Fortune telling jokes

1. The dialogue between the fortune teller and the lady: "Your life is bad." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen."

"Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there will be two big waves in life."

2. Boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a clear line: animals cross the line. Woke up and found that the man really crossed the line,

The woman slapped the man hard: you are worse than an animal!

3. Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers! Q: Why? Answer: Come back with a green hat.

Blame others *

4.* * * ditch is very poor: dressing basically depends on spinning; Eating basically depends on the party; Getting rich basically depends on grabbing; Marrying a daughter-in-law basically depends on thought. western

Bagou is poorer: communication basically depends on yelling; Traffic basically depends on walking; Public security basically depends on dogs; Sex life basically depends on hands.

The minister of family planning made a general survey in the countryside and asked the old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? The old farmer answered with a simple and honest smile

: relatives, hehehehehehe ... hehehe, too familiar, not easy to start!

When the nurse saw the patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Small.

Baby. "

7. It was only yesterday that I learned that a mm was willing to lay down her life for me! Hehe, how touching! She firmly said to me:

If you pester me again, I will die. ......

My son sleeps with his mother every night.

Mom said: When you grow up, marry a daughter-in-law to sleep with your mother?

A: Hmm!

Mom said, what about your wife?

The son said, let her sleep with her father.

Dad said excitedly after listening: this child has been sensible since childhood!

9. On the birthday of the giant panda, after blowing out the birthday candles, friends asked him what he wished for. The giant panda replied, "I have two biggest wishes in my life." One is to cure my dark circles. "

10, "pants off, eggs touched, and I'm too thick." An old farmer went to the market to sell his own eggs. After that, he took home a basket of wheat bran feed. I met a little daughter-in-law at the edge of the village and wanted to buy bran. The old farmer didn't want to sell it, and he couldn't stand the little daughter-in-law saying that she couldn't bear to buy it for her. But kannika nimtragol didn't have a pocket, so the old farmer took off his trousers, tied up his trouser legs and filled her with bran. The two eggs left by the old farmer in the basket were taken away by the kannika nimtragol, and she was secretly glad. When the bran was half poured, Kannika nimtragol felt that there was straw below, and the bran was thick, so she didn't want it. The old farmer was furious: "I took off my pants and touched my eggs. I am too thick."

1 1. Mom asked for leave to go home and take her three-year-old daughter shopping.

Before going out, the mother smiled and said goodbye to the nanny.

The daughter said goodbye, and when the mother said, kiss my aunt,

The daughter shook her head in fear and refused to kiss her aunt.

Mom said angrily, why don't you kiss,

The daughter still said loudly in a scared tone: Dad was beaten badly after stealing his aunt this morning!

What should young women do if they have money? ! Buy clothes? Buy jewelry? Buying a house? Buy a car?

5- 1. Young women buy clothes

Young women buy clothes when they have money, and go to fashion shops to buy more than 20 sets of different styles of clothes at once, just like wholesale clothes! Young women spend more money, and that feeling is better than sex. The boss who sells clothes is so happy that his mouth is crooked The boss said, "Today, my period has just arrived, and the business is ridiculously good. If such customers come every day, 1 year 360 days every day will be fine. "

5-2. Young women buy jewelry

Young women have money, so they buy jewelry. The plastic necklace is terrible. The gold necklace is too rustic; Platinum necklaces have no taste; I bought a 20-carat diamond necklace to wear around my neck and low-cut clothes. Valuable necklaces, sexy cleavage, men, you can watch whatever you like, as long as young women have a return rate.

5-3. Young women buy houses

When young women have money, they buy houses, suites, duplex houses, a building in the middle and a building outside, houses and villas. . . Young women bought a building with 8 floors and at least 300 rooms. They lived together, ate together and worked together. One night, a young woman and her husband slept in room 868 on the eighth floor until midnight, and suddenly got up on a whim and went to room 737 on the seventh floor to exercise. After playing for a while, I went to Room 6 18 on the 6th floor to have coffee and listen to music. That's not all. The young woman went to take a bath in Room 548 on the fifth floor, excited, and asked her lover to spend the spring night together in Room 4 1 1 on the fourth floor. After a busy night, the young woman was hungry and ran to the third floor to find food. There is nothing to eat on the third floor. The young woman went to the kitchen on the second floor to cook instant noodles. Afraid that her husband would wake up, the young woman ran to the 1 building and called the security guard to the eighth floor to see if the boss got up. . . .

5-4. Young women buy cars

The young woman is very rich, and always feels that it is too inconvenient to go to work without a car, so she makes up her mind to buy a car. The young woman went to the garage to see Li Xia, Pu Sang, Sangche 2000, Sangche 3000, Hongqi, Audi, Mercedes-Benz, Crown, BMW, Lincoln and Rolls-Royce. . . The salesman introduced the price, displacement and performance of various cars in detail, and finally let the young women test drive. The young woman sat in the car for a long time without moving. The salesman told the young woman to drive forward. The young woman said awkwardly to the salesman, "I don't know how many times I've taken the bus, but I can't drive yet." . . . "

5-5. Young women learn to drive.

Young women can't drive a car, and their skills are too poor. Driving is no joke. If you kiss another car on the highway,180 thousand's money will be wasted. If you drive in the city and hug passers-by and get missing arms and legs, that's the punishment for spending money!

Can't drive, work and life are too inconvenient, and young women go to the automobile training center to learn to drive. After a week of intensive training, the young woman was very nervous during the day and night. One is that she is afraid of failing the exam and getting a driver's license. The other is that she is afraid that the novice driver will have an accident. . . .

. . . A young woman was driving a Pu Sang on the highway, and an extended Hummer overtook her. The young woman drove a Pu Sang behind the Hummer. She really didn't like it: "What's the big deal about imported cars? This young lady will accompany you to play speed! ! "The young woman pushed back to the second gear and chased 80 yards! 80 yards after Hummer, but it's still a long way from Hummer. The young woman struggled for the third gear and pursued it at 120 yards! 120 yards chasing Hummer, there is still some distance! The young woman pushed forward 4 gears and caught up with 180 yards! 180 yards caught up with Hummer's ass, only 2 cm away, wow! It's going to crash! The young woman was surprised, grabbed the handbrake and pressed it down, breaking up! !

At this time, the husband who slept next to him screamed and shouted at the young woman: "You broke my little brother for a while, for a while, for a while, for a while, for a while, for a while, for a night, you almost broke my little brother. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "