Read chapter 14 of 2021-12-19 when Mr. Toad visited psychologists.

Today, Mr. preserved egg is criticizing others again, talking about the power of the staff of the cooperative bank. Because the bank staff thought he was rich, they befriended him. I was a little excited at that time, and suddenly I told him loudly the life coordinates mentioned in Mr. Toad's Visit to a Psychologist. I mean, he is in the life coordinate of "I am good, you are not good" and often criticizes people around him. For example, he criticized his wife, colleagues, bosses, customers and bank partners for being bad, and even his three-year-old son felt sorry for the customers with over 10 million securities accounts he just met yesterday. Mr. preserved egg said, "I didn't seem to be like this before." I was quite surprised by Mr. preserved egg's reply. I thought he would deny everything I said again.

First, there are four life states in life coordinates.

1, I am good, you are not good;

People who live on this coordinate usually stand on the commanding heights of morality, at least it is easy to judge others. His most extreme behavior is to murder others. People who play games on this coordinate are in the "parental self-state" and will always be picky parents. It is easy to get angry, and because it is easy to get angry, it is not easy to get depressed, because anger can effectively resist depression. They always blame others and project their inner fears on others through anger.

My idea: I think Mr. preserved egg is in this state, and he likes to comment on people and things around him, no matter whether he really knows this person or not, and almost all of them are negative comments. In intimate relationships, ideas and statements that are different from his will are considered to be "carried with him." Ten years together, there has always been an invisible bomb in my heart, that is, I am worried about being killed. Two or three times, he said, "I wish that knife could kill you." Once or twice, I made a joke about killing people with a knife, once for me and once for my son. Another time, I pinched my son's neck like a game. It may be a joke, but it's not funny. There is a great sense of insecurity hidden from me. I feel scared when I think about it.

2, I am not good, hello.

People in this state are self-abased, feel that they are bad, others are good, and feel that they have not been treated well by life. In the victim mode, the most extreme behavior is suicide. They are prone to depression, hope to be loved by others, and are in a sad state of children's self.

My idea: I was in this state for the first two years as a stay-at-home mother, especially when I got along with Mr. Preserved Egg from the end of 2020 to April 8, 20265438+0. I always feel that I am in a particularly bad state. I have no job, no income and no ego. At that time, what I wanted to do was either impossible or impossible. It seems that all beautiful things don't belong to me. Coupled with all kinds of violent attacks on me by preserved eggs, I feel that I have no dignity of life.

Now I am very grateful to that era, existence is reasonable, that era inspired me to transform myself, let me cure myself through reading, and find what I pursue in life. At the same time, it also makes me know more about Mr. Preserved Egg and treat Mr. Preserved Egg's attack on me more objectively. After all, I can choose whether to take Mr. Preserved Egg's criticism and preaching as an attack, or whether to be hurt by Mr. Preserved Egg's attack. I can't change Mr. Preserved Egg, but I can change myself.

Now, in the face of Mr. preserved egg's language violence, although I will still be unhappy, I will understand my feelings and needs better. Now, I don't expect Mr. Preserved Egg to have too much care and help. If he cares about me and helps me, I will be very grateful. No matter how our relationship is in the future, I hope he is good.

I'm fine, and so are you.

The goodness in this state is dynamic, a state of thought and action, and an act of heartfelt belief.

Mr. Toad told the heron in the ninth psychological consultation that he felt that he was in a state of "I am good for you or not". I want to say that I feel that I am in this state now. I am fine, because I am reinventing myself and doing the right thing, and I will be better in the future. Hello, I hope you are all right. If necessary, I will try my best to help you.

4. I am not good, and neither are you (the following interpretation comes from Zhihu).

Such people not only feel inferior, but also deny others. I often feel that I can't be happy and no one really loves me. It seems to be denying yourself, but the subtext is: "It's all you who are not good to me."

Such people don't believe in themselves, worship others, love others and accept their love. A big reason for isolating yourself is that you didn't get enough care in your childhood and were often ignored.