Funny monk fortune telling _ funny monk fortune telling video

Violate discipline/precepts

The old monk and the young monk traveled together and met a river on the way; I saw a woman trying to cross the river, but she didn't dare. The old monk took the initiative to carry the woman across the river, then put the woman down and continued on his way with the young monk. The young monk couldn't help asking in a low voice all the way: What happened to Master? How dare you cross the river with a woman on your back? After walking all the way and thinking all the way, I finally couldn't help but say, master, are you breaking the rules? Why are you taking a woman? The old monk sighed: I have put it down, but you still can't put it down!

* * Honest people are magnanimous, and villains are often sad; Open-minded, open-minded, affordable and open-minded can always maintain a healthy attitude.

charitable

Once upon a time, two hungry people were blessed by an elder: a fishing rod and a basket of huge fresh fish. One of them asked for a basket of fish and the other asked for a fishing rod, so they parted ways. The person who got the fish built a bonfire with dry wood and cooked the fish on the spot. He wolfed down the fish and didn't taste the meat of the fresh fish. In a flash, he ate all the fish and soup. Soon, he starved to death by the empty fish basket. The other man continued to starve with a fishing rod, and walked hard to the seaside step by step, but when he saw the blue ocean not far away, his last strength was exhausted and he could only die with endless regrets.

Two hungry people also got a fishing rod and a basket of fish from their elders. It's just that they didn't part ways, but agreed to look for the sea together. They only cook one fish at a time. After a long journey, they came to the seaside. From then on, they began to make a living by fishing. A few years later, they built a house, had their own family, children and a fishing boat made by themselves, and lived a happy and healthy life.

* * A person who only cares about immediate interests will eventually get short-term happiness; One should aim high, but face the real life. Only by organically combining ideal with reality can we become a successful person. Sometimes, a simple truth is enough to give people meaningful life enlightenment.

hit the jackpot

American soldiers received a reward order from their superiors: they would receive a reward of $20,000 for catching an Afghan guerrilla.

Mick and Tom began to search for Afghan guerrillas in the desert. As long as they catch a few more, their family dreams will come to nothing. But after a few days of hard work, even the Afghan guerrillas were not found, and the two gradually went deep into the mountains and stayed away from the brigade. They leaned against the tree and fell asleep exhausted.

In his sleep, Mick vaguely heard the noise. When he woke up completely, he found that the two of them were surrounded by hundreds of Afghan guerrillas with guns.

Mick rubbed his eyes and was so excited that he quickly woke Tom up: "Get up, get up, we are rich!" " "

Real courage

On a ship, the generals of Britain, France and Germany are braver than their soldiers.

First of all, the British general called one of his soldiers and said to him, "climb to the top of the 30-meter-high cabin and jump into the sea." The soldier complied. The British general proudly said, "Look, this is courage!" " "

Later, the German general also called a soldier and said, "You climb to the 60-meter-high watchtower and then jump into the sea." The soldier obeyed, and the German general proudly said to the other two generals, "Look, this is courage!" " "

It's the turn of the French general. He also called one of his soldiers and ordered, "Go to the deck, climb over the railing and jump into the sea." Unexpectedly, the soldier listened and said loudly to the general, "Are you crazy?" And then left without looking back. Then the French general smiled and said, "Look, this is courage!" " "

Courage is an ability based on self-esteem-Napoleon.

What I want to say most is

At the job fair held in the Capital Gymnasium, there was a sea of people and a lot of voices. College students send resumes while chatting with employers. Television reporters also walked through the crowd to interview the employment situation this year.

In the corner of the hall, the reporter met a girl who was busy preparing her resume, so she rushed over and pointed the camera at her and asked how the application was going. Girls say that it is difficult to find a job in freshman year because of the emphasis on work experience now. After chatting for a while, the TV reporter asked, "If you were to face the TV audience, what would you like to say most now?" The girl immediately took out a resume from her bag and said expectantly, "Is your TV station still hiring this year?"

The ending of fairy tales

Many people think that the princess has lived a happy life since she married the prince. If you saw the chubby Cinderella, I believe you wouldn't think so.

