Baba Baba Dong Fangshuo

This is Dong Fangshuo, the birthday girl. She stole three peaches from the Queen Mother and lived to be eighteen thousand years old. This is much more awesome than what you see from the stars. According to this life span, Dong Fangshuo may have seen dinosaurs, or he still lives in seclusion around us. Don't be surprised if someone calls himself Dong Fangshuo that day. After all, people are well equipped.

If, like me, I have watched Master Huang's TV series, then Dong Fangshuo is like this:

An old man with a bull's nose, who knows how to pinch and calculate, has great wisdom, lives in seclusion, and is the person that Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty wants to find.

Then there is the middle school history textbook, which makes people recite 3,000 bamboo slips and write letters to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, showing the image of three months.

Before we start gossiping about Dong Fangshuo, as usual, let's talk about the origin of Dong Fangshuo.

Life in Dong Fangshuo:

Dong Fangshuo, a figure in the period of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, was born and died in an unknown year. People have eaten three peaches. How do ordinary people know their age? In fact, Dong Fangshuo is just a nobody, and historians have not recorded or studied him. ) He is an inferior person, our hometown in Shandong, and he belongs to the plain area of Texas today. The specific address is not clear. Anyway, several counties in Texas say that he is Dong Fangshuo's hometown, but no one seems to think so in Plain County of Texas. Ancestors should have no status, otherwise, according to the custom of China people, if ancestors are dignitaries, it must be a big book. There is no record of his ancestors in the history books, which shows that their status is not high, but their family should be very rich, otherwise Dong Fangshuo could not have read so many books. Parents died young and brothers and sisters raised them. Successive assistant ministers, doctors in Taizhong, and corps commanders are all idle posts. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty is a famous poet, as well as Gao Mei. Although he is smarter than Sima Xiangru, his artistic achievement is not as high as that of Sima Xiangru. Even many people don't know that he is good at words. I have spent my whole life in self-awareness and obscurity. Dong Fangshuo's profile here, the following began to gossip seriously.

I think I am very good, an all-rounder and not modest.

Dong Fangshuo wrote on his resume to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty:

I started reading and writing at the age of thirteen in Dong Fangshuo (according to the current compulsory education, this is really not worth showing off. 65-year-old, 438+03, in junior high school, all the awesome ones go to high school, and all the awesome ones go to college, which can be counted as calculus). I learned to write various fonts in three years (the starting point is relatively low, but the speed is quite fast), and I began to learn fencing at the age of 65,438+05,65,438. It is estimated that many people have only heard these two names at this age, and they can show off everywhere in Hezhou in a few words. As for what Shangshu is, I probably don't know. ) They memorized 220,000 words. /kloc-at the age of 0/9, he began to learn the Art of War Wuqi, and he also recited 220,000 words of knowledge about marching and fighting. A total of 440,000 words of books were memorized. I don't know if it's really recited. Even if I don't recite it, it is not easy to have the opportunity to read so many books in the era before the invention of printing. In addition, I also specifically stated that I remembered many famous sayings of Lutz, kidnapped Confucius' disciples to myself, and convinced Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, who admired Confucianism, of his own character. This is a good move. In addition, I, Dong Fangshuo, am still a handsome boy, 9 feet 3 inches tall, which is about 180- 190. My eyes are like pearls and my teeth are as white as shells. I, Dong Fangshuo, am 22 years old. I am as brave as Meng Ben (a warrior in the Spring and Autumn Period, who is said to be able to pluck horns alive), as agile as (the son of the king of Wu in the Spring and Autumn Period, the horse failed to catch up and the arrow missed), as honest as a bag, as trustworthy as (I dated a woman under the bridge, and the woman stood me up, so the child kept holding the bridge post under the bridge. Dong Fangshuo is really not modest. Doesn't he remember many famous sayings of Luz? There is no such thing as Confucianism, and it has abruptly turned itself into a perfect person. No one can believe what is written on the resume. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty certainly didn't believe such a person who didn't know how to be modest. After the resume was posted, Emperor Wu ignored him and just asked him to wait at the bus station and give him some living expenses. Did not enter the interview.

