In life, one of the worries is to care about what others think and what others say. In fact, I understand the truth, and people who persuade people will also persuade them, but it can really be said t

In life, one of the worries is to care about what others think and what others say. In fact, I understand the truth, and people who persuade people will also persuade them, but it can really be said to be good. No stage fright! The purpose of communication-winning good popularity 1. The basic point of communication People's social communication activities are all purposeful: they seek material exchange, or are eager to enrich their feelings, or make up for their personality defects, or enhance their abilities ... there is almost no aimless social interaction. Because people's actual needs and psychological needs are different, what one party has is probably what the other party needs. This expectation is staggered, allowing people to find what they need in social life and give what they want. When both parties get what they want, they will get great psychological satisfaction. However, communication between people is not so easy. In order to win good popularity, we should pay attention to the following basic points in communication: the basic problem of communication-the attitude will change with the change of mentality; Attitude changes, habits change; Habits have changed, and so has personality; When personality changes, life changes. -Maslow, a famous psychologist, has a healthy communication mentality, which means enthusiasm, cheerfulness and openness. It is very important to have such a mentality in communication activities. If a person treats others coldly, petty and vengeful, then he can only hit a wall again and again in interpersonal communication, which will not only fail to achieve the purpose of communication, but also make himself more troubled and lose many friends. And if you are warm and cheerful and don't haggle over every ounce, you will get a lot of people's favor, and you will become relaxed and happy without mental stress, which will not only achieve your goal, but also make each other's feelings harmonious. In fact, everyone wants to live in harmony with others, communicate smoothly and live a happy life. So, what should I do when interacting with others? Perhaps everyone has heard the story of "scholar's dream": a scholar went to Beijing for the third time to catch the exam and stayed in a hotel where he often stayed. Two days before the exam, he had two dreams: the first dream was that he planted cabbage on the wall; The second dream is that it is raining. He is wearing a hat and an umbrella. These two dreams seem to have some profound meanings, so the scholar hurried to find a fortune-telling dream interpretation the next day. Hearing this, the fortune teller patted his thigh continuously and said, "You'd better go home. Think about it. Isn't it futile to grow vegetables on high walls? Isn't it unnecessary to wear a hat and an umbrella? " Hearing this, the scholar was disheartened and went back to the hotel to pack his bags and prepare to go home. The shopkeeper was surprised and asked, "Isn't there an exam tomorrow?" Why are you going back to your hometown today? "The scholar said this and that. The shopkeeper was very happy: "Hey, I can interpret dreams, too. I think you must stay this time. Think about it. Isn't it high (medium) to grow vegetables on the wall? Doesn't wearing a hat and an umbrella mean that you are prepared this time? After listening to this, the scholar felt that what this man said was more reasonable. So I took the exam in high spirits, and I actually got the flower detective. If the scholar in the story didn't listen to the shopkeeper and became open-minded, maybe his life would have been delayed by these two dreams. Therefore, we should have a positive attitude in interpersonal communication and pass on our positive attitude to the people around us. The so-called positive people, like the sun, shine there. A warm, cheerful and open-minded attitude will not only change your life, but also bring happiness to people around you. Therefore, bad attitudes in social communication should not be allowed to hinder the normal development of interpersonal relationships. The bad mentality to be overcome in social interaction mainly includes: (1) blind inferiority complex. People with low self-esteem lack self-confidence, just like the "scholar" in the story. People follow suit and have no opinions. If this kind of psychology is not overcome, it will wear away people's unique personality. (2) indifference. Some people believe in the famous saying that "it's none of their business, hang high", are not enthusiastic about other people's problems, and even are quick-talking and aloof, making others afraid to get close to themselves, thus losing some friends. 