What is Lolita complex in turn?

It is the Oedipus complex, which is the Oedipus complex.

This is the "complex" that everyone hears the most: a girl will never be psychologically separated from her father when she grows up. As a result, her relationship with her mother is alienated, and her normal communication with men of the same age and even her marriage and love are often seriously affected. Such girls are always looking for a father's love intentionally or unintentionally, but even if they find it, getting along will become a problem, because most girls who love their fathers are introverted, delicate and willful, and often have sexual resistance.

A girl who loses her father's love prematurely will often transfer her feelings for her father to a role in reality, which will become her father's body double, but he is different from her father. Under the halo effect of his father, the image of "he" is often taller and becomes an irreplaceable "lover", which is enshrined in the depths of girls' memories. Because "he" is closely related to a certain period, and that period is unforgettable for girls, so invisibly, the latecomers will always make girls feel the lack of * * *.

Losing either parent in childhood will seriously undermine the child's inner sense of security. The most direct reaction caused by insecurity is the aggravation of defensive psychology, which often refuses or avoids all uncertain factors.

"Complexity" does not mean "love", but ignorant girls can't distinguish it, so the special emotion of adolescence becomes "sea water" or "Wushan cloud", which eclipses the subsequent feelings. As Mulberry said, she doesn't really want to be single, but love seems to be over, and there are always problems, let alone marriage. If you want to "break out of the cocoon", you have to untie the complex first.

Some suggestions on fatherly complex.

1. Return the father to the mother

First of all, we should understand that "loving our father" is not a shameful thing, it just shows that our psychological attachment to our father is longer and deeper than that of ordinary people. If this attachment does not affect our normal life, we should let ourselves grow up, understand the division of labor and positioning of different roles between families, and then visit our parents as a mature daughter. In fact, the most basic relationship in the family is marriage, not father and daughter. Compared with our parents, we are supporting roles, not leading roles, so we must "wean ourselves psychologically" and stop attaching our father as a myth like a little girl.

2. Return the teacher to history

It is common for adolescent girls to "love" their teachers, because physical and mental development needs an object of "opposite sex worship", and young male teachers naturally "get the moon by being close to the water." After puberty, most people will laugh at Ran He, then let it go, and then start a real love, but some people will make this experience more and more perfect and absolute, so as to escape the triviality of real love. In fact, the reason why we can't see the good scenery all the time is precisely because we refuse to move forward-we can get love by letting go of our childish infatuation.

Let love be the master.

I broke free from the "spider silk" I spit out, and the next thing I have to learn is how to face life. Love, like other things, is never perfect, and it may be bumpy. A person who can appreciate the beauty of love must first accept imperfection, be willing to take risks and be responsible for love. Before falling in love, the first thing he or she will do is to untie the "complex" in his or her heart, and then let love be the master and lead his or her body and mind to the other side of happiness. It doesn't matter how far the other side is, because the scenery is actually as early as the journey.

"As for whether we can find someone like a father or a teacher," I said to Mulberry before the consultation ended, "actually, it doesn't matter. What matters is whether we have the ability to really love ... "

Analysis and test of Oedipus complex

The person who collided with you is exactly the object of love you want in your heart, so how old is he? What kind of person is it? This test can help you check whether you have a "complex".

1. People of the same age

The lover you want is someone who can get along with you on an equal footing both ideologically and verbally, and there is no generation gap. For example, colleagues, classmates or members of the same club are all suitable for you.

2. Big brother type

You are the kind of person who will be attracted to people who have trust. When you are in love, you want the other person to love you, but you don't reach the level of loving your parents. Therefore, the right person for you should be your eldest son and daughter, or at least a little "boss".

3. Uncle type

You are more likely to have an Oedipus complex. Think carefully, does your getting along with your elders affect your love and mate selection? If so, adjust immediately; If not, then find a lover who can give you a sense of security among the right old people. As long as it is handled properly, any model of love can be happy.

4. People younger than themselves

You belong to the kind of person who wants to love others, and you are attracted by the cuteness or innocence of others. Therefore, the oldest person should be very suitable for you, so that your maternity can be fully exerted. In other words, someone with a little Oedipus complex may be the right person for you!

