13 injunction, write your life script.

How is a person's personality formed, how does he spend his life, and why do you choose this instead of that at key nodes? Why do girls know that they are beautiful, but they can't dress up, act coquettish or please others? Why are you willing to endure, satisfy others and even give up your promotion opportunities? What's in your heart? Why do you like living alone and working alone? As an excellent player, being a captain is at a loss? ...... Life is full of uncertainty, but it seems to be written as "destiny". In childhood, parents' admonition, comments from people around you, school education, teachers' evaluation and feedback from classmates and friends will all become subconscious restrictions that affect your decision-making and choice.

13 injunction, write your life script.

The following content is shared by self-painting-super mother training camp-teacher Lu micro-class.

Article 65438 +0 Prohibition Order: No xx.

For example: "You can't climb a tree, you will fall and get hurt".

Interpretation: Standardize children's actions and restrictions, and children form "I'd better do nothing".

Function: Looks like a good boy, but when he grows up, he lacks autonomy and his own ideas. In the workplace, there are many employees waiting for instructions. When there is no instruction from others, they don't know what to do and lose their goal.

The second restraining order: you can't be yourself.

For example: gender identity. "Daughter is a loser" and "Oh, I wish I were a son".

Interpretation: For gender character, if there are some things that cannot be changed by nature, maybe this prohibition order is playing a role. For example, women are not feminine and men are not masculine. Girls know that they are beautiful, but deep down, they don't know how to dress up, how to attract men, and how to coquetry. You could have done all these things well, but subconsciously you don't know how to do it, and you don't think you should do it. Everything you can do, but you don't know why, is the function of this ban.

Function: deny self and self-confidence. If parents don't like this part, how can others like it and why? So as to deny yourself. This kind of person is very concerned about social evaluation.

Article 3 restraining order: don't be childish.

For example: "You are your brother, and you have a little responsibility"; "You are so old and still crying."

Interpretation: This kind of person is busy helping everyone with food and wine while eating, but he doesn't know how to take care of himself or enjoy the care of others.

Function: I am still a child, but precocious. Such people are too serious, even true. Some of them are other people's business, but they must do it themselves. If they don't do it, they will have excessive sense of responsibility and become a burden.

Article 4 Prohibition Order: Do not grow up.

Example: Contrary to the previous one. Everything is "don't move, mom will help you".

Interpretation: transitional protection, transitional pampered family. Children form the mentality of "I'd better be a child and do nothing".

Functions: Oedipus plot, giant baby, mother treasure. Analysis: Why don't parents let their children grow up? There are various reasons. For example, children don't grow up, parents enjoy the feeling of "always right", and so on. It is not that children don't want to grow up, but that parents don't want to let go, because there are more uncertainties and challenges behind letting go. Conversely, if parents are confident enough about themselves, this prohibition order will not be easily imposed on their children. This is more about how parents view themselves.

Article 5 restraining order: no emotion.

Example: When I fell, my parents said, "Don't cry! Why do men cry? "

Interpretation: In a unsmiling family, children look strong, but their hearts are sad and bitter. They don't know how to express their feelings, suppress their feelings, pretend to be indifferent to many things, pretend not to be moved, don't cry, and don't fly into a rage. Their voices are not cadence and lack of expressiveness.

Why not allow children to have feelings? Maybe parents are in high positions, and emotions are a burden. Need to finish one thing quickly, pay attention to discipline, and lose control of emotions. In a serious environment, emotions are suppressed. Parents have dignity for their children, which is a restraining order for them. Parents think that their children's happy state is too frivolous and naive. In this world, there is more pain than happiness. There is no problem with drainage channels. If the channel is blocked, even the ability to express and feel their emotions will degenerate and disappear, and they will be in a state of depression for a long time, which is prone to psychological obstacles. Please ask parents to reflect and never give this prohibition order to their children. On the surface, it seems to meet the inner needs of parents, but the child's heart is barren, and the last exit is blocked, which stifles the opportunity to enjoy life and blocks the emotional channel. This is very dangerous. It is important to express emotions. Parents should encourage their children to express their feelings. Emotional intelligence is not accomplished through repression, but through cultivation and promotion.

Article 6 injunction: no thought.

For example: "Don't talk back to your parents!" "Sit down and listen to me quietly!"

Interpretation: Children who grow up under the hysterical abuse of their parents will give up thinking and have no way to think with precise logic. Many people believe in divination, fortune telling and horoscopes, and may have been forbidden to think.

Why don't parents let their children think? Thinking brings collision. The price of wisdom is contradiction. Parents don't want conflicts, intimidate their children, and are not allowed to think too much about the current stability. Children do feel imperfect, childish and annoying, but we can't deprive children of the right to think. You can't suppress a child's chance to think just because his point of view is different from yours. First-class wisdom is to let two completely different views coexist. Are you the only one who is right in your family? In short, if you deny the child, you will deny the child the opportunity to think. The child has grown up. Just because you don't know now doesn't mean you won't know later. Look at children with a developmental eye. Parents with strong hearts, gains and losses, and gains and losses can easily unconsciously suppress their children's abilities. When they grow up, they will look for reasons from their parents themselves. A parent who encourages children, allows them to stand on their own feet, and allows diverse views to exist, while recognizing the value of children, is also cultivating their abilities. Right or wrong is not that important. The child will leave you eventually, and so will you. Your departure is permanent. Whether children have the ability to face the world alone depends on your decision now. Giving children more opportunities means giving them one more chance to live.

Article 7 restraining order: don't go near.

Example: "I'm busy. I'll talk to you later." "Go away and leave me alone!"

Interpretation: Parents are difficult to get close to and forced to alienate their parents.

Function: avoid talking to your parents, and don't tell your parents if you have something on your mind. When I grow up, it is difficult to express my psychological thoughts. When I encounter difficulties at work, I don't talk to my supervisor or colleagues. The idea of "just bear it yourself" when you encounter annoying things is easily suppressed, and it blocks the communication channels with others when you can't get close to others. Unwilling and unable to communicate, I prefer to bury myself there. This injunction itself is not serious, but it will give other injunctions an "amplifier" effect. The less communication, the more depressed the heart will be, amplifying the role of other restraining orders.

Article 8 injunction: it cannot be successful.

Example: well done, no praise; Failure is comforted.

Interpretation: China, an ancient country in the East, does not advocate praise, but adheres to the concept of "winning without arrogance and losing with grace". If you win, you will not be happy, and you will never get a good and fair evaluation; On the contrary, when you fail, all kinds of encouragement tell you not to lose heart and make persistent efforts. Under this kind of reinforcement, the child solidified and formed "I still failed." The subconscious tells itself not to succeed.

Parents are indifferent or even indifferent to their children's success. The joy and pride of a child's success is totally unacceptable, but he is encouraged after his failure. Over time, children will develop in the direction of protecting themselves and will not succeed. Parents will say that "this child is so close to the door at a critical moment", which may be an objective fact, but it must not be told to the child, because once it is said, the child will really think that he has "lost the chain at a critical moment" and once he is labeled, he will be considered an unsuccessful person. This label is hard to tear off. Entrepreneurship failed several times, and it was inexplicably screwed up. Maybe there was such a restraining order when I was a child.

Article 9 restraining order: no desire.

For example, parents have financial burdens, and parents should try their best to support themselves.

Interpretation: You feel that your desires and demands are increasing the burden on others. You feel that you are a burden and can't tell what you want frankly. This ban is not accepted through language description, but is felt in practice.

Function: Under this injunction, you will not only give up your chance, but even ruin your happiness. Obviously, if you work, you can be promoted step by step, but you say it's nothing to pay less; Save money to support others. This kind of injunction can't live with the ego, because the ego is at the expense of satisfying the desire. If desire is not satisfied, sexual desire, appetite and sense of accomplishment will be out of the question. When you have no sense of existence, when you are a burden, how can you have these things? As long as I am hungry, all the good things should belong to others. Deep down, do I still say that if I give them to others, others may treat me better? If I express my desire and get my own things, it is very likely that others will treat me badly, criticize me, attack me and look down on me. I'd rather have nothing. Please be kind to me. This is often "please", and deep down, I feel that I am not worthy of this happiness and have no ability to satisfy myself.

