Uncle's fortune-telling sketch

Water-saving sketch "Running for Minister"

Chairman: 1: 2: 3: 4:

[The chairman sits on the stool and gets up when he speaks]

Principal: Ouch, our school is getting cleaner and cleaner (look around), the corridor is clean, the classroom is clean, and the cleanest thing is that our scene is so clean that there is no applause. ...

President: Today, we held an election campaign for student union cadres, and we ... (interrupted by the number 1

1: I am a soldier, patriotic and loving the people! I sing like Jay Chou, dance like Jolin Tsai, look like yang shen from a distance, and look like Avatar from a distance. I stand like a pine tree. (Step)

President: I think you look like an onion. Hey, what happened to this classmate?

1: Madam President, I am the first.

President: Hey, (pretending to be serious) What's your name?

1: willow stem

PRESIDENT: Yo, that's a very elegant name. What's your last name?

1: Last name is Qin.

President: (reading aloud while filling in the form) Bird flu, I think I have heard your name somewhere. Alas, classmate, you are still a celebrity.

1: Madam President, I dare not.

President: Tell me, what are you competing for here?

1: Oh, I'm here to compete for the Minister of Water Resources! ~

CHAIRMAN: A Le? Are you running for such a vacant position?

1: Ah, Chairman, you don't know! Shang Yang's political reform, the United States attacked Iraq today, seeking differences in everything and innovating in everything. In addition, I have always had a heart to save water for the people, and the problem of saving water is my problem! Turning off the tap is my business, Madam President! Please help me for the happiness of thousands of students in our school!

President: God, the species of animals are decreasing, while the species of people are increasing. You call this "how bold people are and how productive the land is"

1: I can go as far as I want.

PRESIDENT: You can go far now.

1: Well, where are you going?

President: Just go ahead, don't look around, go out and run around the playground for ten times, then turn right when you leave the school gate and run home to the finish line (No.1 ends foolishly).

President: It's really the first time I've met someone who's messing around. Fortunately, I am smart and resourceful. Wow, hahahahahaha (sinister smile) No.2! (2 come with your eyes closed)

2: The foot of my bed shines so brightly, hey! Is there frost already? ! Looking up, I found it was moonlight! Shout down from home! Hey, where's the chairman? The chairman was knocked down. I found that I had gone too far, and the chairman was already behind.

President: (stands up painfully) I'm here. What is this?

2. Talent show. Audience friends, the golden cup and silver cup are not as good as the reputation of the students, the gold medal and silver award are not as good as the praise of the students, and the bear's paw and goose's paw are not as good as the applause of the students!

President: Wow, that's interesting! Say, what are you competing for today?

2: Minister of Water Resources!

President: Wow, running for the Ministry of Water Conservation again? Ok, how tall are you?

2. Confidentiality

PRESIDENT: Weight?

2. Confidentiality

PRESIDENT: Age?

2. Confidentiality

PRESIDENT: Are you from the Secrecy Bureau? I think it is very appropriate for you to go to the FBI.

2: Wow, hahaha (with a smug face) Sometimes I think so.

President: Seriously, what's your name?

2: Sudan Red

PRESIDENT: Oh, names have personality like people. Should we encourage students to cherish water?

2: Of course! If the chairman dares to ask, I dare to say that if the chairman gives me a glass of water, I dare to generate electricity! Students, support my applause!

President: Hey, I'll let you know if you are elected successfully. Go down.

2: Madam President, do you want me or not? Do you want me or not? (End)

PRESIDENT: Hey, ok. Next, number three.

Candidate No.3 (hereinafter referred to as "No.3"): The chairman has a good seat ... and a good seat.

Principal: Hey, hey, classmate! What is this?

3: Echo, sound, ah.

PRESIDENT: Turn off the echo!

3: Oh, hello, Chairman! (Bowing)

Chairman: Finally, I have a polite classmate!

3. Yes, I am very talented. I know everything about astronomy and geography. (Stop).

President: narcissist.

3. Wow, hahaha (sinister smile, the chairman holding the table in shock)

President: (reluctantly) Do you have any tricks?

