Some etiquette for engagement?

Marriage customs in old Beijing

Beiping used to be called Beijing. In the Republic of China 17, the National Government made Nanjing its capital and changed it to Beiping Special City. /kloc-renamed Beiping in 0/9, directly under the Executive Yuan, referred to as the city under the jurisdiction of the hospital, located in the north of Hebei Province. Known as the "cultural capital", its customs have a far-reaching impact on social life.

According to the wedding ceremony in Beiping, there are four kinds of people, the so-called northern ceremony, southern ceremony, flag ceremony and return ceremony; However, since the Republic of China, the "southern ceremony" seems to be integrated into the "northern ceremony", and then collectively referred to as the "Beiping wedding."

The wedding procedure is:

First, marriage.

The custom of marriage is not unique to one city and one county, but exists in most parts of the country, and of course Peiping is no exception. In the north, remembering a person's age, especially the zodiac, depends on the zodiac.

When people choose a spouse for their children, they must propose marriage back and forth through a "matchmaker". The steps are as follows: first, the matchmaker asks the girl about her zodiac sign, and then sends the girl's horoscope to the man's house, and then sends the boy's horoscope to the woman's house. Both sides ask "fortune tellers" to tell fortune. If there is no similarity between men and women and there is the possibility of marriage.

The biggest key to the success of marriage negotiation lies in the words of a married "fortune teller". Therefore, if one of them is eager to achieve good things, someone will pay bribes to the married "fortune teller" in advance.

As the saying goes, "when a white horse makes a mistake, the sheep and rats rest, the snake and tiger make a mistake like a knife, and the dragon and rabbit exchange tears." Golden roosters are afraid of jade dogs, and pigs and monkeys are endless. " If both men and women have the above zodiac signs, it will be difficult to get married. On the other hand, if two people belong to the same family, other conditions can be accommodated. The appropriate zodiac sign is: "Rats match cows, tigers match pigs. Sheep with rabbits, horses with dogs. " This is the most important thing for both men and women. There is also: the man's family is looking for relatives, and the most taboo is the girl who belongs to the tiger sheep. As the saying goes, "When a tiger enters the door, it will hurt people." And girls who are sheep also have the saying that "life is hard." Therefore, if a woman is eager to find a partner and likes a boy very much, in order to achieve her goal, she will often hide her true genus, otherwise it will be difficult to succeed.

Second, blind date

As a result of marriage, if the two sides have no guilt, the second procedure is blind date. Parents of both sides will meet the matchmaker, agree on the place, or meet at either side's home, which is called "blind date". Both sides are concerned about whether both men and women look good and whether their limbs are disabled. This move is mostly accompanied by a matchmaker to meet at the woman's house, but some of them are at the man's house. At this time, the woman should pay more attention to the man's family situation and economic situation. If you see luxurious indoor furnishings, you think you have money at home, and of course you are willing to climb relatives; If you see the depression in the room, the fence at home and many children, you think your family is poor and you will take a negative attitude when talking about marriage.

If both parties are satisfied with the results of blind date, they will check their "three halls" according to the characters of men and women. The so-called "three halls" is to check whether the parents of both sides hurt each other. If you are lucky, write a marriage certificate, and write down in detail the time and location of getting on and off the sedan chair and paying homage to heaven and earth, as well as the date of collecting money to celebrate the wedding.

Third, let go.

When both men and women agree to get married, the next step is to have a "small ceremony". There are no certain standards for "small gifts". Almost all ordinary people have four boxes of gifts. Such as gold bracelets, rings, ruyi, hairpin diamonds, etc., are packed in two boxes; Materials and embroidered skirts are also packed in two boxes. Jewelry is mainly pure gold, followed by gold, and silver bracelets are also bought. Of course, it depends on the social class and economic situation of both sides.

On that day, the woman's family will set up a whole table to entertain major media and exquisite families, and there will be 20 kinds of fruits, including four kinds of meat, four kinds of honey, four kinds of dry food, four kinds of fresh food and four kinds of snacks. After receiving the man's gift, the woman's family should also send back a box of Four Treasures of the Study, a box of boots (shoes) hats, a box of robes, a box of coats and a box of cloth. These gifts were brought back to the man's home by the matchmaker that day.

Fourth, choose the date.

