A joke that makes people twitch with laughter.

A joke that makes people twitch with laughter.

Laughing jokes, we need some funny jokes in daily life, which can relieve the pressure in life in time and make us better. The following are some jokes I have compiled for you that make people laugh and twitch. Let's have a look!

A joke that makes people laugh 1. First, I sprained my ankle climbing the mountain two days ago, and went to work the next day, passing by customers. Then the customer said to my colleague, is your company a welfare enterprise? All disabled people want it!

Second, the second is a gunfight game mercenary. Why do you play this? Because I dare not fight zombies. The device is HTC VIVE, with a helmet and two handles. You can wear this helmet without glasses, but it's a little heavy.

Yesterday, my colleague brought peaches to the office to share with me. It was gone when it was given to me, and I didn't eat it myself. I didn't expect to dream that he brought watermelons to cut for everyone at night, but he refused to give them to me. I cried and had a fight with him in my dream!

In a fashion shop, an impatient young man said to a beautiful girl, "Do you mind talking to me?" The girl asked curiously, "Why?" "My wife has been in this shop for more than an hour, but if she sees me talking to you, she will come out at once." Before he finished, his wife quickly walked out of the fashion shop and carried him away.

Five, the two sons don't eat well, grandma teaches: if you don't eat well, you won't be as tall as your father! I can't find a wife when I grow up! Then the younger son suddenly shouted, I can grow as tall as my mother and find a husband!

Sixth, stay at school on the third day. Go home to get money every Saturday. I once went out to play games on Tuesday, spent all my money, borrowed four dollars to buy twenty steamed buns, and made an ambitious plan to eat five a day on Saturday afternoon. As a result, with everyone's help, the third class was finished in the morning.

Seven, a college student went to see a doctor. The doctor checked and said, "It doesn't matter, just an injection." The doctor wiped the students' arms with cotton wool three or four times. Thinking that he was seriously ill, the student asked anxiously, "Doctor, is the problem serious?" The doctor said seriously, "classmate, it's time for you to take a bath."

Eight, a buddy doesn't have a girlfriend yet. We asked him what he wanted. The buddy said, "This girl has to be a pig." I asked him why, and my buddy said, "I'm a monkey. If I find a girl who is a pig like Pig Bajie and the Monkey King, she will be afraid of me. "

Before the Qing Dynasty, a young man went to Beijing to take an exam. When he passed a mountain, he met a fortune teller who read Chinese characters by spelling. The young man wrote a string test on a piece of paper. The old man looked at the young man and said that he would definitely get double yuan in the exam. A buddy on the side saw it and didn't agree. He said he would tell fortune and asked him how lucky he was in Beijing. He also wrote the same word "string". The old man looked at the words, then at the man and said to him, "Young man! Not only will you fail the exam, but you will also be in trouble. "

10. A businessman has a cat. Cats are bored with food and drink all day. When I was free, I began to chat with a mouse living in my own jurisdiction to relieve boredom, and the gangsters were flustered. After a long time, at night, the cat held the mouse, looked at the starry sky under the wall and told the story of our common people. One day, when the master came home, he saw the cat running around the house, with a noisy look and a smell of alcohol in his mouth. It muttered: impossible, this is absolutely impossible! What's the matter with you? The master asked it with concern. The mouse said it did, and it was mine! Do you think it's possible?

Don't always brag about how highly educated and talented you are. If you don't accept it, try to read the following words aloud: eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. Stunned, stunned! Reposition yourself: Look at you and find that you can't eat anything!

Twelve, C Jun and his friends walked into the international shopping department store. Suddenly, my friend looked at Mr. C who was skating strangely, and unknown so asked what you were doing: Mr. C pointed to a warning sign behind the door and solemnly said: Since we are here, we must abide by other people's rules. The information on that card is very easy to understand.

1. The girl who loves to laugh said that she is not only a senior "aunt" who has been called for many years, but also called "surname+elder sister" by some people, such as Sister Huang and Sister Zhang. Her age will suddenly rise to a higher level, which is a suffocating operation. What's more, this title has existed for two years.

