What are the wedding banquets of Jinjiang people?

Hong Heqiang is both from Jinjiang and has been in love for two years. When Qiang's parents learned about Hong's family, they immediately opposed Hong and arranged a strong blind date. Ting, who runs a toy factory at home, broke up with Hong due to social atmosphere and family pressure and got engaged in May this year. When they got engaged, Ting's family gave her a Honda. After the engagement, Qiang still loves Hong deeply, and they still can't let go of each other. Maybe he will get married at the end of the year. Qiang once said that he regretted listening to his parents' arrangement at home, and Hong hated and had no opinion. They have done everything now, but they still can't live without it. Hong is very contradictory. Two years of feelings were destroyed by "matchmaking" and there was no generous "kickback" ... I have seen too many such examples, and I have made sad stories again and again in the face of this marriage custom.

The whole social atmosphere, not only the daughter passed, but also accompanied by a large dowry. You can't exclude your daughter just because she has a position in her husband's family. The economically developed places are so backward that it is really not worth it for them and their parents ... Rich families want to be richer. The so-called people who have no money want to earn their wives' books for the better development of their families. Pure love is vulnerable in the face of reality. ...

Jinjiang men choose to find a loving woman to fall in love, just to fall in love. Love and marriage are two different things. Pure love is fragile before marriage, because marriage has too many additional conditions, and women can only use these additional conditions to knock on the door of marriage. This is the sorrow of marriage and the sorrow of women. The reality is cruel.

Take the pulse of "high dowry"

Yesterday, at the reader's forum of "stressing civilization and advocating new style" held by this newspaper, people from all walks of life expressed their views on the causes and harm of the phenomenon of high dowry and how to curb the increasingly serious trend of dowry comparison.

Phenomenal article

Flexibility of daughter's inheritance right

Huang Jinjiang, deputy director of the Propaganda Department of the Municipal Party Committee: There is a folk saying that if you marry a daughter-in-law, you must marry Chen Daizhen, because the dowry there is high. But this is divided into two parts. Giving a daughter a high dowry in economically developed areas is a manifestation of inequality between men and women. Because throughout southern Fujian, men have the right of inheritance, and their daughters' marriage is "spilled water", it is actually a flexible form and reasonable to marry their daughters to a high dowry or even shares in enterprises.

The phenomenon of high dowry has three levels: the first level is that it has strong economic strength and can afford high dowry; The second level is blindly following the trend, regardless of their own conditions; The third level is more rational, mainly in Anhai, Chidian and other places in Jinjiang, taking the form of collective wedding to simplify marriage and not blindly follow the trend.

The concept of son preference is at work.

Yang Xinhui, vice chairman of Fengze Women's Federation: "The older the daughter, the more worried the parents are, and the older the son, the more assured the parents are." There is also a saying that "there are many things in front of the widow's door", and the custom that women are congratulated when they enter and leave the widower's house reflects the traditional concept of son preference for thousands of years; There is no high dowry for daughters when they get married, and parents are worried that their daughters will have no status in the future; A man looking for a wife also wants the woman's family to have good economic conditions, so as to prove his strength and status. Many people hope that their daughters will not marry Jinjiang people, but that their daughters-in-law will come from Jinjiang, which is nothing more than a high dowry.

The unsubscribe fee is prone to tragedy.

Comrade Chen Daiding in Jinjiang: Chen Daiding had two tragic events caused by high dowry.

One family married a daughter-in-law. When they got engaged, they gave her several hundred thousand yuan as a dowry by usury, but when they got married, the woman did not return the dowry in full according to the marriage custom. At the wedding, the man's mother knew and fainted on the spot.

The other is that the woman spends hundreds of thousands of yuan of the man's engagement money on the wages of family factory workers, and cannot have a high dowry to marry him. Both marriages ended in discord.

High dowry and high engagement fee are really harmful, which will lead to the separation of wife and children and intensify social conflicts. It is of great significance for Quanzhou Evening News to pay attention to this phenomenon and urge the government to rectify this bad habit. The government should take a combination of guidance, persuasion and administrative intervention to correct it.

