Sketch: I am an actor's line

For many people, sketch is a popular form of entertainment. This is the article I collected for you. I hope I can help you. If you feel good, you can share it with more friends!

Sketch: I am an actor's line

A (walks to Taichung with a phone): Hello, director! I have that script. Don't worry, absolutely no problem. Ok, good director, go ahead! (To the audience after hanging up) Ouch! Another director asked me to play, really! ! Since this "sorry for the trouble", I have been brushing! (Holding three scripts in his hand, saying one by one) Look, this is Japanese director Kitano Shiro, this is director Zhang Ermou, and this is Feng Dagang! All right, all right. My salted fish turned over and became a first-line superstar! How can I be so talented (punching myself in the face)? By the way, I specially invited a doctor's professional actor for these three plays, which should be here (waiting to walk around the scene)

Go on, ding-dong!

A: Who is it?

Chow Yun Fat.

Chow Yun Fat? I am still in Jay Chou! ! Oh, not bad!

(Open the door)

B: (burying his face) Guess who I am.

A: Monster, show your true colors quickly.

Wukong, you Po Hou are so naughty.

No, who are you?

I am an actor.

Are you an actor in the art world?

B: yes, it's body art.

Wow, I'm looking forward to your arrival.

What do you want me to do?

A: Let you play.

B: Oh! Acting, I will, I will.

A: (holding three notebooks) This is the script. Please have a look.

What script are you reading?

A: What is worth becoming an artist is professionalism. Let me tell you something, teacher. This drama is an island love action movie.

Oh, my God! So hot? Am I up or down? mosaic

A: What a mosaic!

B: Is it Mr. Wakakura or Mr. Ozawa?

A: (A hits B) What are you thinking? Can you stop being so obscene!

B: Then this one. Isn't it?

A: I have three plays, one is an island country, the second is a romance, and the third is an action movie! You got it? )

B: Sorry. Sorry, my fault! (Slap yourself in the face when you speak)

a； Ok, now let's try the first act! The name of the first scene is the last samurai of Altman. My name is Kameeta Jun, and your name is Teresa Teng. Let's duel, the word x+ 1 is omitted here.

Yao Xi!

A: Action.

A and B turn off the lights, put the pictures of the budokan on the big screen and play the first piece of music (Japanese classical music, cherry blossoms). AB hits from both sides, A and B run to the middle at the same time, and A stops to untie his belt. (AB can speak a few words of Japanese, and China's lines should be Japanese accent)

a； What are you doing here? Is this mourning?

b； I am a samurai towel. Haven't you seen it?

a； begin

Two sticks meet.

b； Mr. turtle egg!

a； What turtle eggs! Kameda

b； Kameda Jun, you and I have known each other for many years. Are we really going to have a duel to the death today?

a； Teresa Teng, three years ago, I could win the title of the first ugly man in Japan! Why did you brutally take him away from you? This is humiliating me with your face value.

b； Kameda Jun, do you know why you lost? Because you are not ugly enough!

a； Blame me?

b； I don't blame you. Who is it?

a； Hum! Many people blame me. Who are you?

b； Give me a minute. I'm used to you! (This passage should be Song Xiaobao's tone)

A: In that case, I have nothing to say! Let's run to death. (Better sing it)

Party A and Party B began to fight. . . . . . . . . .

A is tired of playing and says to B, Look at UFOs!

B UFO? I don't watch Fei Niang either!

A hey! That girl is amazing!

B huitou

A stab b!

What a true lie B told A affectionately! What a cruel reality!

a； Sorry, I can't stand people who are uglier than me in this world (hold a mirror and say, mirror, mirror, tell me who is the ugliest person in the world? )

Voiceover * * *

a； Angrily: Who is * *? I want to be the ugliest samurai in Japan.

