Fortune Telling Collection - Comprehensive fortune-telling - Fruit plate fortune-telling _ fortune-telling plate

Fruit plate fortune-telling _ fortune-telling plate

Interesting things about tutoring.

1. A group of people always have no confidence in themselves. Reincarnation encouraged him to ask:

"If one day, you wake up in the morning and find yourself the most famous person in the world,

What was your first reaction? "

A group of people said without thinking, "I'll see if I'm the only one left in the world."

A group of people fought against the reborn.

Gang attacked the enemy with X_BUNNER, and even missed five times.

Reincarnation said contemptuously: "stupid class, look at me!" " "

After five robberies, the other party still didn't fall. Reincarnated and said, "See? That's what you just did! ! "

3. Rebirth tests a group of people.

Rebirth: In his life, I had to face nine life and death choices. Tell me, when did he fail to save the world?

A group of people: let's change ... let's change the question. I'm not familiar with Pangley's history. ...

Before the prison robbery, Cullom and Rokudou mukuro made the last phone call.

What are you going to do after you get out of prison?

Rokudou mukuro: Participated in the Sicilian Cross-Harbour Tunnel Project.

Cullom (surprised): Why?

Rokudou mukuro: Well, I have read all the books about tunneling, but there are no conditions for its implementation.

A group of people fell into the swamp and couldn't climb out. When the mud flooded his thigh, Rokudou mukuro came.

A gang: Skeleton Jun! Skull king! As long as you save me, I promise you anything!

Rokudou mukuro: Kuff … I want you to fall in love with me.

Gang (angry): Get out! I hate gays!

So Rokudou mukuro left. After a while, mud poured into the chest, and then Prynne came.

A gang: Prynne! Prynne, as long as you save me, I will promise you anything!

Prynne: Yo ~ Gunn Ji Jun ~ I want you to fall in love with me ~ ~

Gang: Get out! I hate gays!

So Prynne also left. Before long, the muddy water had flooded to the neck, and then the lark came!

A gang: senior lark! I love you! I love you! Help me!

Bailing (coldly): Get out! I hate gays!

6. Bianki put a dish in front of the prison temple, ignoring her stomachache expression and saying, "You should chew this dish slowly."

The prison temple twitched and asked, "Why?"

Bianki said: "First of all, you can taste my craft carefully;" Second, chewing slowly helps digestion; Third, by the way, help me find the bag of needles that I accidentally spilled in the pot. "

7. The combined boiling water is supplied to the boiling water chamber. One day, a group of people went there to fetch water and were accidentally splashed with boiling water, which made him gnash his teeth. Suddenly, behind him, Kurogawa Hana asked, "Sawada, is it very hot?"

Ze Tian was about to scream when he suddenly saw Kyoko behind Kurogawa Hana. In order to maintain his image, he immediately changed his mouth: "It's not spicy at all!"

Kurogawa Hana turned to Kyoko and said, "What a nuisance! The water didn't boil again today! ! "

Guang Jia seldom goes home once, so he decided to ask his son about his grades, so he installed a polygraph. Seeing a group of people coming home, they asked, "How was the exam today?"

A group of people replied, "100."

The polygraph "di-"rang.

A group of people quickly changed their mouths: "60 points." The polygraph rang again.

A group of people had to honestly explain: "I only got 17."

Guang Jia said majestically, "When I was your age, my test scores were 100! ! "

Then the polygraph suddenly let out a cry and fell to the ground.

9. Three guys who stole in Hesheng Street were caught by the Disciplinary Committee. During the trial, the lark asked, "Do you want to die or live?"

"I want to live!" The first man shouted.

"Well, drag him out and slap him a hundred times." Then ask the next person the same question.

"I also want to live."

"Well, drag it out and smoke two hundred times."

The last man saw that the first two were half dead after only a few blows, and said, "Chairman, let me die!" " "

The lark said coldly, "OK, drag him out and kill him."

10. The new Mizuno asked Yamamoto, "How many people are there in the baseball training?"

Yamamoto: "If there were no larks, there would be 30."

"What if the lark were here?"

"There is nothing left."

