The classic dialogue of ipartment

Bus master (to Zhan Bo): You are a pervert. You can either swipe your card, put in a coin or get out. What are you twisting?

Bus master (to bodyguard): Hey, come back! Either swipe your card, put in a coin or get out. what are you reading? (Bodyguard gets off the bus) You can't afford a car, and you pretend to be the matrix, huh!

Wan Yu (singing): "La La La La La"

Uncle Ta: "Daughter, did you learn this song from me?"

Wan Yu: "Ah? Uncle, will you? "

Uncle Ta: "Our chicken is like this, and the action of chicken feet is the same as yours. I don't know when it started, and many young people began to learn from me. "

Wan Yu: "Uncle, you are so funny. So you are the founder of hip-hop."

Uncle Tuo: "What? Killed someone (founder)? I drive a tractor very slowly and never hit anyone. "

Policeman: "A BMW is coming to you at a speed of 280 yards, followed by a Mercedes-Benz. Wait, the tractor in the back is better, and the left lane change light is flashing. He wants to overtake! "

Xiaoxian: Xiaoxian has such a roommate. He lives in two suites in the same apartment with a girl. It's a pity that one always goes to the left and the other always takes the elevator.

Zi Qiao: I'm Chen Yuanyuan. Is it? (glancing at his chest) Chen, flat, flat!

Meijia: I have never heard an old saying that people who only know how to count money will eventually have no money to count.

Zhan Bo: People use eight words to describe her: as quiet as a virgin, as moving as crazy.

Zi Qiao: Ladies and gentlemen, today, these two people go together ... ...

Zi Qiao: Your eyes are clear and moving, your hands are gentle and delicate, and your heart is crystal clear.

Meijia: Your arms are strong, your breasts are broad and mighty, and your skin is impeccable. ...

Yifei: Zhan Bo and I used to be conjoined babies. Before the age of two, our brains grew together.

Fairy: Yes, and then the doctor gave Zhan Bo all his brains with a sharp knife.

Zhanbo: Let's start with five "Rape Flower Chicken"!

Wan Yu (to the waiter): Then we'll have five copies of Rape and Chicken Rice Flower.

Yifei: Two prodigies. They are "awesome".

Zhanbo: Oh, really, changed its name?

Zi Qiao: At that time, the sky was still blue and the water was green. There is no bird flu in chickens and ducks, and pork can be safely eaten. At that time, you had to wear clothes to take pictures, and you had to pay back your debts. The mother-in-law doesn't want to marry her daughter, and the father of the child ... is also very clear.

Zi Qiao: That was when I was in high school. One day, I dreamed that I was taking an exam. Then I was awakened, and something even more terrible happened. It turns out that I am really taking an exam!

Guangu: Isn't The Promise a romantic film?

Zi Qiao: Ha! I can't understand the movie at first sight! ... The Promise is a horror movie!

Lisa: It's you! Ceng Xiaoxian!

Ceng Xiaoxian: You know me?

Lisa: My classmate's cousin's neighbor and your brother-in-law's cousin are in-laws!

Lisa: (pointing to Ceng Xiaoxian's face) It's not the software. You should change the monitor!

Ceng Xiaoxian: Hello, everyone, I am your new Xiaoxian and good friend. ...

Yifei: Tell your unhappy things to make everyone happy.

Passerby: Eat sesame seed cake, beer lid, wonton and mothballs, pat flies on your nails, go to Qingsongguan to burn incense, and your mobile phone falls into the merit box and can't be taken out.

Zi Qiao: Do I have a chance to play opposite him (Takeshi Kaneshiro)?

Sister San: When ... but no! I'm going to sign. None of your business!

Sister Flash: I'll introduce you to a professional breast enhancement institution. Many Korean stars have done it there. What kind of gold laundry, river show, stuffy car.

Sister Flash: Now that I have a girlfriend, how can I be popular? How can I arrange a relationship for you? How to improve the exposure without an affair? You are still a fart without exposure!

Sister Flash: In my eyes, there are only two kinds of people, one will be red and the other will never be red. Where are you in this pile?

Zi Qiao: I ...

Sister Flash: You are nothing, because you have never been in my eyes.

Sister Flash: Canned sardines are more promising than you!

