It is not easy to trust others. What should I do if my guard is too heavy?

Method/step 1. The point is not what to say, but how to say it. Different people, different situations, different tone and intonation, say the same sentence, but have different feelings. Like this. You can read this line now. It's weird, right? That's because you are not in a sad mood. This is why many people have recited my lines or movie lines, but it has no effect. Literal meaning is useless. The point is not what to say, but how to say it. This is not a method, nor a move, but an internal skill. 2. Cold reading Cold reading literally means "cold reading". Girls hate the question of auditing. How old are you? Where are you from? What's your name? Unfortunately, most people still only know this superficial chat mode. If you can study cold, you won't have this problem. Cold means being unprepared, while reading means being absorbed. Cold reading refers to reading others' minds when they are unprepared, even when they meet for the first time, so as to communicate with others better, and is often applied to psychotherapy by psychology. For example: "Have you studied abroad?" This is a common question. Translated into cold reading is: "You must have studied abroad." Another example: "What do you think of your personality?" Obviously, if I am not mistaken, your popularity must be good. The first example, if it is an ordinary conversation, the other party will definitely answer: yes/no, but with cold reading, the other party may have many answers, such as: How do you know? /No, why do you say that? /Do you know which country I am in? In the second example, if it is an ordinary conversation, the other party will probably answer: Er. . . I don't know what to say. /I think my personality is ok. But the way of cold reading is different: ah! How do you know! /No, actually, I don't have many friends. Perhaps you have found that declarative sentences must be used in cold reading. Moreover, cold reading is speculation. Since it is a guess, it is not accurate. But this does not mean that cold reading failed. Cold reading doesn't let you completely guess each other's information, but let them open their hearts and give you more information on their own initiative. Of course, you can't make a wild guess. Instead, make your guess more accurate through all the information such as the other person's clothes, conversation and topic content. Give a few more examples: for example, how old are you? -24-that's all. If I am not mistaken, you must be 24 years old. -How do you know that? To be honest, I was told. -Who told you that? -Barabara ... Look again:-You must often go to Xinjiekou. -Why do you say that? Because I often see girls of your style there. Who am I? -Barabara .. Liars are not "experts in deception", but "experts in winning people's trust"! How do fake fortune tellers or fake psychics deceive people? According to common sense, no one should believe what a suspicious person who has just met. But why do some people easily believe stories that are suspicious anyway? This is because liars always tell the truth at first to gain your trust, and then they start to cheat you. If this person's words are full of loopholes from the beginning, anyone will be wary. But because the liar is telling the truth at first, it will gradually make people feel that what this person said is trustworthy. The same is true of investment fraud, even if it is only a small profit, you will definitely make money from the beginning. Because you do have profit recovery, you will naturally be wary, trust each other, and spend more money to continue investing. When you invest a lot of money, the other party knocks you hard and then runs away with the money. In short, the philosophy of a liar is: win trust first, and then start cheating. The more you can convince the other person, the more you can cheat. As long as you can convince the other party that you are trustworthy, no matter how bad the following fraud skills are, you can easily fool the other party. Therefore, compared with the skill of deception, clever swindlers will actually spend more energy thinking about "the technology of winning trust". Think carefully, whether it is running business or receiving customers, whether it is love or education, doesn't any form of communication start with winning the trust of the other party? Cold reading, which is used by swindlers such as fake fortune tellers or fake psychics, really has a lot to learn from in terms of winning the skills of prenatal and postnatal care. 3. Keyword association method (upper pile parallel lower cut). Here is the same meaning as @ An Zhi. Through the limited content given by the other party. Start a new topic. For example, "I usually stay at home and watch movies or something." (Movie) "What movies do you usually watch?" /"People who like watching movies are usually very emotional. It seems that you are the same. " Another example: A girl said: I don't like that bar. I got drunk with a friend on my last birthday. Ok, think about it, where can we start the topic? Too many! 1, the bar I don't like, why 2, the craziest birthday party I have ever had 3, the last time I drank too much 4, and the stories that happened after that. There are many examples in An Zhi's answer. I am just a lazy thief. But I want to add a practice method of this method here: 1. Scene: You can choose anything for an item in the scene around you. The next step is to reproduce: face what you see, remember it, and it is best to imagine the same or similar items and search in memory. For example, when I see a bench now, I immediately think of the granite bench in my childhood. Then think about why this similar item will appear in your memory. It must appear in your memory for a specific reason. Recall again, what impressed you deeply and reconstructed the picture and world view at that time! For example, I thought the granite bench was very big and heavy, and then I could make up a story that I was going to move it and hit my foot. Ps: You have to make the above two reactions within 3 seconds. 