1 1. Pongley went out to play. On this day, a car drove on the expressway from Jiansi, with a group of people sitting on it, He Ping and Yamamoto. At an intersection, a traffic policeman stopped the car: "Sir, you are the first person who passed our section without violating traffic regulations, and I decided to reward you with 10,000 yen."

"Great, I just use this money to test my driver's license." Prison temple said.

"What? You have no driver's license? " The policeman said in surprise.

A group of people quickly said, "Don't listen to him, what he said is all drunk."

"What? Have you been drinking? ! "The police are even more surprised.

Ping immediately scolded behind: "extreme!" I told you, stolen cars can't go too fast. "

"Oh, my God, this car was stolen?" The policeman exclaimed.

Yamamoto, who has been sleeping in the back seat, was awakened. He asked absently, "What, have you reached the border?"

12. A gang was bullied by several gangsters for a long time near Hesheng before it was reborn. On this day, A Gang was stopped by one of them. Ah Gang finally couldn't help but take out his mobile phone and say, "You don't have eyes, do you?" Now I can have someone clean you up! " "The gangster said contemptuously," I don't believe you can recruit people! "Okay, I'll wait for you here for ten minutes, and I'll see what you can do! ! "Ah Gang turned and walked away, talking on his cell phone while walking. 10 minutes later, the school broadcast called the gangster's name several times and said, "You have a visitor, now wait at the school gate ..." The gangster went over and thought, "Is it stupid for him to really know someone?" Then a waiter-like man stopped him: "Excuse me, are you Mr. XXX?" He replied, "Yes." Attendant: "here are 30 pizzas, 50 snacks and 10 cases of coke you ordered ... a total of 78 thousand yen."

13. On this day, the class held an exam. A group of people knew that the game was over, so they had to turn to the prison temple for help: "Kick your chair later, please help me have a look." Jiansi readily agreed. Some time after the exam began, a group of people kicked the chairs in the prison temple. He didn't expect any reaction. Ah Gang was a little anxious, and kicked it three times, only to hear the prison temple call three times: "Meow! Meow! Hey! "

14. reincarnation asks a group of people, "if your cloud guard and fog guard fight, which side are you on?"

A group of people (firmly): "Stand by and watch."

15. One day, rebirth took everyone to practice in the wild and passed by a large swamp. Rebirth suggests that everyone jump in, and whoever sinks last will win. So everyone jumped in together. An hour later, the swamp has overflowed the chin of the prison temple and Yamamoto's eyes, but only reached the foot of reincarnation. The prison temple shouted excitedly: "Rebirth is awesome!" Rebirth indifferently said, "Where, where, that stupid program has been under my feet for a long time ..."

16, it rained after school in Heiyao Middle School. Cullom is worried that he doesn't have an umbrella. Thousands of people came up and said, "I have an umbrella." Let's go together! "

Cullom was greatly moved: "Thank you!"

Thousands of people opened a colorful printed umbrella and said, "You're welcome! Then no one will think that this umbrella is mine! "

17. After Pogli invaded Milu Fei Aolei base, Xiahe called all cadres and said, "Now it's time for us to strictly observe the two places!"

Cherobelli: "Which two places?"

Into the river: "canteen and toilet, everyone!" " "

18. People in Pangli go to play in the wild. After a night's sleep in the Woods, the next morning, everyone found that the lark was gone! Suddenly, they found the lark facing a giant bear.

Gang: What should we do?

Reincarnation: Don't worry, that bear made the wrong person, let him handle it himself.

19. Jiansi and Yamamoto are out on a mission. Yamamoto accidentally stepped into a trap and was unconscious on the spot. Prison temple, call for reincarnation.

Prison Temple: The baseball idiot just fell into a trap and seems to be dead. What should I do? !

Reincarnation: Don't panic! First, you must make sure that he is really dead.

There was a silence on the phone for a few seconds, and then there was a loud bang. )

Prison Temple: The first step has been determined. What should we do next?

20. Rebirth asked Colonnello: You have already had a meal. If you eat Rahl's meal again, how many meals will you eat?

Colonnello: Three meals.

Reincarnation: You idiot, it should be two meals!