3: Of course! After the election, you can never walk out of here alive!

President: (continuing to make a positive decision) What do you mean by unique skills? Okay, okay, what do you want to argue about?

3: Festival-Water-Ministry, Minister! (Placement position)

President: (vomiting) Oh, I can tell at a glance (contemptuous eyes) Do you have any talent?

3: So much. Let me say first, oh, I gave a speech at Peking University before!

PRESIDENT: It's amazing! Where did you study before? Have such a good opportunity to speak at Peking University!

3: Oh, I graduated from Jiaotong University!

Chairman: Shanghai Jiaotong University?

3: No, I was educated by my grandmother, and then I went to North Ham University to give a lecture on the secret recipe of toads in caves. North Ham University is called Peking University for short!

President: Oh, not bad, I haven't seen such a talented person for a long time!

Madam President, as long as there is me, the water resources in our school will definitely go up in a straight line!

PRESIDENT: What can you do?

3: I said, ladies and gentlemen, who can 100 hours without going to the toilet! Per person 1000 yuan!

Principal: Haha, interesting, classmate.

3: oh oh! ~ Crayon Shinchan Salted Egg Superman Altman!

President: classmate, please tell me your name and home address.

Oh, I am a descendant of Lei Feng, or Ren Lei for short. I live in bed 40 1 16 on the third floor of a mental hospital.

President: poof (one mouthful blood spurts out and falls off the chair)

It seems that the chairman is dead, so I'd better go first so as not to be suspected of killing me.

President: (getting up slowly) Why are all water-saving ministers so miserable these days?

4: (whistling to see the chairman) Chairman, are you all right? (quickly raises the chairman)

PRESIDENT: Thank you, eh? Are you here to run for office?

He said: Yes, Madam President, my name is Hi Wolf, and I'm here to run for the post of Minister of Water Resources.

PRESIDENT: Damn it! Water saving department again? Turn left when you go out, and you will see a running fool. You can run with him under the blue sky!

4: Madam President, I really came to run for the post of Minister of Water Resources.

Principal: Classmate, do you really want to manage this department seriously?

4: Really, just be a minister.

President: Hey, I find that the clothes you are wearing today are very energetic!

4: Hey, it's no spirit! This is because I wash clothes well.

123: (suddenly appears) How to wash it? Teach me the secret. Teach me.

PRESIDENT: Why are you here again? Get down.

4: (Say it quickly) Hit it with dog brand washing powder first, and turn the faucet to the maximum. This is the first time.

PRESIDENT: Oh, this is the first time.

4. (Quickly) Spray the rabbit collar clean again, put a big basin of water, throw the clothes into the basin at a speed of 800 kilometers per second, grab the collar mouth with both hands and shout: wash, wash, wow, wow.

PRESIDENT: Oh, with the singer.

4. (Slow down) Rub clothes. I saw the glittering and translucent splash, and the whole room was wet (affectionately), even the bathtub moved together.

PRESIDENT: Wait a minute!

4: Huh? What happened?

PRESIDENT: How much water is this basin of water?

4: Not much, just a basin of water.

PRESIDENT: That's not much! No, you're too wasteful!

4: (aggressive) Why not, why not! The Japanese devils were driven away, the people were masters of their own affairs, and the whole people were happy and well-off. What's wrong with washing clothes with more water at home?

President: As the saying goes, education cannot be poor, children cannot be poor, and water cannot be poor!

4: Then ask 1 How to wash clothes!

1: Done! I put my clothes in the sink first, and raised the faucet slightly by 2.25 mm. After 30 seconds, a drop of water fell. Be sure to adjust the position of my clothes so that the water drops just on the stain.

4: What about other places?

1: dry friction

4: Huh? Dry rub! ?

1: Yes! How much water is saved!

4 and Chairman: My God!

President: Ah, let's do some washing. We should neither waste it nor wash it with water drops.

1234: Yes! Wash clothes on the premise of economy.

All: save water, the earth is more beautiful!

-

Water cut, role: Dad: Mom: Son: Grandpa: Young Pioneers (female): Young Pioneers (female): Plot: Dad: Come on! Come on! Our house is out of water!