Psychological analysis of "Oedipus complex"

This is a lady in her late thirties. She has a long face of Zhang Xiuqing, covered with too many wrinkles, and her melancholy eyes reveal her inner pain. The counselor made her a cup of tea. Out of politeness, she took a sip of it and released a heart song: "My daughter is 12 years old this year. She is about to graduate from primary school. She is introverted and does well in school. She has been rated as a top three student for many times. The teacher said that she was very sensible, but at home she would have some incomprehensible behaviors from time to time. Take her father's going out last week as an example. She wouldn't let her father leave home. As soon as her father left, she was driven to distraction, fidgeting, not drinking tea or eating. I care about her, and she shouted' hate' at me. As soon as her father came back, everything returned to normal. Her father bought her something, and she jumped up happily, hugged her father and kissed him endlessly. When she found out that her father bought something for me, too, and it was more expensive than what he bought for her, she cried hysterically, which made my husband and wife dumbfounded. What the hell is going on here? Could it be a mental problem? We want to take her to a mental hospital, and we are afraid of bad influence, so we will come to psychological counseling first. "

Inspired and induced by the consultant, the lady sorted out the following three lines:

First of all, father. You do whatever your father says, and even please your father against your will. "Hours, her father gave her a bath, and when she took a bath, her father took her to wash; Later, when she was one year older, she insisted that her father give her a bath, and she had to go in when her father took a bath. Her father is afraid to take a bath at home now, and her father has to avoid taking a bath. "

Second, anti-mother. You are welcome to your mother, and you will even back off soon. "On one occasion, a friend came home and she was rude to her friend's children. After the guest left, I criticized her a few words, but she blurted out,' What's so great about you, except that your eyes are bigger than mine?' What are you talking about? "

Third, gloat. "When my husband and wife quarrel, especially when her father scolds me, she will gloat and make faces."

At this time, the problem is clear, the consultant pointed out:

First, the woman's behavior is "father complex", which has nothing to do with mental illness. The so-called "father-loving complex" is defined in the Psychological Dictionary edited by Zhu Zhixian as follows: "A daughter's complex feelings of loving her father and turning against her mother. Freud called the little girl's deep devotion to her father, her desire to put her mother aside and take her place, that is, her potential desire to love her father and hate her mother, Oedipus complex. "

Secondly, the mechanism of "father-loving complex" explained by Psychological Dictionary points out: "... during the sexual organ period, she gradually realized that she didn't have male genitalia, so she blamed her mother and envied her mother for possessing her father."

Psychoanalysis theory holds that the development of individual psychology goes through the following five stages:

The first stage: oral period. From birth to l.5 years old, the erotic area is the mouth, and babies feel pleasure and satisfaction from sucking and swallowing.

The second stage: the anal stage. 1.5-3 years old, the area of sexual desire is the anus, and children get pleasure and satisfaction from excretion.

The third stage: the stage of sex organs. From the age of 3-6, the sexual desire area is the external genitalia, and children begin to pay attention to gender and have curiosity.

The fourth stage: incubation period. From the age of 6- 12, children's sexual desire lurks, avoiding the opposite sex and interacting with the same sex.

The fifth stage: maturity. With the development of youth, both men and women seek pleasure from contact with the opposite sex.

Personality develops to "sex organ stage", and chaos begins, paying attention to gender differences. The girl found that the boy had a little sparrow, standing to urinate, like a proud rooster, saying that he was as proud as him, but he had to squat when urinating, which made him feel very wronged and inferior. So as to blame the mother who gave birth to her; And my mother is my father's favorite object, so on the basis of complaining, she added a layer of jealousy. According to research, a girl's mixed feelings of resentment and jealousy towards her mother develop into a "father-loving complex" towards her mother and father, which generally requires three conditions: first, her family is full of yang and her family is weak; Second, father and daughter live together, or father and daughter are closer than mother and daughter; Third, girls are introverted, psychologically immature and full of "qi".

