Super funny joke

On the podium, a teacher with a provincial accent recited a poem named "Spring Sleep" with deep affection and asked everyone to write it in their notebooks. The word goes like this:

2. "Wochun"

Mume smells flowers, and the branches hurt and hate the bottom. It smells like water in the distance, and it is easy to reach Chun Lv. The coast is green, the coast is green, and the coast is dark green.

I didn't expect a Shandong classmate's notes to learn to write like this:

I was stupid.

I have no education and my IQ is very low. Ask me who I am, donkey! I am a donkey, I am a donkey, I am a stupid donkey!

3. Guangxi dialect jokes

Some people in Guangxi speak Mandarin with inaccurate pronunciation, often with obvious local accent. It is common to read empty words for the public, mouth for dogs, and wind for madness, pretending to be the following joke:

When friends are far away, they usually eat a plate of snails for dinner. The host picked up a snail and said, male! Then throw it away. Clip another one and say: man! Throw away, mutter: it's a man again. My friend was surprised and thought: awesome, Guangxi people are awesome, even male and female snails can see it!

5. I also invited friends to dinner. The host in Guangxi was a little cold and found himself sitting under the air conditioner outlet, saying, I have a cold. I can't sit next to a mad dog. After that, I changed my seat and my friend was unhappy. What do you mean I'm a mad dog? There's been a misunderstanding!

Shaanxi dialect joke

A Shaanxi native opened a restaurant in Chinatown, New York. The son is a waiter, the mother is responsible for collecting money, and the father is a chef.

One day, a foreigner came to the store and ordered a set meal. In the middle of it, it crashed and broke the soup bowl.

The son ran over to have a look and said, "The bowl is broken!" "

The foreigner thinks, "One dollar ..."

Mother came to see the sound. She saw a broken bowl on the ground and asked, "Who broke it?"

The foreigner thought, "Three dollars ..."

The son said, "He did it!"

The foreigner thought, "Ten dollars! ……"

Mom added, "I want to make another bowl!" " "

The foreigner thought, "Happy one (10 1 yuan)! ! ……"

Dad was chopping vegetables in the kitchen when he suddenly heard the noise outside and ran out to see what had happened. In my hurry, I forgot to put down the kitchen knife.

Dad, five big and three thick, stood in the restaurant with a kitchen knife. When the foreigner saw it, his heart beat faster and his blood pressure rose sharply, but it was his words that broke his heart.

Dad said to his son who was scooping soup on the heating stove, "Be hot, hold less!" " Foreigner: "Ten thousand." ..."

The foreigner took out his wallet from his pocket at an alarming rate, poured all the money on the table, and then ran to the door like Liu Xiang. ...

6. Leadership speech: A leader of a Pearl River Delta region vowed at the press conference: "We must resolutely refuse (consciously) to accept the supervision of the National People's Congress." The audience was in an uproar.

7. When a leader of Chaoshan area enthusiastically led guests from other provinces on a boat tour, he solemnly said, "There is a big storm today, so let's take some birth control pills (medicine name" avoid dizziness ") to avoid dizziness." Everyone blushed. Then, the leader warmly greeted everyone: "Come, please come to the bedside (bow) and sit by the bedside (bow) to see your wife (suburb). The more you look, the more beautiful you are! "

8. The leader of a public institution in Guangzhou praised a senior employee for his excellent work. He sighed with emotion: "After all, he is an old man." Since then, young people have followed suit and praised their older colleagues.

9. On one occasion, a leader from western Guangdong went to the army to thank * * * for his support to the Children's Palace. He delivered a very warm speech: "Hello, dear officers and men of the South China Sea rotten team (South China Sea Fleet), thank you for giving the retired rotten ship (warship) to the Children's Palace ..." The officers and men present looked at each other. This is obviously a good ship!

10, once, an official in Chaoshan hosted a banquet to entertain senior guests from above with hot pot. He raised his chopsticks and stirred them in a steaming hot pot, while laughing and saying, "You're welcome, just eat when it is boiled, and then roll (cook) after eating."

1 1, in midsummer, a cadre in the Pearl River Delta led a group of mainlanders to visit around, with a short break. He kindly said to everyone: "It's too hot, please eat some watermelon to relieve the heat and kiss the heat (clearing away heat). Come on, you eat shit (big pieces) and we eat urine (small pieces). People are holding watermelons and don't know what to do.

12, Sichuan jokes: jokes 1:

Sparrows and crows form a dragon gate array together. The sparrow said, what kind of bird are you?

The crow said: I am your phoenix!

Sparrow: How can a phoenix be as black as your turtle son? Crow: You know shovels. I'm a Phoenix sulfur-burning boiler.

13 is the season of ten women and nine silks, with nine silks and eight blacks, eight blacks and seven penetrations, seven penetrations and six thick ones, six thick ones and five short ones, five short ones and four bends, four bends and three hips, three hips and two ugly ones, and a bunch of killers.

14, my heart is jammed. Sister menstruation began to ask me from time to time why I haven't brought my girlfriend back and when I plan to get married. I am forced to do nothing, I am still young, I still want to play, I am too busy at work, I have not bought a house in Beijing, I am too poor, and I will say that I am gay! They replied with one voice: impossible! Didn't you say that gays are handsome?

15, teacher, you are the devil in my heart. The closer I am to you, the farther I am from the Buddha.

16, I let the person who tripped me never get up again. The man who helped me, I told him never to fall.

17, girls are precious * * * and the price is higher. If you have a rich woman, you can throw it to two people.

18, once I was on a business trip, I saw two lines on the wall of a restaurant: snacks, simple meals. So I went in for dinner. After eating, I saw two children laughing in front of the wall and saying, Look, look, this family sells urine fried rice. I threw up. . .

19, it used to be difficult for water women to be poor, so don't cheat.

20. Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers! Q: Why? A: Wear a green hat on your back and watch others make love!

2 1. The poem "Why are there always tears in my eyes" was not written by Ai Qing. Someone has to write it. "Because Ai Qing is not easy to be sad, everything looks very happy."

22. Is it true that girls use Dabao when they are rosy?

23. The two complained that the subway was too crowded. A said, "Some time ago, my wife was squeezed and aborted while taking the subway." . B said, "That's nothing. My wife was squeezed pregnant a few days ago! " "

24. A child in the delivery room smiled after birth. Midwives are strange. When she gathered around to observe, she found that the child's fist was clenched. When she opened it, she found it was an abortion pill. She only heard the child say, Shit! Do you want to kill me? It's not that easy! !

25. The wolf invited the white rabbit to drink beer. He drank too much. One day, the wolf thought again and said to the white rabbit, "I'll treat you to beer!" " The white rabbit quickly said, "No, no, drinking too much beer will hurt you." .

26. I have a male friend who runs Taobao and falls in love with a female client online. When I came back from the meeting, I cried bitterly, saying that the client was good-looking but too fat, and he agreed to do nothing. After he calmed down, I said helplessly, "You are not stupid. You sell plus size women's clothes. What are you fooling around with customers? "

zhl20 1609