Sister Flash: There is not enough money, the actors are undecided, and the script is temporarily unavailable.

Yifei: I don't think it is reliable at all. In fact, China's winning the men's soccer World Cup is almost as outrageous as yours.

Guan Gu: "I used to think that you China people were very modest, but now I find it is not."

Zi Qiao: "Why?"

Guangu: "Every day on the road, I see you writing about China, China people, China agriculture, China industry and commerce and Guangdong development. I know you are good in many ways now! But you don't have to write everywhere! "

Meijia: Look at your big face. Every time I stand next to you, my cell phone has no signal, and I can't see the sun when I walk on the road!

Zi Qiao: Did you get your head squeezed by the door? You dinosaur that degenerates three times a day!

Zhanbo: Do I look unhappy?

Yifei: Hey, you wrote the word depressed on your face. Illiteracy is really hard to tell.

Yifei: You are a fool! The world is big, but you lack that heart.

Yifei: Let me see, astronomical observation team, pesticide testing center, and ... primitive animal society. Is this social?

Zhan Bo: This is the Association of Primitive Animal Researchers. There are many girls in it. Haven't you seen the photos?

Yifei: Eight girls, four with steel teeth, three cups thicker than beer bottles, and one bigger than you ... Now I fully understand why it is called the Primitive Animal Association. You can study each other without buying specimens.

Yifei: If you are the standard, Wan Yu is basically on the same level as Qi Tianshengda.

Zhan Bo: What about me?

Yifei: What's your name with the old man who ... put the monkey in the blast furnace?

Zhanbo: Too old gentleman! !

Yifei: Yes, yes, you are basically the same level as the coal ash in Taishang Laojun's blast furnace!

Yifei: Beauty, are you an actor?

Actor: Huh? How do you know you've seen my play?

Yifei: I'm not sure, but I can see it from the way you speak!

Actor (surprised): Have you ever seen me vomit?

Wan Yu: It is the duty of every citizen to despise him.

Zhanbo: Sister, have you ever had a dog?

Yifei: No, but ... I raised you. I used to keep many animals, such as birds, rabbits, fish, squirrels and rich trees. Within three days, they were all dead. Zhan Bo, you are so lucky!

Wan Yu: Dog biscuits are rich in conditioner and anti-dandruff formula. Eat them, hair disappears, and dandruff is more prominent!

Yifei: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you?

Zi Qiao: Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you!

Meijia: If you have a caesarean section, I will ... I will clean the floor again. ...

Meijia: I'll spray you with salt and soda.

Xiaobo: I have been divorced for three years, and my son is half a year old.

Zi Qiao: I also want to find a place where I can print my head on money.

Meijia: It's not difficult. Why don't you find a place to print money?

Zi Qiao: In our men's world, there are still strong people like clouds and strong people like stars.

Yifei: But looking around, there are no clouds and stars in Wan Li.

Guan Gu read Princess Zhu Huan: One day, the duckling met four brothers.

The May 4th Movement said, "You are heartless, cruel and unreasonable!"

The duckling said, "Then you are not heartless, cruel and unreasonable?"

"I'm ruthless, cruel and unreasonable! ?

"Where are you not ruthless, where are you not cruel, where are you not unreasonable! ? " ...

Guan Gu (singing): Long Long, you are missing two years, forever and ever. ...

Guan Gu (singing): I'm not a locust, I'm not a centipede, I just want a cheap brother and perfect love. ...

Yifei: If I don't see that person, I'll make you disappear! The disappearance in the double sense of biology and sociology!

Yifei: You are shameless, despicable and unreliable!

Zi Qiao: So you are not shameless, mean and very reliable?

Yifei: I'm shameless, mean and unreliable! ?

Zi Qiao: You are not shameless, despicable and reliable! ?

Yifei: I am shameless, despicable and unreliable, and I will not be more shameless, despicable and unreliable than you! !

Zi Qiao: OK, OK, stop swearing. This is the battle for the president of the United States.

Yifei: Is the Ceng Laoshi Project about to start?

Zi Qiao: Do you want to hear it?

Yifei: Yes.

Zi Qiao: Gee, you said I was bored.

Yifei: Didn't you listen?

Zi Qiao: Listen! Who bored us?