3 like rebellion. Some people always say or do something different from what ordinary people think in order to show their originality. For anything, no matter whether it is good or bad, others say it is good, but he says it is bad. What others say is right, and what he says is wrong. As a result, people around him became disgusted with him and left them with no friends. (4) timid. Timid people in interpersonal communication are mainly found in inexperienced, inexperienced, introverted and inarticulate young people. Because of cowardice, they dare not express what they think is right after careful consideration in social interaction. This kind of psychology can also be observed by others, and the result is that they have opinions on him or her and are unwilling to be their good friends. (5) Random doubt. Some people often look at each other with distrust when socializing or entrusting friends to do things. They are suspicious for no reason, catching shadows and making irresponsible remarks. Just like some people entrust their good friends to do things, but they don't believe what they say, but they ask others to verify whether what their friends say is true, which will affect the feelings between good friends and even lose them. It can be seen that blind inferiority, indifference, love of rebellion, cowardice and random suspicion are all bad attitudes in interpersonal communication. Only by abandoning these bad attitudes will you have more friends. As the saying goes, with many friends, it is easy for a hero to help three people. As long as there are no shortage of friends around you, then you will have a sunny world in interpersonal communication. Although everyone is happy and angry sometimes, sometimes careless and sometimes lazy, we must stick to a state of life, and we must not let our hearts be moody, sometimes broken, or untimely priorities. Always keep a clear head and don't give up easily before things get out of control. Man's wisdom is wonderful. Maybe in the next minute, you will remember the answer that you have been thinking hard for a long time. You and difficulties are like two close confrontations, and no one can predict who will lose in the end. Therefore, in the face of difficulties, you should have a positive attitude. The basic principle of communication-caring is the spring breeze that warms everyone's heart; Concern is the torch that illuminates everyone's journey; Care is a harbor that comforts everyone who comes back from a long voyage. Anonymous people need to care about each other, just like a song says: As long as everyone gives a little love, the world will become a beautiful spring. But we should pay attention to caring for others, and we should not let caring for others become our mental burden and disturb our normal life. Xiaoli is an employee of a company. She is very enthusiastic about people and gets along well with her colleagues, but she doesn't look happy. Because Xiaoli cares too much about others, she always takes the pain of others as her own. She thinks it her duty to care about others. Whenever others encounter difficulties, she always shows more anxiety than those who encounter difficulties. When she is with her friends, she will try her best to help them if they are unhappy or in any trouble. If she can't help them, she will be depressed and in a bad mood. But when others give her a little help, she always feels that she is not at ease when others help her. Sometimes, Xiaoli will think that if others are in trouble, they should solve it themselves, and there is no need to let them suffer. However, whenever someone else has an accident, Xiaoli unconsciously becomes anxious. Sometimes she is so anxious that her friends feel disgusted. After a long time, Xiaoli felt really tired. Xiaoli's psychology of caring too much about others and being influenced by others is called "excessive psychological involvement" in psychology. The specific manifestations in interpersonal communication are: caring too much about friends' affairs, friends are in trouble, and he is more worried than friends; When a friend made a mistake, he felt more guilty and blamed himself than his friend. According to relevant introduction, people who are too involved in psychology are easily influenced by the external environment, and always associate themselves with the surrounding environment, which leads to great emotional fluctuation and improper behavior control, and then psychological problems or interpersonal obstacles appear. It has also been pointed out that the main factor causing the high degree of psychological involvement is lack of self-confidence, special care about others' views on themselves, and fear that others will not like themselves. In addition, due to the imperfect psychological development of individuals, personal status and psychological status are easily influenced by the environment and others. Moreover, due to the lack of necessary social awareness and interpersonal skills, we will not properly judge the degree of correlation between events and ourselves and the possible impact of our actions on each other. To solve the problem of excessive psychological intervention. First of all, we should be confident, believe in our own self-worth, and don't judge our own value from the eyes of others. Only in this way can we control our lives and emotions. Secondly, we should fully trust others, believe that others have their own solutions, and can't take everything on ourselves. We should put an end to excessive psychological intervention, but we must never develop a "selfish" character. Xiaofeng has always been the darling of his parents. At home, his parents let him eat whatever is delicious. They give him whatever he wants. In short, he is in charge. Unconsciously, Xiaofeng is already a junior high school student. He has started to live on campus, but he is usually quiet, lonely and indifferent. He doesn't like group life, doesn't care about others, is not good at getting along with others and has few friends. After a school sports meeting, the whole class had a sumptuous dinner. Xiaofeng put