Tell me as many jokes as possible.

It is said that these four men and women have been walking for too long on the way to learn the scriptures. With the rapid development of human science and technology, mobile base stations are everywhere in China. One day,

Go to a post station and see the banner of "China Mobile Shenzhou Card, Learn from the scriptures". I couldn't help being tempted, so I sold the Zijin Bowl and bought it myself.

a mobile

Pig Bajie sent messages to Gao Laozhuang's wife while walking, and at the same time flirted with spider essence and centipede essence.

The Monkey King's hometown is too far away from the mainland, and there is no base station installed. the Monkey King of Huaguoshan can't be contacted, so he is very angry.

No one usually hits Tang Priest, but he keeps bookkeeping on his mobile phone with account books, three steamed buns and two pickles. ...

Friar Sand is very meticulous. While walking, he photographed the scenery with his mobile phone, and then posted his travel notes on the Internet, earning the manuscript fee. He hasn't finished half of his journey to learn from the scriptures.

He is already a famous travel writer. ...

One day, I came to a small demon cave, and the monster came out to rob me. The Monkey King was in no hurry and didn't even bother to mention the stick. He called 1 10 directly, brother police.

He took the monster away. . .

Three goblins just appeared in the Lion Tuo Cave, and the Monkey King called Tathagata. "Tathagata? Your bird, lion and elephant have all escaped. Come on.

Take them away or I'll call the zoo! Sue you for cruelty to animals! ! "

Tang Priest called Tathagata every day, chattering endlessly and reporting the difficulties on the road. When the Tathagata was tired of listening, he said to his opponent, "Take your goblin away quickly.

Tell the Tang Priest to leave quickly, or complain once a day, which annoys me to death. "

When I arrived at Wuzhuangguan, Zhenyuan Daxian presented ginseng fruit. Pig is very careful this time. He took out his mobile phone and watched it again and again. Daxian is strange.

Asked what he was looking at, Bajie said, "Look for an anti-counterfeiting label to identify the phone!"

Four people went to a widow's house for the night and slept soundly in the middle of the night. Four people's cell phones rang, and a voice rang-"Excuse me, are you looking for a small one?"

Sister? "the Monkey King said impatiently," Mother Lishan, Nanhai Bodhisattva, stop pretending. We will not be fooled. I know your cell phone number. "

Bai turned into a beautiful woman, carrying a basket full of food, trying to lure the master and disciples into falling for it. The Tang Priest, who had been silent, suddenly pointed with a smile.

The woman said, "She is a demon!" The Monkey King asked curiously, "Why does Master have a critical eye?" Tang's monk proudly raised his mobile phone and said:

"The camera of my mobile phone has infrared perspective function, and 5200 silver is not white, hehe."

Pig Bajie peeped at the spider essence in the silk cave to take a bath and was entangled in the demon silk. Bajie, who has always been weak, turned on his mobile phone and played an insect repellent.

When the bell rang, the spider essence twitched and rolled its eyes in waves of ultrasonic vibration. Pig came out of the net and said, "What do you think you are?"

Is it Spider-Man? "

When the four of them arrived in Tongtian River, they saw that the river was very wide and felt very sad, so they went to Mr. Chen's house for the night. Chen Laotou complained that the monsters in the river wanted to eat their children.

My son, the Monkey King, was furious. He called the Office for Combating Trafficking in Women and Children in China. After a long time, the monster died ... four people rode a huge one.

The incomparable old turtle crossed the river. The old turtle had no other requirements, just wanted to know when he could get someone. Pig Bajie usually likes to play with these gossip things. Open it and have a look.

Mobile phone, find a fortune-telling program, enter the date of birth of the old turtle, calculate and say, "After 850 years, wait."

Tang Priest suspected that the Monkey King spoke ill of Tathagata with his mobile phone, so he drove the Monkey King away. The Monkey King was depressed and went to the Dragon Palace as a guest. When the Dragon King saw Sun Wu.

With a mobile phone hanging around my waist, I am envious and want to buy one. The Monkey King laughed at him and said, "There is no signal in the water. What is the use of buying it? " After that, put on the gold hoop.

