Ask for a cold joke or a joke that can make girls happy.

A small matchstick tickled, so I grabbed it and set myself on fire.

Then I went to the hospital, and then I became a cotton swab ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiao Ming: "Do you know Lao? what are you playing？ "

Xiaohua: "Piano." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaomei said: right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day, the physics teacher of a class in a girls' middle school called in sick.

Forty female students are expecting who will take this course.

In physics class, he is actually a handsome male teacher.

A female classmate quipped, Teacher, can we play some exciting games instead of having classes?

The male teacher was silent for a moment and said:

Ok ~ ~

Dear students, put away your textbooks and take the exam now! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tang Priest: This time we need to find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures!

Wukong: Flying is faster than riding! !

Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster! ! !

Friar Sand pulled out his gun: I heard that this thing will be sent to the Western Heaven soon ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A candy, walking in the North Pole, felt so cold-so it turned into rock sugar ~ ~ ~

A Chinese cabbage, undressing while walking, finally it is gone ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One day, three trash cans were walking in the street.

They walked side by side in the order of large, medium and small. ...

Walking, the small trash can said to the trash can in the middle, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The trash can said, "This is about to ask Big Brother!" " "

So, the trash can said to the big trash can, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The big trash can said impatiently, "I see!" " "

After a few more steps, the big trash can suddenly stopped. It said to small and medium-sized trash cans: "We are trash cans. How can we walk? " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me question you.

Squid said happily, cuff it!

Then the man roasted the squid ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water.

"tnnd~~ what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man from Taiwan Province Province went abroad, and the customs asked him to open his luggage and found seven pairs of underwear. He asked in surprise why. Taiwan Province people replied, "Sunday, Monday, Tuesday ... Saturday". The official understood it as one pair a day.

Then a Frenchman came. Officials asked to open their luggage and found five pairs of underwear. He asked the reason strangely. The Frenchman replied, "Monday, Thursday, Friday." How about Saturday and Sunday? No wear and tear. Officials understand that the French are romantic and don't wear them on Saturday and Sunday.

Then an Indian came and found twelve pairs of underwear. The official was puzzled and asked, What's the matter? The Indian replied slowly, "January, February, March, April ..."

Three white rabbits picked a mushroom,

The two brothers asked the younger brother to get some wild vegetables to eat together.

The youngest said, "I won't go. If I leave, you can eat the mushrooms I picked."

The two big brothers said, "No, don't worry!"

So the little white rabbit went.

Half a year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. A big brother said, "Don't come back, eat."

Another big brother said, "Wait a little longer."

A year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two bosses discussed it and don't have to wait. Eat ~ ~ ~

Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, "Look! I know you want to eat my mushrooms.

The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a jar.

An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes.

The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.

The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.

The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.

The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.

The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!

The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual. ...

In a mental hospital, one day the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its ass and said "chase me", and the dean sighed; The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " Dean fell down and passed out. ...

One day, a kangaroo was driving on a country road, and suddenly he saw a white rabbit in the middle of the road, with his ears and body almost on the ground, as if listening to something. ...

So .. Kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "What are you listening to, Little White Rabbit?"

"A big truck passed here half an hour ago ..."

"Wow .. so God! .. how do you know? .."

"He XX! That's how my neck and legs are broken .. "

One day, a little white rabbit came to a shop and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

The next day, the little white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

On the third day, the white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shouted angrily, "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "

The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.

The fourth day, the little white rabbit came to this shop again and asked timidly, "Boss, do you have pliers?"

The boss said, "No."

The white rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"

I don't know how many days later, a little black rabbit came to this shop and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.

The next day, the little black rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"

The boss was very angry: "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.

On the third day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly, "boss, do you have pliers?"

The boss said angrily, "No."

The little black rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"

The boss got angry, grabbed the little black rabbit, took out a small hammer and knocked out the little black rabbit's teeth.

The fourth day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked vaguely, "Boss, do you have carrot juice?"

In order to test the police forces in the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first.

The first person to rush into the forest was the American police. They first spent a whole half-day meeting to formulate a battle plan and strictly divide their work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for a carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away and the task failed!

Then it's the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars to line up outside the forest. The leader shouted with his horn: "Rabbit, rabbit, you are surrounded, come out and surrender …" Half a day passed, but nothing happened. Flying Tigers entered the forest to search again, and the mission failed!

Finally, China police, only four people, played mahjong all day. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Less than five minutes later, he heard an animal scream from the forest. China police came out talking and laughing with a cigarette in their mouth, dragging a black bear behind them. The bear was dying and said, "Stop playing, I'm a rabbit ..."