Be smart for the first time

Dong Fangshuo, who was full of joy and thought he was excellent, was rejected. It's really unbearable. I'm embarrassed to pull my face down and look for relationships everywhere, but Dong Fangshuo is smart. Let an unknown little person recommend himself. Dong Fangshuo found slaves driving for government agencies (China people write that they are dwarfs, which I don't quite understand. Are drivers all dwarfs? It may just be a derogatory remark about these slaves, but it is not necessarily short), and threatened them: the emperor said that you people are useless, can't plow the fields, can't fight, and hung up an official name and ate a salary, which is really useless to the country. The emperor will kill you all. The slave driver was afraid, so he went to the Emperor Wu for mercy and begged the Emperor not to kill them. Emperor Wu was puzzled. When will he kill you? Who told you what? The coachman is back: Dong Fangshuo. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty was interested now and immediately summoned him to Kinmen. He has a glib tongue and makes the emperor like him.

Guessing expert

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty played an iterative game (where Li Shangyin is, a group of people, we roll the dice under the crimson lamp just like this, that is, we cover things up for others to guess). Once, Emperor Wu got a gecko, and three experts made various calculations. None of them can guess, and I don't know what magic Dong Fangshuo has possessed, but they escaped with the eunuchs and guessed right at once. Emperor Wu tried several times again, and he was sure of every guess. Perhaps it is precisely because of Dong Fangshuo's special function of guessing riddles that others spread it more and more exaggeratedly, and he gradually became a man of god, which was respected by later Taoists.

Lascivious but loving his wife (lascivious is recorded in Historical Records and loving his wife is recorded in Hanshu)

Marry a daughter-in-law a year

When Dong Fangshuo was a Langguan, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty often gave him food. Every time Dong Fangshuo finished eating, he put the rest of the meat in his arms and took it away. After the clothes were dirty, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty gave him silk. Dong Fangshuo married a beautiful young woman in Chang 'an with all the money given by Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty. However, every woman is abandoned after a year of marriage and then remarried.

I miss my wife. His wife's name is Xijun. I forgot the name of Huang Xiaoming's version of Han Tianzi.

When Dong Fangshuo was a normal assistant minister, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty once gave his attendants meat in dog days. However, Tai Guancheng, who is in charge of meat distribution, has delayed his future. Dong Fangshuo drew his sword, cut the meat by himself, and said to his colleagues, "In dog days, I should go home early. Please allow me to accept the reward of the son of heaven. " Then wrap the meat, hug him and leave. Later, TaiGuanCheng broadcast the story of Emperor Wu of Han Dynasty. Emperor Wu asked, "Yesterday you gave meat, and you left with a sword before the imperial edict was issued. Why? " So Dong Fangshuo took off his hat and knelt down to thank him for his confession. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty said, "Sir, stand up and blame yourself!" Dong Fangshuo bowed again and said, "Dong Fangshuo! Dong Fangshuo! How rude it is to accept a reward without waiting for the imperial edict! How heroic it is to draw the sword and cut the meat! How clean it is to cut small meat! How nice it is to go home and send meat to my wife! " Hearing this, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty smiled and said, "Let your husband blame himself. I didn't expect you to praise yourself in turn! " So he gave him a stone of wine and a hundred Jin of meat and told him to go home and give it to his wife.

Be good at flattery

Because of Dong Fangshuo's banter and quick words, the emperor likes to ask Dong Fangshuo some questions on purpose. Emperor Wu once asked Dong Fangshuo, "What kind of monarch do you think I am?" Dong Fangshuo replied: "The era from the Tang Dynasty and Yu to He is enough to compare contemporary times. I think your majesty's achievements can not only rank above the five emperors and three kings, but also really get qualified candidates from all the wise men, officials and serving officials in the world. For example, Shao (Shi) is the prime minister, Kong is an ancient scholar, a general, Bi is the surname, Dali is the prime minister, Hou Ji is the prime minister, Yi Yin is the shaofu, Zigong is outside, Yan Hui and Minziqian are the doctors, Xia Taigong is beneficial to the right, and the deed is the deluge. Yanling Ji Zi is a captain of water balance, Bailixi is a code country, a big autumn, a prime minister, a secretary, an Zhan's family, Sun Shuai is a vassal, his son is a county magistrate, Wang Qingji is a door lang, and he is a Luo Toulang and a Taoist. " Emperor Wu laughed at this. Can Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty be unhappy? Ministers appointed by themselves can be compared with ancient sages. The whole golden combination, the dream team. I, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, really became a saint in the world through the Internet. It's worse than the bird-raw fish soup in Wei Xiaobao.

Achievements in political career

There is nothing to say about grades. Only admonish Liang Wudi to abstain from extravagance and love the people; in the case of Zhao Pingjun's murder, admonish Liang Wudi to enforce the law impartially; in the case of Princess Guantao (the aunt of Emperor Wu of Han Dynasty), admonish Liang Wudi to overcompensate with the leader Dong, the "master" Lang.