Colonnello: There will be a naval battle.

Rebirth: …

2 1. One day, Rebirth met a favorite at Pangley headquarters and casually asked, "Tell me, how to use inflammatory combat?"

I don't know.

"eh? Don't you know? How to use weapons? "

I don't know.

"Don't know? Didn't I explain it to you? What have you been doing? "

"I ... I went to a friend's house for a drink."

"ah? How dare you answer like this? " The rebirth was furious. "If the battle burns here, what should you do!"

"I'm ... I'm outside ... I'm here to fix the lamp temporarily ..."

22. Yiping, Fengtai and Ranbo picked a mushroom.

Peace and breeze let Ranbo eat some wild vegetables together.

Ranbo said, "I won't go. If I leave, you can eat my mushrooms. "

Pingping and Feng Tai said, "No, don't worry." So Ranbo went ~ ~ ~

Half a year has passed and Ranbo hasn't come back yet. Mrs. Feng said, "He's not coming back. Let's eat. "

Yiping said, "Let's wait ~ ~"

A year has passed and Ranbo hasn't come back yet. Yiping and Fengtai discussed: Don't wait, let's eat.

Just then, Ranbo suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, "Look! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms. "

Cullom got a new haircut and came to school the next day. When the students saw her new hairstyle, they laughed: Your head looks like a pineapple! Cullom felt wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . She was taken away on a fruit bowl. .

24. One day, Genkishi went out in an ambush in Pongler and was surrounded by defenders led by Sawada. So he shouted to the sky, "I am dead, Lord Prynne, help me!"

I saw a light in the sky and a voice came: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and kill Sawada."

So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at Zetian, just killing him. All the guardians froze for a moment, then glared at each other, and then a voice fell from the sky: "Now you are really dead."

25. The prince said angrily to the god of wealth, "I don't know who took the money in my wallet."

The God of Wealth said disapprovingly, "Maybe I took it."

The prince denied it and said, "It will never be you, because the wallet has not been completely emptied."

26. One day, on his way home, Guang Jia happened to see his son being chased and bitten by a little Chihuahua.

After returning home. Guang Jia looked at his son and sighed helplessly. He said to Nai Nai, "I find your son very useless."

A group of people were anxious and said loudly, "Your son is useless!"

27. Rebirth trained a group of people to run fifty laps as a warm-up.

By lap 25, a group of people were panting with fatigue and had a brainwave, trying to muddle through. He shouted at the reborn, "reborn, I have run 25 more laps!" Why don't you stop? "

"Oh?" Completely transformed, well aware, pretending to be surprised. "Well, if I keep my promise, I will never let you suffer. Now turn around and run 25 laps! This is called more retreat and less compensation! "

28. In Chinese class, the teacher called a group of people to answer questions.

Ah Gang was in a daze, unable to speak.

The teacher said helplessly, "will you?" You won't scream too! "

A group of people: "cheep."

The teacher is sweating.

29. One night, Takeda (does anyone remember him? ) pass by Zetian's door.

In the dark, he suddenly saw a child's head, floating in the air and jumping up and down. When he found his amazing eyes, the child's head stopped, floated in mid-air and looked at him coldly.

I stayed in the cold for two seconds, and then I ran away with a scream.

Watching the child's head rise into a group of people's rooms after supporting him, he said to a group of people, "A student who was just merged ran away in fear after seeing me!" "

Sawada said sadly, "reborn, how many times have I told you, please don't wear a black suit to jump rope at night!" " ! "

30. One day, the lark was in a particularly bad mood. He bumped into a late student at the school gate and drew angrily. This man will go blind in one eye at once.

The next day, after a good sleep, the lark forgot all about yesterday. On the way to the reception room, he saw the student and casually asked, "What happened to your eyes?"

The student replied, "You ... you called."

The lark said strangely, "Is that so?" Just as he was talking, a kidnapper pulled over ... the man's other eye went blind at once. ...

The lark has forgotten the events of the day before. When he saw the student again, he asked, "What happened to your eyes?"

The student trembled and replied, "I won't tell you ..."

3 1. A group of people were reincarnated for special training, and one day everyone watched a movie together. At the end of the movie, the hero committed suicide.