Wan Yu: Did you pass the GRE exam?

Passerby: I ... have no aunt.

Wan Yu: What about TOEFL?

Passerby: Thank who?

Wan Yu: Ugly, but ugly is special, just ugly!

Ceng Xiaoxian: "I have thought of all the advertising words for you!

Since drinking Luffy milk powder, my back is sore, my legs don't hurt, and even my heart has stopped beating! "

Yifei: As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the lover, so what about beauty?

Thank you: (thinking for a moment) chewing gum!

Fairy: I am not a casual person!

Yifei: You don't look human!

Meijia: 17 got 7,2748, Women's Day on March 8th, Labor Day on May 1st, Children's Day on June 1st …

Zi Qiao: After the work is finished, we will split it fifty-fifty.

Meijia: OK first. Who is five?

Fairy: I allow you to walk around in my world, but I will never allow you to run around in my world!

Zhan Bo: Sister, if someone hurts you deeply, how long will it take you to forgive him?

Yifei: Forgive him? Forgiving him is God's business. My task is to send him to God!

Meijia: My period came early to see me. My back is sore and my stomach is very uncomfortable.

Guangu: Meijia, your period is really good for you. Otherwise, she will sleep in my room and I will sleep on the sofa today.

Wan Yu: Guangu, the period you mentioned is different from what she said.

Guangu: Oh, does Meijia have many menstrual periods? Your grandmother is really fertile. I only have one, but I have three young aunts!

Yifei: It doesn't matter. Failure is success.

Zhanbo: I already have many mothers, but none of them are pregnant.

Zhan: Elder sister, didn't you say that the early bird gets the worm?

Fei: I found I was wrong. Birds eat early worms.

Meijia: Free couples in Europe. Oh, I have already seen Hawaii!

Zi Qiao: Huh? This cup has no mouth!

Meijia: You said it backwards.

Zi Qiao (turning over a cup): Not only does it have no mouth, but it also has no bottom.

Yifei: I don't care whether I write poetry or not, it's all nonsense, smelly and long anyway. As a result, the estrogen finally stimulated by girls suddenly turned into cholesterol.

Wan Yu: Feifei wants to make her own chocolate for Dongzi Shen.

Fairy: Really? What did he do to you? You tried to poison him!

Yifei: I want poison. I will poison you first!

Zhanbo: My sister's cooking won't kill anyone. Only when the poison looks attractive will someone want to eat it. Last time I saw her chocolate, she was really a good guy! !

Fairy: Ha ha ha, I see. You're not trying to poison him. You want to scare him to death!

Grandma: If you don't leave, I'll call the police! Fuck off!

Fairy: I'm not a bad person, I'm a good person!

Grandma: Hello! I've heard your voice somewhere!

Fairy: Oh ~ You've heard my show. I'm a radio host. A good man is me. I am ... Ceng Xiaoxian.

Grandma: Then I have to call the police. If I arrest you, they can find a better host!

Guangu: It's so touching ... The little dragon girl is really beautiful ... but Yang Guo doesn't know how to cherish it. He only has an aunt in his heart!

Zhan Bo: Well, Little Dragon Girl ... is his aunt.

Guan Gu (surprised): Ah! It's so sinful. Is it okay for Yang Guo to do this?

Zhan Bo: Er ... to be exact, there is no such thing as an uncle.

Guangu: Oh, my God! Then Yang Guo ... became his uncle! ! The little dragon girl ... became her niece! !

Wan Yu: The little dragon girl was raped.

Guangu (crazy): Nani (what)? ! That will be a day!

Wan Yu (smiling): Yes, it was Yin Zhiping.

Guan Gu (continues to be mad): Stop it! Stop it! ! (Suddenly calm) ... Is Yin Zhiping Yang Guo's uncle?

Zi Qiao: 10 thousand is the same as 1 million, because I have neither!

Zi Qiao: People are floating in rivers and lakes. How can they not be stabbed? My name is Lv Ziqiao, and my life depends on the trumpet!

Child: It's freezing rain in Antarctica. The giant panda is so pitiful! (One thousand dollars for a plate of garlic)

Yifei: I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face now! A vegetable can speak better than you. Do you believe it or not? I'll plant you in a flowerpot now! !

