A joke about campus humor

At school, when we are most innocent, we always do all kinds of stupid things. The following is a joke about campus humor that I arranged for you. I hope you like the jokes about hilarious campus cartoons.

Excellent humorous jokes on campus 1. In the composition class, the teacher asked each student to describe his own characteristics in the simplest sentences. A classmate with acne all over his face wrote: "One wave is not flat, and another wave rises."

2. One day, Xiaoming told Xiaohua a story. Xiaoming: The story is divided into four paragraphs. The first paragraph is ... my husband told his wife that I would give your wife 10,000 yuan a month later, but after one month, my husband only took 8,000 yuan, and my wife said there were 2,000 yuan left. The husband slapped his wife and said, I'm making money. What are you arguing about? Xiao Ming told the second paragraph. One day, the husband wanted to eat steamed fish, and his wife cooked braised fish. The husband said, why is there no steamed fish? The wife slapped her husband and said, I'm cooking. What are you arguing about? Xiao Ming: Next is the fourth paragraph. Xiaohua: What about the third paragraph? Xiaoming slapped Xiaohua and said, I'm telling a story. What are you arguing about? Vote for me.

3. In the future tense grammar class of Love, the teacher is teaching the tense of verbs. He asked Irene, "Tell me, what is the future tense of love?" Irene answered without hesitation: "Marriage!"

4. Class A: Why do ducks often stand on one leg? Class B: Because it knows that if it takes back its other foot, it will fall.

The first-grade pupils are listless in class, and the teacher reminds everyone: "Please cheer up!" So students began to appear in their schoolbags. Finally, a student raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, which is spirit?"

6. I have a dream that there are only five fill-in-the-blank questions in a test paper. School _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

7. The teacher asked, "Shall we call the roll to answer the questions?" The students all said, "Not good". So the teacher asked the girl: "Do you want to ask the boy?" "good". Ask the boy again: "How about asking the girl?" "Good" and "Everyone agrees ~" In the senior math class, the teacher scribbled on the blackboard, and the bottom was a mess. The teacher couldn't bear it: students, keep your voice down! A buddy said: Teacher, you will get used to it! The teacher fainted! All high schools must wear school uniforms. There is a repeat student who never wears it. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day. The teacher saw that the classmate was not wearing a school uniform. Ask him why he doesn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why are you wearing mourning clothes? The teacher was sweating like a pig. One of my brothers was in an advanced mathematics class, and the teacher asked, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? My brother: No cavities! In Chinese class, the teacher said: In fact, weasels don't eat chickens, which is obtained by scientists through experiments. ......

8. The first class in the afternoon is history class, and the teacher speaks enthusiastically in class. A classmate nicknamed "San Mao" fell asleep at his desk. The teacher was very angry and called Sanmao up. The teacher asked, "What do you think Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common?" Sanmao blurted out, "They are all from the Song Dynasty." The teacher then asked, "Tell me, what do they have in common with Emperor Taizong and Zhuge Liang?" San Mao paused and replied, "They are all ancient people." There was a burst of laughter in class, and the teacher made mistakes and just played them as games, which also enlivened the classroom atmosphere. So he asked, "Do they have anything in common with Sun Yat-sen and Lu Xun?" San Mao thought for a moment and said, "All men." The teacher then asked ... "

9. Teacher: "What is the biggest thing in the world?" Student: "Eyelids." Teacher: "Why?" Student: "As long as you close your eyes, the whole world will be covered."

Tommy: "Teacher, Rabin just scolded me and showed me the devil." Teacher: "So, what did you do?" Tommy: "I'm coming, teacher." Teacher: "..."

1 1, Xiaoming walked up to the PE teacher and said, "Miss Wang, I will never play football again from today." Teacher Wang feels very strange: "Playing football is a beneficial sports activity. Why don't you attend? " Xiao Ming said: "It is irresponsible to listen to the radio today and say' Playing football'. "

12. The teacher of the First Academy strongly praised his son Bandu, who is smart and educated and can be regarded as the son of a master. The host said, "Very good!" When the teacher came home, he said to his son, "I'll take you to school tomorrow." I praise your cleverness in front of your master only because you are stupid by nature and don't understand a word. " So he wrote the words "quilt, rice, dad" for his son to memorize in order to cope with the answer. After coming to school, the master asked a few words in a row, but the son didn't know a word. The teacher said, "Children are afraid of strangers. If you write a few more words, he will know. " So he wrote the word "North" for him to identify, and his son was at a loss. The teacher said, "What's the cover on your bed?" The son replied: ......