The prison temple thought, "If he had thought of the tenth generation, he wouldn't have committed suicide."

I thought for a moment, "If he were as extreme as me, he wouldn't commit suicide!" "

Ranbo thought, "If he had candy, he wouldn't kill himself ..."

Ah Gang thought to himself, "If he was trained like me, it would be too late to commit suicide ..."

32. reborn: silly outline, come back to Italy with me tomorrow, for the sake of inheritance!

Gang: So you don't even ask my opinion?

Reincarnation: Oh, do you want to go, or do you want to go, or do you want to go?

33.Xancus, a man standing on the top of varia with absolute strength.

His appearance is cold.

His expression is cold.

His eyes were cold.

His hands are cold.

His gun is cold.

His heart is cold.

……

Niang S roared: "Come on, the boss is frozen by that boy Sawada, melt it quickly!" "

34. One day, Kanji and Yamamoto are going back after their mission. The prison temple looked at the time and said, "Oh, no, we will be punished for exceeding the expected time!" "

Yamamoto said slowly, "Don't worry, we will walk back slowly. If we go back now, we will be scolded, but if we go back late, they will definitely say; " Thank god, you're back at last! "

35. Join the school gate.

The lark held up the kidnapper and sneered, "Ze Tian! This is the fourth time you have been late this week! Do you know what this means? ! "

A group of people: "Today is Thursday?"

36. One day, Valia took a group photo.

When taking pictures, the photographer said to the god of wealth, "Come closer and put your hand on the prince's shoulder, so it will be natural to take pictures."

The prince said, "If you want to take more realistic photos, you should put his hand in my pocket."

37. Late at night, Rebirth tidied up her work log, turned on the radio wearily, and wanted to listen to music to relax.

The DJ's voice came from the radio: "Masayoshi Sawada, from Class A, Grade Two, dedicated this song to his beloved tutor for rebirth, thanking him for arranging many high-intensity special trainings for him for a long time, which gave him valuable exercise opportunities ..."

Hearing this, a happy smile appeared on the tired face of rebirth.

The DJ went on to say, "Now let's listen to this song, Li Huimin's-"You won't have a good result. "

38.Poigley's people sailed on the sea together, and the boat leaked halfway through, so we should reduce the number of employees. Rebirth came up with a way: everyone tells a joke, and if he can't make everyone laugh, throw him into the sea. A group of people tell a joke first, everyone laughs, and the lark doesn't laugh. So a group of people were thrown into the sea. Then Rokudou mukuro told a joke. Everyone didn't laugh, but the lark did. Rebirth asked the lark, "What is he laughing at?" The lark said, "I remember jokes about herbivores."

39. Because Ah Gang had too many suitors, he really didn't know who to marry when he was reborn, so he released Ranbo's box weapon, "Beef Rice", and publicly announced that he would marry Ah Gang, who would make the cow nod and jump into the river.

Everyone tried many methods and failed. At this time, Prynne expressed her willingness to give it a try.

Prynne went to the cow and asked the cow, "Is it a cow?"

The cow nodded.

Prynne asked again, "Do you know me?"

The cow shook her head.

Prynne sneaked around the cow's back and stung the cow's ass unexpectedly. The cow jumped into the river with a scream.

However, Rebirth didn't want to marry Ah Gang, because he suspected that Brandon was not from Pangley, so he asked Brandon to let the cow repeat the action just now, otherwise he wouldn't admit it.

Prynne went to the cow again and asked, "Do you know me?"

The cow nodded.

Ask again: "Is it a cow?"

The cow shook her head.

Prynne clapped and laughed. "Do you know what to do now?"

The cow turned and jumped into the river.

40. One day, the prison temple bathed melon, which was very uncooperative. It struggled in the water and scratched the hand of the prison temple.

The prison temple was furious and threw handfuls of melons.

Melon was thrown into the corner, turned around and angrily scolded the prison temple.

Guess what this sentence is ...

"Meow ~ ~ ~ ~"

4 1. A group of people wasted half their lives, and they were very unwilling, so they went to tell their fortune.

"Ah, you will always be called gay until you are forty ..."