"Father-loving complex" is a kind of sexual psychological disorder, also known as sexual psychological inversion, that is, people have entered the "incubation period" or "maturity period" physically, but their sexual psychology is seriously lagging behind and still stays in the "sexual organ period", just like a tadpole turning into a frog, but it still has the tail of tadpole era, which is immature.

The key to the "father-loving complex" is that it may hinder people from approaching the opposite sex and moving towards marriage and love when they grow up. Trapped for some reason, even after entering the marriage, she is still in Cao Ying's heart, unable to devote herself to the marriage cause, because she is still deeply attached to her father and unable to transfer her feelings from her father to her husband.

Countermeasures of "Father-loving Complex"

First, sex education. In fact, it is sex remedial education, including two aspects: one is sex social role education, which makes children understand that "men and women are different" and educates children to get rid of their attachment to their fathers; The second is to help children find same-sex partners of the same age and make same-sex friends, paving the way for making heterosexual friends in adolescence.

Second, behavioral cooperation. Children's "father-loving complex" not only stems from the overflow of fatherly love and the lack of maternal love in infancy, so it must be overcorrected: on the one hand, as a father, he should firmly and skillfully alienate his daughter temporarily; On the other hand, as mothers, we should catch up in behavior and be intimate. Get close to your daughter again and satisfy her love attachment.

How to deal with Oedipus complex from the perspective of psychoanalysis theory

Psychoanalytic theory holds that "Oedipus complex" is a kind of sexual psychological disorder, also known as sexual psychopathy, which generally comes from my lack of correct care and proper education when I was 3 ~ 6 years old. The key to the "father-loving complex" is that it may hinder people from approaching the opposite sex and moving towards marriage and love when they grow up. For some reason, even if you get married, you are "in the heart, in the Han" and can't devote yourself wholeheartedly to your marriage career. Because she is still deeply attached to her father, it is impossible to transfer her feelings from her father to her husband. The so-called "father-loving complex" is defined in the Psychological Dictionary edited by Zhu Zhixian as follows: "A daughter's complex feelings of loving her father and turning against her mother. Freud called the little girl's deep devotion to her father, her desire to put her mother aside and take her place, that is, her potential desire to love her father and hate her mother, Oedipus complex. "

As long as you pay attention, you can find clues when you are very young. For example, some children bring their father's common things (such as umbrellas and lighters) to kindergarten, and hold him while eating, sleeping and playing. Once the teacher took him away during her lunch break, the children would cry, and some even hit themselves on the head until they passed out. She doesn't accept similar items from others. At this time, parents and teachers should face up to this problem. Otherwise, when you get older, that kind of complex may become more intense and difficult to control.

Xiaolan 12 years old. She is about to graduate from primary school. She is introverted and does well in school. She has been rated as a "three good" student for many times. The teacher said that she was very sensible, but at home she would have some incomprehensible behaviors from time to time. Once, a friend came to the house, and Xiaolan was very rude to his friend's children. After the guest left, her mother criticized her a few words, but she blurted out, "What's so great about you? Besides your bigger eyes, where are you better than me? " When parents quarrel, especially when father scolds mother, she will gloat and make faces.

Once her father went out, she wouldn't let him leave home. As soon as her father left, she lost her mind, fidgeted and refused to eat tea and rice. Her mother cared about her, so she shouted "hate" to her mother. As soon as her father came back, everything returned to normal. Her father bought her something, and she jumped up happily, hugged her father and kissed him endlessly. When she found that her father bought something for her mother, and it was more expensive than what she bought for her, she cried hysterically, which made her parents dumbfounded.

In addition, because Xiaolan's father bathed her when she was a child, her father also took her to bathe together. Later, when she was one year older, she insisted that her father give her a bath, and she had to go in when her father took a bath. Now her father doesn't even dare to take a shower at home, so he has to avoid it when she takes a shower. "

Prevent children from having Oedipus complex.

If we ask a child aged 3 to 6, "Who are you?" He or she will tell you his or her name. If we ask, "Are you a boy or a girl?" Children generally don't answer wrong.

