Our boss has two private companies (A and B). Company A specializes in production, while Company B is mainly responsible for sales.

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The highest state of eating apples

The highest state of sleep

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The highest state of smoking

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Tree of life

Real running

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1. One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was private and which was female. The donkey searched his heart, but he still couldn't answer. The cow scolded, "What an ass! Men are left, women are left! " !

Seven years after graduation, I finally got a big project to build a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months, and the cost is 300,000, but it needs funds. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Yesterday, people went for a hair check-up, and they were scolded to death, and they still have no money to take it. Shit, the dance company sf! Looking at the drawings backwards, people want to dig wells!

3. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't understand. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I thought there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking forgetful guy passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he grabbed a stick and gave me two!

One day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go hiking. They brought a Shandong pie and two cans of sea water.

Chicken, and then set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor and unloaded the equipment accurately.

Prepare dinner. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!

Son of a turtle: "... I'm going to get it." 」

Father Tortoise: "Good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back quickly! "

Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! "

So turtle son stepped back. ...

Time flies like years. I haven't done it in 20 years, and the turtle son hasn't appeared yet.

Mother turtle: "old partner ... do you want to eat first?" I'm super hungry and say ... "

Turtle dad: "Don't go! We allow our son! Ok ... wait for him for five years, or let him go! "

It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

Take the pie and get ready to eat. ...

Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...

Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years, and finally.

I have been waiting for you! I hate being cheated!

Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three gold medals in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold, so you named it Xin. Just like some people abandon famous seedlings for lack of water, and some people lack wood.

Xiao Xin: Dad, what do you think is missing from Sister Guo Jingjing's life?

7. A boyfriend and girlfriend were sitting on a park bench in love, and the woman suddenly wanted to fart.

Say to the man: I am a cereal bird, do you listen to it?

Men are really willing to listen.

So, under the protection of the bird's "goo goo" cry, my mother put a loud fart bluntly.

W: Does it sound like a cuckoo?

Man: What a fart! I didn't catch it!

8. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The black turtle scolded in a hurry: if I don't fucking come back, I'll die! At this moment, the snail's voice came from the door: you fucking said I wouldn't go!

9. Someone raised a pig, annoyed him and abandoned it, but the pig knew the way home, and it was right to abandon it several times. One day, he drove around many times and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Does the pig return?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It growled, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!" "

10. Elephants accidentally stepped on an ant nest, and their nesting ants climbed onto the elephants. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

1 1. One morning in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said: Lonely Campus QQ: 935332 133 "Teacher, the computer crashed, and all of us died." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

12. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained that someone had fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out, and the monkey was afraid. At first, you have to eat it again.

13. Xiao Liang: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy ..."

14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch ................"

Someone can't help asking, "What's next?"

Keep telling stories: "below? No ... "

15. A group of people just learned a foreign language. On this day, when they were walking in the street, they stepped on a foreigner's foot. The foreigner quickly said, "I'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely, "I'm sorry, too." Hearing this, the man quickly said, "I'm sorry, three." That foreigner is very stupid. The man said helplessly, "I'm sorry."

Downey's letter to the Monkey King.

Dear Wukong:

I write this letter slowly, because I know you can't read quickly!

It rained twice this week, the first time for 4 days, and the second time for 3 days!

Did you have a good time in Huaguoshan? I have a hard time in heaven, because there is no gravity, so my urine, tears and nose can't fall off. Do you feel sweet?

Our beef noodles here are delicious. Let's go to the restaurant in West Street for hot pot when you come another day!

Your Guanyin sister is going to have a baby, so I don't know whether you should be an uncle or an aunt for the time being because I don't know whether it is a boy or a girl!

Did you receive the clothes I sent you? I was afraid it would be too heavy to send, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket!

It's very late to write here. Come and play with me sometime. Remember not to drink more water, or it will be very pleasant if you can't pee here!

P.S. wants to send you money, but the envelope is stuck!

17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. How to restore deformity by eating cucumber and watermelon? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

18. A man went to Shanghai on business and lost a dollar in the street. The policeman said, "We will help you find it." When the man went back in January, all the alleys where he lost his money were filled up because of road construction. He can't help but sigh that "everything in Shanghai is true."

19. One day, an ant was sunbathing when suddenly he saw an elephant coming slowly. He got up and straightened his front legs, and the rabbit next to him asked what you were doing. The ant said, "Shh ~ ~ ~ ~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him."

20. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut everyone into two pieces to play badminton. Mother earthworm thought it was a good idea, so she cut them into four pieces and played mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into pieces. Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! " Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "

2 1. The tortoise and the hare race ... The hare quickly ran to the back ... The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, "Come on up, I will surprise you." ... then ... the snail climbed up ... soon ... the tortoise saw an ant again ... and said to him, come up, too ... so the ant came up. When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him. Do you know what the snail said? The snail said, don't worry, this turtle is so fast. ..