4. Tell stories. 80% of the conversation between two people is completed by telling stories. Here I briefly talk about how to tell a good story. 4. 1: details. For a story to sound true, there must be details. For example: "I'm lying in bed with the quilt uncovered (details). Then I took it out and took a look. I still remember clearly that it was 3 am 15 (details). Then I turned over. . . . . . "4.2: Display value (optional). Stories are the best way to get to know you. For example, you want the other person to know that you are rich. You can just say, "I'm a local tyrant." Of course, you can also tell a story: "I died tragically recently. My car was hit by someone two days ago. He called me today and asked me to sign the agreement. I thought to myself, why sign a broken agreement to repair the car? As a result, when I looked at it, it said that if the parts were damaged during transportation. Only then did I know that the parts of this broken car could only be imported from Italy. Less than China. Hey, I've been pushed away for months. " So people will naturally know that you are driving a good car. And rich. 4.3: ups and downs. No one likes plain stories. This requires you to have certain screenwriter ability. If not, you might as well sort it out first. For example: "You know what? There was a sister paper looking for me yesterday. She said that her boyfriend's place is too small, only the size of toothpaste. I get angry when I hear it. Tell her not to be naive, okay? As big as toothpaste. It's already big! ! As a result, she said weakly, have you seen the toothpaste in the hotel? . . . "4.4. Create a world picture and background. Just like on the set, your story had better have a sense of picture. Otherwise, people will be boring. Many novels can do this. For example, "there is not much space on the second floor, and there are several tables scattered." Yu Guang told me that there are several beautiful women sitting here for dinner. I dare not look up and scan around, and silently follow my buddy to an empty table and sit down. I looked up after sitting down. Opposite me, there is a small group of three girls at two o'clock. One of the girls faced me. As a mentally healthy dead bitch, I glanced at her. The yellow center is very smooth. A cool strapless dress. Show round and greasy pearl shoulders. Two long legs, white reflection. Wearing a pair of transparent ribbon glass sandals on the soles of your feet. The ankle line is beautiful, and all ten toes are bright red nail polish. "I believe that you can already imagine the picture that the novel wants to describe. 4.5: Join the feelings. Without a good way of telling, a good story won't work. Imagine that if the robot Kawara Tsutomu had no feelings, it might not have so many fans. Note: Don't make a long speech when you are unfamiliar. The story at this time should be short and interesting. When you get to know each other, you can start telling some long and profound stories. 5 .E (Induced Values) excite value (or E) focuses on finding out a girl's core values and understanding what she wants from a man. But be careful not to be fooled! She said that she likes tall people or rich people, but she didn't mean that you have to install artificial limbs or rob a bank. You know, what she likes is not the tall man himself, but the feeling of standing beside him. You need to find the core values behind her Means alue, which she really wants. For example, a tall person, if you ask her how high a man makes you feel? She would probably say "I feel protected and safe"! That's right! This is what she fundamentally wants! She wants to feel protected, not just a "tall" man. So in reality, she will refuse a tall man who cannot give her a sense of security. Surface value s core value should realize what her surface value and relative core value mean to her (such as honesty, kindness, courtesy, etc.). You should know the superficial value she needs, but also think about the core value hidden behind her-that is the element that truly reflects her personality type. Surface value is often not as important as you think. For example, you should find out what she experienced when she was with an honest person, followed by kindness, respect for her and other potential qualities. Secondly, find out what criteria she uses to measure whether a person is honest, kind or respectful. If she gives you three' keywords' that only have special meaning to her, literally you will never know what she wants to express. Core value = core demand I think "core demand" is more accurate and intuitive than core value. You have to know what she wants before you can know what type she belongs to. There are some common needs that are generally important to all women, such as comfort, security, emotion, and indulgence desire caused by sexual repression. These are not the areas you should focus on. It is very important for you to find out her unique, strong and distinctive needs. Everyone has their own needs. Find it. How to use the e-rule 1 As long as people, everyone has desires. These things may be adventure, respect, love or being a little girl again. Anything is possible. Just remember that everyone has a headache. Rule 2 This may be a cliche. Find out what that thing is. Be careful. You can find clues and clues from her. Be smart and ask some questions that will help you find clues. What you are looking for is what she has always wanted but doesn't have now, which tickles her heart (but not what she wants because of living conditions and so on). Rule 3: Tell stories. For example, you