Passerby: I'll make a long story short. It's a long story

Passerby: I fell in love with my colleague.

Passerby: But I didn't tell him.

Passerby: I told my colleague Hao.

Passerby: Hao promised not to tell anyone.

Passerby: But my colleague Ade told me.

Passerby: A Hao secretly told another colleague, Alin.

Passerby: Alin is familiar with Archie's ex-girlfriend Allen again.

Passerby: I'm afraid Alin will tell Allen.

Passerby: Then Allen went back and told A Zhi.

Passerby: Then I'm embarrassed.

Passerby: Fortunately, Allen is in love with Ade now.

Passerby: So I went to Ade to help me solve this problem.

Passerby: Ed told me that Allen and he had broken up.

Passerby: He is dating Alin now. Let me find Arlene.

Passerby: But Alin told me that A Hao actually said nothing to him.

Passerby: Now I'm dizzy. Who should I trust?

Ceng Xiaoxian: A Ou.

Passerby: I'm talking about A Zhi, not Ou. He is my colleague from another department.

Passerby: A Ou is Alin's younger brother.

Passerby: But I can't tell him that the person I like is the ex-boyfriend of your brother's girlfriend.

Passerby: This will make the relationship more chaotic.

Ceng Xiaoxian: Aqiao.

Passerby: t?

Passerby: How do you know that there is another colleague named T in our company?

Passerby: He bears a grudge against Alin, probably because he has a crush on Allen.

Passerby: But T and A Hao have a good relationship.

Guangu: Honey, what shall we eat today?

Xiaoxue: Whatever.

Guangu: Shall we eat hot pot?

Xiaoxue: No, you will get pimples on your face if you eat hot pot.

Guangu: How about Sichuan food?

Xiaoxue: I just ate Sichuan food yesterday. What about today?

Guangu: Shall we eat seafood?

Xiaoxue: Seafood is not good, and it will cause diarrhea.

Guangu: What did you say you wanted to eat?

Xiaoxue: Whatever.

Guan Gu: E! ~ ~ ~ Then let's stop eating and do something else.

Xiaoxue: Anything will do.

Guangu: Then let's watch a movie. I haven't seen a movie for a long time.

Xiaoxue: What's interesting about movies? This is a delay.

Guangu: How about bowling? Exercise. Exercise.

Xiaoxue: What's your luck on a hot day? Aren't you tired?

Guan Gu: O! ~ ~ ~ ~ Then let's have some more coffee.

Xiaoxue: Eh ~ ~ ~ Drinking coffee affects sleep.

Guangu: Then what do you want?

Xiaoxue: Anything will do.

Guangu: Then let's go home.

Xiaoxue: (smiling, then taking the bag) Look at you.

Guangu: We'll take the bus and I'll walk you.

Xiaoxue: The bus is dirty and crowded. Forget it.

Guangu: How about taking a taxi?

Xiaoxue: It's not cost-effective to walk such a short distance.

Guangu: Let's go. Let's go for a walk.

Xiaoxue: What way are you going with an empty stomach?

Guangu: Then what do you want?

Xiaoxue: Look at you.

Guangu: Let's eat first.

Xiaoxue: Whatever.

Guangu: What to eat?

Xiaoxue: Anything will do.

Guangu: ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ............

Yifei: There's something I've always wanted to say, but I don't know if I should.

Zi Qiao: You are making a costume movie. This is not your line. It's so fake.

Yifei: She may need a spare tire.

Zi Qiao: This date was originally to find a spare tire, but now she has found Guan Gu. Then I'm not a spare tire. A spare tire.

Yifei: Well, the second child for short.

Riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but also a Tang priest …

It is not necessarily a monk who can burn incense, but also a panda …

Those who have tattoos are not necessarily bad people, but those who are willing to be Yue Fei ~

It is not necessarily a big bird that can fly, but Li Ning.

At that time, the sky was still blue and the water was green. There is no bird flu in chickens and ducks, and pork can be safely eaten.

At that time, you had to wear clothes to take pictures, and you had to pay back your debts. Your mother-in-law married her daughter because she didn't want your house, and the father of the child knew it very well.

Accidental, absolutely accidental, very accidental, too accidental

Never hang yourself from a tree. Try to hang yourself several times on several surrounding trees. ....

