Classic essay "Fortune Telling" _ Classic essay "Fortune Telling" watch online

The happier, the happier. Chen Yingjun's sketch.

The more plans, the happier. Quotations from Chen Yingjun

1, the classic mantra: "Why is the music always weird every time I play ..."

2. Q: "What is Battle of Red Cliffs?"

A: "Chibi, Chibi is Chibi, and Battle of Red Cliffs is Battle of Red Cliffs ~"

3. "My name is Chen Yingjun. I have worked in Changsha for many years. I have worked as a lathe worker, locksmith, contractor, forger and migrant worker. I am strong and have done everything. "

Wang Han: Then why do you want to be a nanny? )

"I'm handy, I cook, stir-fry, take Mao Mao, knit a sweater, nurse, oh no, feed milk powder, I do it all. I know computer programming, I know two foreign languages, my height is 1 m 7, and I have passed the first grade in Mandarin. This society attaches importance to talents, and professors sweep the floor. If I don't know computer programming, this society can't keep up with the form without looking at people. "

Wang Han: Let me ask you: What two foreign languages do you know? )

"I can speak Xiangxiang dialect and Xiangtan dialect!"

Kyle: Are you 1.7 meters tall? )

"My height 1.67 meters, poor ... almost not too much ~ ... Mandarin, I generally don't learn ~"

4. "Repair the swimming pool, right? It doesn't matter, support is an obligation ... here is a bucket of water, take it ~ ~ "

5. "Whether it is fat the Monkey King or thin the Monkey King, as long as it can surrender the goblin, it is a good the Monkey King ~"

"Which pampered with me? I turned over a kilometer ~ "1.

6. "Hey, hurry up and take me to Shushuling! Hurry up! Slow as hell! Want to make money? Drive faster if you want to make money! What are you doing? What kind of taxi can you drive if you can't do anything? ..... ten dollars? You won't invite me for more than ten dollars! ..... watch? Oh, dear! You're awkward! I respect you in your car. If you don't want guests, I want that motorcycle! "

"What brand are you wearing?"

"Fruit is the real thing, so expensive, more than 20 dollars, are you kidding! I'm too lazy to talk to you in Hong Kong ~ ~ "

7. "The current travel fashion is: don't go to the popular special zone. So I went to Siberia. This time I went to Siberia, I visited this national museum seriously. I was tired when I walked, so I found a chair to rest in the back ... At this moment, a commentator stepped on it and he said to me,' Get up!' He said,' Are you crazy? This chair is Napoleon's chair. Kyle: What do you say? ) I'm in Hong Kong. Are you in a hurry? Napoleon's chair is crooked, isn't it? Napoleon's chair. I'll give it to him when he comes ~ ~ ~ "

8.YOYO: "this handsome guy, is this dress made of pure cotton?"

Handsome: "None of them are cotton, but chemical fiber."

YOYO: "Will it shrink?"

Handsome: "It's more than shrinking. It shrinks everything it meets! " ~ As long as it is liquid, it will shrink ~ "

Kyle: "Are you afraid of being a little crazy? Who will buy something like you? How do you make money? "

Handsome: "Be sincere! ~"

9. "Chen Yingjun Saint Amethyst"

"How did you sleep?" -"I can't sleep!"

"How was your meal?" -"Eat too much!"

"Do you exercise?" -"Too lazy to do it!"

"Do you smoke and drink?" -"I can't quit!"

"That your mood will always be very cheerful? Sleep so well every day "——" What bad luck! "

"What about your health?" -"very bad!"

10, Wang Han: "What black water do you sell?"

Handsome: "The black mass is called jump diving. If you drink it, twins will be a jump. "

Kyle: "How does it taste?"

Handsome: "delicious."

Wang Han: "How do you feel after eating?"

Handsome: "coke ~"

1 1, Kyle: "How to send MMS?

Handsome: "It was written with colored pens! Stupid! It really is ~ ~ ~

12, Shuai: "Pig is a very useful animal: its meat can be eaten, its skin can be made into leather, and its hair can be made into brushes. Who can or should make it have other uses now? "

Kyle: "I know this: its name can also be used to swear ~" "

13, four gifted scholars on poetry:

Wang Han: Taohuawu Taohuaan

Kyle: "Peach Fairy in the Peach Blossom Temple."

Unknown: "Peach Fairy Race Peach Tree, Handsome Brother, it's your turn."

Handsome guy: "Peaches … Peaches … Peaches are two yuan a catty ~ ~ ~"

14, YOYO: "Tell me, what are your strengths?"

Handsome: "I am strong: I was dumped by a girl 45 times a year, and I can still live strong ~ ~

YOYO: "That's quite strong. What else is there besides this?"

Shuai: "I save water: I only take a shower once a year ~!" " ~ "(Yu Maomao should be ashamed ~

15, "Youyou ... Yo-yo ... Ding Lingbang ...! Come out! Tell you, tell you a big thing! Speak for two minutes: I love you! Do you love me? If you love me, come with me! Register with the Civil Affairs Bureau immediately! Wine tonight! Then get married and enter the bridal chamber! Can you not? ... ouch! Make a sound Are you still thinking about children? ! Are you still talking about your son? Women's universities do not stay! Let's go! What are you waiting for? ”……

16, "YOYO, when I met you, I was like a blind cat hitting a dead mouse ... I fell in love with you like a fool ... the tortoise decided. YOYO, please accept my courtship! I have fallen in love with you deeply! "