Henan dialect joke

It's dark at night in Henan, but outside, there is a twist on the tree, and an effect is called a happy day. From Qingdao, I climbed up the tree to reach it, and the wood stood firmly, and suddenly fell down and knocked on the old cover, which killed me. If it's really that beautiful, Fat Ni 'er will rub the beans for me, and the pain will go away. I think Fat Ni 'er wants to sleep like a congratulations.

Run to her house at dawn to find the goods: Fat Ni 'er! Fat Nell! When she saw me at the door, she blushed and asked, What's the matter with you? I went up and grabbed her chubby hand and said, let's have oil buns at the party. When I arrived at the fried bag stall, I touched the bag with both hands and took an empty shell. I am a fan of his. I scolded in my heart: fire, money on the pillow, I forgot to bring a rabbit grandson. I said: ok! Wood brings money. Fat Ni 'er said: I didn't grow pepper? What a nuisance! I won't talk for a while, alas! Why am I useless? ~~~~~~~~~

Translation:

Last night, there was a cicada in the tree outside, which kept barking all afternoon. The next morning, I climbed the tree to catch it, but I didn't stand firm. I fell down and hurt my knee, which was very painful. I wish (I think) Fat Ni Er were here. If she helped me rub (my knee), it might not hurt too much. I think Fat Ni wants to sleep all night.

At first light, I ran to her yard and shouted, Fat Ni 'er! Fat Nell! When she opened the door and saw me, she blushed and asked, what are you doing? What happened? I stepped forward and took her chubby hand and said, let's go to the street to eat fried dough sticks. When I arrived at the fritters stand, I felt my pockets with my hands. This pocket is empty, and there is nothing in that pocket. I scolded myself: no way, I forgot to bring money under my pillow. I said, forget it! No money. Fat Ni Er said, are you kidding? Toss people! I squatted on the ground and stopped talking, alas! Why am I useless?

& lt Two Butterflies > Henan Dialect Edition

Son of a bitch, you walk slowly

Be careful to move a dog in front of my house.

Son of a bitch, shut up

Be careful, I'll drool.

Son of a bitch, you fly with me

See the Yellow River water through Zhengzhou.

Come and dance, son of a bitch.

Meet the watermelon skin under your feet

The two of us are touching and flying.

Leap over the Yellow River and never blow.

Wedding anniversary

Let's drink a toast.

Why don't you want to go home and sleep at night?

The two of us are touching and flying.

Leap over the Yellow River and never blow.

You won't have a chance until I get drunk.

Life is slowly withering.

Henan people took part in the Water-splashing Festival. Suddenly, Henan people shouted, "Who knows, who knows, who is really fucking cheap." The tour guide quickly said, "It's a blessing to splash all over you." Henan humanity: "No, I can't wait for him. Not all turtles and grandchildren want to boil water. "

Henan dialect:

There are two birds in the tree.

Zhuo bird said to Noah:

"Shut your mouth, I'll drop some."

The bird said to the bird on the table:

"If you spill it, I will hold you back."

Table bird shyly said to Noah:

"turtle grandson."

Mandarin translation:

There are two birds sitting in the tree.

The bird said to the bird:

"You squat to one side,

I'm going to fall. "

The bird said to the bird:

"Nothing,

If you fall, I will hold you. "

The bird said shyly to the bird:

"turtle grandson."

Wonderful men and women are cursing each other (Henan)

I ate in a restaurant in Beidaomen, and there was a man and a woman sitting next to me. Suddenly, the man shouted loudly and scared me.

"What le? Look at your bear face. It's as ugly as a pig's face I am not afraid of affecting the city! "

"Happy, I want to, I just like pig face, care! Squeeze your eyes if you don't want to see it! "

"Hum! Too lazy to argue with you! I'm a big shot. I won't be as knowledgeable as a woman! "

"Uh-(slowly)! Tut ... tut ... (smacking) That's right! See how long you are. You are like a rabbit grandson. You are not as knowledgeable as I am. Save yourself! "

"You are the rabbit grandson, disgusting!"

"You are disgusting! Want to fight? Aunt, (dropping the table), I am not afraid of you! "

"Well, I am afraid of you. We agreed to have one last meal together. Can't we have peace? "

"Oh, along while, today I am here to find another project? Don't forget, you curse first! "

"That is also called call names. Didn't you always call me that? "

"That was your previous wish, but today I'm not happy! You're mad at me. If you are angry with me, you will be very happy with that fox. "

After seven or eight minutes of silence

"Don't eat that! ! "

"You want to frighten me to death! If anything happens to me, my mother will spare you! "

"Hum, kindness is like the liver and lungs of a donkey. I'm telling you, I put a lot of vinegar in that plate of fans. You're not usually jealous. Insist on being jealous and you will be allergic. Don't you smell it? "

"I caught a cold these two days. I can't smell when I'm deaf. "

"Why don't you pay attention? Why don't you put on more clothes? You will know how beautiful it is when you see the sky! "

"I just love to brag and piss you off! I was just wandering before I became like your mother! What's wrong with bluffing a few black Australians? Don't be angry! I'm happy, I'm happy, you ... "They both shouted" Never mind! "

"Hey, I knew you had this sentence from your posture. I said it for you. How can you thank me? "

"Don't worry, climb aside!"

"Seriously, why do you have to break up with me because I made that phone call?"