■ Genesis articles

The coastal areas are mixed with various customs.

Professor Chen Shaomu from Huaqiao University: The phenomenon of high dowry has historical and cultural reasons. Quanzhou is a famous historical and cultural city with profound traditional historical and cultural accumulation, which can be seen from the popular marriage "Three Books" and "Six Rites" in coastal areas.

Most of the ancestors of coastal people such as Jinjiang were from the Central Plains. At the end of the Western Jin Dynasty, they were crowned to cross the south, bearing a large number of Chinese cultural traditions. The customs of people in Jin Dynasty who love to keep up with the joneses and strive for power and profit have influenced their descendants Jinjiang people to some extent. On the other hand, Quanzhou was the land of Fujian and Vietnam in ancient times, and there were many indigenous customs. In addition, Quanzhou has been a trading port since ancient times and is greatly influenced by foreign customs. After the combination of various customs, the marriage customs in coastal areas are more complicated and grand than those in other places.

Geographically, Quanzhou coastal zone is rich in products and pleasant in climate, and is traditionally an economically developed area; After the reform and opening up, Quanzhou's economy has developed rapidly, and its total economic output has jumped to the first place in the province, providing fertile soil for the phenomenon of high dowry.

From the analysis of cultural reasons, an important feature of our national character is saving face, which leads to a very common phenomenon, and the high dowry marriage custom is one of them. Also, China people are used to living under the care of family relationships since childhood, and the golden mean is everywhere. Unlike the West, which advocates independence, parents have to worry about their children until they are old, because they are worried that their daughters will suffer indignities after marriage, and giving them a high dowry is a manifestation.

In addition, the process of urbanization is slow, farmers don't leave their homes, factories and cities, and most coastal people stay in a self-sufficient natural economy, dominated by backward and conservative concepts, and easily fall into stereotypes. According to complicated customs and habits, the phenomenon of lack of personality and taste in weddings has become very common.

Marginal and distant Confucianism.

Professor Chen Guibing of Quanzhou Normal University: In the overall layout of socialist spiritual civilization, folk culture should have an important strategic position. The marriage custom of high dowry along the coast of southern Fujian has a long history. Marriage in ancient times was not like this. Even in Hui 'an County now, there was a good phenomenon of changing customs in ancient times.

The marriage custom of high dowry does not conform to the Confucian "ceremony" The ancient marriage custom was said to be "six rituals", which was simplified to "three rituals" or even "one ritual" from the Song Dynasty to the Ming and Qing Dynasties, and extravagance and waste were not advocated. The formation of this custom is due to the geographical margin (that is, Quanzhou is located in the coastal area) and the cultural remoteness (that is, far from the traditional cultural center).

Influenced by cultural level

Yang Xinhui, Vice-Chairman of Fengze Women's Federation: The high dowry is also due to cultural and educational factors. In today's society, people with higher education and quality don't take marriage seriously, but pay attention to personality and taste.

Have a relationship with the matchmaker

Lin Xiaoyang, legal adviser of our newspaper: Judging from the divorce cases I took over, the phenomenon of high dowry and high bride price has a lot to do with the efforts of the matchmaker. If the matchmaker arranges a successful marriage, he will get a red envelope of 10% of the total dowry. So the matchmaker will try his best to promote this marriage, even saying how much dowry the woman will have in the man and how much dowry the man will have in the woman. In a short period of time, packaged marriages and relatives, men and women, and in-laws do not know each other, and conflicts often arise in the process of returning employment funds, resulting in a high divorce rate.

■ Dangerous goods

Bring many social problems.

Professor Chen Shaomu of Huaqiao University: In recent years, the phenomenon of paying attention to luxury, style and high bride price has an upward trend, and the influence of this phenomenon cannot be analyzed in isolation. China is still in the primary stage of socialism, and most people have just bid farewell to food and clothing and embarked on a well-off road, unable to bear the heavy burden of high dowry. "Beating a swollen face to fill a fat man" often leads to high debts, a series of social problems, social and economic development, product innovation and market development of enterprises, and the quality of family life. Some people even do something to steal chickens and dogs for this, which affects the construction of spiritual civilization.

