Taoist fortune-telling jokes

In the seventeenth year of Chongzhen, Li Zicheng established Dashun regime in Xi 'an, and the next step was to send troops to Beijing. After Chongzhen got the news, the court was at a loss. In desperation, he is going to calculate a divination and see what the result is.

One day, disguised as a civilian, he went out of the palace to find a fortune teller for divination, but never expected that this divination made Emperor Chongzhen completely give up.

When Emperor Chongzhen came to the fortune teller, he first gave the word "you" to let the fortune teller predict the fortune of national events. The fortune teller calculated and said to Emperor Chongzhen, "This word is not good. Why? Look at this' yes', which is half of' big' above and half of' Ming' below, indicating that Daming has already gone halfway. Do you think this country can be good? "

When this was said, Emperor Chongzhen got a fright. This sentence means that the Ming Dynasty has fallen apart. He quickly changed the homonym "friend" and asked the fortune teller to recalculate. The fortune teller looked at the words, shook his head, sighed and said, "It's even worse if I tell you. Why? You see, a friend's "friend" is the word "prevention" against thieves. The' anti' is not a friend of a friend, let alone a friend. " Emperor Chongzhen was once again surprised. Isn't this completely in line with the current state of affairs? Isn't the peasant army in Li Zicheng a thief against the Great Ming Dynasty?

Emperor Chongzhen couldn't believe it, so he changed the word "unitary" and asked the fortune teller to calculate it. The fortune teller was impatient and said, "This word is even worse! You see, this' one' is the word' respect' in the Ninth Five-Year Plan. If you chop off your head and feet, the emperor will be gone. Do you think this country can still be good? "

The result of three consecutive words is the same. Emperor Chongzhen was so scared that he was white and bloodless that he unconsciously bit a towel with his mouth. As soon as the fortune teller saw it, he hurried away from Emperor Chongzhen and refused to accept the fortune teller's money. Emperor Chongzhen wondered, and the fortune teller thought he had miscalculated. I didn't expect the fortune teller to say, "You have a towel in your mouth, isn't that the word' hang'?" This is unlucky, I can't accept this money. "

Emperor Chongzhen was scared out of her wits. He didn't trust after returning to the palace, and waited until the news of Li Zicheng's coming to Beijing. Emperor Chongzhen came to Jingshan Park and watched his country destroyed by Li Zicheng and hanged himself.

Reference: Ming history