Qinzhou fortune-telling joke

On the bus today, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

The Japanese girl didn't look back, and her long hair fluttered in her dream. China girl doesn't look back, but she wants to hug her back.

As soon as the Japanese girl turned around, the boys in the dormitory jumped off the building. China girls turned and dumped the whole boys' building.

Japanese girls turn away from beauty and love apes. China girl turned around and cars met randomly on the road.

The Japanese girl turned three times and scared two cows in the field. China girl turns three times, and the cowherd returns to earth.

The Japanese girl turned around four times, and the water in Lushan Waterfall flowed backwards. Miss China looked back four times, but Miss World disappeared.

The Japanese girl made five turns and Jordan flew to another planet. Miss China made five turns, and Princess Chang 'e jumped off the building.

Japanese girls turned six times, and Halley's comet hit the earth. China girl returned to the White House as an intern.

Japanese girls don't have to worry about recovering Taiwan Province Province. China girls turn seven times, so students don't have to worry about the coming year.

The Japanese girl turned eight times and Song Wu drank three bowls of wine. China girl turns eight times, and eunuchs shake.

Japanese girls turn around at nine o'clock, and Diego Diego Maradona plays basketball. China girl turned nine times, and was robbed by a rich driver.

Japanese girls turn ten times, and human development comes to an end. Miss China made ten turns, and the Titanic continued to swim.

Classic joke: fortune-teller A young lady asked a blind man to tell her fortune in the street.

The fortune teller touched her finger and said to her, "Miss, your life is not good!" " "

The young lady listened to the blind man's words and quickly asked, "Why do you say that my life is not good?"

The blind fortune teller replied, "Because you have a bad omen!" " "

The young lady was anxious and said, "Do you want me to take off my bra?"

The fortune teller replied, "No, as long as you get rid of the bad omen, there will be two big waves in your life!" " "

M: Hello. Woman: Hello.

Man: Talk? Woman: No.

M: Why? Woman: Busy.

Man: What are you up to? Woman: Play.

Man: What game? Woman: Games.

Man: What game? Woman: It's fun.

Man: What's funny? Woman: annoying.

M: Talk to me if you are bored. Woman: Get out.

Man: The floor is dirty. Woman: Shit.

Man: This is your shoulder. Woman: You want to die.

M: "Death" is on page 96 1 in the dictionary. Woman: dizzy.

M: I have something for dizziness. Woman: I took it.

Man: I don't feel dizzy after taking the medicine. Female: Big Brother.

Man: I know your sister. Woman: Please.

M: Goodbye, don't take it off. Woman: I'm going crazy.

Male: I call 120 female: You are a fairy.

M: Don't be superstitious. Woman: Is that still alive?

Man: You will have a better life with me. Female: 555.

M: 35 cigarettes are good, but they are harmful to health. Woman: Go to hell.

Man: I'm in an Internet cafe, and I'm not dead. Woman: Please leave me alone.

M: OK, tell me your mobile phone number.

I won't talk about it. W: Why do you need a number?

Man: Then I'll send you a text message ... Woman: ..........

Tencent QQ, I used it for many years, and today I know a big secret. ......

After playing QQ for 10 years, I finally found a big secret!

I am very excited. I don't think many people will know, so I will share it with you and let you learn!

It turns out that QQ can be used to chat, just click on a friend's head twice and you can chat. I have always regarded QQ as a computer decoration. And I also found that if you click the "-"sign in the upper right corner of QQ, it will actually disappear, and then double-click the QQ icon in the lower right corner, it will appear again! It's incredible.

The password * * * * * is too secret.

One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "

The teacher said angrily, "Good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "

So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!" "

The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"

The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "

The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "

The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. "

Teacher: "The weather is fine today."

Student: "The weather is terrible today."

Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."

Student: "There are clouds everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."

Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young."

Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."

Teacher: "I found a dollar."

Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."

Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."

Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "

Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "

Teacher: "Wrong."

Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "

Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "

Teacher: "I was wrong."