13, clever "Teacher, why is your hair bald?" "This is called being extremely clever." "Then I'll shave my hair, too." "That's smart." In the shop, Xiao Gang stepped on the foot of an international student. The foreigner held his breath for a long time before saying in Chinese, "Your feet are above mine, so push." Coach You Ke comforted the defeated boxer and said, "Never mind, didn't you scare him enough in the third inning?" "He's afraid of me, too?" "Yes, he thought he killed you." In addition to the belt, the mother also took her four-year-old child to the supermarket to shop, and then took off her child's belt after entering the store. The salesman asked strangely why. Mother replied, "He is busy lifting his pants with both hands, so he can't grab things everywhere." ......

At the beginning of the new semester, our senior students went to the station to meet their new classmates. I saw a little girl standing beside a big box at a loss, so I took the initiative to help her lift it. I didn't expect the box to weigh more than 1000 kilograms, so I was embarrassed to put it down and had to struggle to support it. After only a few steps, the girl said to me: If you can't move your back, go away. As soon as I heard this, I cried out my heartfelt anger, put down the box and glared at her. The girl froze for a few seconds, then pointed to the bottom of the box and said to me, "I mean the wheel." _ _ _ Interpretation A university professor told his students: "In ancient times,' Lu' meant kissing, which was very vivid; One of the students asked, "If' Lu' means kissing, so does' Pin'. ......

15, "In the composition class, the teacher asked the primary school students to write a composition entitled" My Dog ",which should be no less than 150 words. Little Tommy thought for a moment and began to write, "I have a dog. I call it Bobby. I like this dog, it is black all over, only the head and neck are white ... "Tommy stopped writing and counted, but the number of words is still far from enough. He scratched his head, thought for a few minutes, and then continued to write, "I take Bobby for a walk in the park every day, so I won't take him out when it rains." He looked, but the number of words was still far from enough. He sighed and wrote, "I often give Bobby a bath. It likes to take a bath, and I like to give it a bath. " He stopped his pen and counted, but there were still not enough words. He was so anxious that he scratched his scalp, looking at the ceiling and the blackboard for a while. After thinking about it, he continued to write: "Bobby likes candy. I often feed him sugar, but sometimes I don't give him sugar at home ... "... 1. Everyone knows that wearing headphones will make a lot of noise, but they just don't know it. Once in an English class, the teacher asked everyone to study by themselves after class. One of my classmates wears headphones to listen to music (of course this is not allowed). In order not to let the teacher see it, he asked the students next to him to watch and said loudly, "The teacher is coming to call me! " ! As a result, the teacher heard the voice and asked him, what is it? 2. When I was a monitor in junior high school, I was once in geography class, and the teacher dragged me out of the classroom. I am so absorbed in reading a novel that I don't care if I am in class. A classmate next to him complained to himself, "Class is over. I thought it was over, so I shouted" Stand up "and became quiet. I feel all eyes are on me. The teacher smiled and said, You are going to rebel. Suddenly everyone laughed and my face turned red. ......"

16, the professor said: "You have understood the concept of' lies', and I have written about this problem in my book On Lies. Please raise your hand if you have read this book. " All the students raised their hands in unison. "Very good!" The professor went on to say, "This time there is a new lecture example. The book I wrote has not been published yet! "

17, in a physiology class, the teacher angrily reprimanded the students who were undisciplined in the class: "If I catch you being undisciplined next time, I will be both male and female ..." A student stood up and said, "Teacher, how can you be our physical health teacher regardless of gender?"

18, the physics teacher talked about the principle of electricity: "Friction can generate electricity. For example, as long as you touch the cat's hair backwards, you can see the electric spark. " "God," cried a little girl, "how many cats must be kept in that power station!"

19, my mother said that my IQ is only 76. I don't know how high my IQ is I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason. I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, "Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction?" "I know!" A little girl in my class answered and picked up a tree from the ground. ......

