Are there any jokes about putting your girlfriend to bed?

The joke of putting your girlfriend to sleep is as follows:

1, an illiterate woman, went to see a doctor the next day after her marriage. The doctor asked: Did you eat yesterday? I took eight birth control pills. The doctor asked: Why not take the medicine according to the instructions? Answer: Just take the medicine according to the instructions. It says one tablet at a time! The doctor suddenly fell to the ground.

2. The dean said to a mental patient: This time you saved a man who fell into the water, and your performance was very good. Unfortunately, he hanged himself again. The mental patient proudly said, I hung him to dry.

3. The psychologist asked the patient, "You hear some voices, but you don't know who is talking or where the voices come from?" "yes." "When did this happen?" "When I answered the phone."

4. Dr. Li in obstetrics and gynecology has been practicing medicine for many years, and through hard work, many infertile families have children. Recently, he received a thank-you plaque engraved with four golden characters-out of thin air.

I wonder if you noticed the doctor's handwriting when you happened to be ill and went to the hospital to see a doctor? Generally speaking, it is a dragon and phoenix dance, which makes people confused and confused. So I admire the nurses in internal medicine. They always know what medicine to take. Once, a doctor friend of mine wrote me a letter and invited me to dinner. I can recognize some words in the letter, but I can't recognize the key time and place. I ran to the pharmacy of a nearby hospital and gave the letter to the nurse to help me recognize it. She looked at it carefully for a long time, brought me two bottles of medicine and said, "this, twice a day!" " "

6. One day, an ophthalmologist and a physician quarreled. The ophthalmologist said, "Be careful that I make you as blind as a bat." The doctor said, "I will make you heartless."

7. Someone was bitten by a dog and went to the hospital to take medicine. The doctor is getting ready to leave work: look at the time. Don't you know when you should come to work? The man said: I know, but the dog doesn't understand!

8. In front of the cloth counter, after the clerk patiently tore the cloth into small pieces according to the customer's requirements, the customer asked the clerk to tie these small pieces of cloth into knots. Finally, the clerk couldn't stand it. She said, "Are you mentally ill?" "Yes, I have a hospital certificate."

9. A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Yes, his house and car are gone." "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."

10, in the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

1 1. When I was in middle school, a buddy took me to the bookstore and proudly asked the boss, "Is there Liu Bei?" I was wondering when the boss dug out two yellow books from the corner and handed them over. On the way back, I asked, "Why is Uncle Huang called Liu Bei?" He whispered to me, "Uncle".

12, the students went on a trip and climbed to the top of the mountain. A girl stood on the top of the mountain very excitedly and shouted: motherland, my mother! Then a boy who secretly loves this girl shouted excitedly: motherland, my mother-in-law.

13. I saw a bound crab climb from the freezer of 18.9 yuan to the cabinet of 28.9 yuan in the supermarket. I was in tears. You are so fucking motivated!

14, Confucius, Mozi, Laozi, met the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor is taking a bath with the Empress Dowager. Confucius and Mozi peeped under the window and were discovered by the Jade Emperor. The jade emperor sighed with emotion: "I'd better be an old man, honest man!" " Confucius and Mozi replied, "No, I'm short! He went to move bricks. "

15, Somali pirates: "Three million dollars a price!" China official: "2.5 million! Pirate: Do you think I'm stupid? I know you said 250 is a curse! " China official: "Three million is three million! But the invoice should say seven million! " The pirate's eyes were full of tears and he held up his thumb: "You still insist on robbing money! ! ! "

16, it hasn't rained in a certain place for many years. A farmer went to ask a fortune teller: When will it rain? The fortune teller handed him a folded piece of paper and said, "This is a secret, and it must not be revealed. You can't see it until it rains, otherwise it will thunder. " Three days later, it finally began to rain. The farmer remembered the fortune teller's words and took out a piece of paper, which said, "It's raining today." The farmer was startled and said, "What a man of God!

17, when I was in high school, I envied the university as long as I was admitted. When I was in college, I envied myself for failing high school.

18. After watching the black 100-meter run, an old lady said with tears, she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them!

19, inspector of the Communist Party of China, has relations with state leaders. He went to the west for investigation and visit. He only took three followers, never used a police car to clear the way, never used public funds to eat and drink, and sometimes even went begging ... He traveled to the West for many years and met many foreign heads of state with great achievements. After returning home, he didn't ask for a promotion. He taught and did good deeds all his life and had no property after his death. He is the Tang priest.

20. Why is crossing the bridge rice noodles more expensive than ordinary rice noodles? Because of the bridge toll.

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