"Don't throw cold water on me, you are playing dumb! You said to share first! "

"Nonsense! Oh, you brought your blond guy to your house, and in front of me, you ... closed the door, talking and laughing, and chilled me to my room! ? "

"oh! I thought you were an idiot, so you know you are angry. Then why didn't you let me listen to you when you called the girl who was holding back Sun Nianhao? And full of flattery, there must be something wrong! You thought I was dead! "

"That's a business matter. How many times have I told you that it's disgusting? What should I do if you just don't listen? "

"You got this column again, didn't you? Say it again, you say it! I am shaking with anger. "

"Right! That's right. I was wrong. This is my fault. Ok, don't be angry! "

"Don't call somebody else yellow hair, who do you think that is! This man is my classmate at Hoda University. Besides, foreigners are more open-minded ... "

"You can't hold it again!"

"That's somebody else's etiquette. Haven't you seen it before? "

"What etiquette? This is Kaifeng, not a fucking foreign country. If I hadn't pulled fast, I would have touched the key part. Hey, I am so angry! "

"What about you? What about you? You said on the phone that you wanted to eat and dance with the middleman! "

"My grandmother. Don't underestimate that meal. She is my manager's dish. That's for my promotion! I hope you will live a better and happier life in the future. In addition, after I became the deputy manager of the company, did I talk to her? "

"oh! So you have another strange reason. Do you want me to meet you when you want to be the general manager? I can fill him up, too I am so young and beautiful! "

"You ..."

"What, want to hit me, climb high? If you want to compare, I will tell you, can you compare the height of the tower? "

"Stop, you ... you feed me!" The man put down his chopsticks.

"Hey ... darling, strange apricot, I don't eat, trying to scare me, I'm not afraid, don't ask, who have I been afraid of in Kaifeng city! Look at your beautiful grandson! "

A loud noise! I dropped the plate. Who dropped it? I didn't see it clearly!

"ouch! It hurts! It's bleeding! ! ! ! "

"Tell me to have a look. Tell me, dear. I will give you a bag. Does it hurt? "

"Of course it hurts. I will tell your mother that you want to kill me! "

"I won't argue with you first, disinfect first!"

Men put women's fingers in their mouths and suck, yeah! The blood didn't come out, swallow it!

"It's disgusting. Why don't you spit it out? "

"You bloody, I don't want to vomit! Does it still hurt? "

"Well, much better."

"When you are sulking, just come out at me. Don't ruin yourself! Let's go home and I'll wrap it up for you! "

"I don't want to go to your house, I want to go back to school!"

"Why, want to yellow hair again! Today ... if you leave today, I will join the Boxer Rebellion to wipe out foreign Russians! "

"Look at you that silly! Have some fun. "

"Who are you afraid of? Aren't you ashamed (tiè pronounces the fourth tone)? Why do you cry when you shed a little blood? "

"Then you will be more nervous than me!"

"I love you, baby. Let's leave now. It's getting dark Come, ask me to help you! "

"bother you! You are as thin as a shrimp. You can touch me and scold me. I have to go back. "

"in! Why not? I'll rub it for you if I can! "

"Ah ... ha ..." The woman ran away with a smile, and the man shouted and chased him out. .......

"Hey, hey, hey, you two haven't paid for the meal yet, and there's money for breaking dishes ... stop running!" The restaurant owner also chased out.

The lights in the street are dim. ........

Female driver violates regulations (Henan)

The police stopped her "Fukang" at the crossroads. After saluting,

"Please show me your driver's license."

"Why?"

"You violated the traffic regulations."

"Who said that?"

"I saw it myself. Show me your certificate, I'll wait. "

"Do you think I don't even have a driver's license?"

"I don't think so."

"Then why do you want me? I don't know you, why should I show you? "

"I am a traffic policeman, and I have the right to do so."

"But how do I know you are a traffic policeman?"

"Didn't you see the uniform I was wearing?"

"What does it mean to wear a uniform? Uniforms can be forged. I remember the year before last, a friend of mine met a soldier ... "

"Please don't tell me a story, I'm waiting for your proof."

"This is not a story, this is a thing of the past. I mean, wearing a uniform is not credible. "

"Well, I can show you my work permit."

"Why are you sincere ... let me have a look. Well, your name is Gong Changyue? "

John Zhang.

"What? Look at the gap between the two girls this month. Forget it, just think of you as John Zhang, but the photo doesn't look like you? "

"I don't know, maybe I'm not wearing a hat."

"Really? Then take off your hat and let me have a look. Also, stand up straight and don't frown. Don't tell me, it's a bit like it. Have you ever taken a photo before? "

"Seven years ago ..."

"What do you think it is not a demon? You looked really handsome then. "

"Well, please give me my certificate back."

"What's your hurry? As long as your certificate is not fake, it's nothing. I want to ask you. "

"But I won't be free. I am on duty. "

"What do you think, I can idle, wipe things? I'm going to the market soon, and I'm going to find a seamstress, visit my sick aunt and call my husband on the way ... "

"I beg you, give me my certificate back quickly! Look at how many cars you are stuck in the back. "

"How can you blame me? I didn't stop you, you stopped me. "

"Okay, okay, it's my fault. I only ask you to give me your certificate and drive away. "

"That's right! Here is your certificate. Don't create traffic jams in the future.