Dizziness requires fortune telling.

Complete humorous stories about putting your girlfriend to bed.

The joke about putting your girlfriend to sleep is as follows: 1. An illiterate woman went to see a doctor the day after her marriage. The doctor asked: Did you eat yesterday? I took eight birth control pills. The doctor asked: Why not take the medicine according to the instructions? Answer: Just take the medicine according to the instructions. It says one tablet at a time! The doctor suddenly fell to the ground. 2. The dean said to a mental patient: This time you saved a man who fell into the water, and your performance was very good. Unfortunately, he hanged himself again. The mental patient proudly said, I hung him to dry. 3. The psychologist asked the patient, "You hear some voices, but you don't know who is talking or where the voices come from?" "yes." "When did this happen?" "When I answered the phone." 4. Dr. Li in obstetrics and gynecology has been practicing medicine for many years, and through hard work, many infertile families have children. Recently, he received a thank-you plaque engraved with four golden characters-out of thin air. I wonder if you noticed the doctor's handwriting when you happened to be ill and went to the hospital to see a doctor? Generally speaking, it is a dragon and phoenix dance, which makes people confused and confused. So I admire the nurses in internal medicine. They always know what medicine to take. Once, a doctor friend of mine wrote me a letter and invited me to dinner. I can recognize some words in the letter, but I can't recognize the key time and place. I ran to the pharmacy of a nearby hospital and gave the letter to the nurse to help me recognize it. She looked at it carefully for a long time, brought me two bottles of medicine and said, "this, twice a day!" " "6. One day, an ophthalmologist and a physician quarreled. The ophthalmologist said, "be careful that I make you as blind as a bat." The doctor said, "I will make you heartless." "7. Someone was bitten by a dog and went to the hospital to take medicine. The doctor is getting ready to leave work: look at the time. Don't you know when you should come to work? The man said: I know, but the dog doesn't understand! 8. In front of the cloth counter, after the clerk patiently tore the cloth into small pieces according to the customer's requirements, the customer asked the clerk to tie these small pieces of cloth into knots. Finally, the clerk couldn't stand it. She said, "Are you insane?" "Yes, I have a hospital certificate. "9. A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination? ""Yes, his house and car are gone. " "I mean to go to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy. "10, in the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. 1 1. When I was in middle school, a buddy took me to the bookstore and proudly asked the boss, "Is there Liu Bei? "I was wondering, the boss dug out two pornographic books from the corner and handed them to me. On the way back, I asked, "Why is Uncle Huang called Liu Bei?" He whispered to me, "Uncle". 12, the students went on a trip and climbed to the top of the mountain. A girl stood on the top of the mountain very excitedly and shouted: motherland, my mother! Then a boy who secretly loves this girl shouted excitedly: motherland, my mother-in-law. 13. I saw a bound crab climb from the freezer of 18.9 yuan to the cabinet of 28.9 yuan in the supermarket. I was in tears. You are so fucking motivated! 14, Confucius, Mozi, Laozi, met the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor is taking a bath with the Empress Dowager. Confucius and Mozi peeped under the window and were discovered by the Jade Emperor. The jade emperor sighed with emotion: "I'd better be an old man, honest man!" Confucius and Mozi replied, "No, I'm short! He went to move bricks. 15, Somali pirates: "Three million dollars a price!" China official: "2.5 million! Pirate: Do you think I'm stupid? I know you said 250 is a curse! " China official: "Three million is three million! But the invoice should say 7 million! "The pirate's eyes were full of tears, and he held up his thumb:" You are still trying to rob money! ! ! "16, it hasn't rained for many years somewhere. A farmer went to ask a fortune teller: When will it rain? The fortune teller handed him a folded piece of paper and said, "This is a secret, and it must not be revealed. You can only see it when it rains, otherwise it will thunder. "Three days later, it finally began to rain. The farmer remembered the fortune teller's words and took out a piece of paper, which said, "It rained today. The farmer was startled and said, "What a man of God! 17, when I was in high school, I envied the university as long as I was admitted. When I was in college, I envied myself for failing high school. 18. After watching the black 100-meter run, an old lady said with tears, she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them! 19, inspector of CPC Central Commission for Discipline Inspection, is related to the country. He went to the west for investigation and visit. He only took three followers, never used a police car to escort people, never used public funds to eat and drink, and sometimes even went begging ... He traveled to the West for many years and met many foreign heads of state, which made great achievements. After returning home, he didn't ask for a promotion. He taught and did good deeds all his life, and after his death he had no property. He is the Tang priest. 20. Why is crossing the bridge rice noodles more expensive than ordinary rice noodles? Because of the bridge toll. References: //wenku.baidu/link? Url = uwn94k698 _ gruqx0w-jkronj3hrgdu7e7 _ wbbbv4 wnzuvnkldgtweaamfp 2a5iu _ 6pvtlerx3 g4vjpcmoal4l5abtyic0fdd1mqwbmboa A reporter interviewed 100 penguins. The first one said: Eat and sleep. I have been asking 99 of them. When I asked100th, I said: Eat and sleep. The reporter asked: Why not fight peas? Penguin said: I'm fucking peas, your grandmother. More than 60 years ago, a friend told me a joke and made me laugh. Later, I was admitted to the hospital because my stomach hurt too much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I smiled like this, so I told him. He laughed hysterically and finally died laughing. I was taken to court. The judge asked me to tell a joke, and the jury decided whether it met the factual elements of manslaughter. I want to sign an exemption contract. The judge announced that the court would be adjourned and reopened a day later, and announced that he would accept my opinion. So, I told this joke in court, and as a result, some people knocked on the table with a smile and some people rolled on the ground with a smile. Later, everyone who heard the joke that day died laughing. I became a celebrity in an instant, and reporters from all walks of life asked to interview me. I know that telling this joke may constitute public infringement, so I vaguely said a sentence to the camera to the effect: "The reason is always a lie, and the belief is always * * *. After the program was broadcast, it caused great repercussions. Unexpectedly, one day, some mysterious plain clothes broke into my bedroom and dragged me into a dark room. After a long time, a strong light shone on my face. I barely opened my eyes and was shocked. The man sitting in front of me is the only person as famous as me-the president. The president roughly explained the purpose of arresting me, which was simple: record this joke and send it to the dictator of a hostile country in the Middle East, laughing him to death. I had to agree to his request, and at the same time put forward that this joke belongs to weapons of mass destruction and should not be aimed at civilians. The president agreed. Two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology of the joke and successfully tested it in the desert area. This caused an international uproar, and many countries panicked. International military scientists named it "Laughing Deterrence". At this moment, some eastern country suddenly announced that it had mastered this joke, and the buddy who told me this joke had taken refuge in that country. Thus, a "balance between laughter and deterrence" has been formed between us. Three years later, on April 1 day, what I was worried about all day finally happened: a terrorist organization in the Middle East stole the original technology of that joke. As a result, civilization has been destroyed as never before, and countries are in constant fear. The United Nations had to hold a global summit and finally designated April 1 day as April Fool's Day. More than 60 years have passed, and I am dying. Before leaving this world, as a historical witness, I feel it necessary to tell this joke to everyone. The joke my friend told me that day was very simple and brief. Just one sentence: I really want to be laughed to death. 1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it. I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death. If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees! The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." . "The pot said," it's almost fucking ripe and so stubborn. "6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~ 7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli. 8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch! 9. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone! 10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls! 1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig! 12, the beauty of learning is that people are confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying. 13 I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy! 14, have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in my last life, I brushed it in my life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, but H turned his fucking head! 15, two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried, and the farmer gave them two 7 pieces. 16, your life portrayal: at the age of ten, learn to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs! How to tell the authenticity of RMB? Prepare 100 yuan .. fold in half and then fold in half, put it on the ground and step on it n times. Pick it up and see if the people above have nosebleeds. If there is, it is true. If there is no traffic, it is false, and women's answers are even more unique. 65438 +0 male: "May I ask the way?" Woman: "Where? "Male:" To your heart "Female:" Sorry, this road is closed "