Mom, grandpa and son: What? Cut off water? How can it be? ! (Everyone goes to Dad and shouts ...)

Dad: Stop it! Everybody be quiet! (Everyone stopped talking. )

Dad: Now there are only two washbasins left in our house! Dad put the washbasin on the ground. )

Grandpa: What? ! There are only two washbasins left (Everyone was surprised. )

Dad: Yes! I forgot to eat or drink for the time being. Let's just say that we need water this day and we need to discuss it well. Yes, yes, yes ... (Everyone nods)

Son: Dad, what do you want to do?

Dad: Of course I want to brush my teeth and wash my face with this water! How comfortable it is to relax all day! (Mom scolds Dad)

Mom: You are a person who only knows that you are clean, but you don't know that this home should be clean! Today is Sunday. If you don't clean up, you will stay in the dust for another week!

Grandpa: Daughter-in-law, you know cleaning is a good thing, but you forgot one important thing! (Grandpa said slowly) Everyone asked curiously, "What's the matter?" Grandpa: flush the toilet like this without water! "Well ..." Everyone couldn't think of a solution at the moment.

Grandpa: So you agreed? (The son suddenly pulls grandpa)

Son: No, Grandpa! I promised to play with my classmates this afternoon! This water should be mine! "It's mine!" "mop the floor", "rush toilet seat" and "wash your face-!" (Everyone is arguing)

Young Pioneers: Hello everyone! Listen to our suggestions.

Young Pioneer (female): Your suggestion has some merits, but if you connect them all. ...

Young Pioneers (male): I'll tell! For example, washing water is used to mop the floor, and mopping water is used to flush the toilet. Isn't it better to recycle water resources in this way? Everyone nodded and said, "Yes" and "Fair enough"

Son: Brother, what about my water gun?

Young Pioneers (female): "Brother, playing with water guns is also a waste of water. Saving water is everyone's responsibility! " "

Qi: Right! Save water! Everyone is responsible!

Characters:

Ornamental armor, Liu Laogen (50 years old, Jianghu fortune teller)

Decoration B, cannon fodder (a child-rearing fortune teller, an exaggerated neurotic young man)

Such as C, Zhao Si (a stingy person)

Decorative tripod, willow pole (friend of C)

A came on stage (wearing antique sunglasses and holding a banner that said: unpredictable), followed by B.

A (turning the camera to the audience): The social competition is too fierce now! The old lady sells a tea egg and has opened a store online! The little old man sells rat poison and has already started activities and small advertisements! Even legal couples have a third competitor fooling around! If my fortune teller doesn't take action, he will have to lose his job and go home to perform a duet! (pause, right): child! I told you, remember everything? Do you know what to do in the future?

B (rustic laughter): Master! Remember! Isn't it just doing child care? Don't worry! Someone will come later, and I'll blow you off! Come down like a fairy.

A (glaring at B): I'm sorry! I am a fairy, I am a sunshine fairy!

B (wriggling): Wrong! It's a fairy! I forgot you were a woman!

A (sternly): How many times have I told you! This is not called parenting. From an economic point of view, this is called "disguised promotion". Why are you so illiterate?

B (sorry): Oh dear! Master! You are so cultured!

A (smug): That's right! ,,,, son! It seems that your eyes are unusually sharp! I am dressed so thick, but you can see that I am literate! ,,,, son! To tell you the truth! I only studied in grade one, and I have been studying for ten years! Other students have graduated from junior high school, and I am still studying hard in senior one! Do you think they can be as solid as I have been studying for ten years if they only study for one year in a grade? Can I be uneducated?

Oh, my God! Master! You are so cruel! Have you been to the first grade ten times? I only fucked six! You are too willing to work hard! A: I've only tried two courses!

Which two courses?

A: physical education class and lunch break! I studied day and night when I was a child! Take the first place every year! At that time, the teacher also liked me very much, but he just wouldn't let me upgrade. And often praise me! Hit me hard! Say that when my glasses close, it is a lunch break! As long as the glasses are open, it is physical education class.

