Fortune Telling Collection - Comprehensive fortune-telling - Super funny joke story?
Super funny joke story?
1: Secretary Tang is drunk.
Secretary Tang never gets drunk when he drinks. This time, he was drunk. Director Wu told him to drink. Secretary Tang Can doesn't drink other people's wine, but he can't help drinking Director Wu's wine. He regards director Wu as his biological father, and colleagues in the bureau say that he is closer than his father. Xiao Wang of the Propaganda Section also wrote a short story about Secretary Tang, which read: The secretary just went upstairs, and when Secretary Tang heard footsteps, he said that the secretary had gone to the second floor. The director coughed in the conference room, and Secretary Tang said that the director had finished his tea. The director yawned in the office, and Secretary Tang said that the director had finished smoking.
Seeing that Secretary Tang was very drunk, Director Wu called a car to take him home. Secretary Tang said, "I'm not drunk!" "Director wu said," it's almost time to get off work. I'm fine. Go home and sleep. "Director wu told him to sleep, but secretary tang still dare not go home to sleep? When secretary Tang came in, his wife went out and said, "don't lock the door ... drink so much and get drunk like this." You want to die. " Secretary Tang saw his wife nagging and said angrily, "I'm not drunk, you don't know anything! ""At some point, he slammed the door and it was locked.
Secretary Tang's wife got a call from her parents-in-law, saying that she was coming, so she had to go shopping at once. When she saw Secretary Tang coming back, she left safely. Secretary Tang went home and fell asleep. His parents came and rang the doorbell for a long time, but no one answered. Tell the door that your son has just come back. The old couple knocked on the door and knocked again. Secretary Tang got up. He walked around the living room and then went back to his room to sleep. The old couple are angry and funny. How is their son?
When Secretary Tang's wife came back, she saw her parents walking around the door and asked, "Mom and Dad, why don't you go in?" Dad said, "How can we get in if this kid doesn't open the door?" Secretary Tang's wife took the key, but she didn't bring it. She made a hullabaloo about and finally woke up Secretary Tang. But he didn't open the door. He went to the bathroom, peed, and then fell asleep, but he couldn't wake up again.
The three of them were so anxious that they tried everything, but they couldn't wake Secretary Tang. Tell the neighbor that there is a ladder in his house and you can look from the back. Secretary Tang's wife moved the ladder to the back and stood on it, which made a big difference. She shouted at the room. She called secretary Tang. She said happily, get up.
Secretary Tang heard someone calling him and went to the balcony. He was blown up by the wind, threw up on the balcony, burped a few times, and fell asleep in his room. His wife scolded him angrily, drank cat urine, and six parents denied her ... I will catch you tomorrow. Scold and scold, screaming and screaming, but how also can't wake the secretary of the tang dynasty. His wife was so angry that she wanted to pry the door open. The door would have been pried open if her parents hadn't stopped her. The three of them are exhausted, and the old couple won't leave or go.
After school, the son saw his grandparents and mother standing at the door and said, what's wrong with you? Mom said your father was drunk and couldn't wake up. The son said, "You don't know my dad very well. Look at me. " The son stood at the door and whispered, "Tang Longsheng, the director is looking for it."
Secretary Tang rolled down from the bed and rushed to the gate. He opened the door and said, "Where is Secretary Wu? ! "
2. Unexplained farmers
One morning, it was sunny, and a farmer was sitting at the door drunk and looked crazy.
A passer-by asked curiously, "fellow villager, the weather is so good today, why don't you go out and have a drink here?"
Farmer: "alas! There are some things that you will never explain illegally. "
Passerby: "What unfortunate thing happened?"
Farmer: "Now, I am milking the cow. No sooner had I milked a pail of milk than the cow kicked it down with its left hind leg. "
Passerby: "It's unfortunate, but it's not enough."
Farmer: "alas! There are some things that you can never explain. "
Passerby: "What's next?" Farmer: "I tied his left leg to the post with a rope and squeezed it." Just loaded a bucket, and it kicked it down with its right hind leg. "
Passers-by smiled and asked, "Then what?"
Farmer: "alas! There are some things you can never explain. I tied its right hind leg to the post, and as a result, as soon as it filled the bucket, it swept it down with its tail. "
Passerby: "It's bad enough. Forget it, don't be sad. "
Farmer: "alas! There are some things that you can never explain. "
Passerby: "What else?"