The man's words are absolutely unique, and the woman's answer is even more unique. Man 2: "Your legs must be very tired!" " "Woman:" Why? Man: "Because you've been running around in my head all day. "Woman:" I think it doesn't matter, because your brain is so small. "

Man No.3: (looking at the label of her shirt) Woman: "What are you doing?" Male: "I wonder if you were made in heaven" Female: "Were you made in hell?"

Man 4: "I had a bad day. Seeing a beautiful girl smile will make me feel better. Can you smile for me? " Woman: "Do you want me to have a bad day?"

Man: "Sorry, I'm an artist. It's my job to stare at beautiful women." Woman: "I'm sorry, I'm a breeder, and being watched by others makes me uncomfortable."

The man's words are absolutely unique, and the woman's answer is even more unique. Man 6: "Miss, can you lend me five dollars?" Woman: "What are you going to do?" Man: "I'm going to call my mother and tell her that I saw a peerless beauty today." Woman: "Sorry, I can't lend it to you." Man: "Why?" Woman: "because I'm going to call the hospital and say I was scared by a frog."

The man's words are absolutely unique, and the woman's answer is even more unique. No.7 man: "It really rained today." Woman: "Yes." Man: "That's because God is drooling over you." Woman: "So that gust of wind just now was given to you by God?"