Fortune teller allegro soundtrack _ fortune teller allegro soundtrack

Lines are words spoken by characters in a dramatic performance. It is the main means for playwrights to express plots, portray characters and embody themes. It is also a basic part of the script. The following are the lines of one-man funny allegro that I compiled for reference only. Let's have a look.

1, I went to the station to see my classmates off. After I left, I called and asked, Did you get on the bus? I replied: immediately, after a while, my classmates got on the bus and called and asked: Did you get on the bus? I replied, yes. Q: Do you have all your luggage? Answer: Gee, you made me forget what I brought.

2. Line up to cook in the canteen after work at noon today. When I waited for the classmate in front, it happened to be gone, so I had to eat the set meal. It's a tragedy, but it happened to be gone when I arrived. I got it. It's even more tragic. Later, I went to eat and found that the food of the classmate who cooked rice directly in the field was much better. Then I added: Sadly, when I was eating, I found that other people's food was longer than my own.

My mother bought a dozen quail eggs for her three-year-old son and said, "Son, eat the eggs quickly!" The son said in surprise, "Mom is so stupid, why do you want to buy such a small egg?" "This is not an egg. This is a quail egg. This is a bird egg. " I saw my son running quickly into the yard and running in circles with open arms. The father asked, "What are you doing?" I'm going to take off, and I'm going to buy eggs with my mother. "

4. The woman asked, "Do you love me?" The man replied, "Love!" Nvxi: "Are you willing to die for me?" The man replied, "No!" Female anger: "Why?" The man replied, "you will be sad when I die!" So I'd rather you die first! Keep that sadness to yourself! "

5. Q: How do you react when someone bumps into you in the street and says "I'm cristiano ronaldo"? A: Hit him back. You can tell my friends later that I also played C Ronaldo!

6. "I went to the mall to buy silver jewelry, and there was no salesperson at the counter, so I asked the salesperson at the counter next to me,' Is the salesperson there?' I saw the man shouting at the back:' The silver-haired prostitute came out to see the guests.' "

7. Pig Bajie passed by Gaolaozhuang after learning Buddhist scriptures in the Western Heaven. In order to find out Miss Gao's mind, he left a message on the door: Your pig brother succeeded in learning Buddhist scriptures in the West and wants to renew good relations with you. The next day, I saw the door, and I replied, "My senior went to the East to study early, but the second time was really difficult." . Pig sighed, It's going to rain, and Mother is getting married. Let her go.

8. One day, a lady went to tell her fortune. Later, the fortune teller said to her: your life is not good. The lady said, "Why"? The fortune teller said: You have a bad omen. Then the lady said, can I take off my bra? The fortune teller said: No, as long as you take off your bra, there will be two big waves in your life!

9. We go to the market to buy sports shoes. This pair of shoes is very cheap. The students were very happy and asked the boss, "Boss, your sneakers are so cheap, how long can you wear them?" The boss replied, "If you don't play football, it will be fine in a week." ...

10 in the new semester, a student was sleeping in an English class. The teacher patted him and said, "What's your name? After talking for a long time, the students were still sleepy and at a loss. The teacher was angry: "What's your name? It won't squeak! " The student said, "cheep. "

1 1. Both of them like sour food. One day, they went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi. When they saw that there was more than half a bottle of vinegar in the vinegar bottle on the table, one asked the other, "Is this vinegar enough for both of us?" The other looked at the vinegar bottle and said, "Let's save some food. Almost enough. "

12, a buddy is eating in a small restaurant and greeting the waiter. The waiter came over and asked, "What do you need, sir?" My buddy said, "Please bring me some sanitary napkins." ...

13, A asked B: "Do you prefer to drive a car with manual transmission or automatic transmission?" B said, "I like to drive the manual gear, because the automatic gear makes my left foot useless." ...

14. During the road test, the man walked into the cab and the examiner sat next to him and asked, "Are you nervous?" The man replied, "Don't be nervous. Our coach said, just think of it as a dog sitting next to you. "

15, Party A said to Party B, "Please help me pull out the gray hair on my head." Party B said, "I have been color-blind since I was a child, and I can't tell black from white. Put my head in the past. "

Boyfriend: "Do you like the birthday present I gave you?" Girlfriend: "Well, it's beautiful. Thieves like it! " "Boyfriend:" Really, why don't you bring it? "Girlfriend:" Didn't I just tell you? Thieves like it and it's stolen. "

17, female: I'm so nice to you, why are you peeking at other girls? M: It's not surprising that it used to be dirty, but now it's dissolute. W: What a pity. Man: The garden can't be closed in spring, and there is an almond in the wall. Woman: ... break up.

M: I'm close to you, but I still feel far away from you. Woman: Is it far? But why do I still find you so annoying?

It's my girlfriend's turn to cook tonight. My girlfriend brought a tray and said, please turn over the brand if you want to eat. I saw four signs on the tray, which read: stewed chicken with mushrooms, sparerib with scallion, tomato beef brisket and braised beef. Can I say both? Girlfriend said: I'm afraid you can't eat it. If I say I can't eat, you won't give me pocket money! After a while, my girlfriend served four bowls of Master Kong instant noodles.

19, asked: "Why do you still like her so much?" Answer: "Then why do you think I wrote the Tao Te Ching?" Q: "Why?" Answer: "Because I want to."

20. The teacher said a thought-provoking sentence: It is more useful to say "no" when urging food than "hurry up"; It is more useful to say "look again" than "cheap" when bargaining; It is more useful to say "go away" than "don't do this" when staying-throw away what you can't stay as far as possible, and maybe you will bounce back when you hit something.