want to know her childhood experience. Of course, you can directly ask, "Did you encounter anything unforgettable when you were a child? ".At this time, the other party may not remember. You can say something like this: "I remember when I was a child, I was tricked into the ladies' room by a classmate." "At that time, he told me that the teacher was waiting for me in the toilet. I really believe it. I walked in timidly, only to find that only one aunt was defecating. I asked her foolishly, have you seen Miss Wang? As a result, she took me to the guidance office for questioning Hey. I don't even want to talk about it. Did you encounter something similar when you were a child? " After listening to your story, she will probably be able to relate her childhood story to these words and share them with you. Even a short story may be the golden key to her speech. This is to induce the other person to tell his own story by telling his own story. More importantly, you can often find some of her real core needs from her stories. Of course, you need the ability to tell stories. 4)6. Play hard to get Use the fishing process to compare the dialogue process. Direct example: You: Where are you from? (seduce) the other party: Shandong people. You: Really! I like drinking Shandong people best to make friends! (Answering the phone) But why is it difficult for me to communicate with you now? Exodus 2: You: If I guess correctly, you must have studied abroad. (seduce) each other. Yes, how do you know you: Haha, because I have been in France for two years before. Everyone who has studied in school is full of aura, and I can see it at a glance. (Answering the phone) But you're the only one I'm not sure about. The function of this method is to make you have to talk to the other person. Without losing your identity. And it can arouse each other's curiosity. After all, there is too much silk these days, you know. ) 7: Open the trap If a person is interested in something, and then you take it away, when you give it to him again, it will arouse his greater interest. The open trap comes from this. The simple explanation is that the conversation contains unexplained thoughts, stories, emotions or feelings. For example, you have seen a movie, but there is a suspense at the end of the movie (aliens left a cub on the earth). You'll start looking forward to its sequel. In conversation, it is like this. Join a woman and ask you, "How was your day?" What would you say? Is it "good"? Obviously that's weak. The open trap is played like this: She: "How was your day?" You: "It's a long story". She: "What's the matter?" You: "That's disgusting! You don't want to know. " In this way, she will be very interested in this story. Exodus 2: You: "You know, you are really something! You made me spend three more minutes on you. " She: "Really? Where am I? " You: "I'll tell you when I have a chance. By the way, last time. . . . "In this way, she will be fascinated by the reason that" she is very powerful ". So, this is a way to get the other person to chase you. 8: Role-playing. Role-playing is effective because it is not the real situation. In role-playing, people don't play real roles. Therefore, embarrassment is avoided. People can also let go in the role. For example, you will say, "You go to rest, I am sleeping." Role-playing: "Ai Qing, please step down. I went to bed. Flop again tomorrow. " For example, you will say, "It's beautiful that you cut your hair short! Let's go for a walk. " Role-playing: "Let's go, Ling Boli, the Apostle is coming!" " "Role-playing is very effective because the emotions it causes are real. In other words, in role-playing, any feeling you give the other person is as strong as what they feel in real life. 9. Sense of humor. This thing is difficult to learn in a pattern. A sense of humor is a way of thinking. I want to make it clear here that either you can tell jokes or you are humorous. Humor is not because of your topic, but because of you. Take Zhou Xingxing as an example. People will think this picture is funny because the director asked him to say something ridiculous in a very serious tone. It doesn't look like a joke at all. This is actually an unexpected way of thinking. If you don't have this way of thinking, then what you said must be reasonable. There is no humor. 10: sense. 10. 1: Shallow sense (common topic). For example, you and I graduated from the same high school/so you also like mustard. In the early days of getting along, we met by this feeling. The more such feelings, the greater the chance of becoming good friends/lovers. 10.2: affectionate. For example, you have all been abused/your parents divorced/you want to commit suicide, etc. Deep feelings are usually associated with feelings and emotions. That is, heart to heart A relationship from shallow to deep can't escape a deep sense of hierarchy. It should be noted that the timing and location of deep stratification are very important. You can't talk to others at noon. You fell in love with the wrong person. You can't tell her in the video game that you tried to kill yourself. Sense can refer to the above methods. Not much to explain. 1 1: body language. Some experts say that 80% communication between two people is done through body language. I think it's strange to explain body language in words. I still recommend you to watch more movies. Pay attention to tone, intonation, eyes, facial expressions, gestures, postures and so on. Is he handsome ~ I'm not gay, but I love him to death. 