Fortune-telling killing _ fortune-telling killing

The shorter the jokes about homophonic Chinese characters, the better.

Interesting homonym

The rabbit said, "My mother calls me a bunny, which is nice!" " "

The pig said, "My mother calls me a pig, which is nice!" " "

The dog said, "My mother calls me a puppy, which is nice!" " "

The chicken said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

The rabbit said, "I am a rabbit!" " "

The pig said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The chicken said, "I am a son of a bitch!" " "

The dog said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " " ~

No.0 sparring partner said, "outsiders call me zero sparring partner, which is nice!" "

No.65438 +0 sparring partner said, "It's good to have an outsider!"

No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me the second escort!"

No.3 sparring partner said, "You talk, let's go first!"

The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It looks good!" " "

The dog said to me, "I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice!" " "

The fish said to me, "I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice!" " "

The bear said, "You talk, I'll go first!" " "

Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!"

The samurai said, "It's nice to be called a samurai!"

The expert said, "It's nice to be called an expert!" "

The swordsman said, "You talk, I'll go first!"

Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying."

He Jie said: "My fans say my idol is Jay."

Said: "fans who worship me say: my idol is constant."

Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

The senior math teacher said: I teach senior math this semester.

The college physics teacher said: I teach big this semester.

The analog electronics teacher said: I teach analog electronics this semester.

The socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first.

Peking University said: I am from Peking University.

Tianjin University said: I am older.

Shanghai University said: I went to college.

Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first.

General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man!

General fu said to him: I am just!

General Zuo Quan said: I have this right!

General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first.

Minolta users say: we are beautiful women!

Canon users say: we are beautiful!

The user of Huaguang said: We are from China!

Nikon users said: you chat, I'll go first.

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door.

Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said that my door is made of plastic.

The door of Lao Wang's house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is a brick door.

The door of the Liu family is made of steel. Liu said, you chat, I walked first.

Bai Yu said: My name is White.

Jade jade said, my name is jasper.

Redjade said, My name is Redjade.

Xing Yu said: You talk, I'll go first.

The students of normal college said: I am from normal college.

The students of the Railway Institute said: I am from the "Iron Institute"

The students in vocational colleges said: I am from vocational colleges.

The students of the technical college said: You talk, I'll go first.

Lyrics that are easy to hear wrong.

Many songs, because of the singer or the song itself, can't hear the lyrics clearly at all, and often listen to the original good lyrics by mistake.

● When I was a child, I listened to Xintianyou: "I bowed my head and walked in the ravine", and I always felt that it was "my head, like a ravine".

● "Wait once in a thousand years, wait once-"Someone heard: "The female ghost of a thousand years ..."

The ending song of Super Variety: "Goodbye, goodbye, meeting in front of the color screen …" sounds like: "Meeting in the mortuary …" Later, it was estimated that the audience's opinions were too great and it was changed to "Meeting in applause".

Remember Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck? The title says, "Ah, the show has started!" " After listening for a long time, I always thought he said, "Ah, wild boar shit!" "

● I didn't understand the phrase "always keep your eyes open" in Descendants of the Dragon at first, but I always heard that it was "forever two years away". I've been wondering why it has to be two years later.

How many good sisters do you have? Contains a sentence "Why does every girl marry a tear?" How should I listen? They are all "Why does every girl have to marry a human?"

My high school classmate told me that when he was a child, he listened to "The Red Sun on the Border" as "The Red Sun in Transformers"! He didn't know what the "border area" was at that time, but he remembered it clearly. Every evening, he can see the red sunset in the west of the village. The most terrible thing is that there is a transformer on a highland in the west of their village. At night, I happened to see a red sun on the transformer. So my classmates have been thinking: Why do songwriters know that the transformer in their village is in the west?

● In Andy Lau's China People, "How many dreams have been hidden in five thousand years" sounds like "How many dreams have been hidden in Jacklyn Wu" ...

"The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you." Listen, "The most romantic thing I can think of is to sell computers with you ..."

When I was a child, I learned to sing the theme song of "A Smart Rest" with TV (Japanese). When I overheard it, I sang it as "Geji, Geji, Geji, Auntie washed the spittoon ..."

"Learn from Lei Feng and set a good example ... stand firm, and the beans will smell sweet ..." Why do the beans smell sweet when they stand firm? Because beans are patriotic, I have always understood it this way.

● "... Our motherland is a garden, and the flowers in the garden are really bright. The warm sunshine shines on us, and everyone laughs ... "The last two sentences were heard when I was a child," The sunshine in Henan shines on us, and Americans laugh ",which has been suppressed for many years. ...

● When I was a child, I heard someone sing: "We sat by the high urn and listened to my mother's stories about the past ..." It was terrible. I didn't know the lyrics until high school: "... beside the grain pile ..."

Listen to Jordan chan's new album "Hug, Hug". The style has changed and it is very affectionate. Listening all the way down, I suddenly heard Jordan chan sing "Little Beast" frequently. Be careful again. Yes, the whole sentence seems to be "let the world call it a little beast" Isn't it a yuppie? Is there a problem? Just look at the lyrics and you will know: "I can make the whole world laugh!" " "alas!

● There is a song that I still think is "A Group of March 8th Dances". Do you know which one it is-"Forget the samba".

You've heard Jacky Cheung sing "The ending is not the result I want"-"The ending is not the result I want" ... I'm not the one waiting at the window ... "My friends and I listened to it many times and thought" I'm not the one waiting in the toilet ... "I never understood.

● Another time, "... the goose heard my song and the river kissed my face ..." was heard as: "Grandpa listened to my song and the young man kissed my face." Dizzy!

● Later, I heard my roommate sing a single love song: "... love should be more frustrated and braver ..." It is considered as "... love should be braver ..."

● In the theme song of The Condor Heroes in Richie Jen, "Make me sad or drunk …" I always hear "Yang Guo is sad or Yang Guo is drunk …" Hey! Why do you always have a problem with the hero? !

Remember the Hometown Cloud written by ChristianRandPhillips-"Come on, ghost, come on ... (Come back, come back)". At first sight, I was really shocked.

I am a classmate from the countryside. When listening to May's sisters, "... you are my sister and you are my baby! After listening for two days, I finally couldn't help but say, "How does this woman sing? Why my sister's and my uncle's? ? "

● When I was in junior high school, a classmate listened to A Zhe's "Love is like a Tide" and asked me doubtfully: "Why did he sing' Promise me, you will never line up in the middle of the night'?"

The first time I listened to Tong Ange's Ye Lian Girl, I heard "... wild donkey, mysterious wild donkey ..." I thought for a long time!

When it comes to unclear articulation, Jay Chou is the first. He hummed: "Little bitch, little bitch, little bitch, little bitch, little bitch …" When I heard this, I sang along. Only when I was scolded by my girlfriend did I know that my brother sang "Jay Chou, Jay Chou, Jay Chou ..." Some people called themselves little bitches?

● Another one, which has nothing to do with lyrics, is an advertisement. Have you seen Sofitel Cecilia Cheung slimming advertisement? Cecilia Cheung walked out gracefully with her waist in her hand, and two beautiful women watched with envy. Beauty Zhang said, "Why not use Sofitel?" I heard, "Why not hold it in your hand?" I think Beauty Zhang thinks his waist is too thin and he is afraid of breaking it, so I told everyone to hold it with their hands and be careful not to break it! It took me a long time to communicate with my friends before I knew the truth. Everybody laughs!