A deep-rooted education is not to lose your temper with people close to you.

Have you ever heard the phrase "a dragon at home, a worm outside"?

This means being careful when dealing with strangers outside.

At home, I just lose my temper with my family.

In fact, we are the same after becoming parents.

Be polite to others outside, but lose patience with children at home.

This is a disease, it must be cured! Yang Lan once asked Zhou: Why do we all leave our good temper to outsiders and our bad temper to our favorite people?

Even the always elegant philosopher said: I often make this mistake.

Usually pretend to be polite outside, otherwise it's easy to get more than one bargained for. When I got home, it was so convenient that it became a channel for venting. I don't have to take responsibility or escape, and there are few side effects.

Zhou said: "It is instinct to find fault with people close to you, but it is an education to overcome instinct and not find fault with people close to you." Deep-rooted education is to be kind to people around you. Those who can always tolerate our temper are the ones who really love us. If such people are not kind, who should we be kind to? If we are reduced to embarrassing our families to get satisfaction, then we are weak in capitalization.

There is a saying: you can only hurt the person you love and the person who loves you forever. Every year after the college entrance examination, I can always read a tragedy in the social news. These numerous stories sound different, but the internal reasons are strikingly similar.

Behind every unfortunate candidate is a family whose emotions are out of control.

Stoudemire in Dazhou finally chose to throw himself into the river. Previously, he posted many death predictions on social tools and revealed various suicide intentions.

In his last sentence to the world, he described the feeling of being out of control: being scolded for getting 98 points in the exam, holding food in the wrong position, slapping him in the face, hitting him at every turn, feeling unloved in this family, never being happy, and never giving up even if you leave.

A few words can make others feel the tragic scene of the wind, anger, rain and birds singing.

However, the tragic parents-Stoudemire's cold body was so painful that he couldn't understand how to scold, how to fight, and how to send the child away with a few tantrums.

On the surface, scolding and corporal punishment sent Stoudemire away, but in fact, Stoudemire was desperate that he would never get support when he was in contact with the closest people, and all he got was blame and resentment.

Harold, a famous American psychologist, once did an experiment called the well of despair. In the experiment, Harlow built a darkroom for rhesus monkeys.

Let the monkey hang upside down for two years. After the experiment, monkeys showed serious and persistent psychopathological behavior. It just sat far away from the monkey, completely lost the vitality of a normal monkey and became a severely depressed monkey.

Experiments have confirmed that for primates, dark isolation brings the deepest fear and despair.

But many of us haven't had time to realize one thing, that is, our out-of-control temper is becoming a well of despair for our closest people. My grandfather lost his parents when he was a child. I can't read all my life, and the only way to make a living is to rob Peter to pay Paul to support my family.

I have tasted poverty and hardship, and my temperament is rough and unpredictable. Give birth to five children simply and rudely without thinking.

My father often told me that when they were young, my grandfather loaded and unloaded goods at the dock during the day, and when he got home, he sat and smoked alone. If the child makes too much noise, grandpa will stop him even more violently.

Quiet is especially needed at the table. Soup gurgling, gossip as an argument, "chestnut explosion" is coming.

When brothers and sisters are naughty, grandpa approaches the principle and cleans up any of his tools. Uncle has a big bowl scar on his head.

Grandpa thought that all children grew up like this. He didn't know that his impromptu parenting style, like a small steel gun, brought personality defects to his five children and accompanied them all their lives.

My father is used to making pessimistic predictions about things. Grandpa's accusation and anger made dad feel that he must be a very bad boy in his bones.

So he can't accept optimistic things. Whenever something lucky happens, he thinks he must have made a mistake. He would rather think that the result was worse, so that he would feel more at ease.

He did this to himself and did the same to me.

I still remember one day more than ten years ago, on the eve of my college entrance examination, my father solemnly asked me to help me calculate a divination. The fortune teller said that I was doomed to fail the college entrance examination by a few points. I was sad and angry at that time, and I especially hated my father.

Other people's fathers always encourage their children with positive words, but my father always hits me and doesn't like me.

When I grew up, I learned a little psychology, which is the pain and bad thinking habits brought about by his rude tutoring as a child.