The stick was pulled out of my ear and thrown back to the dragon king, saying, "I don't need this thing anymore since I have a mobile phone." I will give it back to you! "

The ringtone of Tang's monk's mobile phone is a "jackfruit classic", and the alarm clock is the morning bell in his temple that year; The Monkey King's ringtone is "Men should strive for self-improvement".

The alarm clock was the cry of a lark in Huaguoshan that year; Pig Bajie's cell phone ringtone is vulgar, "The moon represents my heart", and the alarm clock is a loud cry.

Let's eat! ! "; Friar Sand's ringtone is an ordinary ringtone, and there is no alarm clock at all-the alarm clocks of the other three people all rang, so they still use it themselves.

Settings?

Xiao Xin: Hi! Beauty, take off your glasses!

Xiao Xin: Miss, do you like green peppers?

Xiao Xin: I hate eating green peppers and carrots. What about you?

Xiao Xin: Sister, do you wear a high-fork swimsuit?

Woman: What are you doing, little friend?

Xiao Xin: Playing hide-and-seek in the rain.

Woman (locking Xiao Xin on the balcony): You stay here!

Xiao Xin: Mom, mom, I won't do it again! You forgive me.

Woman: How's my rice ball, little friend?

Xiao Xin: How can you get married with such poor craftsmanship?

Woman: ...

Xiao Xin: But you are very kind and should be given a chance.

Wonderful quotations Xiao Xin VS teacher

Teacher: Xiao Xin, painting is imaginary. Try to close your eyes.

Xiao Xin: Oh? !

Teacher: Yes, that's right. What do you see?

Xiao Xin: It's too dark!

Teacher: Xiao Xin, what is this clay you are pinching?

Xiao Xin: Fart fox.

Teacher: The fox is a fox, but how can it be a fart fox?

Xiao Xin: Because I pinched my ass.

Teacher Ji Yong: "Xiao Xin, your beautiful works are so good that the school will send you to participate in the city-wide competition tomorrow." "

Xiao Xin: "No"

Teacher Ji Yong: "Why?"

Xiao Xin: "My father did the work. He will go to work tomorrow."

Teacher Ji Yong: "Xiao Xin, how did you steal your classmate's eraser?" Don't you think about your parents when you do such a thing? "

Xiao Xin: "I just thought about it before I did it. So you don't have to spend your parents' money. "

Teacher Ji Yong: "Xiao Xin, please make a sentence with' dilemma'."

Xiao Xin: "I was in a dilemma during the exam."

Teacher Ji Yong: "Is it because you can't answer the question that you are in a dilemma?"

Xiao Xin: "No, the students' answers are different, which puts me in a dilemma."

Teacher Ji Yong: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now you can use an idiom to describe the happiness of Teacher Ji Yong. "

Xiao Xin: Smiling in Jiuquan

Teacher Ji Yong: "Xiao Xin, you have done a good job recently."

Xiao Xin: "This is all due to the police's anti-vice."

Teacher Ji Yong: "What is the relationship between sweeping pornography and homework?"

Xiao Xin: "My dad has no place to go at night, so he has to stare at my homework at home."

Teacher Ji Yong: "What do tadpoles become when they grow up?"

Xiao Xin: "Pan."

Teacher Ji Yong: "Now in the first aid class, do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation first. What will happen if you repeat it again? "

Xiao Xin: "Someone will sue you for sexual harassment."

Teacher Ji Yong: "There is a first aid class now, and someone is injured. What should I do first? "

Xiao Xin: "I know. Ask him if he wants organ donation?"

Teacher Ji Yong: "Boys and girls will have secondary sexual characteristics when they reach puberty, and girls' flat chests will bulge, just like ..."

Xiao Xin: "For example, double airbags"

Xiao Xin: "Mr. Ji Yong, I want to go to the toilet."

