Find a joke (it's a fool who confuses)

A man had a broken bone, so he went to see a doctor. The doctor asked him how he broke his bone. The man said, I got sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with the telephone pole next to me. Unexpectedly, I saw it, thought I was electrocuted, and gave me two sticks. ...

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring, telling what happened to him and his girlfriend.

Oh, what's the matter I am speechless.

He talked for a long time and looked at me, which may mean that he said so much, so I have to make a statement.

For a moment, I really didn't know what to say. I blurted out and asked, "Is your girlfriend a woman?" ……

The teacher handed out papers, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" " As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine! " " ……

Once I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " "... for the first time in two years, I heard the boss laugh so loudly.

The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

In my junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go, someone will kill you." ……

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I quickly went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry, "Boss, a bottle of fart water!" " " ………

MM told me about KFC's new "flesh and blood" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady, "Please give me two copies of' flesh and blood', thank you!" ……

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy!

Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold!

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What do you teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: "Too much urine and too much wine."

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. ...

A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant, shook his head and said, "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " "Say that finish, I added:" More rice noodles! "

Boss: "... do you want rice noodles or onions?"

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result is: "He's gone ..."

Another one, when we were in junior high school, we rang the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell rang and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced up from his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ……

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

In computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine and shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " "The whole class is stupefied.

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Even in high school, I went home with MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there are many seniors on the grill, I am afraid that the boss can't hear me, so I shouted, "Boss, five strings of bullwhip!" " "Then there was silence. After three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was very embarrassed ... the most embarrassing thing was that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail. "

Someone went to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted "aim at your side light!" " "One of my classmates whispered to me," Only his bladder grows on his face. "

Our unit has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off!

When a student of the physical education department was in the internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he said, "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace, war and discovery. Connect these three English words and read them aloud for three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (I farted)

My friend's child is half a year old, so I called to care. After a few commonplaces, he said, "Does your child eat human milk or yours now?" ……

When I bought rice in the canteen and saw the long-awaited tofu skin, I excitedly said to the waiter, "A potato skin!" " "... shocked the people around you.

That's a good donkey. Like the heart, the heart and the lungs. ...

Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the salesman, "A bag of potato chips!" " They said no. I said, "What store?" ... not even chips? ! "Say that finish turned and left. ...

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all died by caesarean section!" " " ……

Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM in a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?" ……

When I was in college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. Call 1860 to ask about it. At that time, he was excited: "Excuse me, your mobile phone service …" From the hands-free phone, we even heard the telephone operator politely say: "Our mobile phone service …" The whole dormitory burst into laughter!

Yesterday, someone said that they would introduce me to a girlfriend. I want to ask, "Is it beautiful?" The result said, "Is it cheap?" . Sweat to death ...

Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was like this just now. "

The landlord asked, "What are you going to write on the epitaph if you die?" Here are some hilarious replies from some awesome people:

Thank the government for solving the housing problem for me!

One bedroom, shared, negotiable.

Small things arouse the soul, big things dig the grave.

I think I can save it!

I was buried alive! Fuck!

Rent advertising space.

Whipping service, once 100!

First from the text, three years to miss; After practicing martial arts, the tinker made an arrow, and the drums were deafening, one after another; I studied medicine and achieved something. Write a prescription, eat it and die.

Gene recombination, please wait ... twenty years. ...

I was born in China and buried in China. It never rains but it pours!

When you read this line clearly: friend, you stepped on me.

I finally don't have to be afraid of ghosts

Give me a smile, or ... I will give you a smile?

This is the last hole I dug (warning the digger)!

Touch the bones to tell fortune. ...

Accompany chat, provide night door-to-door service.

The latest advertising slogan of Sanlu milk powder:

1, drink Sanlu milk powder and be the champion of Paralympic Games.

2. Sanlu milk powder, produced by Trimmer Chemical Group.

3, drink urine diamonds three times. I don't tell him about ordinary people.

4, Sanlu milk powder, stepmother's choice

5. Drink Sanlu every day and go straight to Huang Quan Road.

6, milk, I choose Sanlu, Sanlu milk-China Men's Football Team designated special milk.

7. After drinking Sanlu milk powder, alas, my waist has stopped hurting, my legs have stopped aching, and my heart has stopped beating.