his favorite tenderloin, chicken legs and strawberries in a bowl and enjoyed them alone, regardless of his classmates and teachers around him. Xiaofeng's performance at dinner is because he is used to being taken care of, protected and pampered, so he becomes cold and lonely, dislikes collective life, doesn't care about others and is not good at getting along with others. He only has "me" in his heart, and everything is based on his own needs, and he doesn't care about others at all. His deviant behavior leads to no one else in his heart. This kind of person will not only hit a wall in interpersonal communication in the future, but also develop into something out of line. Therefore, how to communicate with others is an important topic for parents and teachers to educate their children. Let everyone form the habit of caring for others from an early age, but pay attention to the ways and methods of caring and grasp the principle of moderation. The basic requirement of communication-initiative, only action can add strength to life-let? Promise? No matter what Richter does, he will get something only by taking action. If he waits passively, there will be no good result. In the process of interpersonal communication, initiative is indispensable. In real life, although many people have a strong desire to communicate with others, they don't know how to do it, so that they have few or no friends and have to endure loneliness. These people are used to passive retreat in social life, and always expect others to actively communicate with themselves and be passively accepted by others. So, despite the people coming and going around, I still feel lonely. According to psychologists' research, although people have the desire to communicate actively, they are often afraid that their own initiative will not cause others' positive response, thus putting themselves in an embarrassing and embarrassing situation, thus hurting their fragile self-esteem, so they can only take passive retreat to avoid the harm caused by their own initiative. In fact, everyone needs to communicate with others in life, so few people take the initiative and get no response from others. Maybe everyone has had this experience: when you are traveling, maybe on a long-distance bus, maybe on a train, maybe on an airplane, someone actively communicates with you. Whether it's out of courtesy or because I'm bored after a long journey, if I want to talk to someone, I will respond to his questions. In fact, in this case, few people will take a refusal attitude. Perhaps it is because of the influence of this person who dares to break the silence that several people in the whole "carriage" will greet each other and even talk in full swing, making everyone's journey both pleasant and short. On the contrary, if none of the people sitting together take the initiative to talk to others, then from the beginning to the end, they will always be in a boring atmosphere, reading is boring and looking at each other awkwardly, so they just close their eyes and rest. Instead of looking at each other awkwardly, take the initiative to say hello, so as not to be lonely all the way. Isn't it? When you try to say hello and talk to others, you will find that interpersonal communication is so easy. Xiao Xia was on a business trip for the first time after work, and it took 1 1 several hours by car. At first, her "cubicle" was very quiet, and no one knew her and said nothing. It was not until later that someone who could wipe a rechargeable flashlight came to promote it. I took a look at the flashlight that the man on the table was selling, and then began to ask questions about performance and life. Then everyone's chatterboxes opened. It turned out that this man happened to be in the lighting business and was familiar with this aspect, so he had the initial topic. That is, from this time on, several people talked, and the 1 1 hour drive became so short and pleasant. When they arrived at the station, several of them stayed together. And the turning point of all this is just the first sentence to break the silence. It can be seen that interpersonal communication is not a difficult thing. As long as you are willing to take the first step, things are not as difficult or even simple as you think. Of course, the premise is that if you take the initiative, people around you will be easily driven. If you can't take the initiative, which is the most basic requirement of interpersonal communication, then all other skills will have no carrier and attachment. However, you should know that others will not be interested in you for no reason. Therefore, if you want to win others, establish good interpersonal relationships with others and build a rich interpersonal world, you must be the initiator of communication and take the initiative to attack. You should worry less and try more. Take the initiative to greet strangers and talk. As long as you are willing to work hard, success will await you. Don't be afraid! The first chapter of the scale of speaking grasps the scale of speaking depth-only say three words to everyone. "Just say three words to everyone, don't throw all my heart over." The so-called "three-point talk" and "half-way talk" are indirect and implicit statements or explorations of other people's views and demands or their own views and demands in an appropriate way and clever language, not too full or too explicit. It is characterized by not directly expressing all attitudes, avoiding