Teacher Ji Yong: "No, it's class time. Why didn't you go after class just now? "

Xiao Xin: "The time after class is so precious, what a pity to use it to go to the toilet!" "

Wonderful quotations Xiao Xin VS sister

Xiao Kui: "Brother, what should we do if there are bad teenagers blackmailing us?"

Xiao Xin: "Catch up with him"

Xiao Kui: "Can you beat them?"

Xiao Xin: "I just need to beat you."

Mei Jing: "Don't go to school alone, lest you be blackmailed by bad teenagers."

Xiao Xin: "But my classmates refused to go with me."

Mei was shocked: "Why?"

Xiao Kui: "They are afraid of being blackmailed by their brothers."

Xiao Xin: "Sister, why do you study so hard?"

Sister: "It's all because of you."

Xiao Xin: "Me?"

Sister: "Yes, someone in our family must be promising!" " "

Mei Jing: "My parents have something to do tonight and will be back very late."

Xiao Xin: "Then I will be very tired!" " "

Mei was shocked: "Why?"

Xiao Xin: "I will get tired of watching TV."

Sister: "Brother, you are the cleanest person I have ever seen."

Xiao Xin: "I'm flattered. How did you see that? "

Sister: "Anyway, you totally push."

Wonderful quotations Xiao Xin VS others.

Xiao Xin vs Guang Zhi.

Hongdao: "Look how touching the story of twenty-four filial piety is. Can you do it? "

Xiao Xin: "At least I can do the same thing and sell my body to bury my father."

Hongdao: "What? Xiao Xin, you are looking at pictures of naked women! Doing such a thing at a young age? Say! Where did these photos come from? "

Xiao Xin: "I took it in your drawer."

Xiao Xin vs Hazama jade.

Xiao Xin: You lack a little emotion in this painting.

Hazama jade: How? ...

Xiao Xin: Look at me-

Write your name "Shinnosuke" on the picture.

Xiao Xin: That's good.

Hazama jade: It's wrong of you to dance like this.

Xiao Xin: Don't worship me.

Hazama jade: I didn't!

Xiao Xin: Don't be shy.

Hazama jade: Me neither!

Xiao Xin versus kittens.

Kitten: "My mother is a master and my father is a doctor."

Xiao Xin: "What's the big deal!"

Kitten: "Who are your parents?"

Xiao Xin: "My father is a man and my mother is a woman."

Xiao Xin VS Yupu boss

Xiao Xin: Do you sell soy sauce?

Fish shop owner: "No."

Xiao Xin: "Do you sell mustard?"

Fish shop owner: "No."

Xiao Xin: "I dare to open a shop without anything."

Xiao Xin VS politician

Politician: What do you like, children?

Child a: I like eating.

Child B: I like my parents.

Xiao Xin: I like ladies in bikinis.

Haoshi: Honey, I'm back.

Xiao Xin: Dad, you're back. By the way, what is private money?

Hiroshi: What, private money? Honey, what is this?

Xiao Xin: Team leader, let's go to the ladies' bathroom!

Dean; No way! It's despicable to peek at a woman taking a bath!

Xiao Xin: I'm flattered to call me mean, hehehehehehehehehe ~ ~ ~ ~ (blushes).

Dean: (dizzy) Hey, meanness is not a compliment, but a description of a person's poor personality and can't peek ~ ~ ~ ~

Xiao Xin: OK! Then let's go and have a look aboveboard!

(Xiao Xin and Meiya go to the movies)

Meiya: Xiao Xin, do you want to pee first?

Xiao Xin: No!

(The movie is about to start)

Xiao Xin: I want to shit.

Meiya: Why not just now?

Xiao Xin: Not now.

(at the door of the toilet)

Xiao Xin: Mom, you're welcome. Come along.

Meiya: Go in.

Xiao Xin: But what if that uncle who is peeing wants to kidnap me?

(Beauty is on fire)

Xiao Xin: At that time, you couldn't afford the ransom? !

Xiao Xin: It's over.

Meiya: Let's go.

Xiao Xin: Take another piss.

Xiao Xin: I will say a few words instead of my mother who stopped breathing.

Mom: It should be hopeless.