It is said that Cinderella became the beautiful bride of the prince and was extremely happy every day. I used to fetch water, collect firewood, cook and wash clothes every day, and there was often a time when I couldn't eat a meal. Now there are hundreds of maids waiting on her, and the tribute food from all over the country and the dinner and state banquet in the court make her eat very happily! In addition to the three meals prepared by the chef, there are afternoon tea and midnight snack every day, and her favorite cakes and chocolates are endless.

Cinderella has only been married in the palace for two years, but the prince's attitude towards her is getting colder and colder. He is often seen sighing at the beautiful girls outside the palace. Cinderella was puzzled until one day she took out her glass shoes on a whim, but the shoes crashed with a clash. Cinderella hurried to find the fairy mother. Mother fairy saw her and shook her head. "Alas, I forgot to remind you that the weight of glass shoes should not exceed 100 kg. You are too fat!" "

Originally, Cinderella was not impressed by the fact that she was getting fat. Later, the prince planned to marry her two sisters, and finally made her determined to lose weight. So Cinderella came to a fitness center.

After paying the registration fee, the waitress motioned her to go in and exercise for a while. When Cinderella entered the center, she found two fatter women sighing there. Cinderella introduced herself: "Hello, I'm Cinderella. Who are you? " "I am a sleeping beauty." "I am Snow White." Two fat women replied.

The lesson of this story

A primary school teacher asked every student in the class to tell a story and then explained the text of the story.

Jenny was the first to say, "My father has a farm. Every week, we put eggs in baskets and transport them to the market. One day, because the road was bumpy, the basket fell off the car and the eggs were broken. The lesson of this story is not to put all your eggs in one basket. "

The second storyteller is Jack: "My father has a farm, too. One day, we put 12 eggs in the incubator, but there were only 8 hatched chicks. The lesson of the story is not to count chickens before they are hatched. wishful thinking is often unreliable. "

The last one was Peter: "My uncle flew a plane during the war and was shot down by the enemy. He jumped into a remote island with a parachute, and he had nothing but a bottle of medicinal whisky. My uncle is surrounded by 12 enemies. He drank that bottle of whisky and killed them all with his bare hands. "

"It's amazing," said the teacher, "but what's the lesson of this story?"

Billy said, "Don't disturb uncle when he is drinking."

The experience of the elderly

One afternoon, a young man was about to tee off at the golf course when an old gentleman came up and asked him if he could play some shots with him.

Because the young man is a person, he readily agreed. After the kick-off, the old man played well at all. Although he didn't hit the ball very far, he made steady progress and hardly wasted time. When they came to the ninth hole, the young man saw a leafy tree in Ye Sheng blocking the fairway. The young people repeatedly observed and measured, trying to find a way to avoid the big trees. After a few minutes, the old man said, "Do you know, young man? When I was your age, I hit the ball hard from the top of the tree. "

Encouraged by the old man, the young man waved his life and hit the ball. Unfortunately, the ball flew directly to the canopy, then fell to the ground and rolled to the front. At this time, the old man added, "Of course, when I was your age, this tree was only over two meters high."

High-tech watch

A man missed his plane, but forgot to bring his watch, so he wanted to ask someone else. At this moment, he saw a man struggling to come over with two huge suitcases. The man is wearing an unusually beautiful watch on his wrist.

"Excuse me, what time is it?" He asked.

"Which country's time?" The man asked.

"Oh?" The man was surprised. "Do you know the time in which countries?"

"All countries." The man replied.

"wow! That's really a good watch! "

"Not only that, this watch also has a GPS satellite system that can send and receive emails and faxes at any time. This color screen can watch NTSC TV programs! " The man proved to him that it was true!

"ah! It's amazing. I really want to have a watch like this. Can you sell it to me? " This man is full of infinite expectations.

"To tell you the truth, I'm tired of this watch. How about 900 yuan? "

The man thought the watch was a little expensive, but he liked it very much, so he immediately took out cash and gave the man 900 dollars. "Deal!"

"Well, now, it's yours." The man was relieved and gave him his watch. "This is your watch." After he put on this magical watch with joy, he pointed to two big boxes on the ground and said. "These two are batteries!"

Real estate advertisement

Some people live in an old house after retirement. He wanted to sell it and buy a better house, but after a long time, he failed to do so. Later, he decided to ask the real estate agent for help.

The real estate agent immediately advertised the old house. A few days later, the shopkeeper saw a particularly attractive photo in a beautifully printed magazine. It's his old house.