I am a born actor. From small to large, I saw beautiful MM eyes are round.

Ha ha. . . You learned it in Wudang Mountain when you were driving!

Being cheap is invincible! Describe a playboy

Is this a tractor? I always call it go-karting!

If the carpet is not long enough, cut off your red underpants and make up 5 meters.

The lack of organic conditioning in the stomach and intestines leads to digestive dysfunction. Now the earth's rotation is getting slower and slower and the gravity is getting smaller and smaller. Alas, it's not easy.

You are a femme fatale, and so on. You are either a femme fatale or a femme fatale-Lv Ziqiao.

Who says a fortune teller must be blind? He is obviously a mute. . . . .

The price of pork downstairs has gone up. Let's go to another store to sell pork.

Today, the teacher asked me to make a sentence, saying that describing a person is very happy, so I said "smile in the grave"

Psychiatrist? In a word, "fool you, scare you and fool you"

Look at him, he is not smart, and he is as bald as everyone else!

I only kill people, not hurt people!

Say you have no culture! I don't even know Stephanie, a Malaysian who sings "Courage"! That's Fish Leong! )

Today is the anniversary of our three-month stay in love apartment! Oh, no, the anniversary!

"I can be a strength." "Oh, I forgot, why don't you make pineapple pie and apple pie?"

Look at your big face, I have no signal on my cell phone next to you, and I can't see the sun on the road! Seeing you, I believe that genes will really mutate!

A listener said: Sorry, I lost your mother when I went to the North Pole last year. Please forgive me for ordering a Sun Nan song.

I finally know why you call it the Primitive Animal Association. Just study each other, no need to buy specimens!

Lovelorn is normal, often divorced!

TVXQ!? Is it similar to the oriental time and space of CCTV? I'm going to see if there is any white. -The fairies will be sad.

I assure you that he is fine except for his shortcomings.

Without hair, dandruff is more prominent.

"I took off my shoes to avoid exposure." "Are you sure you want to take off your shoes? Easier to expose! ! "

"I have been divorced for three years, and my son is half a year old." "Why can't I calculate this account?" . . "

"I also want to print my head on money." "It's not easy. Just print my head on Mingbi! "

I can't even tell the child's hands from his feet. What if I suffocate him while changing his diaper?

"We were photographed by the detector." "A ticket is 200 yuan, you are still driving here, and you are going to shoot cartoons!"

I'm telling you, it's not a question of getting an Oscar, it's a question of getting a few!

The root number of loneliness is three

I'm afraid,

I will always be the root of loneliness.

How wonderful the third number itself is,

My three,

Why are you hiding under that ugly root number?

How I wish I was a 9,

Because nine only needs a small operation,

Can get rid of this cruel fate.

I know it's hard for me to see my sun again,

It's endless like this,

1.732 1…………

I don't want my life to be so sad.

Until that day,

I saw it,

The other root number is three.

It's beautiful,

Come and dance,

We multiply each other,

Get the number of your dreams,

Perfect integer.

We break the chains of fate,

Gently dance the wand of love.

Our square root has been solved.

My love is reborn.

I can't promise you a fairy tale world,

There is no guarantee that you will grow up overnight.

But I promise you,

You can live freely and happily forever like a princess.

Ipartment landlord rules:

1. A pair of QQ can't beat 745 because QQ is only 30,000 to 40,000, but BMW 745 is very expensive.

You can't beat 1 19 because the fire brigade can put out the fire. ...