Beiping seldom gets married in the first month of the lunar calendar, and rarely gets engaged in the twelfth month. Because getting married in the first month will hinder the in-laws and getting engaged in the twelfth month will defeat the in-laws, there is a proverb: "If you don't marry, you won't order." But whenever you get married, you must choose a good day. Moreover, a few days before the date is chosen, the man must invite the matchmaker to the woman's house to inquire about the girl's "little life." That is, the date of the monthly letter falls in the first half or the second half, so as to choose an auspicious day. It is said that if the bride writes every month at the time of marriage, there is a saying that "the red horse goes to bed and the family is ruined", so everyone attaches great importance to it. If the groom is young, his parents must earnestly warn him not to cross the festival before entering the bridal chamber, lest the bride get pregnant on the wedding night, then the child born is called "Maimenzi", which is unlucky. So "choosing a day" is very important.

Verb (abbreviation of verb) amplification

After the wedding date is determined, it is followed by "expansion", also called "communication ceremony". In the process of getting married, this etiquette is very important, so the ceremony is also very grand. Except for the "dragon and phoenix post" which has special significance, other gifts are similar to "small gifts". Although there are no certain standards for the quantity and quality of gifts, they are all divided into "four-color" gifts in principle. For example:

(1) Clothing and jewelry include cut clothes, as well as clothing and various jewelry.

(2) Wine and meat foods include double goose and double wine, leg of lamb, elbow (hoof) and various steamed foods.

(3) Pasta includes dragon and phoenix cakes, crystal cakes and various snacks.

(4) Fruit foods include four kinds of dried fruits and four kinds of fresh fruits.

Among these gifts, double geese, double wine and various fruits and foods all have profound abstract happiness. For example, wine, since ancient times, no matter what celebrations, we should pay attention to "sheep wine" or "nothing can be done without wine", which proves that wine ceremony is indispensable. Goose evolved from the use of goose in ancient ritual vessels, because goose was used in five of the six rituals of ancient ritual vessels, mainly because goose is a kind of bird, and marriage is not a joke. Both sides should keep their promises. But the geese in the north are very rare, so they are replaced by geese. According to the general custom, this pair of geese is double wine, and the woman's family only accepts half a goose and one jar of wine. The other half asks the matchmaker to return it to the man on the same day, which is the courtesy of the woman to the man. As for fruit food, it is more interesting. For example, there must be four kinds of dried fruits: jujube, peanut, longan and chestnut, which means "jujube (early) gives birth to cinnamon (expensive) seeds". If there are apples among the four fresh fruits, it symbolizes "peace and security", but pears are absolutely not allowed, because "pears" and "separation" are homophonic, so as not to be suspected of "separation" between husband and wife. In short, the selected fruits have different auspicious meanings.

The ceremony of "expanding the wedding" is not uncommon. In addition to the two major media in charge of the ceremony, the groom's mother will also attend, and some other relatives and friends will be invited to attend. The woman's family treats them as "easy"; Put all the presents in a box with a red seal on it. At that time, the staff will carry it to the woman's house, and two people will carry it. Ordinary people will give four gifts, and rich people will give eight more. As usual, children will open the gift box face to face after receiving the gift. Before unpacking, you should bow three times to the gift box, then pat the gift box three times with your hand and tear off the seal. When you open the gift box, you must first see a red envelope with a number of silver coins or copper coins, which belong to the children who open the gift box. There is a bracelet in the jewelry box. It must be worn by the groom's mother on the girl's wrist. When wearing a bracelet, you should also say some auspicious words, such as "grow old together and have good luck" It is said that the intention of this move is that the bride should listen to her mother-in-law after entering the door to prevent discord between her mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.

Afterwards, the woman's family will distribute the dragon and phoenix wedding cakes and various snacks sent by the man's family to relatives and friends to promote her daughter's marriage. Relatives and friends also give banquets to the girls to be married and send some rouge, palace powder or cloth, which is called "adding boxes".

Sixth, send a dowry

Dowry is a woman's business, usually one or two days before the auspicious day.

Put all the dowry in boxes and boxes, hire someone to carry it, two people to carry it, and the groom's brother will escort it to the man's house. According to Li Jiarui's "Beiping Customs", "The day before yesterday, the woman invited four male guests, six or eight sent makeup, and the man also invited people to meet makeup. Judging from the number of things carried, most of them are twenty-four, thirty-two and thirty-two. " "For those who carry a lot of clothes, drum music is used as a prelude to their makeup, and drum music is welcomed by male families. But there are also people who send makeup on their wedding day. It can be seen from the record that "there is drum music before the dowry, and the male family welcomes drum music" that "dowry" is very grand. Rich people marry their daughters only by the opportunity of "dowry" to show off their wealth, accompanied by land and shops; The way to marry the land is to carry a few pieces of adobe in the dowry team. Sending a shop is to take down the signboard of the shop and carry it to the man's house.

After the man receives these bride price gifts, the groom will go to the woman's house to "thank makeup" that day. Kowtow to your makeup, but don't stop. Go home after kowtowing. Each box in the dowry has a red envelope on the four corners, which contains a copper coin and a corner ticket. There is no objective standard, just a symbol of some kind of happiness.

Seven, kissing.

When the auspicious day comes, the groom will personally lead the ceremony to get married and set off at the time stipulated in the official book. Before getting off the bus, two men smoked the car and took a few pictures of it with a mirror and a constitution book to ward off evil spirits. The wedding ceremony of wealthy families is particularly grand, and the order of various ceremonies is about "top horse" (in the wedding ceremony team, one person is dressed on horseback, who is responsible for escorting and guiding the whole procession, called top horse), followed by avoidance cards, trumpeters (that is, today's bands), gongs, decorative lights, flags and so on. At the same time, various weapons, such as melons, cymbals and cymbals, were arranged in the ranks of ceremonial ceremonies. It is difficult to describe the scale and momentum of this scene. The groom's green sedan chair is in front, and the bride's embroidered red sedan chair is behind. It's really imposing, like a "big shot" patrolling. The groom here and now is the same as the top scholar. No wonder marriage is a "small graduation".

As soon as the grand ceremony was arranged, a street was crowded. Among them, two people who guard against evil spirits have the greatest responsibility. They each walked a red carpet and accompanied each other on both sides of the sedan chair. If you meet Jingquan Temple on the way, be sure to cover the bride's sedan chair with a blanket to prevent evil spirits. There are also two married wives and two to four married officials and guests. And sit in a sedan chair with the honor guard. Traditionally, the bride's sedan chair can't be empty, so there must be a young child with both parents sitting in it, holding a teapot in his hand, commonly known as the "tea bearer". The teapot contains a little water, a piece of tofu and a bat-shaped red velvet flower. Because of tofu and bats, the second word is homophonic with the word fu, symbolizing double happiness. Cover the teapot with a red square. Set aside. Because Luo is similar to music and symbolizes lifelong happiness! In order to successfully complete the task of marrying the bride, men should prepare a number of "red envelopes" in advance, each containing copper coins, or corner tickets. , and give them to wedding officials and guests for future use; When the sedan chair arrives at the front of the woman's house, the woman's house must be closed, and the bride knocks on the door outside to urge the bride to get on the sedan chair. At this time, in the yard of the woman's house, someone must ask for a "red envelope" through the door. When the bride gets married, she will hand in the red envelope, then the door will open inside and the drummer will play music. Then, the bride throws the coins she brought in advance into the door, which is called "scattering the sky". The deacons of the woman's house welcomed the married guests into the courtyard and the sedan chair was carried in. The woman's family entertained the married guest with tea and wine, and put the prepared "children's bowls and chopsticks" in front of the married guest, and invited the married guest to take it to the man's house. "Children's bowls and chopsticks" must not be damaged, otherwise the life span of the owner and the woman is not long, so both sides think it is of great importance and be especially careful; At this time, the married wife of the man's family gave the red velvet flowers and red roses brought by the children carrying the teapot to the wife who sent them to the bride's farewell party. The woman's family invited two women among relatives and friends. Four of them held the four corners of the red hijab and passed it on to the couple first, saying auspicious words such as "peace in the four seasons, harmony for a hundred years, longevity and good luck". Then put red velvet flowers on the bride, and then put a "red veil" on the bride's head, and the task of marrying a wife is completed.

