ""You don't have a girlfriend. Why do you need perfume? ""... ok, chocolate then. " "You didn't get any chocolate! ""... can I eat by myself? "

23. My sister is getting married soon, and the man sent a large amount of bride price money. I am very happy with my sister and mother. They count money and have a good time. The younger brother on one side can't stand it. Walk up to my sister and say, "I've never seen you so stupid, being sold, and counting money for others!" "

24. The two-year-old son is very naughty and pesters his mother not to do housework. So I said, "Son, come here. How about Dad telling you the story of the little match girl? " Unexpectedly, my son asked me, "Dad, what are matches?" One sentence really stumped me. There are no matches at home. I really can't explain it to him. I had no choice but to say, "Let your mother tell you" Little Girl Selling Lighters ".

25. The class teacher caught a sleeping classmate in the evening self-study in Class One of Grade Three, but the classmate who was awakened looked unhappy. I argued that I was dreaming and would browse the exact math questions tomorrow. After listening to this, the teacher said quickly, "Why don't you go to the dormitory and sleep under a quilt? Maybe you can dream about the national college entrance examination in June." Everyone has a little light with you. How's it going? "

26. One night, my friends and I were walking along a dark road. Suddenly, some robbers came out with guys and asked us to hand over the money. At this time, we have to pay! ..... After I took out the money, I gave it directly to my friend and told him that this is the hundred I owe you, and I will pay you back now.

27. University reunion, the guide is here; I drank too much, so I went over to the guide and said, "Guide! There's something I haven't told you. I must admit my mistake to you today. Actually, I put TT in your pocket. It was a prank at that time, but I didn't expect it to lead to your divorce ... "The tour guide was also drunk and calmly said to me," I knew this for a long time, and I didn't see your diploma until now? "

28. I am 25 years old and live alone. A little sister came to collect the property management fee today. The first thing she said was, "Where are you?" I made it clear that I wasn't here, and then I left. Do I look like a high school student or a junior high school student?

29. There is a math exam in junior high school. The topic is too difficult for me to work out at all. I accidentally fell asleep while watching it. I was dreaming and the invigilator woke me up. "Wake up, the paper will be handed in in half an hour. You can cool the paper, it's too wet to bind. " I looked down and saw that the paper had been submerged by my mouth.

30. I went to Jeep store yesterday and picked out a down jacket. Little sister: it's beautiful, and it doesn't look fat. The discount is more than 2,400 talents 1600. Black is simple but out of date. Me: I still feel fat and don't want it. Little sister: I can't help it The meat is there. Me: ...

Editor's note: Husband; Have you rested? Wife; Not yet. Husband; How can I hear other voices at home? Wife; Aren't you going on a business trip? I'm scared at home alone. Just ask Xiaoli to accompany me, or I'll let her tell you. Husband; Oh, no, honey, you go to sleep. Husband hung up the phone and looked at Xiaoli lying next to him. She smoked all night. ...