3. Your Majesty doesn't play 9 1 1 much because the FBI in the United States is very powerful.

4. Straight flush can't beat four-color cards, because it is better to be colorful than to stand out from the crowd.

5. Congratulations on getting 1258 1. China Mobile touches itself for free.

6. Girls will be congratulated for taking 3 or 8 exams. Stop shopping once because of the holiday.

10. Get 5. 1 10. 1. Stop playing cards because of national holidays.

A BMW is coming to you at a speed of 280 yards, followed by a Mercedes. Wait a minute, a tractor is better, and it's still flashing the left lane change light. He wants to overtake! Bus master (to Zhan Bo): You are a pervert. You can either swipe your card, put in a coin or get out. What are you twisting? Bus master (to bodyguard): Hey, come back! Either swipe your card, put in a coin or get out. what are you reading? (Bodyguard gets off the bus) You can't afford a car, and you pretend to be the matrix, huh! Xiaoxian: Xiaoxian has such a roommate. He lives in two suites in the same apartment with a girl. It's a pity that one always goes to the left and the other always takes the elevator. Joe: It's Chen Yuanyuan. What about you? (glancing at his chest) Chen, flat, flat! Zhanbo: People describe her in eight words: quiet as a virgin and moving like a crazy rabbit. Joe: Your eyes are clear and moving, your hands are gentle and delicate, and your heart is crystal clear. Meijia: Your arms are strong, your chest is broad and firm, and your skin is impeccable ... Yifei: Zhanbo and I used to be conjoined babies, and our brains grew together before we were two years old. Xiaoxian: Yes, and then the doctor gave all our brains to Zhanbo with a sharp knife: five copies of Rape and Chicken Rice Flower first! Wan Yu (to the waiter): Then we'll take five copies of Rape Chicken Rice Flower and one copy of Fei: Two prodigies, which is Violence Chicken Rice Flower. Expo: Oh, really, changed its name? Zi Qiao: At that time, the sky was still blue and the water was green. There is no bird flu in chickens and ducks, and pork can be safely eaten. At that time, you had to wear clothes to take pictures, and you had to pay back your debts. The mother-in-law doesn't want to marry her daughter, and the father of the child ... is also very clear. Zi Qiao: That was when I was in high school. One day, I dreamed that I was taking an exam. Then I was awakened, and something even more terrible happened. It turns out that I am really taking an exam! Guangu: Isn't The Promise a romantic film? Zi Qiao: Ha! I can't understand the movie at first sight! ... The Promise is a horror movie! Lisa: It's you! Ceng Xiaoxian! Ceng Xiaoxian: You know me? Lisa: My classmate's cousin's neighbor and your brother-in-law's cousin are in-laws! Lisa: (pointing to Ceng Xiaoxian's face) It's not the software. You should change the monitor! Ceng Xiaoxian: Hello, I'm your new little saint and good friend ... Yifei: Tell your unhappy things to make everyone happy. Passerby: Eat sesame seeds, beer covers, wonton, moth balls, swatter flies on nails, go to Qingsongguan to burn incense, and the mobile phone falls into the merit box and can't be taken out. Joe: Do I have a chance to play opposite him (Takeshi Kaneshiro)? Sister San: When ... but no! I'm going to sign. None of your business! Sister Flash: I'll introduce you to a professional breast enhancement institution. Many Korean stars have done it there. What kind of gold laundry, river show, car is too stuffy. Sister: Now that I have a girlfriend, how can I be popular? How can I arrange a relationship for you? How to improve the exposure without it? Without it, you are still a fart! Sister Flash: In my eyes, there are only two kinds of people, one will be red and the other will never be red. Where are you in this pile? Zi Qiao: I ... Sister Flash: You are nothing, because you have never been in my eyes. Sister Flash: Canned sardines are more promising than you! Sister Flash: There is not enough money, the actors are undecided, and the script doesn't have a dime at the moment: I think this matter is completely unreliable. China Men's Football World Cup is almost as outrageous as you. Look at your big face, every time I stand next to you, there is no signal on my cell phone, and I can't see the sun when I walk on the road! Zi Qiao: Did you get your head squeezed by the door? You dinosaur that degenerates three times a day! Zhanbo: Do I look unhappy? Yifei: Hey, you wrote the word depressed on your face. Illiterate people really can't see Yifei: you are a fool! The world is more lacking than you: let me see, astronomical observation team, pesticide testing center, and ... primitive animal society, are you social? Zhan Bo: This is the Association of Primitive Animal Researchers. There are many girls in it. Haven't you seen the photos? Yifei: Eight girls, four with steel teeth, three cups thicker than beer bottles, and one bigger than you ... Now I fully understand why it is called the Primitive Animal Association, so that you can study each other and save money on buying specimens. Yifei: If you are the standard, Wan Yu and the Monkey King are basically the same. What about me? Yifei: What's your name with the old man who ... put the monkey in the blast furnace? Too old gentleman! That's right: you are the ash in the old man's blast furnace.