This shows that children over 3 years old have two seemingly insignificant but crucial psychological developments. First of all, children have been able to distinguish themselves from others by their unique names. He (she) has a preliminary independent self. It is also after the age of 3 that children can take care of themselves initially and begin to get rid of their complete dependence on their parents in terms of daily needs. Secondly, through the indoctrination of adults, children have been able to distinguish between men and women and classify themselves as men or women. This is the initial formation of gender roles, and almost all children can develop smoothly to this step.

Unfortunately, many parents don't know or ignore that this is the first step and a step into crisis. Between the ages of 3 and 6, children will definitely be more emotionally attached to one of their parents. At this time, there are only four possibilities: love dad, love mom, love all or not at all.

People are used to seeing this as a family problem. If children are not attached to themselves, many people will think that they are not close enough, so they will make up for it. Some people think it doesn't matter, especially those couples who have good feelings, often think that children kiss everyone the same. In fact, this is a child's recognition of gender roles. That is to say, since children know whether they are male or female and whether their father is male or female, then boys need to be particularly close to their fathers with male psychological characteristics, regard their fathers as typical representatives of their own nature (all men), and learn from them unique personality and manners, so as to become a man recognized by society in the future. Similarly, in order to learn how to be a woman, girls need to be close to their feminine mothers. Children aged 3 to 6 don't worship Gao Cangjian or Mao Amin. Only by learning from their parents will they not become "sissies" or "tomboys" in the future.

Ideally, the boy agrees with his father and the girl agrees with his mother. On the other hand, it is easy to form a child's "sexual identity obstacle", which may develop into rejection or even hatred of the opposite sex, and may seriously form a potential internal cause of homosexuality. It is not a good thing if the child is attached to both parents "impartially". It shows that children can't figure out who to attach to and learn from. This is actually the same as children's lack of attachment to their parents, which can easily lead to children's lack of self-confidence, self-love and self-discipline as a man or woman in the future. This may also lead to "men are not men, women are not women" and bring about "gender identity barriers".

Many parents always think that this is alarmist. Of course, there are very few children who really develop homosexuality, but looking at those men and women with serious obstacles to marriage and love, less extreme situations are also quite common. Some young men are afraid of getting close to women, while others have feelings of "female worship" or "female fear", which even affects their married sex life. Some girls yearn for the object of "husband as father", and some girls hate being a woman, even to hate all men. The root cause is closely related to their excessive attachment to heterosexual parents or their lack of attachment to anyone when they grow up.

Now many parents are still doing the same thing unconsciously. People always think that it is natural that fathers are more pro-daughters and mothers are more pro-sons, but they forget that when they are extra pro-children, they should encourage and guide boys to respect their fathers and girls to understand their mothers. Some couples started a "family war", hoping that their only child would be closer to them, but they forgot the gender of themselves and their children. Many mothers think they have seen through men's "weaknesses" (in fact, they are just their husbands) and are determined to train their sons into real men by themselves. Sometimes fathers are afraid that their daughters will get the "fault" of their mothers. Some couples implement "two guarantees and one guarantee". If there is an only daughter, how can she identify with her boring mother? On the other hand, what can a son learn from his father, a strong woman who overwhelms the other in spirit? The most frightening thing is that some parents whose gender identity is not very qualified, if they don't pay attention to gender education, are likely to follow the psychological neutrals from generation to generation.

Many parents have paid attention not to dress boys in flowery clothes and not to let girls climb walls and trees. But more importantly, we should actively play with same-sex children and integrate communication and demonstration into the fun of * * *. This is the fundamental "secret" of gender role training in children's "play period". Father and son ride horses to fight and catch ants; Mother and daughter dress up as dolls and "hopscotch" together; This is beneficial to family happiness. Parents are too self-enclosed, or only buy good things to develop children's intelligence, which can not promote children's gender identity. Single-parent families composed of members of the opposite sex or families in which husband and wife are at odds are extremely unfavorable to children's growth. The important reason is that such families cannot better cultivate children's gender roles.