A group of people's eyes lit up and thought there would be a turn for the better, so they asked, "Then what?"

"Then you can get used to this kind of life ..."

42. Holding Tian (cannon fodder in the first episode), Xiang Jing confessed: "Kyoko, marry me!"

Kyoko: "No, my brother says you are too obscene to marry you."

Chida: "If you don't marry me, I'll kill myself!" " "Said pull out the tool rest around the neck.

Kyoko quickly stopped him: "Wait a minute, I'll ask my brother." Say that finish kyoko walked into the room.

After a while, Kyoko came out and said to Akada, "Big Brother said that I have grown up and can watch this bloody scene!"

43. Colonnello made Lal angry because he said the wrong thing. Lal flew into a rage: "Do you want to try not to see me for a few days?" ! "

Colonnello said, "I will try ..." So.

On the first day, he didn't see Lal. ...

The next day, he still didn't see Lal. ...

On the third day, he still didn't arrive in Lal. ...

On the fourth day, the swelling in the corner of his eyes subsided a little, and he finally managed to meet Lal. ...

44.Xancus lies in the front seat of the theater, and each person occupies four seats.

The lady with a seat said to him, sir, a person can only take one seat. He just snorted and didn't move.

Miss invited the theater manager, who said politely, please sit down, sir. One person can only occupy one seat.

He just snorted and didn't act.

The manager had to call the police. The policeman said: Dude, you are so cruel! Which way are you going?

XANXUS snorted and said, … The one who fell in the upstairs corridor …

45. A group of people finally got up the courage to write a love letter to Kyoko. In order to express his love more strongly, he drew many hearts on the back of the envelope and put them on with arrows.

A few days later, Kyoko wrote back: "What does the mutton string behind the envelope mean?"

46. A group of people went to the hospital for a physical examination and did a lot of tests. The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your physical examination results, I found that you have a potential BL tendency! ! And it's hard to cure! Ah Gang said: Oh, my God! What's the good news? The doctor said shyly, I find you very cute. ...

47. When Jing jumped off the building, she was reborn and shouted, "Don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!"

Ah Gang jumped up with a whoosh.

The prison temple said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!"

48. One day, Kanji and Yamamoto were traveling by boat and happened to meet Rokudou mukuro on board. The prison temple never liked this man, and neither did Rokudou mukuro. When the boat rowed somewhere, Rokudou mukuro woke up after a sleep and found that the boat had stopped. The prison temple said to him, "I left my explosives at home. Please wait for me for a while!" " "Say turn jump ship, running all the way on the surface of the water, like a dragonfly water, in a short time ran back, defiantly waved the explosives in hand.

Then Yamamoto also shouted, "Oh, no, I forgot my home when it rained!" " "After jumping off the boat, it was also a wave of water. I saw the spray splashing and came back with a knife in a few minutes.

Not to be outdone, Rokudou mukuro also shouted, "My trident left home!" Jumped off the boat, but fell to the bottom of the river with a splash. Embarrassed, I climbed onto the boat, refused to accept it, jumped down again and plopped off the boat vertically. Yamamoto a little feel sorry, quietly ask prison temple:

"Prison, shall we tell him where those stones are?"

49. Dino and Romario once went deer hunting in the mountains, and each of them caught two deer. I have to fly when I go back,

The captain said worriedly, "So many deer are overweight!" Dino said dismissively, "What are you afraid of? We hunted so many deer last year, so we flew back! " "The captain beat them and had to put them on the plane.

The plane flew smoothly for a while, suddenly shook and finally fell down. The two men stood up pale. Romario looked around and whispered to Dino, "Boss, it seems that we fell here last year!" "

50. An English exam was held in middle school. A question gives 10 words, which are required to be connected to form a paragraph.

What makes everyone bleed is that only 10 knows!

After handing out the results, everyone was surprised to find that Jiansi got full marks.

Yamamoto asked: How did you solve that problem?

The prison temple replied: Idiot, I am an excellent English student anyway.

Yamamoto stole the paper curiously, and the answer was translated as follows:

Today, the teacher taught us new words ... We read them once ... The teacher dictated them again ... (list). Finally, we ended the lesson by reading them.

