Pan Changjiang fortune-telling _ Pan Changjiang eight-character numerology

00 1。

A mother took her children to Disney to learn English, and Disney had to teach itself English. The staff told her that there was no such person, and her mother didn't believe it. The staff said you found a rabbit to teach him English.

002。

A star: Do you believe that I only sleep for one hour every day? Reporter: What are you doing in the other 23 hours? Star: doze off.

003。

A gentleman who was bald at the age of forty was worried all day. One day, he saw an advertisement for a secret recipe for baldness in the newspaper and was overjoyed. He immediately sent money by mail order. A few days later, I received a reply: Do you want a wig or a hat?

004。

A gentleman dreamed of a secret, but woke up and forgot it! He decided to write the same dream the next day, so he put paper and pen on the pillow. I woke up the next day and read the newspaper: when the banana is big, the banana skin is big!

005。

A certain gentleman takes a traffic test. Examiner: What should I do when I meet the green light? A: Drive past. Examiner: What about the red light? A: Stop it. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Answer: Fight it!

006。

A psychopath is writing a letter, and the nurse asks, who are you going to write it to? Patient: Write it to myself! Nurse: What does the letter say? Patient: You are crazy! I haven't received it. How do I know?

007。

The leader of an education bureau went to a middle school to take an exam, and announced to the students at the meeting: "To be fair, I will take the exam in Grade One this year, Grade Two next year and Grade Three the year after." All beings collapse.

008。

A Jia looked at the needle and couldn't help asking: Will it hurt? The nurse said: Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than twenty years. I just heard a scream. The nurse slowly connected: there is no time when it hurts.

009。

A parrot was taught to speak: I can walk. Parrot: I can walk. A: I can talk. Parrot: I can talk. I can fly. Parrot: Don't be ridiculous.

0 10。

A lawyer said: I want a divorce. I can't stand my wife running into the ballroom at night 12. Lawyer: That's unforgivable. What is she going to do? Go get me back!

0 1 1。

A: How long can a person live without a brain? Some b: I don't know. How old are you this year?

0 12。

A captain ran into the cockpit with an axe. The passenger looked at it and said, Captain! Are there any gangsters? Captain: I accidentally locked myself out of the cockpit.

0 13。

In a public place, people often urinate and defecate everywhere, and managers put up a sign of "penalty for offenders", which can't be banned and is getting worse. One day, Zhang Yi posted a notice: It is forbidden to urinate anywhere, or the tools for committing crimes will be confiscated.

0 14。

Someone digressed for two hours at a time. At last he realized: Sorry, I forgot to wear my watch. A voice from the back seat said, there is a calendar behind you.

0 15。

The biology department of a university has three majors: zoology, entomology and botany. At the student meeting of the whole department, the host shouted: animals sit on the left, insects sit on the right and plants sit in the middle.

0 16。

Mingming eats peanuts every day. Seeing peanuts fall to the ground, he said, "Why do you waste them every day?" Pick it up and put it in your mouth. Stop for a while every day and say, "You didn't even waste bugs!" "

0 17。

Secretary-General: The general manager wants us to go out and buy Si Ku Quan Shu tomorrow. Secretary: We only have three warehouses, and they are all full. Secretary-General: Then make room for another office.

0 18。

Art school stipulates that boys are not allowed to fall in love with female models. Xiao Qiang not only talked, but also got the model pregnant. Was known by the school. A few days later, the school announced that Xiao Qiang had been expelled for destroying props.

0 19。

Beauty, beauty, I love you and miss you day and night! If you abandon me, go with him and I'll chop you to death! ! Beauty A made all men admire her. B dared to carve the words "I love you" on A's desk. A was angry, but could not help but erase it. Everyone admired B. The next day, A wrote four words on the desk: Saibei Snow.

020。

Americans take a taxi in China: Your car is so slow! Ours is much faster. To the destination, the cost is fifty yuan. "ah! So expensive! " Answer: "This rice is American!"

02 1。

Americans: In the United States, there are many lawsuits against basketball stars, but few people can really play basketball. China people: There are many fortune tellers for China football team in China, but few people can really play football.

022。

I miss you every day, three times in the morning and four times in the evening, for short: chop and change! Gas companies generally notify workers in writing to replace new gas meters, and there is a note column on the form. If the worker can't finish it, he must explain the reason in the column. The most common reason is that dogs should not change their watches.

023。

Like a hunting dog without a girlfriend-with a keen sense of smell; Be like a pug when you are in love-be thick-skinned enough; Like a married German shepherd-finally shed that hypocritical skin.

024。

When you don't have a girlfriend ... good citizens; When you have a girlfriend ... bail pending trial; When engaged ... monitoring residence; After marriage ... life imprisonment! When you don't have a girlfriend, you are a hound. When you find your goal, you are a pug. When you get it, you are a German shepherd. When you lose it, you are a dead dog.

025。

Toilet door couplet: shit falls in the pond and shakes the stars all over the sky (note: stars at night, flies during the day); Wan was spread on the urine shower wall; Horizontal batch: gas-rushed bullfighting.

026。

The cat guarded the mouse hole and thought, boy, I don't believe you won't come out; Soon a hedgehog came out, and when the cat got up, he held him down and said, sample! I don't know you after spraying hair gel!

027。

Steamed bread and noodles got into a fight, and as a result, steamed bread was crying, so I went home and asked Hua Baozi to look for noodles. As a result, as soon as the instant noodles opened, the steamed bread said, sample! I don't know you when I burn my head? Hit it!

028。

Melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, if it's not sweet, it's free"! Hungry passerby: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one. "

029。

A man is lovelorn. His friend comforted him and said, "It doesn't matter. You will soon forget her and find a better girl. " "No, I can't forget her soon!" The man shouted, "I bought her a lot of things, all of which were paid in installments."

030。

The first diving test will be held soon. Diving student: How can I pass the exam? Coach: Come back alive.

03 1。

Mother disinfected the towel with boiling water, ran to the pot and asked, Mom, what's in it? Mom: This is a towel. After a little hesitation, he said, it turns out that towels can also make soup!

032。

The mother explained the birth of the baby to her little daughter in detail. The daughter was silent for a while: "Is this how our kitten came?" "That's right." "Dad is great! He can do anything! "

033。

Mother asked Xiao Xin to go shopping to buy eggs, but all she bought were small eggs. Mom: Why are the eggs getting smaller now? Xiaoxin: It was born by a chicken. Puppy love is popular now.

034。

Mother asked Li Rong to have her hair cut, saying: Long hair needs a lot of nutrition, which is a waste! Li Rong replied: since long hair needs a lot of nutrition, isn't cutting hair equal to cutting nutrition?

035。

Mother bought a net bag of fruit and reminded her son: You put the fruit where no one can reach it. The son said, mom, just put it in my stomach.

036。

Mother told her son that father would entertain a Yugoslav at home in the evening. When the father and the guests stepped into the house, the child whispered to his mother: Mom! Come and see, that lady is a man!

037。

The mother stood in front of the bank window with her child in her arms. The child ate bread and stuffed it into the cashier through the window. The cashier smiled and shook his head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.

038。

Mom: Why doesn't Xiaoming give candy to his sister? The old hen found all the bugs for the chicks to eat. You should study! Xiao Ming: OK. If I find bugs, I will feed them all to my little sister.

039。

Mom: Xiaoming, you are so old that you need a hug from your mother. You're ashamed! Xiaoming: The aunt next door is older than me. She just gave it to her father.

040。

Mom: Which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest one. Mom: Son, you should be polite. I want a small one. Child: Do you have to lie if you are polite?