Historical funny quotations

This article was carefully edited by me. I want to buy things when I'm angry. When I buy things, I have to spend money. When I spend money, my money becomes less. I get angry when I have little money. I hope I can help you!

Some people, death doesn't matter to me. Some people, I can't let go of them.

When money spoke up, all the "truths" were silent.

3. "Is my face oily?" "Reflecting light, I can't see clearly."

4. Bed rest is the minimum respect for holidays.

I used to play hard, but now I play hard.

6. People like me disappeared for a month without being found.

7. Qianshan is always full of love. Can I add a beauty button?

I don't even want a basin of spilled water.

9. I am still lamenting the small waist of that year. Looking at it now, I hate that I am covered with flowers.

10, I will try to save money! Try to buy an ATM! ! !

1 1. I want to buy things when I'm angry. When I buy things, I have to spend money. When I spend money, my money becomes less. I get angry when I have little money.

12, the first guy who knows that milk can be drunk, what did you do to the cow?

I thought about the words "13" and "special efforts", and I did the first four.

14, people like you can only live two episodes in one drama.

15, a girl like you can't get married, even if she gets married, she is still getting married.

16. I woke up in the morning thinking that I had grown taller overnight, only to find that the quilt cover was horizontal.

17, never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

18, Yue Lao, did you break my red rope?

19, I never hesitated when it was time to stop writing.

20, wearing a tide, the tide is over, it is non-mainstream. Dress sexy, too sexy, and sit on the stage.

2 1, suddenly thought of a very serious academic question, who let 60 points pass.

22. Why are all the handsome guys in the barber shop and all the beautiful women in the red light district?

23. It's noon on weeding day. It's really difficult to attend classes. A little broken book, sitting all morning.

24. Teacher, if you ignore the bell again. Then we have to ignore the bell.

25. There can really be pure friendship between men and women, as long as one kills and the other plays dumb.

26. It's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's that life has turned my mother into a bitch.

27. Don't say that the wolf hasn't eaten mutton for five years. Cats and mice haven't eaten mice since 1940.

Everything in this world can be fake, but the only thing I can't stand is that the money in my hand is fake.

Yesterday, I went to the barber shop for a haircut. After I entered the door, an apprentice told me to sit down, picked up a pusher and gave it to me twice. Then I went to play with my mobile phone. I asked him, "Why did you stop?" He looked up and said with a smile, "Master has gone to dinner. I'm afraid you can't wait to leave, so I'll give you two cups first."

2. When I was a freshman, I fell in love with a girl in the next class. Seeing her on the stairs one day, I got up the courage to put a love letter in my pocket and left shyly. After returning to work, I had two classes in fear. I wonder how she will react when she sees the love letter. As a result, the love letter is still there, and ten dollars are gone!

I had a dream yesterday, in which a child said to me, "Dad, help me, help me". I asked curiously how to deposit it, and he said, "Don't borrow money from others." . The next day, my friend borrowed 2000 yuan from me to play with dolls. . . . . .

4. A beautiful woman went to massage the blind. The blind man pressed and said, "Massage can dredge meridians, promote blood circulation and remove blood stasis, and finally achieve the effect of detoxification and beauty. Well, after pressing my back, I will press my chest when I turn around. " Woman: "Big Brother, you are pressing your chest." . . . . . "

After shopping in the supermarket, she saw an old lady spending 49.8 yuan in front of her. She took out 100 and handed it to the cashier. The cashier looked at the drawer and found that there was no change, so she asked her, "Aunt, do you have 50?"

The old lady smiled from ear to ear and replied cheerfully, it's still 50, and my son is over 40!

6. A friend of mine told a fortune the day before yesterday that he was doomed to be lucky this year and would be deeply hurt by a woman who suddenly appeared. Yesterday he was hit by an aunt riding an electric car at the intersection, and now he is still lying in the hospital!

7. My 24-year-old cousin visited my house. I asked her: What's it like to be single for a long time? Cousin said: that kind of feeling. . . When watching the news, I feel that the two hosts are showing love.