B: Master! I know why you are a freshman in ten years! You're a sophomore, and you don't take the physical education class or the lunch break exam! A: Are you stupid? Is it necessary to pay a few more dollars for the second grade? I'm not as stupid as them! How cost-effective it is to go to the first grade! Save money!

B (dumbfounded): Wouldn't it be more economical for you to go straight home? (flustered) ouch! Come on! Master! Someone's coming!

A: Remember! We can't reveal the truth in the future! (takes out 20 yuan money) Here you are! There is a commission after the job is done!

Song Xiaobao: Thank you, Master! Master, you are so meaningful! You are so elegant!

A: Go on!

B (End): Hey!

A (hastily inserting the banner on the ground and sitting on the stone pier): It is the brain that walks the rivers and lakes, and the knowledge of the first grade is enough! You can eat, drink and have money with a pinch of your finger! Keep working hard, (put down the camera) I am very optimistic about this industry!

A (the phone rings, answer it): (humming the bell of "home") DuDu! DuDu. Are you still running around because of bad luck? Are you still worried about bad feng shui? Are you still paralyzing your eyes for late love? The legendary psychic, to help you solve problems and predict past lives, please ask Liu Laogen, a busy man. What are you hesitating about? Pick up the phone in your hand quickly. Mobile users can edit the short message "fortune telling" and send it to "demon turn, demon turn and cave turn" to participate immediately. (changing his voice, covering his throat) Do you like this bell? China Mobile Group CRBT Company,,, Hello! ,,, Hey! Hello! Hello! ,,,, Ah! ,,,, is accurate! Just be accurate! Ah! You are welcome! All right, all right! All right! If you have any questions, please call our post-calculation service hotline! Ah! Goodbye!

C: Fortune tellers use colored ringtones! There is also a post-calculation service hotline?

D: Shall we count us in? (to a) master! What about fortune telling?

A: Big sister! What about blind date?

Ding (embarrassed): You! You! You fortune teller, why do you talk like that?

A (angry, tough): big sister! Why are you so illiterate? You can insult my people, but you can't insult my beautiful career! This is called "scientific prediction".

D: ah! So, how do you measure it? how much is it?

A: Big sister! You are lucky today! Today is the 50th anniversary of my fortune telling! We engage in sales promotion activities! I'll give you a discount, 50!

How old are you? You've been telling fortune for 50 years?

A: Ah! It has been 50 years!

C (walking around): What about the discount?

A: 40

C (wondering): Why is it discounted, and it is more than no discount?

A: Ouch! Other people's activities are discounted, this is playing inside! Our discount is for outgoing calls! It will be 50! ?

C: Then don't discount!

D: too many! 30 yuan, a fortune teller from other places!

A: 30! That's the membership price!

Zhao Si! Let's go Forget it!

You two, please stay! How about this! Let me give you a sweet and refreshing love package! Is past lives, plus your eight generations of ancestors, the trinity! Only charge you 100 yuan! And after the calculation, there are exquisite gifts to send!

Willow, hey! This is still quite cost-effective, that is, it only costs 100 yuan! Give us presents? Is that what you mean? Oh, my God! Big sister! Your understanding ability is definitely better than preschool! Too advanced!

C: Then can we enjoy the post-calculation service?

A: Sorry! Only our VIP members can enjoy the post-calculation service! After-calculation service hotline is the value-added service of our VIP members!

C: Impossible! We'll forget!

(C pulls Ding away, and B comes on stage, holding a banner that says: Zhuge is alive, but half a fairy is alive.)

B (excited): Master! You are a wonderful hand of rejuvenation! Evil nemesis! Your calculation is too accurate!

A (pretending to be modest): Son! Keep a low profile, keep a low profile, keep quiet! You just need to know! Don't let too many people know! Don't want to reveal too much!

B (to C and D): Oh dear! You don't know, this master's calculation is so accurate! A month ago! My big cat is missing, so I can't find it! I am in a hurry! I thought to myself, this is probably who transferred to participate in that contest! The one who walks the catwalk (imitates the model), what's the competition?

