Marriage custom in northern Jiangsu

(of two families) form a marriage alliance.

There are four procedures: proposing marriage, visiting relatives, getting married and making an appointment. First, the man's parents invited the media to propose marriage, and after obtaining the woman's consent, they posted "Ding Gong". After the woman showed "respect" after the interview, the man asked the fortune teller to get married. If fate is right, the matchmaker will "get back together" and make a contract. The main condition for choosing a spouse is "the right match", which depends on "parents' orders and matchmakers' words". The parties concerned are not allowed to participate, especially the woman can only "match chickens with dogs". Private dating and free love are both against etiquette, which is not only tolerated by parents, but also condemned by society. Early marriage is common, and there are many bad habits, such as consanguineous marriage, happy events, child bride, and finger-pointing marriage.

Send a bride price to a girl's house

When you get married, you must pay a dowry to show your consent. After the engagement, the man will give gifts to his parents-in-law every year during the Dragon Boat Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival and Spring Festival, with no less than four at a time. In the old days, Qintong grain market was prosperous and business travelers gathered, and some unique customs were introduced and followed by local rich households. On a date, the man will give someone a big gift, which is called "leading the sheep to bear the wine": one person leads an Aries with a red coat and red silk, followed by a load of wine, and the jar is pasted with patterns such as "beaming", "Yuanyang playing in the water" and "Dragon wind is auspicious". There is also a gift box of 40 tons (or 16-24 tons), which contains hazelnuts, pine nuts, Philippines, chestnuts, lychees, longan, lotus seeds, candied dates, long zongzi, shark skin, jewelry and cloth. Women give back shoes, hats, clothes and other things, and some also give back rice paper, Hui ink, Duan inkstone, lake pen and gold ring. Before marriage, the matchmaker must "talk it over" and set a "bride price" and a wedding date. The bride price depends on the family circumstances of men and women, but in the old society, the secular pays attention to ostentation and extravagance; Some succumb to the greed for money and gifts, and some are overwhelmed and "change their parents" or even "rob their parents."

wedding

Be regarded as a lifelong event. There are several procedures, such as issuing a sedan chair, sealing the door, getting on the sedan chair, receiving the sedan chair, paying homage, sitting in wealth, making trouble in a new house, and returning to the door. Not only is the ceremony grand, but it is also expensive. Decorate with lanterns, set off firecrackers, play music, offer sacrifices to ancestors and gods, hold banquets, reward guests and thank the media, which is very lively. Girls should "marry hungry" before marriage, and "brush the sedan chair" when they get on the sedan chair; The bride should wear the Book of Changes to ward off evil spirits. When you get on the sedan chair, you are not allowed to open your eyes and talk. Mother will cry as usual when the girl gets into the sedan chair. The cry in Qintong area is: "There is strong wind and heavy rain. The matchmaker's box will arrive soon, and a handful of pearls will be spilled to the east. You should call your mother-in-law first and then your husband. " When you scatter a handful of pearls to the south, you should eat bread before eating jiaozi. Sprinkle a pearl in the west, I don't know whether the basin is high or the bowl is low; Sprinkle a pearl to the north, my daughter will go out tonight. Peas blossom and bear fruit, and mothers raise their daughters with a sieve. "Some places want to' suppress' the bride's temper, and the sedan chair deliberately refuses to let the newcomers in. In this area, there is a sickle hanging on the door to kill Wei. Before going to bed, the groom deliberately put his shoes and clothes on the bride's shoes and clothes. The woman also has a way to deal with it, that is, before getting on the sedan chair, put the bride's shoes on the high table and signal her to go higher step by step; When she got on the sedan chair, she carried an elastic pocket. If the other person "holds his temper", the bride will cover her pocket tightly, indicating that she will not listen to the intimate words of her sister-in-law. In Jiangyan area, when the bride falls asleep, the groom unbuttons three buttons first, and then the bride takes off her clothes; The groom should put the bride's purse up. Before going to bed, the bride will scatter the gingko, jujube and rice cake in her waist on the bed for the children to eat, to show that she has a baby early, and the bride will undress the groom. The groom wants a gift money to put in his underwear pocket as a gift for the wedding mother. The day after the wedding, the mother-in-law threw the bride a piece or a basin of noodles to try her sewing and cooking. You are not allowed to visit for one month after your wedding.

Since then, the procedures have been simplified, and some enlightened people in cities, including rural areas, advocated civilized weddings, in which the officiating ceremony, witnesses, introducers and guests congratulated them and accompanied the newlyweds to salute, and all the old customs and etiquette were exempted, which won social praise. The anti-Japanese democratic government vigorously advocated self-love, marriage autonomy and new marriage, opposed feudal arranged and bought marriages, and prohibited bigamy and concubinage, which won the support of the masses. After the founding of the People's Republic of China, cadres took the lead in holding weddings and tea parties, so that the newcomers could introduce their love stories, sing songs and tell jokes. Simple and lively, many cities follow suit. Rural professional matchmakers are disappearing day by day. Although there are media, men and women should do six things separately. Sedan chairs are gradually replaced by cars, bicycles or wooden boats, and wedding ceremonies are greatly simplified. Asking for a bride price or a big wedding is criticized by public opinion. By the end of 1960s, the government advocated late marriage, and new marriage gradually became popular. Many young people choose to get married on holidays such as May Day, National Day, New Year's Day and Spring Festival, and some villages do not hold collective weddings. The phenomenon of early marriage has been greatly reduced, and "robbing relatives" and "child brides" have also disappeared. In the 1980s, with the development of economy and the improvement of people's life, the wind of doing great things began to rise, especially in recent years, the wind of comparing with each other and being extravagant became more and more popular. Dowry ranges from the old three items (watches, bicycles and sewing machines) to the new three items (color TV sets, refrigerators and washing machines), and some young people in cities also want to pursue high-end goods such as carpets, sofas, stereos and video recorders. In addition to paying attention to new furniture, rural areas should also build new houses. The wedding is getting bigger and bigger, 10 table, or even dozens of tables; The quality of the banquet has been continuously improved, and six bowls of pigs have been replaced by several dishes, several fried dishes, several cooked dishes, and fish bellies and tendons are essential. From furniture to marriage, it costs more than 10 thousand yuan. Some people even admire old customs and take pride in the past. This is a free love marriage, and I have to ask the media to say hello before I can "marry the media"; Sedan chairs have been extinct for a long time, but they will be replaced by cars; Some old customs and habits that have long been abolished are repeated at some weddings. Newly married men and women depend on their parents because of their low income. Many families spend years of savings and even debts on organizing their children's marriages.