Before the sedan chair arrives, the bride's family ties a strand of hair into a bun on her head, which means "married couple". When the bride gets into the sedan chair, someone must spread the red carpet one by one on the ground so that the bride can't touch the ground, and two people must help her get into the sedan chair. Others carried the bride into the sedan chair by her father and brother. No matter whether the bride is hot or cold in the sedan chair, the "hijab" on her head is not allowed to be taken off, even in hot summer. Before getting off the sedan chair, the bride's parents must carefully check the sedan chair to ensure safety. After sedan chair, the bride's brothers were still sent to accompany her on both sides of the sedan chair, commonly known as "supporting the sedan chair pole". Meanwhile, please send your wife, officials and guests to see you off in a sedan chair. All the way to the man's house.

Eight, worship heaven and earth

When the wedding sedan chair and etiquette ceremony returned to the man's door, the man's door was closed as usual, saying that it could ward off the bride's temper; At this time, officials and guests coming from home will call the door and ask again and again before opening the door. This situation is the same as that of the woman's family dealing with the man's family, except that there is no such thing as giving red envelopes all over the sky. When the gate was opened, the sedan chair was carried into the yard. First, you have to go through the brazier to see off the official guests and the bride's brother. Then, as the sedan chair entered the hospital to rest, the men treated each other with wine.

When it's time to get off the sedan chair, carry it to the door of the hall. Deacons and others perform their duties and prepare the bride to get off the sedan chair. At this time, the groom bowed to the door three, so the wife who saw the bride off opened the door, and the accompanying sister-in-law (today's bridesmaid) helped the bride get off the bus. Then she handed the bride a small porcelain vase, commonly known as "Aquarius", which contained two or four yellow and white rings. The bride holds Aquarius in her arms and then walks with the help of her companion and wife. In addition, two people put red carpets on the front and back so that the bride's feet won't touch the ground. At this time, the groom has stood in front of the case of heaven and earth, holding a bow and arrow and shooting three arrows at the bride to drive away evil spirits. The archery posture is to shoot an arrow, take a step back, and then the bride gets into the saddle and walks past the brazier. After these joints are connected, a wedding will be held before confession, which is called "worshipping heaven and earth".

After worshipping heaven and earth, he led the bride into the bridal chamber. Please ask two "Quanfu people" to make the kang (or new bed) in advance, and the bride will sit cross-legged in the tent when she enters the door, commonly known as "sitting on the bill" or "sitting on the blessing". And sprinkle happy fruit in the account, just like the legacy of the Tang Dynasty. At this time, the groom unveiled the bride's "hijab", commonly known as "first meeting" or "appearance". So he took off the velvet flower worn by the bride. The groom can place this velvet flower at will. It is said that boys can be born on high places and girls can be born on low places. Now it seems superstitious. But at that time, due to the social background, I thought everything should be.

Nine, eat children's cakes

After "sitting alone", the next program is to eat children's cakes. The child's cake was brought by the bride-to-be from her family, and each of the three wives took a bowl and gave it to the couple for exchange. After eating the cakes of future generations, you should also eat longevity noodles. Longevity noodles are prepared by men, which means "future generations". Then there is the "plastic cup" wine, that is, a red rope with a glass at each end, which is given to the groom by the married wife and the bride's farewell wife, and each drink half a cup and exchange it again, so it is called "plastic cup wine". The toast ceremony was held in the bridal chamber, but there was another banquet in the hall, which was called "reunion dinner" or "reunion dinner". During the dinner, the bride and groom took their seats, and the wife and other guests who saw them off also sat with them. At the beginning of the banquet, the bride and groom must eat a big mouthful of steamed bread first, which is said to mean that the new couple will be "full of happiness" in the future.

Ten, make bridal chamber

"Making trouble in the bridal chamber" represents happiness, so every family, as long as they marry, will make trouble in the bridal chamber, and the more lively the better. There is neither time nor space, and it is "noisy" in ancient and modern times! It's just that the degree of trouble is different. Some gentle people don't talk, some are rude, and then they taste the tragedy of manslaughter because of promiscuity after drinking! For example, Ying Shao's "Custom Pass" says: "Runan Zhang Miao will be a history. A scholar marries a woman and becomes a play after drinking. " Zhang Miao tied Du Shi up, hit him twenty times, hung up his finger, and died like this ... "It can be seen that there is a custom of disturbing the room, which has been prevalent since the Han Dynasty.