5 1. One day ten years later, Prynne went out for a walk and came to a wishing pool. She saw Sawada Tsunayoshi bending down to make a wish and throwing a one-dollar coin into the well. Prynne also wanted to make a wish, but when he bent down, he accidentally fell into the well. Sawada Tsunayoshi was shocked and muttered, How clever. ...

52. Rokudou mukuro: "Kufufu ~ ~ Pongley, do you know that there are homosexuals in your family ..."

A group of people (nervously ing): "Ah! Who is it? "

Rokudou mukuro: "Give me a hug and I'll tell you ..."

53. Blaine, Dino and Yamamoto reported to God after their death. ...

God asked, "How many men did you find without telling Zhengyi?"

Brandon: "30"

God: "Good! Give you an ordinary car. "

God asked Dino again, "How many men did you find without telling the lark?"

Dino: "Twenty"

God: "Good! Give you a car. "

God asked Yamamoto again, "How many people did you find without telling the prison temple?"

Yamamoto: "10"

God: "Good! Give you a luxury car! "

So, three people drove to heaven. Prynne and Dino said to Yamamoto:

"I really envy you. I know I wasn't such a playboy when I was alive. "

After saying his word, I saw Ah Gang riding a tricycle. ......

Rokudou mukuro: Do you like me?

A group of people: "Guess."

Rokudou mukuro: "Yes."

A group of people: "Guess again."

55. Yiping gave Ranbo a chocolate ball.

Yiping: "Is it delicious?"

Ranbo: "Hmm!"

Yiping: "It's strange ... why do cats and dogs spit it out ..."

56. After the final exam, everyone gathered at Sawada's house.

Nai Nai: "How did everyone do in the exam this time?"

Prison Temple: "It's very simple ~ 99 minutes ~"

Nai Nai: "Well, the temple supervisor is very powerful. Kong, what about you?

A bunch of people: me? I'm a little more than a prison temple. ...

Nai Nai: Oh? 100 integral? What a surprise!

A Gang: No … I got 9.9 points in the exam …

57. Rebirth; "It is because no one sympathizes with you that I became your mentor."

A group of people: "You finally succeeded, and now everyone sympathizes with me ..."

58. In order to prevent the world from being destroyed and maintain world peace ... Ten years later, Sawada Tsunayoshi resolutely decided to attend the meeting and negotiate with Prynne.

At the meeting, Prynne sneered and asked, "What is 1+ 1?"

A group of people thought for a long time and replied, "I think it should be equal to two."

Prynne immediately shot and killed Sawada Tsunayoshi, saying, "You know too much ..."

59. Barker went to Japan to find Sawada Tsunayoshi with seven fake rings. Unfortunately, she got lost. Behind her, s Niang is chasing after her. Barker had to send a message to Guang Jia while running for his life: "Do you know where Hesheng Middle School is?"

A few minutes later, Guang Jia texted back and said, "I know."

60. Both Yamamoto and Mizuno like baseball. One day, they discussed a question: Is there a baseball team in heaven? So they agreed that whoever went to heaven first would tell each other the answer. As a result, Mizuno unfortunately hung up first. A few days later, Yamamoto dreamed of Mizuno and asked Mizuno that question.

Mizuno: "There is good news and bad news, which should you listen to first?"

Yamamoto: "Then listen to the good news first."

Mizuno: "There are baseball teams in heaven."

Yamamoto: "That's good. What's the bad news? "

Mizuno: "You are the starting pitcher tomorrow."

Yamamoto: "..."

6 1. We must name the weapon box carefully.

A group of people: "Prison Temple, why did you give your weapon such a strange name?"

Jiansi: "What's so strange? Isn't it yellow? "

A group of people: "What does this have to do with coat color ..."

Prison Temple: "It turned out to be Xiao Huang's melon."

A group of people: "..."

7 1. Hayato Gokudera is growing step by step!

As we all know, the prison temple was ridiculed as a "sissy playing the piano" when it first debuted, but it was not accepted by all families. In order to get everyone's approval, Jiansi has made great efforts. ...

-The first family-