Two tornadoes were blowing violently.

Ding, director of Jinjiang Chen Dai Society: There are two "tornadoes" in coastal marriage customs, which have caused great harm to society, especially Chen Dai.

The first "tornado" was that the man paid a high dowry and the woman was greedy for a high bride price. As far as engagement fee is concerned, it has risen from 200 yuan and 400 yuan to 200,000 yuan, 400,000 yuan, 800,000 yuan or even more. Dowry ranges from bicycles and 14 inch TV sets to high-end imported cars and houses. Therefore, many ordinary families are worried when their children talk about marriage. Some people choose to steal, steal, rob and cheat because the family economy can't afford high dowry and high engagement money; Some people can't get married because they have no money. These are all serious harms to society, and there are all kinds of hidden dangers of crime.

The second tornado is about ostentation and extravagance. Many people set up many names for ostentation and extravagance, such as engagement banquet, son-in-law banquet, wedding banquet and wedding banquet. Every banquet is extravagant and wasteful, with dozens of tables and hundreds of tables everywhere, and the scale is constantly expanding and the banquet specifications are constantly improving. At present, the banquet price in Jinjiang is 1000 yuan per table, which is 800 yuan and 600 yuan, respectively, which makes some poor families have to "castrate chickens and fly with the phoenix" and stick to it.

Often spend money to buy pain.

Wu Mingzhe, deputy director of Propaganda Department of Jinjiang Municipal Committee and director of Civilization Office: It is a pity that some people in Jinjiang got rich first. Consumption could have increased the overall happiness of society, but sometimes both men and women are unhappy because of high dowry. This kind of consumption has actually become spending money to buy pain.

■ countermeasures

Government intervention and guidance

Huang, deputy director of the Propaganda Department of Jinjiang Municipal Committee: Jinjiang will take measures such as correct media guidance, increased government intervention, and mobilization of non-governmental organizations such as senior citizens' associations to stop extravagant marriage activities, and encourage the high dowry and high engagement money saved to be donated to the charity Federation to alleviate the prevalence of high dowry and high engagement money. In addition, a "three-oriented" education will be held to "build a modern city, establish a modern new style and be a modern newcomer" to guide citizens to change their concepts.

Li Jianmin, deputy director of the Propaganda Department of Licheng District Committee: The main reason for the increasingly serious phenomenon of high bride price in coastal areas is that measures, supervision, publicity, rights protection and education are not in place. Of course, it is also people's conformity psychology that leads to the phenomenon of blind comparison, and there may also be a show-off psychology of "showing off when people are rich." In this regard, the government can consider introducing relevant administrative penalties and setting a ceiling on the amount of bride price, dowry and banquet scale. Party and government departments at all levels should attach importance to it, and propaganda departments, trade unions, women's federations and the Communist Youth League should join hands to cultivate new styles and promote civilization and form a joint force to change customs.

Ling Jiansheng, deputy director of the Civilization Office of Nan 'an City: We can change the customs by holding collective weddings, advocating learning families and strengthening government supervision, so as to change the backward concept of marriage customs.

Create a good atmosphere of public opinion

Professor Chen Shaomu of Huaqiao University: To curb the phenomenon of high dowry, we should make great efforts in publicity and education, and use various means that the masses like to see and hear to change customs. We must vigorously improve the level of urbanization and urge bad habits that should not be retained to withdraw from the people. In addition, to do a good job in cultural education, the more educated, the more qualified, the more rational consumption, the more able to establish new concepts, and hold a wedding with personality and taste without extravagance and waste.

Professor Chen Guibing from Quanzhou Normal University: It is very important that the Quanzhou Municipal Party Committee and Municipal Government attaches great importance to advocating changing customs and customs, and has made a lot of efforts to create a good public opinion atmosphere.