Compared with the optimism and positivity at the beginning, he believed in the Jedi's aggressive counterattack and blood-stained forest. This is a sign of low self-identity.

Grandpa's unreasonable troubles deepened the young father's self-concept: you will lose your temper with me because I am not good; I'm fine. Why are you losing your temper? I'm so bad that I don't deserve those good ones.

At the same time, almost all my uncles and aunts have similar problems.

The core is the same, and the performance is different: emotional instability, inability to speak well, inability to listen to other people's opinions, love to refute others, love to criticize others, and malice ... In the final analysis, education depends on the extent to which one can consider problems from the perspective of others.

When a person loses his temper, his face is disgusting, angry and rainy, outspoken and bitter, and he will not think from the perspective of others.

On the playground, a child was attracted by a certain game and wanted to play it again after playing it once. The mother scolded the child loudly in public: how did you promise me?

Don't come if you can't! The child hugged his angry mother and cried into a ball. Mother threw him away in disgust and told him not to cry. The child kept sobbing.

Mom suddenly left: I told you to cry, I told you to cry! The child chased his mother and cried even harder. ...

Such a scene is no stranger. Mother lost her temper because she couldn't see things from the child's point of view.

Children are naturally fond of playing and are easily attracted by novelty. At first, I promised you casually, but it is common that I can't keep my promise later because of the change of the situation.

The child is crying very sadly. When experiencing emotional setbacks, it is extremely unreasonable to stop like a machine running.

But the mother insists that the child do as she says, because she hates crying, otherwise she will abandon him, which is also very lacking in human care.

This naturally leads to stiff opposition between the two sides.

There is a story in Andersen's fairy tales called "The old man is always right". It's about an old couple living in poverty.

The old woman and the old man discussed selling the only horse in the family for something more useful. What should I change? The old woman said, Grandpa, you decide. You can't go wrong.

So the old man rode to the market. The horse was replaced by a cow, the cow by a sheep, the sheep by a goose, the goose by a chicken, and finally the chicken by a bag of rotten apples.

Two rich people heard about it halfway, and both thought that the old man would be beaten or at least scolded by the old woman when he came home, but the old man firmly believed that he would get a kiss, so he bet on gold.

Later, two rich people were surprised to find that, in the eyes of others, this road went downhill, and the cheaper it was, the more cost-effective it was, and it was praised by the old woman every time.

Why do old people have such confidence? Obviously, it is because the old man's every choice is sincere and stands in the position of the old woman. He valued the needs of the old woman more than the value of the goods.

A truly educated person is not self-centered, so he never loses his temper at will and is not afraid of the other person's anger.

At the end of the story, two rich people lost the bet, and the gold was awarded to the educated old man.

This ending is meaningful: unforgettable education will win the richest reward in life, that is, friendship and relationship like spring breeze. Guinot, an American pediatrician and psychologist, once said in the book "Give me your hand, son" that we should treat our children as guests.

Because if your guest forgot his umbrella today, you wouldn't go up and lose your temper with him and say a series of sarcastic words: What's wrong with you? Every time you lose something, it's either this or that.

Why can't you be like a person? You are over forty years old. Why don't you have a long memory

I dare say that if your head didn't grow on your shoulders, you would lose everything. What can a man like you do if he can't even manage an umbrella well?

We won't say anything, just smiled politely and immediately handed the umbrella to the guests: your umbrella, go well, goodbye!

We often leave the poison tongue to close people and elegance to strangers, because there are strangers and relatives in our hearts.

In fact, others are strangers and relatives, except themselves. Those who take it out on others in the name of "for your own good" are actually a sign of insufficient education.

Cai Gentan Li said: There is a true Buddha at home, and there is a kind of truth in the day. People can be sincere and kind, but also happy and polite, so that parents and brothers can be separated, and emotional communication is better than holding your breath.

It means that family life should follow a principle, and people should be calm, honest, cheerful and warm-spoken.

The closest people have harmonious feelings, no barriers, and congenial feelings, which are ten thousand times stronger than talking about self-cultivation and introspection.

That's what this sentence says. An unforgettable education is not to lose your temper with people close to you.