Sanmao: Innocent childlike innocence, used to resist all pain and darkness.

When I read Sanmao's books, I sometimes burst into laughter and sometimes burst into tears. I often think, what do I love about her?

In San Mao, a gambler in a foreign land, Gui once said to her, "Your failure is more useful than your success! I wrote it because I just felt it. My article, my life, I insist that I can't give up my heart. "

Yes, what I love most and can't bear most is her childlike innocence, which melts into her justice and unyielding to resist all pain and darkness.

1

Sanmao's real name is Chen Maoping. When she was 3 years old, she found the word "Mao" difficult to write, so she changed it to Chen Ping. Later, she got an English name "Echo", which came from the goddess of the forest in Greek mythology and meant to echo and sing. As can be seen from the name, San Mao has always had an impulse to follow his heart.

"When I grow up one day, I want to be a scavenger, because this profession can not only breathe fresh air, but also wander and play in the street, work and play, and be as free and happy as a bird in the sky."

In elementary school, Sanmao wrote his ideal in his composition, and the teacher was so angry that he struck the table and threw the blackboard eraser. Helpless, I finally had to change to want to be a doctor before I was put home. Although Xiao Sanmao's composition is excellent, the teacher still hopes to guide San Mao from the values. What is learning for? It can't be picking up garbage. The teacher never imagined that the child would go to the Sahara desert to pick up garbage in the future.

In middle school, something happened that made Sanmao desperate. Sanmao has poor math scores, but good memory. She recited the after-school questions and got full marks. The teacher suspected her of cheating, and she retorted, "cheating is impossible for me." Even if you are a teacher, you can't insult me like this. "

This narrow-minded teacher will not hesitate to deceive himself and attack the dignity of a child. He asked Sanmao to answer a difficult math problem, and then drew two big circles around her eyes with a brush in front of the whole class, representing zero eggs, and the ink flowed into her mouth along her cheeks.

At that time, San Mao didn't know how to fight against the authority of the school. Sensitive and withdrawn little girls have great psychological barriers and often faint. She began to hate the classroom, often playing truant to read novels in the cemetery, and the place where she could read freely was not terrible.

Later, Sanmao, who was autistic and depressed, had to drop out of school at home. Fortunately, Gu entered her world, a gentle and understanding person. He taught art as well as life, and also helped Sanmao publish an article in Modern Literature. San Mao finally understood.

Youth should be the sunshine in spring, warm and beautiful. Sanmao, however, turned over in the pouring rain and stumbled for many years before gaining a foothold.

2

Sanmao's own wandering began at the age of 24. Wandering from place to place, but always maintaining a firm heart. In On Earth, Zhou Rong commented that he can't suffer mentally, and neither can San Mao.

Young people who taste love for the first time often have to swallow bitter water. The stubborn San Mao is more determined.

When taking an elective course in Philosophy Department of Culture University, Sanmao fell in love with Shu Fan, a senior student in Drama Department, and couldn't help taking the initiative. Although they love each other, one is rational as water and the other is passionate. After the proposal was rejected, Sanmao went to Madrid, Spain to study and began her wandering journey.

The best thing about the trip was meeting Jose.

One Christmas Eve, Sanmao attended a party and met Jose, a handsome sunshine boy who was coming downstairs on the stairs. Without asking the reason or the way home, they became good friends. Play together in the heavy snow and hang out at the flea market.

At that time, Jose was only a high school student, but he was sincere to Sanmao. He tried to save his meager living expenses, and when he saved enough 14, he went to invite Sanmao to the movies.

One day, it was very cold. They sat on benches in the street, frozen like beggars. Jose confessed seriously: "Wait for me for six years, let me go to college for four years, serve in the army for two years, and we can get married after six years."

Sanmao is very enthusiastic about love. But she is cautious about the naive Jose. Two people are eight years apart and have completely different life trajectories. Now it's only a short fate, so why be persistent. In fact, Jose has long since given up.

Academically, San Mao has always had his own ideas. In order to study in the Free University of West Berlin, we should go to Goethe to study German first.

I study for more than ten hours every day, and my sleep time is very scarce. She doesn't even have a pair of complete cotton shoes in the ice and snow at MINUS 19 degrees. That winter, Sanmao hurried through the middle of the night in West Berlin on frostbite and old shoes soaked in snow.