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and played badminton.

Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four sections and plays mahjong.

Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

The rice cake and the stone fought, and the stone kicked the rice cake into the sea ~ ~ ~

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who decided to join the army for life, so they made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting.

Rice cake! ! !

Glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: here comes the car ~! ! ! ! !

The glass was knocked down by a car, but there was something wrong with the coffee cup. Why?

Because ~ ~ ~ because ~ ~

Because coffee cups have ears ~ ~ ~ ~!

A peach was walking on the road and suddenly said, my heart is so hard!

A walnut was walking on the road and suddenly said, how thick-skinned I am!

A coke can was walking on the road, and suddenly he said, I'm so coke!

A heater was walking on the road, helping passers-by conveniently, and suddenly said, I am so enthusiastic!

A key was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am Qu Yuan! I'll look up and down for that lock!

An electric meter was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am a scholar! Look for him in the crowd!

A tadpole was walking on the road and met another tadpole while walking. Walking, he suddenly said, we are not QQ!

A hawthorn is married and walking on the road. Walking, he suddenly said, my face is so red!

A hawthorn divorced, walking on the road suddenly said, my heart is so sour!

A hawthorn remarried and walked on the road, suddenly saying, I have a child in my stomach!

A tea bag was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be soaked!

A dumpling stuffing was walking on the road and suddenly said, I really want to be wrapped!

A lighter was walking on the road and suddenly said that his stomach was full of gas and he wanted to get angry!

A cockroach was walking on the road and suddenly said, I am strong!

A thimble was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm on it!

An ice cream was walking on the road and suddenly said, I'm cold!

A spider was walking on the road and suddenly said, I still want to surf the internet!

A fish was walking on the road and suddenly said, I like diving every day!

A Guan Yu was walking on the road, and suddenly he said, I rode thousands of miles alone!

An eagle was walking on the road and met a bear. Suddenly, he said, we are playing with the eagle and the bear!

A compass was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find the north?

An earthworm was walking on the road and suddenly said, why can't I find my legs?

It is said that there is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot.

One day, the penguin was particularly bored at home and wanted to find a polar bear to play with. He went out with him, but on the way, he found that he forgot to turn off the refrigerator at home. It's been 10 years, but the refrigerator is about to close, so the penguin went home and closed the refrigerator.

After turning off the refrigerator, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home. ...

Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "polar bear, polar bear, penguin is coming to play with you!" " "

As a result, the polar bear was not there, and the neighbor seal told him that the polar bear had just come home yesterday, saying that he had forgotten to turn off the refrigerator, and had set off to play with penguins today.

A scientist went to the South Pole and met a group of penguins.

He asked one of them, "What do you do every day?"

Penguin said, "Eat, sleep and beat peas."

He asked the other, "What do you do every day?"

Penguin also said, "Eat, sleep and beat peas."

He asked many penguins, and they all said, "Eat and sleep and beat peas."

Later, he met a little penguin, very cute, and asked him, "What do you do every day, little friend?"

The little penguin said, "Eat and sleep." The scientist was stupefied and immediately asked, "Why don't you hit peas?"

The little penguin growled, I am Doudou! !

Once upon a time, a little penguin asked his father, father, father, will penguins be afraid of cold?

Dad said: silly child, no ~

He asked his mother again, Mom, Mom, are penguins afraid of the cold?

Mom said: silly child, no ~

He asked his grandma, grandma, grandma, are penguins afraid of cold?

Grandma said: silly child, no ~

Confused, it said, but why do I feel so cold? . .

A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent all his salary partying with friends all weekend.

When he finally got home on Sunday night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly an hour.

Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "Are you going on?"

How do you feel about not seeing me for three days? 」

He replied, "I think it's quite good. 」

Monday passed and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hasn't seen his wife.

On Thursday,

………………

The swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye.

A pair of corn fell in love.

So they decided to get married.

Wedding anniversary

A corn can't find another corn.

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Damn, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

Next, a piece of steamed bread fell in love.

So they decided to get married.

Wedding anniversary

A steamed bun can't find another steamed bun.

The steamed bread asked the flower roll next to it: Have you seen our steamed bread?

Hua Juan: Shit, I'm wearing a pan head.

Two tomatoes go shopping,

The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked, where are we going?

The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato finally slowly turned around and said:

Aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk?

Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

I used to have schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.

An international student is taking a driver's license test in the United States, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He is not sure, ask the examiner:

"Turn left?"

A: "Yes"

So ... hang up. ..

One day mung beans committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks.

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"