Farmer: "this time, I don't have a rope, so I'm going to tie its tail to the post with a belt." I pulled out my belt and grabbed its tail. At this time, I dropped my pants and my girlfriend came in. "
3. Lazy people steal sheep
There is a lazy man named Pi Er in Pijiazhuang who idles around all day, stealing chickens and dogs and doing nothing. No, I'm in my thirties, and I'm still full. My family is not hungry-I'm single.
Even so, Pi Er is still infatuated, dreaming that one day a sister Lin will fall from the sky and marry a girl as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade. But who wants to marry him because of his reputation?
Hey, don't tell me, good luck really suddenly fell on Pierre. Early this morning, Wang, a matchmaker from a neighboring village, suddenly came to see you and said that she would introduce Pierre to a girl named Li from a neighboring village. However, the matchmaker Wang is outspoken. She didn't become a matchmaker for nothing. This blind date, regardless of whether the marriage is successful or not, Pi Er must first pay the matchmaker Wang 1000 yuan for hard work.
Although Pi Er felt that this condition of the matchmaker Wang was a little misleading, he could not conceal his inner joy and readily agreed. Why? Because this Li and Pier have long known each other, and that's a famous beauty! Because the standard of mate selection is too high, high and low will become older women. Pi Er thought, as long as I can marry this Li, not to mention the introduction fee of 1000 yuan, even 1 10,000 yuan is worth it!
But after all, Pi Er doesn't do business all day, and the referral fee of 1000 doesn't mean that he can take it out, so Pi Er can make mistakes.
After the matchmaker Wang left, Pierre speculated. There is only one way now, and that is stealing!
What should I steal? Pi Er suddenly remembered that when he passed the "freshest mutton restaurant in the world" the other day, people who bought mutton were all waiting in line. Oh, by the way, just steal a sheep and sell it for 1000 yuan at once, including the introduction fee!
Just start, Pi Er quickly went to the supermarket to buy some necessities such as adhesive tape, nylon rope and sacks. In order to be sure, he went to Li Laosan's house, a big sheep farmer in the neighboring village, to scout the terrain.
In the middle of the night, Pi Er rode a motorcycle and came to the village head's house in a neighboring village with the prepared crime tools. Then, I crept into Li Laosan's sheepfold. In the face of a goat full of sheepfolds, Pierre was at a loss for a moment. Finally, Pi Er finally made up his mind to steal the biggest one. The big one is at least more expensive than the small one!
So Pi Er chose the biggest black goat, and then slowly approached the goat. Suddenly, he clenched the black goat's mouth with his hands, quickly took out the adhesive tape, sealed the goat's mouth, and took out the prepared nylon rope to tie up the four hooves of the black goat, and then put them in sacks and carried them away. In this way, in a daze, this black goat became Pierre's "captive".
Back home, I don't want to talk about Pierre's happiness. As long as it is dawn, he can transport the goats to "the freshest mutton restaurant in the world" to sell, so there are thousands of dollars. Thinking about it, Pierre fell asleep happily. In his sleep, he is marrying Li.
Suddenly, Pi Er was awakened by a sheep barking, and it was dawn when he opened his eyes. He quickly got dressed and got up, and rushed into the yard to see if the goat whose mouth was sealed with tape suffocated.
Unexpectedly, it doesn't matter if he doesn't look. When he saw it, he gasped: God, why are there sheep all over the yard? There are roughly a few leather two, and more than 200 have been hacked!
It turned out that the sheep stolen by Pi Er was the first one in this group. The first sheep is the leader of the flock, and it has high prestige. Where the first sheep goes, the sheep will follow. No, Pi Er stole a sheep, and more than 200 sheep followed the smell of the sheep to Pi Er's yard overnight.
Pierre's surprise was serious. This yard is full of sheep. What shall we do? Just when I was surprised, footsteps came outside the courtyard. It turned out that two policemen and Li Laosan, the owner of the sheep, walked past along the footprints and feces of the sheep. What is even more surprising is that Li Laosan is followed by a big girl as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade. Pi Er rubbed his eyes, and it turned out to be Li, the bride of his dreams! At that time, Pi Er realized that this Li turned out to be Li Laosan's own daughter!
When a pair of handcuffs were put on Leather's wrist, Leather suddenly collapsed to the ground.
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