Behind the advertising text, there is a paragraph about its hidden dangers, its thin legs, its yellow shore and its official position. Poke four times and talk about the old tomb. I'm afraid I'll be lucky to find the hole print of biguanide! ?

Ask three questions before you act.

Movies are organized in the town, and men and women in several villages far and near are carrying benches and shaking cattail fans to take seats in the threshing floor.

Wang finally found a place to sit down. After a while, a young man came to him. Suddenly, Wang patted the young man and said to him, "Are you a township cadre?"

"no!" The young man replied. "Are your brothers and sisters cadres in the village?" "no!" The young man replied. "Are your relatives familiar with the township cadres?" "no!" The young man answered strangely.

Wang stopped talking after asking. After a while, Wang was uneasy and asked the young man in front, "Do you know any neighbors or friends of the township cadres?" "no! I have nothing to do with the township cadres! " The young man replied brightly. After listening to this, Wang immediately put away his smiling face and roared, "Boy, you've been stepping on my fucking stool for a long time!" " Asshole! "

The story of the application

An unemployed man went to Microsoft to find a job as a cleaner. After the interview and practice (cleaning the toilet), the personnel department told him that he was admitted and asked him for an email address to send the admission notice and other documents.

He said, "I don't have a computer, let alone email." The personnel department told him: "For Microsoft, people who don't have mailboxes are people who don't exist, so Microsoft can't use them."

When he left Microsoft, he had only $65,438+00 in his pocket. He had to go to the convenience store to buy 10 kg of potatoes and sell them door to door. Two hours later, he sold all the potatoes and made a double profit.

He has done business several times and his capital has doubled. He found that he could earn money to support himself by doing so. So, he started this business seriously. With some luck and hard work, his business grew bigger and bigger. He bought a car and hired new people.

Within five years, he set up a large-scale "door-to-door" sales company to provide people with the service of buying fresh fruits and vegetables at home.

Considering planning the future for his family, he is going to buy an insurance policy. When signing the contract, the salesperson asked him for his e-mail address. He added, "I don't have a computer, let alone an email address."

The salesman was surprised: "Your company is so big, but there is no e-mail." Think about it, if you have a computer and email, how much more work can you do? How many careers can you develop? "

He said, "You can also be a cleaner at Microsoft."

unfulfilled wish of the deceased

At the gate of heaven, there are three people waiting in line to enter. St Peter asked them, "What do you want to hear from the people attending the funeral before going to heaven?" This is probably your last wish. "

The first man said, "I'm a doctor. I hope someone will say,' He is a great doctor. He saved countless lives! " "

The second man said, "I am a businessman, and I hope someone will say,' He is so successful that his enterprise has entered the top 500 in the world this year!'" " "

The third person said, "I was very moved by what the first two people said." However, I want someone to shout,' Look! "He's moving!" "

Mosquito skills

Once upon a time, there were three mosquitoes from Britain, China and the United States. They got together to show off their flying skills, and they were so red-faced that they couldn't tell the winner from the loser. So they decided to show off for a while.

When the British mosquito attacked for the first time, it flew to a frog and circled it several times. When it came back, it saw the frog's tongue tied a slipknot, and it proudly said, "I tell you!" In my hometown, if you don't have this ability, it will be finished soon! "

The American mosquito saw it and sneered twice: "Hum! Don't mention it! " So it flew to the front two frogs and flew back and forth between them several times. When it came back, the tongues of two frogs formed a fast knot, and then proudly said, "Hum! In my hometown, this is the way to survive! "

China Mosquito looked at them and replied disdainfully, "Just kidding! In our hometown, I have never seen such a bad technology! " British mosquitoes and American mosquitoes said unconvinced, "What makes you say that?" ? How capable do you think you are? "

As a result, mosquitoes in China flew to a group of frogs and shuttled through them several times. When they came back, they saw the frogs' tongues tied together and tied into a "Chinese knot".

Charming foam

The statistics teacher asked each student to make a survey. This is a boring job, so Charlie chose to investigate how people entertain.

He first came to a big apartment near the school and knocked on the first door, which was opened by a man. Charlie said, "I'm a college student and I'm doing a statistical survey now." I want to know what kind of entertainment you like. " Charlie introduced himself. The man thought for a moment and replied, "Look at the bubbles in the bathtub." Charlie found his answer very interesting, wrote it down and walked on.