Liu: Bikini Competition! Ah, no! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

B: Right, right, right! That's it! Oh, dear! I was desperate! I have a jumping heart! Later, I asked my uncle to count my cat. The master pinched his finger and said, Ah! Big sister! You didn't lose the cat, but fell in love with a mouse! Moreover, the mouse condition is not bad, with a car and a house, or a pilot! Don't worry, I'll be back in a month! Guess what? I really came back today! You think god is not a god?

D: mice and pilots?

B: Ah! Isn't the bat the pilot of the mouse? !

C: Then why didn't you come back for a month?

A: Flash marriage! Did you go on your honeymoon?

C and D: Ow!

B: So I made a banner to thank Master! (Hang the banner on the bench)

A (patting his leg): Children! Why can't you keep a low profile? Why can't we keep it a secret?

C: otherwise! Why don't we do the math? Just a cold set meal?

A: It's a sweet friendship and a refreshing set meal!

C: Right, right, right! Here it is.

A (excited, turn up the camera): big sister! You are so handsome!

C (angry): You are very handsome!

D: Hey! Are you not blind? You're not blind. What are you hanging here? Lying, right?

A (stands up and circles around C and D): Are fortune tellers necessarily blind? So according to you, it must be the otaku who doesn't go out? People in the detention center don't go out every day, and some even don't go out once in their lives! So they're all otaku?

D: Then when you advertise, don't you just want to predict past lives? Excuse me, blind Liu Laogen?

A: Yes! Am I busy? I'm busy telling your fortune!

D: busy people? Busy people are busy?

A: Ah!

C: Stop nagging! How to calculate? Will you look at your hands first?

A: others look at their hands and I look at their mouths! Open your mouth! Ah!

C (opening his mouth): Ah!

D: Look at your mouth only when you buy animals!

A (looking at C): You are a dog!

How do you know I'm a dog? !

A: It's not a sharp-tongued pig. It must be a dog! And you are a stray dog!

Oh, my God! Can all these be solved?

You have four tusks. It seems that you are the fourth child in the family!

D: Hey! Yeah! He is old four, and his name is Zhao Si!

A: Zhao San is your third brother!

Oh, my God! It's amazing! How accurate!

B (pulling his armor aside): Master! how do you know How to calculate?

I heard what they just said! I analyzed it with my great wisdom!

Oh, my God! That's a great shot! Oh, dear! A thousand dollars is easy to get, but a bosom friend is hard to find!

Zhao Si! Haven't you had nightmares recently?

C (memory): No! (Thinking) I just dreamed last night that a hunter was shooting rabbits with a gun! It's nothing! A (quietly): Oh dear! What do you mean nothing? This problem is really too serious! I hit a rabbit last night, and I will hit you tonight!

C: Then I didn't do anything to him! Why did he hit me?

What did the rabbit do to him? Does he have to shoot rabbits?

B: Master! Well done! You almost got it right!

C (afraid): Isn't that a dream? I don't believe this evil! I only believe that the wolf can't beat Pleasant Goat every time! Evil triumphs over good!

D: exactly! Zhao Si! It's not that serious, don't take it to heart!

Zhao Si! Your life is too hard. You have run away from all your relatives. Hard life not only kills people, but also destroys money! Look at your divination, you will lose everything today!

C: Big Brother! You are so accurate! I really broke my shirt today and spent a dollar to buy her ice cream! Can you work it out? It's amazing! ,,, I believe it this time! You really know how to calculate.

water rate

Li Shifu (water manager) (knocking at the door): Hello?

Xiao Chen (owner of this family): Who is it?

Li Shifu: It's me, Lao Li, the water collector.

Chen: (opening the door to welcome guests) Oh! Come in, come in. what can I do for you?

Li Shifu: I've come to collect this month's water fee. Let's go and look at the water meter!

Xiao Chen, you have used 5 cubic meters of water yourself this month. If you all use water like you, what will we eat and drink in the future, young man? We can't waste water like this.

Xiao Chen: Alas! Li Shifu, I can't help it! You said that you need water to wash vegetables and cook, water flowers and wash dishes, bathe and wash clothes, and sweep the floor and flush the toilet. What do you suggest I do?

It really helps,

Seek adoption