22. One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son still eating. Mother easily shouted outside the house, "Son ... what are you doing ... you won't come out after the fire ..." The son replied, "I'm wearing socks ..." The mother said, "What socks did you wear after the fire ..." Five minutes later, the son didn't come out ... The mother shouted softly, "Son! Rush out ~ There's a fire, and I'm still inside ... "The son said," I'm taking off my socks. ........

23. A man went fishing by the river and put a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, but he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ there was no measurement, so he had to change earthworms ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ ~ He was indignant ~ He took out 100rmb and fell into the water to scold him: "*-# What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself! ! !

24. My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but I forgot to bring my handkerchief and sucked it into my nose. The Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! End it for me! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher is > He said, "Who steals noodles in class and makes so much noise?" "

25. The patient said to the dentist, "You really lost money. You made $3 in just three seconds."

The doctor replied, "If you like, I can insert it for you with slow breathing."

26. "Narcissism" means that you must be reborn as a woman in your next life and then marry a man like me; "Disappointed" means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world? ! "Eat the second" shit! There really is! " "Silence" means that the French ask: Why do you want to print * *? The criminal said: I can't print real money.

27. Weaver's father came to the world to take a bath and realized the cowherd. He told us a sad love story. This tells us that bathing in the wild is not an opportunity, so it is necessary to bathe outside. .....

28. Xiaoming returned to the study room after going to the toilet and said to the teacher, "There are many ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming. "What did ants say?" Xiao Ming looked blank ... and then said, "The ant didn't say anything ..."

29. A person always farts at work, and his colleague can't help but say, "Can you be quiet?" Then I saw him lying there trembling. Colleagues asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied, "I didn't make any noise, but now it's tuned to vibration!" " ! ! "

30. Mother Mosquito: "What's the matter with you, son?" The little mosquito cried and said, "Today, the little fly bullied me and called me a bloodthirsty vampire." The mother mosquito said, "Ignore it. Their family is not good either. They all grew up eating shit.

3 1. I bought a pottery jar of the Eastern Zhou Dynasty for 80,000 yuan. Yesterday, when the goods arrived and the outline was appraised, Bo Jia solemnly said, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week!

32. Son: "Mom, I failed the math teaching exam yesterday." Mother: "What for?" Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said =6. " Mother: "That's right, and then what?" Son: "The teacher replied, 3*2=?" Shu mother: "Isn't this the same?" Son: "That's what I said. ..

33. A prisoner carried out the decision of * *, and the bullets were produced in "a county". The quality is not good The first * * was not released, but the second * * ... the third * * ... then the prisoner cried, "You strangle me, it's so scary!"

34. The father told his son a story: "Uncle told Xiaoyang to cut wood, but Xiaoyang didn't expect to cut down his uncle's favorite peach tree. Uncle was angry but didn't scold him. Do you know why? " The son replied, "Maybe Xiao Yang still has an axe in his hand, so he dare not scold him.

35. Dung beetles and mosquitoes meet for the first time. Dung beetles: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, give an injection" dung beetles grabbed mosquito's hand and cried bitterly: "Fate, I am also a doctor, a Chinese medicine practitioner, and I pinch pills.

36. Men can't find a female enemy, so they have to tell their fortune. The fortune teller said: you are doomed to have no women in the first half of your life; Not that person's eyes lit up: then I should have it all my life? The fortune teller said, hey, the new dance troupe sf is opened today, and you will get used to living alone for the rest of your life.

37. When someone was eating, he couldn't see a piece of beef in the beef Lamian Noodles, so he pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in the beef Lamian Noodles? Don't take it too seriously, the boss said gently. Do you still want to eat the wife in the old woman's cake?

38. The three mice distinguished American, Japanese and China wines. The mouse that drank Smith Barney took three steps and fell down. The mouse drinking Japanese standard wine took two steps and fell down; The mouse drinking China Erguotou, with a kitchen knife in his hand, shouted, "Where's the fucking cat?"

39. While eating in a restaurant, a spectator who had been waiting for a long time called the waiter and asked, "Why isn't the braised fish I ordered ready yet?" "Please wait a little longer, student." "What? What are you waiting for? " The visitor said in high spirits, "Didn't you just catch your fish?"

40. Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang.

He is dead.

On the day of the funeral.

His family cried and said

Cool ... cool. '

Passers-by are puzzled. Ask:'? "What do you like?"

When I got home, I cried in pain:' Great … Great! !