Charlie came to the second door and asked the same question to the second gentleman he met: "I'm doing a statistical survey. I want to know what kind of entertainment you like?" The man thought for a moment and replied, "Look at the bubbles in the bathtub."

Charlie found it interesting and confused. He continued his investigation there, and all the men he met replied, "Look at the bubbles in the bathtub."

Charlie left the apartment in confusion, which bothered him for a long time.

Until one day, he came to the last family to investigate. He knocked on the door. This time, a beautiful girl opened the door.

Charlie asked, "What's your name, miss?" The girl replied: "Bubble".

The benefits of foreign languages

One day, an old mouse and a group of little mice were wandering in the room when suddenly a cat appeared in front of them. As a result, the mice began to flee everywhere, and the cat chased after them. Just when they were at the end of their tether, the old mouse running in front suddenly turned around and barked at the cat twice: "Woof, woof!" " Not knowing the situation, the cat was frightened by the sudden barking of two dogs and turned around and ran away.

The mouse is finally out of danger. The mice wiped their sweat and looked at the old mouse with envious eyes. At this time, the old mouse patted the little mouse on the shoulder and said earnestly, "Look, children, how important it is to master a foreign language!" "

Count sheep hard

There is a couple who run a ranch. Because of overwork, her husband has insomnia and often can't sleep all night, which is very distressing. So his wife told him that when he couldn't sleep, he would lie in bed silently counting sheep and slowly fall asleep. He tried according to law, but he still couldn't. The wife knew that her husband was a hothead and might be impatient after counting a few times, so she comforted her husband: "You must be too impatient. You must count it wholeheartedly, until it reaches 10,000. Try again tonight. "

The next morning, the wife asked her husband if he fell asleep while counting sheep last night. The husband said bitterly, "I still didn't sleep all night!" " I counted10,000 sheep, sheared them, combed them, spun them into cloth, sewed them up, and shipped them to America. All sold, the whole transaction earned 3 million! When the money is earned, it is already dawn. "

Depressed frog

Once upon a time, there was an old man boating in the lake. Suddenly, a frog swam towards him. Only the frog shouted to the old man, "Sir! Sir! I am a beautiful princess. As long as you kiss me, I will be a princess again soon, and then we can live happily together! "

The old man picked up the frog without kissing it. He just put it in his pocket and went on rowing. The frog was a little puzzled and called again, "Sir! I am really a beautiful princess. As long as you kiss me, I will be a princess again soon, and then we can live happily together! "

The old man still didn't speak and continued to row. The frog was very angry and said, "Why don't you kiss me?" I tell you, I am really a beautiful princess. "

"Listen, madam," the old man replied, "I am 90 years old this year. At this age, I'd rather have a talking frog. "

The strategy of the weak

Two people are exploring in the virgin forest. Suddenly, a huge tiger appeared in front of them.

Seeing the tiger coming, a man quickly kicked off his leather shoes and took out a pair of lighter running shoes from his backpack and put them on. Another man saw that he still had the heart to change shoes at a critical moment and said, "You are so stupid, you can't get rid of the tiger if you change shoes again!" " "The man shook his head and said," I don't need to run past the tiger, as long as I run faster than you. "

Engineer evasion

Three engineers and three accountants went to other places for a meeting. When they got on the train, three accountants bought three tickets, but three engineers only bought one ticket. Confused, the accountants asked the engineers why they only bought one ticket. The engineer said, "You will know when you get on the train."

As soon as the train started, three engineers crowded into a toilet. The conductor began to check in and finally went outside the toilet. She knocked on the door and said, "Check the tickets." Then the door opened a small crack and a ticket was handed out from it.

When they came back from a meeting in other places, the accountants thought the engineers' methods were very good, so they only bought a ticket. This time, the engineers didn't buy any tickets, and the accountants were puzzled. The engineer still said, "You will understand when you get on the bus."

After getting on the bus, three accountants immediately squeezed into a toilet, and three engineers squeezed into the toilet on the other side of the carriage. Shortly after the train started, an engineer came out of the toilet, went outside the accountant's toilet, knocked on the door and said, "Check in."

Magic ant

A person is sentenced to 12 years in prison, which is quite boring. One day, he found that an ant could understand him, so he began to train it.