hand-to-hand combat with the other side, and leaving enough room for manoeuvre for itself, so as to improvise in the development of things, take the initiative and calmly deal with various situations. Why do you have to "just say three words" and "half a sentence" when talking to people? In fact, the ancients gave the answer to this question long ago, saying, "I don't mind hurting people, I don't mind preventing people." As long as you have a "defensive mind", you can't just talk nonsense. The disadvantages of talking nonsense are reflected in many aspects: first, talking nonsense is easy to offend people; Second, nonsense is easy to give people a handle; Third, talking nonsense is easy to cause right and wrong; Fourth, talking nonsense is easy to screw things up; Fifth, it is easy to make people understand when telling lies. As long as something you say causes these disadvantages, it proves that you may have "said" something unless you deliberately caused these disadvantages. It is no good to speak too honestly, and those who say nice things will suffer. Just three words is just right. Some people may think that a gentleman is aboveboard and can't say anything to others. Why only say three o'clock? We should understand that only when people give up competition or know that competition is useless can there be true friendship between them. In the competitive relationship, it will only be more embarrassing and troublesome in the end. Some straightforward people always like to find one or two "reliable" friends, so that they can take care of each other and find a place to talk if there is anything they can't hide. However, relevant research shows that less than 1% of listeners can keep personal secrets leaked in society. No wonder there are potential interests competing everywhere in modern society. In this competition, you can find some friends who can really keep secrets. This is like "scholars despise each other since ancient times"-why do they despise each other? Because they don't trust each other! In the same situation, most of them are friends with similar interests and equal status. If the balance of interests and status is out of balance, then the original friends will be unreliable, and friends with common interests will rarely be seen. If you don't say anything to each other in a crony manner, or even reveal your privacy, then you have made a big taboo-he is worthy of you without being "artistically processed" and then passed on to you. Therefore, in today's highly competitive workplace, you'd better keep your mouth shut, stop complaining everywhere, and don't confuse "friendliness" with "friendship" between colleagues, so as not to make yourself the focus of attention in the office and leave a bad impression on the boss. Anyone who can properly handle the problem of confidentiality will not complicate things by revealing secrets, or put himself in a state of ruin, so as to maintain a good personal image and achieve something. When you share a secret with others, you are often tied to each other because of this secret, which is an obstacle to handling things flexibly. When dealing with a thing, you often have to consider his interests, which may make you do something against your principles. At the same time, the other party may take out your secret as a counterattack weapon at a critical moment, which will make you fail in the competition. Confucius said, "Never call it a slip of the tongue." If you are unfamiliar, you can speak freely and talk about everything, which makes you look a little uneducated. First of all, what you say may not be of interest to others. Secondly, even if others are interested, they may not like listening to you. Therefore, it is not impossible to say three words to everyone, but there is no need to say what should not be said. It is an important skill to make excuses to say your own words through the mouth of others and to say your own words through the mouth of others. Awkward things will become less embarrassing after being dressed up with "I heard from people"; If there is a risk, it will be passed on by others, and there will be room for advancement and retreat; People who don't want or are inconvenient to face directly can also try to solve the contradiction through a third party. So, how to borrow it? 1 Send a message to the matchmaker. There is a kind of person called "matchmaker" in the society, who introduces people to both men and women and acts as matchmakers. In ancient times, men and women were not close, so they could not fall in love or date before marriage. She passed on all the demands and wishes. You can imagine how difficult this job is! If you don't have a glib tongue, can't read, and don't have a set of excellent communication skills, I'm afraid you are incompetent. If you can find such a talented person when asking for help, let her try her best to match, convey information and be reasonable. 