My life, I'm in charge.

In the first half of my life, Luo Zijun said to his girlfriend with tears: "He didn't let me work at first, but also said that he would support me for a lifetime and let me do what I like."

But as a result, Luo Zijun's daily life is eating, drinking and having fun. The beauty is like a flower, but her husband Chen's old house is on fire and she is madly in love with female subordinates.

Luo Zijun lived the life her husband expected, but ruined his marriage.

Wu Zhihong, a famous psychologist, said in his column: Those expectations from authority often have an important impact on a person's fate.

For everyone, parents are authority when they are young. As we grow up, the sources of authority become teachers, bosses, husbands and other people who have influence on us.

Luo Zijun hardly goes out to work after marriage. In her life circle, the greatest authority is her husband. Husband said that if you don't go to work, she will take care of her family and raise her children. Husband said, you don't have to worry about anything, just be a good Mrs. Chen. As a result, she enjoyed a rich and monotonous life with more peace of mind.

Chen tried to bring Luo Zijun a better and better material life. In Luo Zijun's mind, her husband became a belief, and she obeyed unconditionally.

She has no ego at all. She seems to live a rich and happy life, but she has nothing at all. Behind all her happiness is actually a huge bubble.

At the moment of her husband's showdown, the bubble burst and she almost lost her mind.

In the words of mother Luo, "I know my daughter, so I have to live by men, otherwise what can she do?"

We always do. Without the power of self and self-expectation, it is easier and easier to live what others expect.

02

At the beginning, I took great pains to get my driver's license and told my parents happily. My dad just said that you must have bought your driver's license. For a moment, I was particularly depressed.

I am impatient and often careless. Parents know all this too well. They once told me that even if you have a driver's license, you'd better not drive.

What they are worried about is actually a negative force from authority.

Parents are the authority of our childhood.

Surrounded by inferiority complex since childhood. I don't think I'm that bad, but I've been unconfident and pessimistic for a long time and have a lot of negative emotions.

When I was a child, I always got more criticism than praise. Over time, under the strong self-suggestion, my self-awareness has also become self-criticism, without encouragement.

Teacher Wu Zhihong said: If narcissism is a human nature, then everyone needs others to say to themselves: You are fine. The more important the person, the greater the influence. On the contrary, it is destructive.

The people who raised us at first, such as parents, are the most important authorities, and their expectations of us have become our initial fate.

Maybe our parents just can't express their hope that we will become better, but what they show always makes us worse.

Just like my mother, I have been talking about it until now, afraid that we will have a bad life.

I read an article "Worry is a curse" before, which said: If parents want their children to be blessed, they should bless their children instead of worrying about them.

Because, those less positive words from authority often become our self-prediction.

After listening to the affirmation or negation of relatives and friends, I finally believe in myself.

03

Teacher Wu Zhihong said that what a person often says may become his own self-prediction.

It sounds amazing, a bit like fortune telling.

But the fact is that people are narcissistic animals, and once they say a word, they will fall in love with themselves. And in order to prove yourself right, you will push things in this direction.

This is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You will find that many times, your sixth sense and intuition are often accurate. Because, you gave yourself an early judgment.

Therefore, everything you have experienced really has nothing to do with God or anyone else, but you made it yourself.

Growing up, our cognition and thoughts rarely come from ourselves, but to a great extent from our parents or caregivers.

What we often say, our thoughts and cognition often come from the expectations of people around us.

Luo Zijun's mother and sister, as well as herself, believed that there was nothing she could do, so she became an idle rich woman.

But fate made her wish come to nothing.

04

We are constantly influenced by others, constantly influencing others. In the first half, we live in the expectation of our parents, and in the second half, we live in the expectation of our children.

The first half is influenced by authority, and the second half becomes an authority that affects others.

Many times, we go to school, work, get married and have children, all of which are the expectations of parents or others. It is easy for us to let our children embark on our own planned path.

If we have no consciousness at all, we will think that this is a life without regrets and naturally go with the flow.

But I think there are always moments in life that wake us up from a deep sleep, and there are always some strange scenery for us to chase.

Who says you must get married and have children before you are 30, who says you must buy a house and a car when you get married, who says you must engage in a stable career, and who says it is best to stay in your hometown?

When we understand that nothing in this world is taken for granted, our will will naturally overwhelm the will of our parents and other authorities.

Luo Zijun is also very lucky to have a firm and independent girlfriend who gave her the most persistent belief when everyone attacked her, even when she didn't believe in herself, so that she could successfully win custody of her son, find a job and start the road of transformation.

What kind of life do you want and what kind of people you meet? Their experiences can easily infect you.

When our ego is weak and small, we must stay away from those negative environments and go to some positive environments with higher energy.

Just like the "kicking cat effect" in psychology, negative energy will be transmitted. Without the ability to digest negative energy, you can only stay away from all negative people and things.

We have no ability to change the surrounding environment, but at least we can ensure that we will not be disturbed.

We should thank our society and cities for being more and more tolerant of young people. It is easier and easier for us to do what we like.

The less we are influenced by our predecessors, the easier it is for future generations to be better themselves.

I saw an authoritative theory that the best parenting environment is supportive. When the child develops well, recognize him and support him when the child is frustrated.

If we have never had a good parenting environment, please remember to create such an environment for our children.

05

The easiest thing in life is to be yourself, but how difficult it is to be yourself. Tearing off your past self is not just peeling off a layer of skin.

We all want to control our lives, and we don't want anyone to get their hands on them, so we must keep ourselves.

Personality independence can bring dignity, economic independence can bring marriage stability, and physical and mental independence can bring a better life.

After every child knows how to express himself, he wants to manage eating, drinking and having fun. We have the ability to make our own decisions at any time in life, otherwise, it is degradation.

From personality freedom to wealth freedom, we have a long way to go.

I hope what you want to do is not anyone's expectation, but your most ardent expectation.

I hope that the lover you want is not a choice that meets many conditions, but a necessary marriage.

I hope that the life you want is not to go with the flow or have already been laid, but to walk with firm faith.

(End)