In addition, it is also important to strengthen theoretical research and promote civil reform. However, the reform of folk customs should be gradual and have a scientific attitude. Old marriage customs should not be broken first, then established, or only broken, but should be broken and established at the same time.

Lin Xiaoyang, legal adviser of this newspaper: To effectively curb the phenomenon of high dowry and high salary, relevant parties can consider issuing relevant "civilization conventions" to restrain bad habits and advocate civilization.

This agreement will be welcomed by many low-and middle-income families, because such families oppose high capital, but they have to stick to it because there is no step down. It is necessary to strengthen public opinion propaganda, guide the masses to save the luxury money for marriage, and use it to buy computers, popularize scientific and technological knowledge, strengthen product research and development, introduce advanced technology and other aspects that are beneficial to family businesses.

It's time to stop the high dowry.

On March 8, the protection of women's rights and interests has become the focus of attention from all walks of life. Facing the wave of market economy, family stability is an important cornerstone of social stability. With the continuous improvement of women's status and citizens' living standards, how can the majority of female compatriots in our city have a happy marriage and family life? From a series of reports recently published in Quanzhou Bay News on "Paying attention to the phenomenon of high dowry in coastal areas", it can be seen that in the affluent areas along Quanzhou Bay, the trend of high dowry and high engagement gifts is getting worse and worse, which damages the marriage of young men and women and endangers the stability of many families.

Marriage between men and women is everyone's concern, and a happy marriage is the dream of many young people. With the change of society, the marriage custom presents different characteristics and bears a distinct brand of the times. Once upon a time, the backwardness of economy and the shackles of feudal ideology led to arranged marriages and early marriages everywhere, leading to family tragedies. Today, when people are living a well-off life and the construction of spiritual civilization is being paid more and more attention, we are surprised to find that the increasing affluence of society has brought new marriage problems: high dowry and high capital compete with each other, which has spawned many tragedies around us. The surface scenery is infinite, often hiding deep helplessness.

Indeed, richer people are a sign of social progress, and spending more money is also a boost to social economy, but we should not advocate "conspicuous consumption". Some people get rich first because of a good background and economic environment. People who get rich first have both the responsibility of the times to promote the all-round development of social economy and the conscience to pay attention to social welfare undertakings and moral fashion.

In the new era, we should pay more attention to the real quality of marriage and life and pursue the personality and taste of the wedding. It's time to pull back from the cliff because of the high dowry wind that blindly pursues face and ostentation and puts the beauty of marriage and even the cornerstone on money. □ Fabric-related links Dowry is so high.

Lao Shi, from yongningzhen, shishi city, got married in 1970s. At that time, according to the custom, it cost more than 3000 yuan, which was a luxury at that time. In the first month of this year, Lao Shi's son got married, and the cost of his son's marriage has risen to around 270,000. And this is only the local general standard. Lao Shi said that it is easy to spend money, but it is this complicated etiquette that really makes people dizzy-

The ancient marriage customs have been preserved to this day.

It is understood that the marriage custom of high dowry in coastal areas has a long history. As early as the Western Zhou Dynasty, the "six rites"-acceptance, asking names, concubinage, acceptance, invitation and congratulations were the six major procedures of marriage:

Nacai: The man's parents asked the matchmaker to propose marriage to the woman's parents.

Ask the name: After the woman promised to talk about marriage, the man sent a matchmaker to the woman to ask her about the name of the party, the zodiac, the date of birth and other specific circumstances related to "fate", and went to the ancestral temple to predict good and bad luck.

Najib: Just engaged. The ceremony can be simple or complicated, but the exchange of engagement rings is an essential "procedure". Usually, the man goes to the woman's house accompanied by several cousins and matchmakers, and the two sides personally dress each other.

Expropriation: that is, the man sends the bride price to the woman's house, and whether the marriage is actually established is judged by whether the woman accepts it.