As the saying goes, "three days without size" means that everyone, big or small (old or young), can participate in the "bridal chamber" within three days after their wedding. Even so, the real participants are peers. Cousins, of course, relatives, in-laws, that is, cousins, uncles and aunts, will definitely attend. For example, there are many collateral relationships in the branches of a big family, and there must be many people in the noisy room. When there are many people, there will be many arguments. A let the bride do this and b let the bride do that. Of course, it's all awkward actions between men and women. The most fashionable trick is to let the bride and groom "kiss"! "Kissing" means "kissing". It was founded in the early years of the Republic of China. Although the west wind is gradually spreading to the east, it is of course a great event for young men and women to "kiss" in public, so when someone shouts "kiss", the bride blushes and dares not look up, so everyone even boos: "kiss! Kiss ... "Under such circumstances, the bride is of course miserable, but she is also very helpless. Because the people who participate in sex are all relatives of the groom and brothers and sisters at home, and they also make trouble for congratulations, so we must endure all the hardships, otherwise it will become more and more fierce, which may not only make trouble all night, but also hurt feelings.

Although it is common to make trouble with bridal chambers, Beiping is an ancient cultural city. In some families, their parents are too conservative and think that "the way of a gentleman is up to the couple", and the wedding should always be held in a serious atmosphere. Of course, this kind of family can only "avoid customs."

XI。 Divide size

Ancestor shrine, collectively called ancestor worship, is the most important procedure after offering sacrifices to heaven and land. Because the bride is a member of her husband's family after going through the door, ancestor worship is not counted, so ancestor worship is very important.

After ancestor worship, we should "share the birthright", as the saying goes, "divide the size". Is to know the generation of the members of the in-laws family. A small family with a simple population. On the night of the bridal chamber, the bride worships her in-laws and knows the generational relationship between her close relatives. However, if a large family has a large population and the wedding night is not as good as a family, we must meet alone the next morning accompanied by our sister-in-law. When you meet your elders, you must kowtow and bow down with your hands as a gift to your peers. Friends and relatives who come forward to congratulate New Year. And no matter who you visit, both husband and wife should worship together. This is called "double ceremony". No matter family, relatives or friends, if the elders give gifts to the bride, they usually give a red envelope with silver dollars or paper money in it, and the number is not necessarily the same. Others give valuables such as jewelry and cloth, which is called "He Hong" or "Meeting Ceremony".

XII. Meeting relatives

On the second day of the wedding, after the bride has paid homage to her ancestors' family and relatives, the man's family also has an important etiquette, which is to meet relatives, referred to as "meeting relatives". According to Li Jiarui's "Beiping custom", "At that time, the bride's aunt, uncle, grandparents and grandparents gathered in the man's house. Say some kind words to the groom's parents and save the bride from the disaster. When eating wine, one for each person and one for at most two people, but they must be accompanied by two people. If so, the woman will come with ten guests, and the man must be accompanied by twenty people. At this time, the groom saluted the woman's guests and presented them with a belt (for having a baby), a fan (for having a good son) and a purse. The person with money in the bag is a contemporary product, the second person is Hehe Erxian, the third person is Santaizigui, the fourth person is the peace of the four seasons, and the fifth person is the topic of Wuzi. "Even seven, eight, nine and ten, they all murmured." Thus, the "in-laws" banquet was quite grand, with "one person for one seat" and "two people for company" sections. How much respect do you have for your in-laws guests? But from the words "say something kind to the groom's parents to save the bride from disaster", we can understand the situation of the bride in her husband's family at that time.

Thirteen. Huimen

The custom of "returning to the door" is similar in the north and south, that is, for the first time after marriage, the bride's family will take her home to visit her relatives, and the groom will also go together. Commonly known as "Huimen" or "Three Dynasties Huimen". However, some of them returned to their relatives in the province on the 4th, perhaps because of the complicated etiquette of a big family. Generally, the marriage process is completed from "talking about marriage" to "returning to the door". But on the day of going home, the couple can't spend the night at the woman's house, and they must go back to the man's house that day. After that, on the 9th, 12th and 18th, the woman's family sent meals to the bride, which was called "single 9th, double 9th and 12th". Get married for a month before you can go back to your parents' house for a month. Stay at your mother's house for a month, and then go back to your husband's house. As the saying goes, "stay on the moon". After the holiday, the girl's family will take her home for the New Year, so that she can get together for a few days.