20, 1. One night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a short message to a friend and a sister: "I'm depressed, please chat with me." Soon, my sister wrote back: "OK, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you! " I thought about it and replied happily, "Then let's talk about something heavier, such as your weight!" " After a silence, my sister sent me a short message, which said, "This is too heavy, so say something superficial, such as your IQ!"! ! ! "My girlfriend asked her boyfriend in the Department of Botany," Today is my birthday! Why don't you send me flowers? " "What?" The boy replied, "Don't you know that flowers are the genitals of plants?" Why do we have to cut off their genitals? ......

2 1, a philosophy teacher only got one question in the mid-term exam. The topic is "What is courage?" Just as everyone was trying to figure out how to write something … A classmate handed in a paper … He didn't write a word! But he only wrote five words, "This is courage!" Absolutely! The teacher gave him full marks. But it must be in the back. Finally, the final exam. The teacher still only takes one exam. The topic this time is "This is the topic, please answer". Isn't that strange enough? Everyone still can't write, but the students handed in their papers quickly. What did he write this time? He wrote: "This is the answer, please give points ..." The teacher flew into a rage and roared: "Boy, that's awesome! Come here, I have two questions for you, if you answer them. ......

22. The class rehearsed the textbook drama Thunderstorm, and Lu Dahai had a line "These three boneless things!" The one who played Lu Dahai in rehearsal blurted out: "These three things without skulls!" "Everyone got a fright, and then burst out laughing.

23. Telephone pranks have been popular for some time since telephones were installed in student dormitories. One day, beauty Xiao C was reading alone in the dormitory. Suddenly, the phone rang. Xiao C raised the phone and fed it a few times, but the other party never answered. At five o'clock in the afternoon, a similar call came again, which was the fifth time that day. Little c couldn't help it anymore: bah! ****! At noon the next day, everyone was eating in the dormitory when the phone rang again. Small C first mentioned: "* * *! If you don't talk, I'll be rude! " Only a standard sexy male voice came from the opposite side: "hello, miss!" " This is the 20 1 telephone service center. We apologize for the system failure that affected some of your calls yesterday. Now we have eliminated the fault, but we still need your help in the next test. " ......

Xiao Fang, who has always been careless, works in the campus library, helping to clean and water the flowers. She always spills the books beside her when watering the flowers, and it takes about a week before things get a little better. One day, she was carefully watering a pot of bright flamingo flowers, but she saw the head teacher of the library standing by and staring at her. She thought the teacher would praise her for being more and more careful. As a result, the teacher said to Xiao Fang with a straight face, "You are watering plastic flowers now! ! "

25. The teacher wrote a couplet: the country and the people are strong, the family and the country are strong, and the country and the people are strong. Class Committee's couplet: the sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, and the world is magnificent! My right bottom line is: you! The result was kicked out of the classroom.

26. What is the most important thing in four years of college life? The most important thing for childe is to eat! What should I do after eating? Pull! What about when you're done? Eat > well, it's like a garbage transfer station here. Childe eats rice in the campus canteen. To tell the truth, my son is an old sparrow. He ate in college for four years and was nicknamed "idiot". Yes! Some people don't understand that this free meal is also a meal! Where is the best place to eat on campus? Do you have to ask? The first choice is that the meals of dormitory roommates are the best. Otherwise, a distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor! My son told everyone that he spent 1 month just rubbing his roommate's rice in one semester.

27. In class, my deskmate talked to me about how his girlfriend Wenjing abandoned him, which was really wronged. But his incessant nagging made the teacher unbearable and roared, "You lost your silence, but I still need silence!" " "My deskmate caught fire and stood up. I jumped down and said, "there is no silence, silence, but you have to calm down!" " ! "

28. At the art festival, we are going to dance a horrible group dance-we need to squat quickly, lift our legs high and other severe and difficult movements. As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days. Some of them were covered with scars, some pulled muscles ... their right legs were badly hurt and they didn't listen at all! I go to class on the third floor today. God, I just lift my right leg step by step. The most irritating thing is that while walking, I heard two girls whispering behind me: "Schools in big cities are more formal. If we are in our hometown, polio patients can't go to school at all! " ! "

29. There is a student in HKUST University who will graduate soon, but he still has no job or girlfriend. So he went to tell a fortune. "You will be poor to forty years old ..." The student's eyes lit up and he felt that there was a turn for the better, so he asked, "Then what?" "Then you can get used to this kind of life ..."