Invitation: Shortly after conscription, the man sends a matchmaker or directly agrees with the woman on the date of the wedding ceremony. In the past, most people had to tell fortune and choose the auspicious day of the zodiac.

Kissing: The groom goes to the woman's house to marry the bride. According to the regulations, plus the entourage, it must be singular. In the evening, weddings are usually held to entertain relatives and friends.

This marriage custom is passed down in this way. Even if there are small changes, it is "consistent". Quanzhou is a famous historical and cultural city, and all kinds of traditional customs and etiquette are well preserved, including this important custom.

In recent years, capital has been rising steadily.

In the Tang Dynasty, the betrothal gifts were usually things like silk, silks and satins, and the quantity could be more or less, not including wine and food. While inheriting the tradition, the coastal people endow this custom with some times colors.

The contents of dowry in Song Dynasty are rich and colorful, including gold and silver jewelry, cloth, stove, quilt, towel, hat, shoes and socks, utensils, cups and plates, pearls and jade treasures, toilet mirrors, washing utensils, Four Treasures of the Study, antique treasures and so on.

In the 1950s, it was fashionable for the groom to wear a suit and the bride to wear cheongsam. The "wedding car" is a flower sedan chair hired; Drum music is the beating sound of the waist drum team; There is generally no banquet, only a simple meeting as a wedding.

60' s: A wedding photo, together with the parents' dinner, is the whole process of the wedding. Gifts include quotations from Chairman Mao, badges, washbasins, thermos bottles and towels. 2 yuan is the least gift, and 8 yuan is a "gift". The heaviest dowry, of course, is clothes supplied by ticket, as can be seen from the lyrics of "nylon stockings wants four pairs of four shirts" at that time.

In the 1970s, more than 600 dowry, sewing machine and bicycle were invited for 20 banquets, and a total of 3000 yuan was spent. At that time, it was a luxurious wedding.

80' s of last century: It was the fastest changing period. The "wedding car" was first a bicycle, then a motorcycle, and then a car appeared. As for the dowry, it was popular at first, that is, sewing machines, bicycles, watches and radios, then televisions, washing machines, refrigerators and air conditioners, and then passbooks, houses and cars.

In the 1990s, the passbook for dowry became more and more expensive, the house became bigger and bigger, motorcycles became more and more luxurious, and the scale of banquets became higher and higher. Take Chen Dai in Jinjiang as an example. The "wedding car" was first an ordinary motorcycle, then a big black shark of more than 20,000 yuan, then a prince car of 40,000-50,000 yuan or even 70,000 yuan, and finally it was replaced by a car.

New century: With the development of economy, the level of dowry is further improved. The highest record is: a Mercedes-Benz 320, a BMW 725, six shops facing the street, cash 6.5438+0.5 million yuan, US$ 6.5438+0.5 million yuan. Other most luxurious and fashionable furniture and household appliances are ignored-it is said that the woman bought them according to the standard of 654.38+100,000 yuan.

Take the four districts of Jinjiang Chendai as an example. The dowry of 300,000 yuan, 500,000 yuan and 6,543.8+0,000 yuan are the "prices" of low, medium and high-end weddings respectively. Jewelry is not measured by grams, but by kilograms. Generally, a wedding costs 2 to 3 kilograms of gold. The "market" reserve price of the gift money sent by guests is 200 yuan, and it is not uncommon for 500 yuan or 1000 yuan or even several thousand yuan.

The bride price is mainly composed of jewelry, cash and food. Jewelry includes rings, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, bracelets, anklets and other sets, mainly gold. With the change of fashion, jewelry, diamonds and platinum have become "new favorites".

Cash includes engagement money, gift money and cloth money. The bride price money is given to the woman's client, and tens of thousands to millions of yuan are returned in full as part of the woman's dowry. Cloth money is equivalent to ancient silks and satins, which generally costs 10 thousand yuan. Food can be as simple as a bucket of cooking oil and a box of exquisite biscuits, or as complicated as candy, canned food, fruit and dried seafood. Candy alone costs about 80-90 thousand