2 1, as the saying goes: "A year's plan lies in spring". Tell you a secret of getting rich in the new year: "seize the opportunity" regardless of the old chicken; Whether it is a ram or a ewe, "steal". Anyway, some good things worry me. Happy new year!

22. After getting on the bus, a sister said to the driver's master while looking for something, master, happy next stop, and the driver's master immediately transferred the music to the next stop. My sister burst into tears.

23. What is the Spring Festival? One word: tired. Two words: consumption. Three words: big party. Four words: eat the sea and sleep in the sea. Five words: SMS is flying all over the sky. Two words: Happy New Year to all of you. Seven words: firecrackers are deafening. Eight words: visiting relatives and traveling is pure hardship. Nine words: drunk, drunk, hurt the body and hurt the stomach. Ten words: return to your original post after a seven-day long vacation. Eleven words: Spring Festival is a national sports meeting. I wish you happiness.

24. My mother told her children the story of Kuafu chasing the sun. After the story was finished, the child said thoughtfully, I finally know why the teacher said that water resources are getting less and less. It turned out that Kuafu drank them all.

25, attracted by gold on holidays, fat three pounds on holidays, blind date on holidays, very annoying on holidays! Although the festival is annoying, although the festival is tacky, although the message is boring, I wish my friends happy.

26. Xiaoming is a little unhappy. He sat on the sofa complaining. "Nobody likes me, and people all over the world hate me!" His younger brother is playing games, encouraging him to say, "Not necessarily, Xiao Ming. Some people don't even know you. "

27. Once upon a time, there were two pigs. There is a pig who is very diligent. He gets up early and works in the fields at night, while the other pig is lazy and feeds on the diligent pig. As the days passed, one day, the pig god went down the mountain and found these two little pigs. I saw the pig god growling at a diligent pig struck by lightning: "You fucking betrayed the soul of the pig!" "

Two male colleagues are chatting. A: I'm getting married. Actually, I'm getting married, too. A: Then let's take time off together. Colleague b: ok! Colleague AB: Manager! We're getting married. The manager suddenly fell into chaos.

28. Low-end cars will always be: Lao Zi's family is happy! Have a wife! There are lovely children! I like to drive my family out to play! High-end cars are always: I have a successful career! And beautiful women! There is red wine! There is a contract to sign! I like to drive out alone and pretend to be B!

29. A boy sent a message to his girlfriend one day: "Your hairstyle is different today." The girlfriend said, "Oh, I burned it." After a while, he replied, "Ah! Is it serious? ! "

30. Why do you think the weekend is short? Because there was no morning on the weekend, I went to bed as soon as I slept. Why does the working day feel so long? Because besides morning, afternoon and morning, I have to cook and catch the bus.

3 1, one day, five Fuwa have nothing to do, give themselves nicknames! Beibei said: I am Beibei. Please call me Beva. Jingjing said: My name is Jingwa! Huanhuan: Please call me Huanwa! Nini said: I'll call her Niwa! Yingying said: You talk, I'll go first. ...

32. A fashionable lady in a miniskirt walked into a laundry and the shopkeeper stared at her. The young lady waved to the boss proudly and said, go and do your job! The boss said solemnly, miss, this skirt of yours was not washed and shrunk in our shop.

33. The thesis I defended was about Lao Zi's silk edition and Chu Jian edition. They think I copied it. As a result, I took out an old yellow book from the big cardboard box I carried with me, as well as a thread-bound book older than my tutor, and passed it directly.

34. Sparrows and crows make up a dragon gate array.

The sparrow said, what kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am your phoenix!

Sparrow: How can a phoenix be as black as your turtle son?

Crow: You know shovels. I'm a Phoenix sulfur-burning boiler.

35. The homework assigned by a teacher to students is to make sentences with "pleading" and "demanding".

After the exercise book was handed in, one of them answered all his life: Yesterday my mother stewed a pot of pig's trotters. When it was not ripe, my father ate a piece and said, "Please don't move."

Mom said, "I ask you to chew!" " "

There are many people on the plane. Some people carry snakeskin bags, some people carry live chickens and ducks, and the security inspector is sweating: "Backpackers have to pay for tickets, they are overweight and old." "Why? Last time two sacks of potatoes made me cut too old. " Another passenger leaned in and said, "Come on, brothers, have a cigarette. Look at my live chicken bag. If there is no room in the cabin to tie them to the wings of the plane, these balls will be old. Anyway, they can fly by themselves, without consuming the oil of the plane ... "

. Zaizai was repaired by his father. He ran to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I want to avenge his son!" " "Aberdeen:" ... "

An old lady can't read, but she likes listening to the radio. The weather forecast must be listened to every day. One day at dinner, I asked my family, "I have a question." Do you know where it is? It rains almost every day there. "

37. On the cliff, a little mouse waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her watched it lose its head and said anxiously, Dad, don't tell it, it's not ours!

Ghost: God, next time I want to be as white as an angel and have wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Then reincarnate as a nurse.

39. Soon after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "

40. One day I had a physical examination, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trousers and said, "Guess, guess."

4 1. A gentleman was practicing riding a bike when a pedestrian came up to him. A gentleman panicked and shouted, "Stop! Stop! " The pedestrians stopped in a daze. But a gentleman rode so badly that he knocked down a pedestrian. Pedestrians got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You have a good aim, don't you! "

42. Father and son take the bus.

Son: Dad, when will it arrive?

Father: Stop it.

Son: When will it stop?

Father: I stopped when I arrived.