A few years later, this ant can not only stand upside down, somersault, but also dance, which makes him quite proud. Finally, the first thing he did after he got out of prison was to run to the bar and prepare to show off his magical ants.

He first asked the bartender for a glass of beer, then took the ants out of his pocket and put them on the table. He shouted to the bartender, "Look at this ant …" The bartender came over and killed the ant at once, and then said to him, "I'm sorry, I'll get you a new one right away!"

Churchill called.

One day, Churchill will give a speech. He forgot to bring a very important document before his speech, so he took a taxi home to get it. In front of the car, he asked the taxi driver to wait outside for a while and then sent him out. But the driver replied firmly, "No, I have to go back to Churchill's speech."

Churchill was ecstatic and immediately gave him a handsome tip. The driver was overjoyed. After receiving the money, he immediately changed his tune: "Sir, I think I'd better wait for you here and let Churchill and his speech go to hell!" "

Do hard but thankless work

A famous writer went to a small city with only one bookstore. The owner of this bookstore heard that the writer was going to visit his bookstore. In order to please the writer, he removed all the other books on the shelf and replaced them with his own works to show his attention.

On this day, the writer came to the bookstore and saw his book at a glance. He is very happy. However, he searched all over the bookstore and found that there were only his books in this bookstore. He was puzzled and asked his boss, "Where are the books of other writers?"

The shopkeeper didn't expect the writer to ask this question. He didn't know how to answer for a moment, and then said, "All the other books are sold out!" "

Nuns and priests

A priest was driving on the road and saw a nun on the side of the road, so he stopped and offered to give her a ride.

The nun got on the bus, cocked her feet and let her lovely legs emerge from her robe. The priest was so happy that he almost had an accident with the car. After controlling the car, he secretly moved his hand to the beautiful leg.

The nun looked at him and said, "Father, remember the poem 129?" The priest blushed, apologized and was forced to take his hand away. But his eyes never left her beautiful legs. After shifting gears several times, his hand slipped to the beautiful leg again.

The nun said, "Father, remember the poem 129?" The priest apologized again: "I'm sorry, you know, weak." After arriving at the monastery, the nun got off the bus, gave the priest a meaningful look and left.

When the priest returned to the church, he hurriedly took out his Bible and wanted to know what Psalm 129 had written. He turned to section 129, which said, "Go ahead, keep exploring and deepening, and you will find glory."

Decent way

At night, the company held a staff meeting, and suddenly there was a power outage, and the meeting room was dark. Everyone waited quietly. After a while, the manager suddenly shouted, "My watch on the conference table is gone!" "

"Someone must have stolen it." "Who can do this?" Go ahead and say it.

The chairman looked at all the people present, then shrugged his shoulders and said to them, "Ladies and gentlemen, I will solve this problem with dignity. Now turn off the lights for five minutes and let's go out one by one. Please put the watch on the table with the clock at the door. "

Five minutes later, the light came on. The manager went out of the meeting room to get his watch, only to find that there was no watch on the table and the desk clock was gone.

God's help

Once there was a heavy rain, and the flood began to flood the city. A priest is praying in the church. Seeing that the flood had flooded his waist, suddenly a lifeguard rowed a boat and said to the priest, "Father! get up here ! Otherwise the flood will drown you! " The priest said, "No! I want to guard my palace! I am convinced that God will come to save me! " So the lifeguard reluctantly left.

Soon, the flood flooded the priest's head. The priest had to stand on the table reluctantly. At this moment, a policeman came by in a boat and said to the priest, "Come on up! Otherwise the flood will drown you. " The priest said, "No! I want to guard my palace! I am convinced that God will come to save me! " So, the police left helplessly.

After a while, the church was flooded and the priest had to hold on to the cross. At this moment, a helicopter came and put down the rope ladder. The crew shouted, "Dad! Climb up with the rope ladder! Otherwise the flood will drown you! " The priest said firmly, "No! I want to guard my palace! I am convinced that God will come to save me! " So the helicopter also reluctantly left.

However, the flood continued to rise and the priest was finally drowned. When the priest went to heaven, he met God and asked angrily, "What's the matter with you?" ! Will your people still believe you? "God said unjustly," What do you want? "! I have sent two boats and a helicopter to save you! Don't you want an aircraft carrier to sit? "