Reading Notes —— "Mr. Toad goes to see a psychiatrist"

Someone in the circle of friends sent a fun book and invited friends in the circle of friends to read it together.

That's right, reading the topic is to reason with fairy tales. I quite like this type of book (because of its shallow knowledge, most people can't understand it, covering their faces) to explain those complicated concepts clearly in an easy-to-understand way. So I made an appointment with each other without hesitation.

At the beginning of the story, the mouse and the mole are "good" friends. How should we describe their friendship? In everyone's eyes, including the mole, the mouse is a good friend who takes good care of him, but this kind of care makes the mole feel annoyed, which makes him feel guilty, and the mole can't say why.

The mouse is so good. Take him out to see the world, introduce his good friends and take good care of him. However, he feels that he can hardly be himself because he always lives in the shadow of mice.

I was depressed at first. We have such friends and parents around us. You can't say anything bad about him, but you just feel that you can't do everything well with him, even if you are the best at it, you won't be recognized and affirmed. In their eyes, you will always be a small child.

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Back to the story, the mole thought that he hadn't seen toad for a long time and wanted to see what had happened. As a result, he found that Toad Manor was in ruins, Toad huddled in rags, and the manor lost its color.

Later, the mole, the rat and the badger found an advertisement of a psychologist and strongly advised toad to see it.

The psychologist is a heron. When we first met, the heron asked toad why he came. Toad didn't want to face it and said, actually, he didn't want to come, but his friends thought he had to come. He came in order to make his friends happy.

Is it like us who encounter problems and habitually avoid them, as if it has nothing to do with me by putting the problem on others?

Just like "children's poor academic performance", many parents think it is a child's problem, but they don't know that most of the problems are on themselves.

Therefore, the first step to solve the problem is to ask yourself why you are here and who needs to solve the problem.

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Originally, I came to see fairy tales, but with toad's repeated interviews, he gradually replaced himself involuntarily.

Mr toad's family is very rich. His grandfather runs a large winery. Mr. Toad took him to the winery when he was very young, and announced to the workers and him that the winery must be owned by Mr. Toad in the future, but Mr. Toad's attitude towards the winery was not very good. The steaming smoke made him just want to escape, and the thought of working here in the future made him uncomfortable.

Toad's parents are very strict with him. To be precise, his father is very strict, while his mother is too weak. Toad's rare hug and warm impression on his mother was interrupted by his father's discovery. At that time, his mother always comforted him: you should listen to his father and everything will be fine.

Once his father saw that he was unhappy or unhappy, he began to punish him and give him a cold war. Toad doesn't apologize first, and his father won't take the initiative to ignore him, which forms that Toad always apologizes first and then speaks, no matter what is wrong.

Mr. Heron said: Toad's current behavior is a desire for survival formed by getting along with his parents when he was a child

What kind of parents you can have, just like buying lottery tickets, depends on your bad luck

So babies will adjust their code of conduct according to their parents' treatment to correspond to their initial state. If they are lucky, they can enjoy life with energy. Simply put, it's all about survival. What develops from this is called "children's self-state", and most adults will return to this state when they encounter some stimuli, such as likable personality.

This part makes me uncomfortable. I stopped for several days before I had the courage to continue reading.

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Next, the heron introduced the "parents' self-state" to Mr. Toad, which came from the old badger. As the father of toad, the old badger once accepted the entrustment of toad's father: toad, he is a good boy, but he can be fickle!

I don't know if it's because of my father's entrustment or what the old badger thinks of him. Every time toad sees him, he is always scolded for such a thing.

For example, toad manor was occupied by a weasel, and toad struggled to get it back, but was defeated. After a narrow escape, he finally returned. First the rat laughed at him, then the badger came, and finally he said, "Toad, you nasty bad thing, aren't you ashamed?" Think about what you have done. If your father were still alive, what would he say about you! "This sentence directly made toad cry.

Badger makes him feel like his father, because badger is always in the "parents' self-state".

So we should always remember that we are by no means replicas of our parents. Although parents have a great influence on us, each person's own uniqueness ensures that we are not replicas of our father or mother, but independent individuals.

Almost everyone is in the "parental state" sometimes, but toad feels as if he is not. So the heron described the "parent country" as a judge, who has been trying and convicting. Who is condemning toad in this matter?

Toad thought about it carefully and found it was himself. We always convict ourselves, then repent, repent, repent ... no criticism is stronger than self-criticism, and no judge is more severe than ourselves. The most effective way for toads to stop this praise is to learn to love themselves.

After a period of treatment, toad finally felt his own state, unlike his parents and children. The heron told him that he finally found the third state "adult self-state", which is a good state, and the heron appreciated his change. The trinity of parents, adults and children represents the structure of personality.

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The end of the story is a happy ending. Although the whole story is about toad's psychological story, it always feels that everyone has changed.

Two mice are good friends and choose to separate.

Mole is going to live in seclusion with his friends in his hometown and open a restaurant. Although the Rat was still worried, he didn't stop the Mole because he had his own choice.

The mouse is going to the south, from the river bank to the coast, to see the bigger world, to open a bookstore with friends and to write their stories in the book.

The old badger who frightened toad still devoted himself to serving the people and became a member of parliament.

And Mr. Toad also wants to do real estate business in the "big world" and sold the huge Toad Manor to several entrepreneurs, who intend to turn it into a school.

Through several meetings with Toad, Mr. Heron has also grown up. ...

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This story is very good. There are many wonderful parts, but they are not well written. Interested friends can go to WeChat to read and search for "Mr. Toad sees a doctor". I hope you can gain more.