This kind of restriction makes the self extremely depressed and can be transmitted to children. Note: There is no desire on the surface. In fact, subconsciously, I am crazy about expressing what I want. I want many things, such as helping others and letting others appreciate you; Working hard to raise children is to ask them to be grateful to you; When you give everything you want, but you still can't get it, the devil appears and the other side of your personality is revealed. This kind of person is terrible. The flattering personality is not superficial communication, but behind it. If he doesn't get what he wants, you should be careful. When your child accepts your "potential" needs, the child will be overwhelmed and think, "Why is mom/dad so abnormal? Seemingly good to me, but in fact secretly dissatisfied with me? " He asked for something behind your back, which was good for you. He didn't get what he needed, so naturally he was dissatisfied with you. Children will feel more and more tired, and nothing can satisfy their parents, because the needs are not in the light, but they are like vampires in the dark. The child's psychological energy was robbed.

Article 10 Prohibition Order: No health.

For example, only when you are sick can you get more love from your parents.

Interpretation: gain sympathy through illness and injury, and attract attention through abrupt and strange behavior. Although the body is unhealthy, it can get more attention.

Function: Note: All restraining orders are aimed at "getting more attention from parents". If you don't get the attention of your parents, you will die. This is a fear deeply rooted in genes. Without parents' attention, there is no sense of existence and value. It fundamentally denies itself and obtains the evidence that parents care about, care about and like themselves through various means. When this kind of evidence is not available, psychology will go to the dark side and it is impossible to develop normally. How much will children pay to get the attention and care of their parents? Four words: all costs. Even the cost of life and health. Because health is a conceptual thing, and inner feelings are desperate things. Take a psychology class and analyze the restraining order in depth, because super mothers should be able to weigh the pros and cons from the standpoint of their children and what to do.

Article 1 1 injunction: unimportant.

I did well in the exam and was praised by the teacher. Parents responded: "Hmm." , the performance is very cold.

Interpretation: Children can't get praise, and over time they form: they can't be important people. Nobody praised you because you did a good job. If you become an important person, you may be attacked.

Function: such people try not to be conspicuous and hate taking responsibility. Dress simply and speak softly. It was this restraining order that worked. Some people are excellent players. As captains, they can't exert their strength because they are not allowed to be excellent in their hearts. When there is a promotion opportunity, I subconsciously "can't be an important person" and take the initiative to stop, unwilling to try my best to fight for it, I don't know why. It's hard to understand, because I didn't realize that this prohibition has been rooted in my heart.

Article 12 Prohibition Order: No sense of belonging.

For example, parents help their children choose friends, "don't play with that child who doesn't study well"; Help the child answer "This child is shy, just afraid of life".

Interpretation: the speaker is unintentional and the listener is intentional. Because of your words, children have less and less contact with children of the same age, and those who bear this prohibition order are difficult to integrate and will always be alone.

Function: You often refuse all kinds of dinners and invitations, and you can't find a sense of belonging in the team, because your parents help you make decisions and your friends help you choose. Over time, I feel that I am not qualified and have no ability to choose what you want, so forget it.

Article 13 injunction: it cannot exist.

For example, when I was a child, I was abused. "If it weren't for you, I would have divorced." "You are a black sheep." All the pain is because of your birth.

Interpretation: You are regarded as the cause of misfortune by your parents. This injunction directly destroys the confidence of children and makes your heart desolate. Your children have lost confidence in everything and yourself, and everything around them is bleak.

Function: the most painful restraining order. Deny one's own existence, break the jar and break it. Will not cherish their health and life, alcoholism, drug abuse, broken pots and broken falls only fate. Since you said I was unlucky, I'll show you my misfortune. Not only am I unlucky, but I also want to make everyone around me unhappy. You don't like me. I'll humiliate myself and show you. Consciousness doesn't think so It's all subconscious exercise One must always find a reason for his own experience and a reason to prove it.

Summary: The childhood 13 injunction is staggering. They form the basis of life orientation, cognition and judgment, and determine how we will look at the world. Studying the "restraining order" and sorting out your own "life script" is to jump out of this box and re-examine your choice and life. Look at the future with a developmental and diversified perspective.