30. College students always like new and exciting things. For example, in playing cards, the loser will shout "I am a pig" or hold a telephone pole and shout "My illness is saved". You see how creative Shantou University is-playing cards in the dormitory, whoever loses will go to the back hill alone in the middle of the night to copy the inscriptions of ten tombstones! The most terrible thing is that the next morning everyone went up the mountain to find a tombstone to proofread! ! As a result, after a semester, I didn't recite a few English words, but I memorized the 2 16 inscription in Houshan by heart. More importantly, everyone's level of literature and calligraphy has been greatly improved, and many people even learned to use Xiao Zhuan as a signature document. ...

3 1, high school politics class, teacher: "Pockmarked Wang Si, these people ..." There is a sentence in the back corner: three people. For the beauty in the university-fight!

32. In history class, when a student dozed off openly in class, the teacher woke him up and asked him to answer questions. "Who is the author of The Art of War by Sun Tzu?" Are the students sleepy? Simply put: "Sun Tzu only knows." "Who is the author of Tao Te Ching?" The student's old-fashioned answer: "I don't know."

33. The teacher talked about biodiversity in class! I asked the names of two classmates who have been talking, but the classmates didn't answer ... The teacher began: If you can't even answer your own name, then you are mentally retarded and belong to a kind of biodiversity.

34. One day, the Chinese teacher stood on the podium to call the roll and suddenly said to us, "Oh, how rich!" We asked, "What is wealth?" Teacher: "There are rice (rice), vegetables (vegetables), porridge (porridge), soup (soup) and fish (fish)!" You can eat! "

35. "One day, the teacher asked the class to collect three sentences and publish them the next day. When Xiao Ming came home, he went to ask his mother, sister and brother. His mother was cooking: "Fuck off! I am busy! My sister is listening to the walkman: "As long as I like it, why not?" My brother is watching TV: "invincible iron, gold and steel." The next day, when the teacher asked Xiaoming ... Xiaoming said, "Fuck off! I am busy! Teacher: How can you talk to the teacher like that? Xiao Ming: As long as I like it, why not? Teacher: What are you? 」......"

36. "When I was a freshman, someone cheated on the monthly exam in our school. At that time, a math problem we tested was a proof problem. Because the proof is difficult to write, no one pays much attention. A white rot classmate made a cheat sheet, which happened to have his proof questions on it. But he didn't finish the exam and didn't write the proof. So when he collected the test paper, he posted the cheat sheet on that topic ... As a result, he made a big mistake and became a campus legend ... Once, when the teacher was giving a lecture, in order to let the students fully understand the meaning of charity, he gave an example and said, "If a donkey struggles to climb the mountain with a heavy burden, and the owner whips it desperately, I will go up and stop it." "Bede, what kind of virtue do you think this embodies?" Bede quickly said, "brotherly love." "

37. Our university chose the zoo for the first party. The common reason is that only here can we feel that we are still personal obstacles …

On this day, the bell rang for a long time, and seven or eight students didn't come. The old professor called the roll as usual, and the students answered "here" one by one. When he called "Qin Ming", no one answered. The old professor called "Qin Ming" three times, but no one answered. He raised his head slightly, looked at the class carefully from behind his reading glasses, and then wondered, "Is this man very unpopular?" Why don't you even have a friend? "

The teacher asked Xiao Amin a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word. Teacher: Xiaoming? Teacher: Xiaoming? Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know! Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

40. One day in class, the teacher was teaching how much four times four equals, but Meng Xiao didn't go to class! The teacher said angrily, "I ask you, what is four times four?" Meng Xiao replied, "I ... I don't know." "Go home and ask your parents!" The teacher severely criticized Meng Xiao. After school, Meng Xiao went home and asked his mother (Otto's mother), "Mom, what is four times four?" Mom didn't hear me and said, "Make a bowl of rice." Meng Xiao then asked his father (Otto's father), "Dad, what is four times four?" Dad just woke up and said, "It's so comfortable!" Meng Xiao didn't ask his younger brother, who just answered the phone and said, "You make me angry!" "The next day, Meng Xiao went to school. The teacher asked this question yesterday, and Meng Xiao said, "Make a bowl of rice. "