To do what you choose, you must have the courage to undertake and do your best. This is San Mao's attitude of being responsible for his life.

three

Sanmao and Sahara make me think that there may be past lives. About love, about home.

San Mao, 29, experienced a great disaster. The lover who was about to marry her suddenly had a heart attack and left. San Mao was heartbroken, swallowed a lot of sleeping pills and was rescued. Luckily, Jose came back.

"Then why don't you want me? If you had insisted on me, I would still be a good man. I came back today with a broken heart. "

"Here's another one, made of gold. Bring yours, let's change! "

This is a boy who is willing to give his heart. I have only seen such romantic and touching plots of Baochai and Cuiyu in The Red Chamber.

Sanmao regarded the Sahara desert as his hometown in his last life, and Jose loved the sea. However, Jose was hired to work for Sahara Phosphate Company, arrived in the desert ahead of schedule and settled down.

After being with Jose for more than six years, although suffering from cruel environment, Sanmao was free in the desert and wrote the story of Sahara, which was as strong as oil painting.

They had a simple and decent wedding. Jose ran in the hot sun and found the most complete pair of camel skulls as a wedding gift. Sanmao thinks this is the most extravagant gift in the world. What is the significance of matter and form compared with the touch of the soul?

When Jose is free, he will take Sanmao with him to explore the secrets deep in the desert. Once, the sun had set in the west, and two people had to drive 100 kilometers to a place where there were little turtles and shell fossils. Jose accidentally stepped into the mire and almost froze to death. Helpless San Mao also met three desert robbers. After the clever and brave Sanmao drove the bad guys away, he pulled Jose up with his back seat cushion, spare tire and long skirt.

"San Mao, fossil?" Yes, and you? ""I want it more. "Anyway, San Mao loves the desert and thinks it is the most beautiful place in the world. In the face of huge cultural differences, she learned to integrate and tolerate, and became more indifferent and optimistic.

Facing suffering and inequality, she always has a chivalrous heart. As a result, those neighbors can borrow her things unscrupulously, and the dumb slave also gets her sincere respect and help. In the political whirlpool, Brazil, Oferua and Shaida were finally tortured to death, and Sanmao was heartbroken.

If it weren't for the turmoil in the desert, perhaps Sanmao would take root deeper and grow into a more beautiful Desert Flower. If Jose hadn't died early, Sanmao wouldn't have to wander alone.

four

When Sanmao was 36 years old, Jose had an accident at work and was swallowed up by the sea. San Mao's enthusiasm and vitality seem to have dissipated by more than half.

She traveled in Central and South America and wrote "All over Qian Shan". What I can't change is that I still like to walk into the world of the bottom people and see the most authentic exotic customs. The scattered words are even more calm and desolate, and there is the desolation of "a leaf boat, a bamboo cloak, an old man fishing in a cold river-snow". This is a healing journey. Maybe I can live another life forever.

In the museum, the tour guide introduced various ancient gods, but she was interested in suicide gods. Almost all religions believe that suicide is a sin. Only in Mexico did we meet this little god, which gave mankind the greatest respect and freedom of will.

If there is a God, he can allow voluntary death. After many years, did Sanmao, 48, finally get permission? At the right time, I can get the understanding of my parents, relatives and friends and run freely to another world.

Single San Mao is very busy. To write a book, to give a speech, to write lyrics, and to start the script creation of Rolling Red Dust. I always thought she was looking for it. Seek the experience and meaning of living, give full play to all potential, and live this life without regrets.

Some people say that Sanmao committed suicide because "World of Red Dust" didn't win the best screenplay award. There are also rumors that she is the king of despair and the king of western songs. Although the dead are gone, I believe that San Mao, who is really alive, has never put fame and fortune in his eyes, and he will not put all his eggs in one basket for the wrong feelings.

Maybe she finally heard Jose's call, maybe she is really tired, and this life is enough.

Sanmao once said that she likes all flowers, colorful, elegant and gorgeous, others are more practical. But she doesn't love limited flower beds, but loves that life grows with the seasons, and it will fade brilliantly and inevitably. If she has to choose, she likes white flowers, among which wild ginger flowers and lilies are her favorites, and lilies should have long stems.