2 Pull out the "mother-in-law" cushion. Sun Li described several women in Lotus Lake: "Women are somewhat out of touch. Two days later, four young women gathered in house boat to discuss. I heard that they are still here. I don't drag my tail, but I forgot a dress. " I have something important to say to him. I don't want to go, but my mother-in-law insists that I visit him again-what's the point! "The husbands of these young women all joined the army and left. Their empathy is that they miss their husbands very much, and they all want to visit the station. However, because I am shy, I can't say it directly in front of everyone, so I made an excuse to express my original intention and euphemistically expressed my wishes. It seems that there is a good reason to go to the station, so it is necessary to go. This kind of expression under the guise of others often cuts in from the side and secretly points out the main meaning of what you want to say. 3 scare by "cover". The salesperson knows that the manager and the supervisor are old friends. In order to promote venetian blinds, he inquired about the manager's residence and took a bag of fruit to visit. After greeting, he said, "I came to your door this time because I was introduced by Director Wang, and he asked me to say hello to you for him ..." "To tell the truth, I was very happy when we first met ... I heard Director Wang say that you didn't pretend to be venetian blinds. The genius of this person lies in deliberately putting himself aside and "conveying my heart" in a roundabout way of "being introduced by Director Wang" so that the other party can accept it quickly. 4. The other party takes the initiative to speak out. Embarrassment is sometimes relative, not mutual. It is difficult for one's own side to say the same sentence, but it is natural for the other side to say it first. At this time, it is undoubtedly the best policy to induce the other party to speak first. Wang intended to do business through his friend Zhao, but the day after he gave Zhao a huge sum of money, Zhao fell ill and died. Wang immediately fell into a dilemma: if he asked for money, he would be Zhao's widow; If you don't mention it, your situation will be difficult to support. After helping to arrange things, Wang said to Mrs. Zhao, "I didn't expect Brother Zhao to leave so early. Our cooperation has just begun." So, sister-in-law, you also know those connections of Zhao4 ge, so you can go ahead! Let me know when I need to run errands. I am not afraid of hard work. Do you find it difficult? "Listen to the king, there is no meaning of chasing money. On the contrary, he was brave and loyal. In fact, he knew that Zhao's wife had no ability or mind to go on, so he added a clever reminder: I can only run errands and work hard, but I am not familiar with those contacts; The difficulty is not small, and time waits for no one. As a result, Zhao's wife comforted him in turn: "This accident has damaged your business, and I can't go on. You'd better take the money back and find another chance. " In this way, Wang followed the guidance and let the other party say what he wanted to say. A few light words unloaded a heavy stone from his heart on the ground. Easing a serious topic into a humorous topic can often cause the other person's emotional pleasure and relaxation; Serious topics can make people nervous and cautious. In general, as long as it is not a very serious occasion, it is best to talk about serious topics in a relaxed and humorous way, so that the other party can accept them more easily in laughter. After the death of Qin Shihuang, Qin Ershi and Hu Hai came to power. Due to years of hard labor, the people are miserable and the country is in crisis. He also feels more and more unstable. One day, he suddenly came up with a bad idea to draw walls to defend against the enemy, that is, draw all the walls of the capital, and thieves will naturally fall down when they climb up. I think it's funny, but it's not easy for Regal to tell the truth. When the ministers were silent, the dancer Youyou said happily to Qin Ershi, "Well, this is a great plan! Although the emperor wouldn't let me talk, I couldn't help asking for advice myself. Although the imperial palace in Lacquer City is expensive, the tall and thick walls will be extremely smooth if repainted, and thieves will certainly slide down when they attack the city, and no one can climb up. This is the best policy. It's just that the walls are painted and can't let the sun shine. You need shade to dry it. If you want to dry the painted wall, how big a sunshade must be built to cover it! " This sentence made me laugh, and Qin Ershi blushed. From then on, I will never mention the defense of Lacquer City. As a dancer, Youyou speaks softly, and he can make Qin Ershi suddenly wake up. He remonstrated in a playful tone, ostensibly reading and praising the emperor's ideas, then laughing at the absurdity of the plan, and finally awakening the mind of the bad king. The harmony of Zhuang language, the most important thing is just right. One summer, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty gave a piece of meat to other attendants, but Cheng, the official in charge of meat sharing, was late. Dong Fangshuo drew his sword, cut off a piece of meat and put it in his arms. He turned and went home. The next day, Emperor Wu asked him, "I gave him meat yesterday. Sir, why don't you cut the meat and go home without waiting for the official to come? Dong Fangshuo made two obeisances and blamed himself: "Dong Fangshuo, Dong Fangshuo!" ! How rude it is to collect the meat and pick it up without waiting for the official sharing! How heroic it is to draw a sword and cut meat without authorization! How clean it is to cut small meat! How nice it is to take the meat back to your wife! Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty was amused by Dong Fangshuo and said, "I told you to blame yourself, but you bragged. So I gave a stone of wine and a hundred pounds of meat to take home with my wife.