Second, when we were young, we were poor. My father went to the county on business. He was thirsty and bought a bottle of mineral water. He brought back the remaining half bottle. I still remember that it was Robust's, and the green bottle sold for two yuan. I pretended to take it to school. Our math teacher, an old man, thinks it is very fresh and must try it. After drinking, he gave me a brain tonic: Why did the child lie? It's tasteless. It must have poured out of the well. A dozen students in the class took a sip and called me a liar. That year, I experienced the pain of holding the truth against the world alone …

Third, female colleagues are not doing their jobs, and a few people lock the door and play poker before work. Later, someone knocked at the door instead of opening it. They quickly put away the poker and opened the door. The leader came in from outside and asked, why did you lock the door? The sister who opened the door said tactfully, Oh, I changed my clothes! The leader gave me a suspicious look and left.

Four, high school and the team's brothers often go to a restaurant at the school gate for dinner after playing ball. The restaurant adds rice for free, and you can also add gravy to the rice for free. At that time, a group of us always ordered a stir-fried dish, and then ate rice and gravy. At that time, everyone was hungry, and the restaurant cooked a pot of rice and was eliminated by us in an instant! ! The boss is an honest uncle. Look, we are all young and strong, and we have been afraid to say anything. Then we finally couldn't help calling the police. .

Verb (the abbreviation of verb) brings more than 10 mobile phones to help female college students reach the standard. Data: In order to encourage students to exercise, a university in Wuhan requires students to reach the standard every day and take screenshots with running software. A classmate is a good roommate in China who runs with more than 10 mobile phones in order to help his roommate reach the standard!

I want to ask you some questions about the freshmen who just entered the university. 1. What was your sex life when you started school? 2. Which entrance do you usually enter from? 3. How is college life? 4. Is it true that the teacher said that high school is tight and college is loose? 5. How many group activities are there after school starts?

There is a beautiful new colleague in the office. It seems that all male colleagues suddenly start to love cleanliness. They don't wear slippers to work. Their tables were polished, and they talked about the gentleman's humor ... I heard that they had a boyfriend for a few days ... and everyone finally got back on track. . .

8. I went to eat noodles at noon There are many people. I saw a table with only one woman, so I went to sit there. I found that the woman opposite was ok. I looked at it a few times, and I was a little embarrassed when the woman found out. I finished my noodles quickly and was ready to leave. When I left, I saw her look at me a few times, and then pointed a few numbers at me with her mobile phone computer. It says 98362, and I didn't take it seriously.

I remember the first time I went to my girlfriend's house, my father-in-law prepared a case of beer for the future. I think my father-in-law loves to drink, so he must drink with me, not three meals a day, one bottle for each person. I'm not good at drinking, especially in the morning and at noon. On the third day, I begged for mercy and said, uncle, why don't we drink less than two meals? My father-in-law said, well, I feel uncomfortable drinking. I think I can accompany you if you like.

Ten, a hospital intern, just bought some cold medicine and had no money, and planned to borrow 30 yuan from the teaching teacher, so I asked her: Teacher, do you have 30? As a result, she said, "Guess?" Suddenly I was speechless … I saw her shyly say to me, "I'm 38 this year …"

Eleven, it didn't take long for my sister to come home and say that she would come in to work to make money, but I didn't expect to hear from her when she left. She disappeared for eight years, and my parents stopped complaining and only looked forward to her return. If you want a divorce, then leave.

12. The family went to the theatre. They bought tickets upstairs, but the little boy kept looking down on the railing, only to hear a staff member come over and say, "Take care of the child and don't let him fall." Downstairs is the VIP table. If you fall, you have to make up the ticket ... "

Thirteen, someone will ask you later, "Do you want to help you introduce the goal?" You can answer with a polite smile, "No, I already have someone I like. I haven't forgotten him for many years." At this moment, the world is bound to boo and ask you excitedly, "Who? Who? " Then you lowered your eyebrows and thought for a moment and said, "But that person will always be 17 years old." The audience will definitely fall silent, and no one will ask you this embarrassing question again. And no one will know that you are talking about Conan.

Fourteen, this kind of watermelon tastes cool. You don't have to spit watermelon seeds when you eat a spoonful, but this color really feels a bit like the feeling of your elders. This watermelon king is very sweet, and everyone knows that the bigger the watermelon, the sweeter it is. Such a big watermelon man can't eat it all by himself! The man only dug four or five spoonfuls and was full. Such a big watermelon, it is estimated that the big stomach king can't finish it. Have you ever seen such a big watermelon?

Grandson will teach grandma to write "I miss you" and "I am sick" over and over again. Grandma is too old to write. Grandson was so worried that he said you couldn't talk and call, so you should write to me. Grandma, if you are ill, send a blank sheet of paper. I know you will come to see you right away.