4 1. A person wants to jump off a building. His wife, who just came back, shouted, "Don't get excited, dear, we still have a long way to go!" " Hearing this, the man jumped down without hesitation. The expert standing by said, "Madam, you really shouldn't threaten him like this.

42. The director took the section chief to take advantage of the elevator. After the director farted, he said to the section chief, "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't let him." Soon the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting: "Big fart is unbearable. What do you want? "

43. A cat frantically searched for a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse is very excited: "Why is my lover so kind to me?" The cat felt naught. "You'll know when you get fat.

44. Every time I look in the mirror, I always mumble, "I am very creative, and ugliness is not my interest. God, don't lose my personality. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to set off the beauty of this world! " Really, I am really, really creative. ...

45. Friends and enemies go climbing together. When they reached the foot of the mountain, a girl shouted to Qili Jiangshan: Motherland! My mother! A boy who secretly loves her quickly shouted: motherland! My mother-in-law

46. I bought two puppies before, one named you "face" and the other named myself "ass"! Face died in a car accident within two days. At present, every time I see "ass", I think of your "face"! If your face were still there, it would be as big as your ass now!

47. After driving Wukong away, Tang Zeng met the monster again, so he had to think hard and call Wukong back for help. Soon, a voice came from the air: "I'm sorry. The subscriber you dialed is out of service, please redial later.

48. When the mouse went to the toilet, he was too scared to say a word when he saw the bear. The bear looked at the mouse and said, "Can't you shed your hair?" The mouse shivered and said nothing. The bear asked again, "Can't you depilate?" The mouse said carefully, "Don't drop it …" The bear grabbed the mouse and wiped his ass and left! 【 Use the mouse as toilet paper. ..

49. I just chatted with my friends, and several of them talked about you. Do you know about this? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight, because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was really too much! Almost didn't treat you like a pig!

50. On panda's birthday, I told you: I made two wishes, one was to get rid of dark circles and the other was to get a color photo.

5 1. Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. Bees don't knot: where is he more beautiful than me? Butterfly replied: at least people have their own houses, unlike you who live in a dormitory.

52. One day, an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came up to the elephant and said. Lonely school flower QQ: 935332 133 You stand up. Stand up at the beginning. Ants! You sit down. The elephant asks the ant what you want to do. Stand for a while, sit for a while. Ants answer! I lost my underwear. Let me see if you stole it.

53. The production team bought a donkey and died in a few days. It happened that the female donkey was in heat. The farmer of the production team called the captain of the production team who was on a business trip in the local area. "Captain, the female donkey is in heat and the male donkey is dead. Shall I buy a donkey first or wait for you to come back? "

54. Little dung beetles: Mom, why do we eat shit? Dung beetles's mother: This child, how can you say such nasty things at dinner?

55. A ticking star streaked across the ground at night, and I promised at once, hoping that you would become more beautiful. But just after I made my old wish, Yuan Xing came back with a whoosh and said to me, "Brother, are you deliberately embarrassing me?" ! !

56. Give me a canteen steamed bread as a fulcrum, and I can tilt the earth! & lt understand, this means "the food in the canteen can only be fed to pigs, but it is returned to us?" I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the canteen to cook and asked the chef after dinner, "Master, why is there rice in your sand?" ! ! "

57. I saw that "the food in the canteen can only be fed to pigs, but it is returned to us?" I thought of a sentence. Let's learn to cook in the canteen. After dinner, I asked the chef, "Master, why is there rice in your sand?"! ! ! "

58. A must-see story for girls: The bat is reincarnated in God's place. God says you can have three preconditions. The bat said, "I was black in my last life, so I want a silvery white figure and wings in my next life." I'm used to sucking blood. Let me suck blood. " God said, if allowed, do you know what will happen to him in the next life? "sanitary napkins" Ha ha.

59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase the smell of fish all day, and I eat it smelly and spicy all day. Go! Toilet flies: bitter. What's the use of eating? How many beautiful women have you met?

60. In the second year of high school, all the girls in the dormitory loved Zhou Huaxiu's songs, and a tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl in the upper bunk asked: Where is my Emil Wakin Chau? The girl in the exhibition next door replied: In my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then all fell on the bed.

6 1. A boy gave a classmate a nickname, called Fat Pig. The girl cried to the teacher, who promised to answer the boy's criticism. The next day, the teacher said in class, "A boy is too rude to give others nicknames casually, so he can't call others what they look like."

62. When a police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road, he rushed over and asked it, I am a police dog. What are you? Ordinary dogs just look at it and say, idiot, look clearly, I'm plainclothes! The steamed bread in the canteen is too hard ... >

The highest state of bathing

The highest state of cheating

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The highest state of fire fighting

The highest state of haircut

The highest state of jumping

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The highest realm of CS players ....

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