B got up from the ground and said, very good, brother. Let's start the next game!

a； Let me introduce this movie to you. This is a romantic movie called "Flowers in the Back Garden", and then you play the female role of Cui Hua.

b； How happy I am to return to my original gender so quickly!

a； Does your family know that you are so coquettish? action

Turn off the lights in the second piece of music (lyric light music). Put a table and two chairs on the venue and play pictures of coffee shops on the big screen.

B on stage (. . . . My name is Cui Hua, and I'm 28 years old. Today is my first blind date. I'm so nervous. Why hasn't he come yet? Look in the mirror first.

A comes on stage (watching B compare with her mobile phone) Hello, is this Miss Cui Hua?

B ok. Hello, I'm miss.

ah

No, I'm an emerald in Cui Hua, a flower that costs money.

A Hello, my name is Wang, and I'm 35 years old.

B he's so handsome. . . Whoa, whoa, whoa . . I love it (subtext)

Wow, Wang? This name is so poetic.

No, no, Miss Cui Hua, what's your occupation?

B After I graduated from Tsinghua, I looked for a job everywhere, but nobody used me.

A Graduated from Tsinghua? You can't find a job yet, so what's your major?

B I am a broadcast host, and my Mandarin is also a level in my class.

A Ahem, yes, yes, well, you speak Mandarin so fluently that you can't recognize the dialect (Henan dialect) at all.

B is that right? Those people didn't appreciate it, so I went to Lan Xiang to study my excavator major.

A excavator has strong technology. China Shandong looking for Lan Xiang.

B So what do you do?

A I'm in real estate.

B real estate? Oh, my God, please marry me. Handsome, young, engaged in real estate This is perfection. (subtext)

B Then how much do you pay a month?

Less than 3 million

B my god, so rich? Let's get married.

A it's too fast.

B How much is less than 3 million?

Three thousand dollars

Get out of here,

Didn't you just say you were going to marry me?

B: I'm blind. Look at you. You look like Zhao Si. You can imagine me as michel platini.

A Then I'll take you as michel platini.

B Can we chat? Look at your loss. Why are you so shameless? At least I can't insert the village flowers in our village. Even if cow dung can't be inserted, it can insert some dog dung or something, which is better than inserting it into your sheep dung egg.

Do we really have no chance?

You are too affectionate. . I have a flower called backyard flower. As long as you can make this flower bloom, I will marry you.

Good, good. This scene is great.

B Well, isn't it perfect (imitating teacher Venus)

A OK, I'll tell you about this last game, which is the tearing battle of young Ye Chenliang. This is an action movie. Is there a problem?

Overflowing water. I am a professional.

AB turns off the lights, takes off the props and starts the third piece of music.

A appeared on the stage in the next leaf (), and the ranking of online celebrities at that time was No: 1. I heard that someone was going to challenge me, so I set up a circle in front of Jason Wu.

Ye, I heard that you are the first in the online celebrity list, but I, Zhao Ritian, refused to accept it.

What a Zhao Ritian. Show my people the real seal.

Then a kissed B.

You have poison gas in your mouth.

This is my garlic trick.

. . . . . . (The martial arts action is designed by myself, but B has to lie on the ground all the time and say enchanting: great, that's the feeling) B has been dumped.

Fight to the end, Zhao Ritian. Can you believe it?

B I'm Zhao Ritian. No (A is angry with B)

(b) Pretend to vomit and then fall to the ground. )

A good. He is a professional actor.

(shake)

AB, what's wrong with you? Did you have an orgasm?

A took out his mobile phone and said, feed the dog leftovers! The artist you are looking for has just arrived and has just auditioned for three plays. His acting skills are great. What, you haven't found it yet? What about this? Hang up now. I will ask him.

Are you an actor in the art world?

B Yes, it's the People's Hospital. You see, my eyes are particularly round.

People's hospital?

Two eggs are required for bed 9527 in psychiatric department of People's Hospital.

I'm crazy. I don't want to kill anyone. I'm crazy.

A Oh, my God. What's the number of Psychosis 1 14 120? . . . . . Call when you leave the stage.