Student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "

Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "

Teacher: "You are so stupid."

Student: "We are very smart."

Teacher: "Stop!"

Student: "Go on!"

Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "

Student: "Go on now! Say it! "

Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "

Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "

Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "

Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "

Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "

Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "

Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "

Teacher: "Are you endless?"

Student: "We finish what we started!" "

Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "

Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "

..... Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily with a book in his arms.

The National Day of 1 is coming. Others have a lot of roses, but I am short of money and have nothing to give you. I only have a cactus. I can only tell you affectionately: I'm tired for so long, sit down and rest!

2 National Day composition-"Tangle"

I broke up with Zhong, and now I'm waiting for Guo Qingjie, but actually I like Fang very much and miss Fang very much. . . But her sister Fang Shujia is more beautiful, and I like her better. . . But my heart has always loved walking on snow, and how much I want to be with her forever ~ of course, her sister is still working.

One day, Xiaohong asked her mother, "Where did I come from?"

Mom said, "It came out of my stomach."

Xiaohong said, "Why do you want to eat me?"

Classmate MM has small breasts. Often laughed at by us. Recently, she broke a very sad thing.

One morning around 6.7, my boyfriend woke up in a daze and began to touch her. After touching her twice, he suddenly turned her over (they slept face to face), made her turn her back to herself, began to touch her, touched her twice and turned her over. MM is furious, wake him up. He asked inexplicably, "What were you playing in the early morning, knocking people over?" His boyfriend was completely awake and said, "I just fell asleep." I touched it and thought I touched your back, so I turned you over and touched you. I found it was still your back, so I turned it over again ... "

Comments: The airport has reached a certain level …

On Sunday morning, when I was asleep, the message rang and the bell vibrated. When I caught my eyes, my hand didn't have the strength to hold it tightly and my mobile phone slipped. "pa!" Pat it on the forehead. Continue to be confused, ignore it and let the phone stick to your forehead like a symbol. I fell asleep again, dreaming, and the phone attached to my forehead rang again, and the bell vibrated. Then, like being electrocuted, my whole body shook wildly, and my hands, feet, waist and chest were shaking. After shaking, I was completely refreshed! I think this is incredible. I saw my roommate Lao Bi still sleeping, so I got up and put my cell phone on his forehead. At first glance, it really looks like a zombie. Play fast and dial your own phone with his mobile phone. You will see that when the mobile phone vibrates, his whole person vibrates. . . You can try it sometime.

Comments: In fact, you don't have to put your mobile phone on your head to be energetic. Everyone knows that.

In high school, I had a beautiful pimple on my face. One day, I took a bus, holding an iron ring and swinging with the car. A child P pulled my skirt: "Brother, brother, you spilled your eight-treasure porridge on my face!" "

Comments: Eight-treasure porridge ... so vivid and vivid.

In junior high school, my friend had a friend, yours, with a strange brain.

Once we went to the mountain to play and saw a temple, so we went in to visit it.

As if he had made up his mind, he folded his hands and knelt on the cushion in front of God.

We held our breath and stared at him.

Results ~

He thought for a moment, and when he was nervous, he said

God bless (you) ...

We are all anxious, afraid of being beaten by monks in the temple. .

Comment: Maybe both God and Buddha belong to this family.

Although the cleaner Ahua is very clever, she has only a third-grade education and often writes some typos.

One day, Ahua mopped the floor of the laboratory.

Then he wrote a note and stuck it on the door: "Please don't let idle people in, I'm clean. Ahua "

One day, a puppy who had just given birth was walking on the road. A little boy saw it and exclaimed, "Wow, this puppy has so many penises!" " "

This is a real joke. I was passing by and heard it.

A five-year-old boy kissed a four-year-old girl, and the girl said to the boy, you will be responsible for me if you kiss me.

The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not three years old!

Tang Priest: "Find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time!"

Wukong: "Flying is faster than riding a horse! ! "

Bajie: "Shenzhou VI is faster! ! ! "

Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, "I heard that this thing will be sent to the West soon ..."