12: Silence. Silence here doesn't mean it's over without talking. It is a sudden silence in a normal chat environment. For example, you are chatting with someone and suddenly your phone rings. Then you took a look. From now on, you don't talk. He hung his head as if thinking about something difficult. How will the other party react? Yes, the other person will definitely ask you: What's the matter? /What do you mean unhappy? Then you said: nothing. Recipient: Nothing. Can you tell me something? Maybe I can help you share some? You: Barabara ... The power of this skill is that it allows the other person to chase you emotionally. Put yourself in others' shoes. You're dating a girl. When she finished one, she suddenly stopped talking. What's your mood? Do you want to comfort her and coax her? If you make good use of it. This will be a way to kill you in an instant. (I don't tell most people ~) is everyone's favorite last paragraph. I have always thought that it is really not a problem to have no topic. Now the media is so developed. You can easily get any topic you need. Watching the news every day gives me endless topics. The key is how you speak. Some people say, don't talk about history with girls, talk about constellations. I said it was all bullshit! When you tell her what Chanel has become, or the love story with Song Meiling. I'm sure she will be very interested. You know ~ Zhihu User: The first skill of pure manipulation that An Zhi saw a long time ago. Pay attention to the chat itself, not the topic of the chat. Many people don't know how to chat with girls, and there is no topic when they often chat, but I think: there is no need to prepare the topic of chat at all! Topic-based chat method: When we chat, we always want to focus on the topic we have thought of in advance, but not on the chat itself. So we often have the following situations: For example: Me: Have you eaten? (Bring up a topic) MM: Eat me: What are you doing? (Bring up another topic) MM: Get online. Me: Is the weather good there? (Bring up another topic) MM: Not bad. Me: Are you busy recently? (Bring up another topic) MM: I'm not busy. . . . I: Oh, well, I just want to ask what you are doing, so keep busy. Bye-bye MM: Bye-bye, because all you can think about at this moment is what should I say? What topic should I talk to MM? This often leads to a dead end. When you finish the questions prepared in advance, you will find that you are dumb! The correct way to talk is to pay attention to the chat itself, not the topic of chat, not the question of what to talk about, but the question of how to talk. (Bring up a topic) (Key words: eating) MM: Yes, I did. What did I eat? (triggered by eating key words) MM: Beef Noodles Me: Did you make it yourself? (triggered by the keyword rice) MM: I can't cook, right (keyword: can't cook) me: you can't cook. A girl can't even cook. See how you got married (triggered by the keyword can't cook, a new keyword got married) MM: I don't want to do it. What my mother used to do (key words: what my mother used to do) Me: I used to. Now is now, you have grown up. (The previous keyword triggered a new keyword. MM: I haven't decided to get married yet. . . Me: Your mother loves you very much (caused by the keyword mother, a new keyword hurts) MM: My mother loves me very much. I am the youngest. Of course it will hurt me. Me: Are you the youngest? Do you have any brothers or sisters? (a new keyword, brothers and sisters, triggered by the smallest keyword) MM: my sister BLABLABLAL. . . . (Many) I found that the key words used here are all similar. I'll go back to the keyword marriage in the previous conversation right away. I can chat with the keywords that appear in the conversation between the superior and the subordinate! Me: haven't you decided what kind of person you want to marry? (triggered by the keyword marriage) MM: I haven't decided yet. . . . (Many) (Key words: I don't know) Me: What's your standard? MM: My standard is. . BLABLABLAL .。 . . At this time, I found that there were no keywords in what she said, or the keywords here were not conducive to your starting the topic. Go back to the keywords in the previous conversation and start chatting immediately! For example, keyword I in line 6: Do you like things and go shopping? (New keyword shopping is triggered by earlier keywords) MM: Like, super like (keyword: like) Me: What else do you like? (triggered by favorite keywords) MM: I like singing, swimming and traveling (new keywords appear: singing, swimming and traveling) Me: Oh, who do you like to sing? Hmm. . . . Me: Oh, you like swimming. Can you swim? How is your swimming skill? Where do you usually swim? Hmm. . . . Me: Oh, you like traveling. Where have you traveled? How do you feel? Hmm. . . . Don't dwell on a keyword all the time, grab a keyword and start chatting when you reach a certain level! Go back to the last keyword and start talking to a certain extent. Stop. Go back to the last keyword in the middle of the chat to continue the chat. Stop. Go back to the top and start chatting with the last keyword to some extent. Stop. Go back to the previous keyword chat. . . . . . You will find that you have not prepared any topics during the whole chat, and the chat itself will bring you countless topics! You don't need to be ready to start chatting anytime, anywhere. You won't be under pressure. You won't rack your brains to think about what I should say. Because you will have so many topics that you don't know what to choose to talk about. The important thing is that you have something to say and get into a good chat atmosphere. It doesn't matter what you talk to MM, what matters is fun, fun and humor in this atmosphere. Of course, this series of verbiage seems to have no focus and no nutrition, but what I want to say is that this is just an example, so that people in the AFC who talk to girls only a few words can have something to say, so as not to be cold, and I won't keep asking questions like this. This process should be interactive. I can only say that this is just the skeleton of chatting. To make chatting interesting, we must join the framework, push and pull, and silence.