However, in the Biography of Dong Fangshuo, Ban Gu did give an evaluation in one sentence: Although Dong Fangshuo was witty and funny, he always observed the emperor's face, spoke in time, and Emperor Wu often adopted his advice. From officials to incumbent ministers, Dong Fangshuo dares to despise ridicule, and no one is willing to give in.

Having said that, I think Dong Fangshuo is completely alive: Ji Xiaolan with iron teeth and copper teeth.

Fu writer

Dong Fangshuo is good at writing Ci Fu, while Dong Fangshuo's essays are good at Answering the Guest and On Mr. You Fei. The rest are Fengtai Mountain, Caihe Shibi, Crown Prince (Mei) (that is, the 29-year-old prince of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, who wrote the flattering article Mei: the God of Searching for Children), Ping, worshipping pearls, enjoying music and hunting.

Dong Fangshuo's theory of "a gentleman does not exist" assumes that a gentleman does not exist a dialogue with two people to illustrate his political views, which is similar to Sima Xiangru's Zi Xufu, assuming nothing, nothing and nothing.

I think Dong Fangshuo wrote these articles only because Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty liked Ci Fu, which was used to flatter him or as a means of promotion. Similarly, Emperor Jiajing of the Ming Dynasty, who liked Taoism, also asked ministers to write clear words. Yan Song, Xu Jie and Zhang are all masters of Ci-poetry, and they also gained the appreciation of the emperor through this.

Gao Mei, Dong Fangshuo's good friend and contemporary master of Ci and Fu, explained the status of Ci and Fu writers at that time. Ci and Fu writers were similar to advocating Excellence and had a low status, and regretted entering this field. In addition, Gao Mei also said that he and Dong Fangshuo are both very clever, writing more words than Sima Xiangru and faster than Sima Xiangru, but they are not as profound as Sima Xiangru and as tall as Sima Xiangru. Otherwise, Zi Xu's Fu is widely known, but the theory that the same subject is not a gentleman is rarely known.

Korean evaluation:

On this point, Ban Gu made a detailed summary at the end of Biography of Dong Fangshuo. The original translation is as follows:

Liu Xiang (the author of the Warring States Policy) said that when he was young, he visited many wise old people, who were familiar with stories and also visited Dong Fangshuo's contemporaries. It is said that Dong Fangshuo is witty and eloquent, unable to stick to his own opinions and likes to chat with ordinary people, so many people in later generations have heard of him. However, Yang Xiong thinks that Dong Fangshuo's words are not pure teachers, his actions are not pure virtues, and his words are superficial, so there is nothing to praise. Dong Fangshuo's reputation has been exaggerated, because he is witty and resourceful, and he has no famous behavior. He should advocate Excellence in a humorous way, not be poor for wisdom, be straight for exhortation and be hidden for immorality. He criticized Boyi and Shu Qi, affirmed Liu Xiahui, and warned his son to avoid harm: "Boyi and Shu Qi are stupid to starve shouyangshan without eating Zhou Su; Laozi was appointed as the next history of Zhou, and he was spared suffering all his life. This is a highly skilled work. Take a walk after a full meal and exchange an official's salary for farmers' western production; Yi Yin played in the imperial court all his life, which was against the times and not against the disaster. "Dong Fangshuo is an interesting hero! Dong Fangshuo's humor is manifested in contempt, ridicule and repetition. These things are superficial, spread among the people, and children and shepherds are showing off. However, the nosy descendants attached some strange words to the shaping of the color left, so they collected Dong Fangshuo's words in detail.

The position of a lyricist is very embarrassing. Although it can prosper quickly, once it is determined, it will be difficult to turn over. Dong Fangshuo may be well aware of this and understand his own situation. He has been serving Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty with the mentality of "hiding from the DPRK" and a state of self-banter, and let his son be an official with this mentality in order to protect himself. Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty always regarded harmony as a "faction". You are similar to what you call an actor now, and you are at best an artist among actors. Many times, Dong Fangshuo is regarded as a tool to relieve boredom and a funny clown.

Although Dong Fangshuo has been known as a "wise saint" for thousands of years, and he also has spells, I don't think these are what Dong Fangshuo really wants. He still wants to do something, otherwise he won't recite Sun Tzu's Art of War. But with an emperor like Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, Dong Fangshuo himself would be at a loss in the fierce struggle between Taoism and Confucianism. I always feel that Dong Fangshuo is not understood by that era, and my heart is blocked.