Fortune-telling opening joke _ Fortune-telling opening joke

Happy event 100 jokes

There are 100 jokes in a happy moment. With the rapid development of society, the pressure of life increases. Many young people can't see a bright smile on their faces. Although life is very tired, don't forget to smile every day. After all, as the saying goes, laugh for ten years. Happy event shared the following 100 jokes.

Happy event 100 joke 1 happy event joke 1

1. A gangster was wandering in the street and saw a fortune teller.

He went up and shouted, "Old man, you calculate for me how long I can live!" " "

The fortune-teller smiled and said, "Young man, your life is good."

The gangster was overjoyed and asked, "By the way, how long can you live?"

The fortune teller said, "You can live to death!"

2. A young man was away for the first time and went to a relative's house. It's almost there. He wants to ask someone.

At this time, an old man sat under a tree by the roadside. Where does he smoke? The young man stepped forward and asked, "Hey, old man, how many miles is it to Wangjiazhuang?"

"You ask me?" The old man said. The young man nodded.

"There are still 300 shots to Dawangzhuang." The old man said with a puff of smoke.

The young man said in surprise, "Why don't you stay here?"

The old man exhaled another cigarette and said, "Reasoning? It stands to reason that this is called uncle. "

Happy hour joke 2

1. In Africa, servants of white families generally address the male host as "boss" or "sir" and the female host as "wife", and never call them by their first names. The boss is uncompromising, and the servant will carry out what he knows and what he doesn't understand.

One day, a boss called home to talk to his wife. The servant answered the phone: "Hello!" "

"hello! It's me. I am the boss's wife at home? "

"Boss, my wife is at home."

"Put her on the phone."

"But she and her husband are in the bedroom ..."

"How is that possible? I am her husband! "

"Well ... you get the gun and kill these two people for me!"

After a while, after two gunshots, the servant came to report: "Boss, I fired two shots. What should I do now? "

"Hide the gun in the hole in the backyard ..."

"But, boss, we don't have a backyard!"

"Broken, wrong number!"

He begged God to grant one of his wishes.

God: What wish?

He: Give me a job where I don't have to worry about hard work and someone is willing to pay for it.

Ok, you can go home and make sure you are satisfied.

Now, he lives above the Buddhist temple and in front of the statue, which has become a "merit box".

A man got lost in the Antarctic and froze to death.

God met him and said, "What do you want to do in your next life? Tell me your wish! "

The man immediately said, "I hope I'm not afraid of the cold!" " You can also drink water and eat barbecue all day! "

God promised him and turned him into a laptop!

Happy event 100 two funny jokes that make girls happy:

1. One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

2. Seven years after graduation, I finally accepted a big project to build a 30-meter chimney, with a construction period of two months and a cost of 300,000 yuan, but I had to pay for it myself. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. ! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. One of them passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

5. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours later. The snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't come back, I will die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you said I wouldn't go!

6. Someone keeps a pig, and hates and dislikes it, but the pig knows the way back, and it is useless to dislike it. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It growled, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!"

7. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant's nest, and the ant crawled on the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

8. One morning in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

9. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

10, sophomore, girls in the dormitory all like Emil Wakin Chau's songs, and a tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl in the upper bunk asked: Where is my Emil Wakin Chau? The girl in the lower bunk replied, It's in my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then everyone fell on the bed. 2. A young man went on a trip and came to a temple, so he went to visit. When he met a Zen master in the temple, the young man wanted to make fun of him. Youth: Zen master, what happens when water reaches boiling point? Zen master: Get out.

165438+ then the director of the student affairs office only said a word, and the girl immediately cried ... He said, "You are the only one wearing a navel dress! You see your navel is so dirty, it's all gray! "

12. A mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

A nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that the fish tank is empty? "

13. My classmate is fat and likes singing. He sang Richie Jen's song while washing clothes: "I am a fish ..."

I smiled: "How can there be such a fat fish?"

He said with a straight face, "haven't you seen dolphins?" ! "

Student: Teacher, how long will it take to write this report?

15, Teacher: An article is like a girl's skirt, too short to cover up the theme or too unattractive.

16. Once upon a time, there was a man who was addicted to money. One morning, he ran to a gold and silver exchange shop, grabbed a handful of money and left, but was caught by a clerk and sent to the government. The official asked him, "Many people are there. How dare you rob money? " He said: "When I robbed money, I didn't see anyone at all, I only saw money in my eyes."

Happy event 100 joke 3 1, sweet mouth because of sweet heart, sweet heart because of you.

No matter what happens in the future, no matter what you become, you are still my favorite person.

I don't want to sing "single love song", I don't want to sleep alone, I don't want to be cold at last. If I were a bird, I would fly to your side and tell you quietly that I really miss you!

I don't have to tell you whether I like you or not, but I must tell myself.

5. Wife, wife, I love you, I really care for you, my family moistens you, and Amitabha bless you.

6. Spring wine is ready. Do it for me.

7. I am ready to be the person who loves you the most, the person you love the most.

8. In fact, I open a small flower for you in my heart every day. When you live in, you will have a big garden of your own. Are you happy?

9. They all say that I have no cure and have never seen you.

10, if life is like the first time, consider me a pure white year, and I will accompany you to see the flowing water.

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12, when I am with you, you make me feel very happy.

13 Do you like blueberries or strawberries? Because I want to know what kind of pancakes I want to order tomorrow morning.

14, look at the sky, the sea and your memories.

15, I fell in love with you and never recovered.

16, I don't believe in eternal love, just because I will love you more and more every day.

17, love at first sight is just a matter of seeing the color, don't take it too seriously. True love is a protracted war. Always decide to love for a long time, this is the true feeling.

18, I do things with enthusiasm, but I love you for so long.

19, do you like apple juice, grape juice, watermelon juice, or my Lingtong juice?

20. You are as elegant as a white cloud, and you will appear in my dream every night. You are as beautiful as a flower, and you come into my eyes every day; You are as pure as a stream and have been flowing into my heart.

2 1, you said we didn't have a word, I said you write or I write.

22, there are so many towns in the world, there are so many pubs in the alkali debt, but she walked into mine.

23. I just have a crush on you. Come with me!

24. I am waiting to meet you here, with my happiness along the way.

25. Even if others are kind to me, I am like a hedgehog. Even if you don't be nice to me, I want to jump into your arms and rub it.

26. Do you need a job? Being liked recently.

27, a lifetime, that long. How long will you wait for me to die? I won't keep you waiting for nothing.

28. I like you. Easy to type, easy to write and easy to be said by others. But why can't I say it to your face?

29. My love is naked, and you drive me crazy.

30. Love exists in the desire to give, and regards the happiness of the lover as your own happiness.

3 1, the dew on the green grass is your heart; Your beauty is as charming as flowers; What is as bright as a star is your smile, so I love flowers, often collect dew and enjoy the stars at night.

32. Can you do me a favor? What busy? Help me to fall in love quickly!

Don't be too nice to others in the future. I will be jealous, stomp my feet and roll on the ground for you to hug.

34. The person you like is far away and close at hand.

I want to buy a piece of land from you. What land? I am dead set on you.

36. You are all to me. You are not reserved, irrational and restless. You are at a loss, too.

37. Are you asleep, dear? Do you know I'm thinking about you?

When I decide to spend the rest of my life with you, I hope the rest of my life will start soon.