The Chinese teacher asked several senior three students: "Many of you are talking about the word' mashed'. Who will explain it to me?" A classmate thought for a moment and said, "If you want to come, everyone will come, or you will make trouble." The teacher smiled: "That's a scoundrel!" " The other said, "You don't want to make peace, I don't want to make peace, and no one wants to make peace." The teacher is another joy: "Mahjong!" There is also a rush to say: "I don't want to do good things, I dare not do bad things, and peace is the most capable." The teacher shook his head: "Very muddy!" It is the fourth turn: "A person is down and out in the rivers and lakes (paste) and has to escape (smash)." The teacher's eyes lit up: "That's good, because he used homophonic rhetoric!" " "

2. "A monitor sleeps in class and asks his classmates to call him after class. The students played practical jokes. Get up, class is over! The monitor rubbed his eyes: Stand up! At this time, I saw more than a dozen students standing up sleepily and saying, "thank you, teacher!" "

Once I was tutoring a junior high school child, I found the following horrible words in his English textbook: Dad died (bus), Grandpa died (yes), Brother died (girl), Sister died (Mis? ) ...... Death ray (school)

4. The school organizes math exams and allows students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students are studying hard and working out all kinds of problems with calculators. At this time, there was a sudden exclamation in the corner of the examination room: "God, how did I bring the remote control home!" " "The school organizes math exams and allows students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students are studying hard and working out all kinds of problems with calculators. At this time, there was a sudden exclamation in the corner of the examination room: "God, how did I bring the remote control home!" " "In the adult education class, students are required to think carefully and answer the following questions:" What would you do if someone told you for sure that the earth would be destroyed in six months and all life would disappear? " After a few minutes of thinking, a student raised his hand. "What would you do?" The student quickly replied, "I will let my mother-in-law move in with us." "Can't you? Live with your mother-in-law? " "This is what I want to do most, because it will be the longest and most difficult six months in my life."

In the dormitory of college students at night, students often talk about their ideal object at night. One summer night, the air was sultry and abnormal, and it was difficult for a boy to fall asleep in the male dormitory. Let me help you talk about the requirements for your future girlfriend. Xiao Yang is a very cheerful handsome boy and is very popular with girls. He proudly said, "Well, I'll find someone who is 1.6 meters tall, slim and handsome." He is not very handsome, but Xiao Wu, the president of the school literature society, said slowly, "I don't have high requirements for my girlfriend, as long as I am worthy of her, have a gentle personality and have bright long hair." Xiao Wang is a man with little literary talent and not handsome enough, but he is good at flattering. He sighed and said, "Well, I have the lowest requirements for my girlfriend, as long as it doesn't affect the city." ......

6. In a large class in a kindergarten, the teacher asked the children to ask questions, and everyone asked them one by one. A child kept his hand in the air, but when it was his turn to ask questions, he put it down. The teacher asked him, "What's the matter? You waited so long, why did you put your hand down when it was your turn to speak? " The child replied, "It's too late, it's already wet."

7, evening self-study back to the dormitory, Liu Yuxian mm a day, and then follow. I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building. I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman? Later ... later, I enjoyed the white eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

8. Summer is hot and boring. Fortunately, the bathroom in the girls' building faces the boys' building, because the dormitory opposite is occupied by girls. As a result, the binoculars in the stationery store near the college were out of stock. Girls are not stupid, and soon, the department store curtains near the college are out of stock. College leaders expressed their concerns. In the second semester, all the girls across the street moved out, and all the girls in the hospital lived in the newly-built girls' dormitory area. However, after the new girls' dormitory area, there is a new boys' dormitory area that will be completed soon. So, a few days later, posters were posted in front of the nearby shops: we have a new batch of advanced telescopes and extra-thick curtains, and the prices are favorable.

9. On a hot summer day, a teacher dozed off in class. He was embarrassed when he woke up and coaxed the students into saying, "I just dreamed of Duke Zhou." The next day, the students were asleep in class. The teacher was furious, knocked the student awake with a ruler and scolded him for not sleeping in class. The students argued, "I also went to see Duke Zhou." Mr. Wang asked angrily, "What did Duke Zhou tell you?" The student replied, "Duke Zhou said he didn't see you yesterday."

10, in the middle of class, the teacher walked beside Xiaoming. "Xiao Ming, why don't you listen carefully?" The teacher asked, "What are you doing?" Xiao Ming looked up and replied, "Teacher, I am writing a motto." "Oh, really?" The teacher picked up Xiao Ming's exercise book as he spoke. I saw it read: motto: I swear I will finish my homework on time in the future. If I don't finish it on time, I'll never swear again. -Xiaoming

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